Can somebody explain to me why

[Gr8fuln2020]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Honestly sounds like theres a lot of older men who date older women with any adoration and respect either...... Just go for the dudes (of any age) that do show adoration and respect....

Yep. If you can find a good man....age becomes less of a factor. LESS. It does matter and depends on the difference. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

53 minutes ago, snowcones said:

 

I'm aware of both of these things. I'm not bothered by it because IME everybody's playing a role.

The guy I was talking to today I met in a travel group. He is an avid traveler and works hard.   He said that he hates that younger women don't have money to travel and want him to pay for their trips.  I'm not mad at that. 

Yep. This guy's reasoning is exactly why I do not date women outside of my 45-55 (with a job  ) window. I am 51. I am active, travel, spontaneous...I tried dating youngish 40-somethings and it was interesting. It must have been a series of coincidences? Every one of them were in financial or relationship straits that were mind-boggling. Anyhoo...I met and there are many women within and beyond the 45+ age range that have their crap together, thank goodness. 

[snowcones]

6 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Yep. This guy's reasoning is exactly why I do not date women outside of my 45-55 (with a job  ) window. I am 51. I am active, travel, spontaneous...I tried dating youngish 40-somethings and it was interesting. It must have been a series of coincidences? Every one of them were in financial or relationship straits that were mind-boggling. Anyhoo...I met and there are many women within and beyond the 45+ age range that have their crap together, thank goodness. 

To be fair, he didn't know my age or anything about me to start.  He just said he contacted me because he thought I was attractive and I like to travel and that is what he is most looking for. (lol typical)  When I told him my age he acted surprised and then launch into the "age doesn't matter" speech.  Sometimes people get it stuck in their heads, especially when they are young, that this or that is SO IMPORTANT, when really there are other more important things.  Of course, it's not my job to tell him that, he wouldn't listen anyway.  lol

 

[Gr8fuln2020]

2 minutes ago, snowcones said:

To be fair, he didn't know my age or anything about me to start.  He just said he contacted me because he thought I was attractive and I like to travel and that is what he is most looking for. (lol typical)  When I told him my age he acted surprised and then launch into the "age doesn't matter" speech.  Sometimes people get it stuck in their heads, especially when they are young, that this or that is SO IMPORTANT, when really there are other more important things.  Of course, it's not my job to tell him that, he wouldn't listen anyway.  lol

I understand why people say age does not matter. It is idealistic and born from a desire to emphasize connection over a difference in age. BUT IT MATTERS...most of the time. It is about experience. Interests. Commonalities. Priorities. 

[poppyfields]

I read something once, can't remember where, it reads (paraphrasing):

"Men don't care how old a woman is, what they care about is if she's attractive, high energy, fun, sexy. Her actual age is just a number and irrelevant to most men, if everything else is there." 

And a woman can certainly be those things well into her 40s, 50s, even 60s! 

I've seen it, it's pretty common in my neck of the woods.  In fact, here no one even asks your age!  Because it's irrelevant. 

If there is an attraction, high energy between you, that is ALL that matters in the initial stages. 

After that it's compatibility, shared values etc., just like any other romantic relationship. 

Edited May 31, 2020 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

And some younger women who can't attract younger men will pitch at older guys.
She gets a bf and he is ever so grateful for the attention of a younger woman. 

[Cookiesandough]

10 hours ago, elaine567 said:

And some younger women who can't attract younger men will pitch at older guys.
She gets a bf and he is ever so grateful for the attention of a younger woman. 

I see this a lot too. 

I‘ve heard a lot of women my age and younger say men our age tend to be players or not ready to settle down. They think older men will be more inclined to settle down and be stable. What I think is somewhat true is that some younger women who want something stable who do not have luck with desirable  younger guys committing might have an easier time finding older men who will commit. Perhaps due to age itself, but it seems they are more appreciative of the interest because I think they do get an ego boost and also  just the sexual desirability that comes youth itself is a huge plus for them.  Whereas desirable younger guys have youth in abundance, so they aren’t impressed by it and  are just pickier about general attractiveness 

Edited May 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[rjc149]

I don't think a sweeping categorization can be made about age and sexual assertiveness. You may be witnessing a smaller sampling size. 

A cocky young buck will have that testosterone-fueled youthful swagger to come up to you and start hitting on you. A mature gentleman may have the self-assurance of his success and status to have equal swagger. 

The thing is, the mature gentleman generally isn't as interested in the novelty of a mature lady the same way his horny 25-year old counterpart is.

[snowcones]

So I thought about this a little bit more and I think I want to hold off on the younger guys because I still feel more drawn to men my own age and I want to give it a shot. 

[Backinthesaddleagain]

On 5/30/2020 at 12:45 PM, snowcones said:

Younger men are so much more persistent/assertive/direct/intense than older men? I'm talking men 10-20 years younger (I'm in my late 40's).  I mean, the level of clear interest I get from younger men is nowhere close to the level of interest I get from older men.  With men my age their interest is more often than not, vague, unclear and mostly uninspiring.  In short, they are not as sure as the younger men. 

You can say that younger men just want to get laid, but surely they could do that with a young woman?  Younger (in their 20's) would be much easier to catch (they're way nicer and more open than me) and prettier too.

You could also say that older men just aren't interested in older women, but that still doesn't explain the younger men. Young men are typically interested in young women too, but are way too busy being after me, the older woman.  I even had a local dude who was a model come after me.  I'm like, why?  What is wrong with you guys?  (lol)

When I ask, they give me some story about the women their age being immature, users, sleeping around or super broke.  Although I'm flattered by their interest and it's tempting (because assertiveness is attractive and I respect that more) I think the younger guys should lighten up and chill a bit.  Why do you have to have someone so mature?   Or maybe it's just their higher level of testosterone making them more aggressive.

Anyone else experience this?

The reason is that men in our 40's are tired of all the nonsense. After the 25 year-old does the song-and-dance another 650 times, he will chill out just like us older guys. It's like this in the workplace too. The new idealistic 20-something comes in with big dreams and wants to make a difference. The 40 year-old thats been at the company forever knows better. 

Good luck out there

[dangerous]

To answer the original question, you also need to look at the response of the woman being approached. I am a 57 year old guy, but physically in the top few percent of men over 50 (slim, tall, superfit, etc) and my experience of middle aged women are either or all of the following:

1. Out of shape/ over-weight (which in itself may not be a problem, if they are happy in themselves) BUT unhappy about it.

2. Insecure, low self esteem from their relationship baggage 

3. Entitled and demanding: as the dynamic of OLD is that there are far more men than women messaging, so they have LOTS of suitors (regardless of how attractive they are) and so they have an unrealistic image of their dating worth.

This translates itself in arrogance, defensiveness and indifference in the conversation, so I get back closed answers (boring! they answer my question but don't fire one back) or slow or non-replies (they have so many choices) or rarely a message which stimulates MY interest! 

As a mature, desirable, man, I find myself now giving up on older/women my age and am having much more fun and enthusiasm with and from younger girls (similar to the OP's example).

So its a two-way thing.

PS: If I want to date a mature women, I won't do it via OLD, I would meet her in real life/social so I can see how attractive she is physically and behaviorally for real.

 

Edited June 2, 2020 by dangerous

[stillafool]

A lot of younger men are attracted to older women in order to get sexual experience and knowledge that they take back to win younger women. I've seen this too. Especially the early 20s ones.

[OnlyHonesty]

It's very simple. Older guys  are able to think with logic, and younger men can only think with lust.