Realitysux Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) I don't like online dating very much but cosidering where I live and in this oandemic, there aren't much options to meet people. I could sit here and torture myself or try to network and move forward in life. My question is: when you meet one person and move to texting that person, do you still log on and talk to other people? How many people should you be texting at the same time? Edited May 30, 2020 by Realitysux 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 This is a matter of personal preference. When I 'meet one person', to me that means in person. Within 24 hours I will follow up via OLD message or text to ask for a second date based on our discussion at the meeting. If she agrees to date, I don't 'move to texting'. I move to phone calls, hide my profile, and don't talk to other people i.e. don't try to multidate. However, if by 'meet one person', you mean get a response on OLD, in that case I continue to send OLD messages to other women I think might be compatible. I 'message', not 'text', as many women at the same time as I can. From a practical perspective, that is usually none and almost never more than one. FWIW, the two women who responded during lockdown (so far), ghosted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 There are no hard rules. You should assume people online will be communicating with more than one interest at a time. Usually you can see when the other person is online, as they can you. Most people will say there is nothing wrong with it. If you find someone you like and want to date, meet in person asap and make it real. Don't assume it's exclusive even then. It's up to you and the other person to determine if you'll be exclusive. The default is not until you have the conversation and agree. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Thank you and those are both good points. I am new to online dating. Its definitely not my favorite. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 I do. & I talk to as many as I can and still have quality conversations. For me, that's usually around 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) Are you being serious? I can't have good quality conversations with 5 different men. I'm not sure why you would give me that advice but i would love to hear @poppyfields oppinion. Edited May 30, 2020 by Realitysux 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 (edited) Maybe start with one, then maybe two if you feel comfortable .. I don’t think anything is wrong with it since it’s literally just chatting, but whatever you’re cool with. . Theres a high likelihood that one person you are talking to will not be the best romantic match or a match at all in your eyes.. II would like @poppyfields opinion too! Anyway, hope you have fun with it and grats for putting yourself out there. Edited May 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 12 hours ago, Realitysux said: Are you being serious? I can't have good quality conversations with 5 different men. I'm not sure why you would give me that advice but i would love to hear @poppyfields oppinion. It's OLD. It's almost expected to talk to multiple people. BUT... this is exactly why people get upset when they get "Ghosted" when using OLD. DO NOT go into OLD with the preconceptions of dating in real life, because the person you are talking to is probably got 4 or 5 others they are going to go out with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted May 31, 2020 Author Share Posted May 31, 2020 7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Maybe start with one, then maybe two if you feel comfortable .. I don’t think anything is wrong with it since it’s literally just chatting, but whatever you’re cool with. . Theres a high likelihood that one person you are talking to will not be the best romantic match or a match at all in your eyes.. II would like @poppyfields opinion too! Anyway, hope you have fun with it and grats for putting yourself out there. I'm not big on the dating websites. I cant see myself ever posting legit photos and trying to meet someone.. I'm in good shape now and I do get approached a lot in person, just not by anyone I'm interested in. I'm working on myself and my house then after the virus, I'll go places in person and start meeting people again. I probably would have alot sooner but an obsession is an obsession and mine was definitely fed. Not to ramble but I dont think at the time, I could have handled it any differently. I was not in a good place and then to have this man come and do what he did at the time he did was so humiliating. At the same time, I started it. I am walking away with battle wounds no doubt and I'm not distracting myself with men day and night just a few social contacts helps and when the virus is over then I can go out and meet people and try to rebuild. I am also buying more clothes today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted May 31, 2020 Author Share Posted May 31, 2020 3 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: It's OLD. It's almost expected to talk to multiple people. BUT... this is exactly why people get upset when they get "Ghosted" when using OLD. DO NOT go into OLD with the preconceptions of dating in real life, because the person you are talking to is probably got 4 or 5 others they are going to go out with. I used to think OLD was a dating site in the UK or something then I realized it stood for online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 19 hours ago, Realitysux said: I don't like online dating very much but cosidering where I live and in this oandemic, there aren't much options to meet people. I could sit here and torture myself or try to network and move forward in life. My question is: when you meet one person and move to texting that person, do you still log on and talk to other people? How many people should you be texting at the same time? My plan before the pandemic was to ascertain there was something in common, meet up asap, only talk to one person at a time. That seems to have turned upside down, I haven't met up with anyone in person and found myself talking to two people; plus it feels like people talk way more because they are lonely or bored I guess ( and maybe some always did ) rather than looking for a relationship. Good luck though! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 5 hours ago, Realitysux said: I used to think OLD was a dating site in the UK or something then I realized it stood for online dating. I kept seeing the acronym and thinking, what does age matter, and skimming those posts...for weeks... 🤭 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 (edited) 22 hours ago, Realitysux said: I don't like online dating very much but cosidering where I live and in this oandemic, there aren't much options to meet people. I could sit here and torture myself or try to network and move forward in life. My question is: when you meet one person and move to texting that person, do you still log on and talk to other people? How many people should you be texting at the same time? I no longer do dating apps but when I did this was a question I had as well. It seems like it makes the most sense to talk to several people or even date several people at once, but I couldn't do it. I get overwhelmed easily. I really am a one at a time kind of woman. So what I did was became really in tune with what I want, what I like and what I was feeling about someone, and I never strayed from that. Example: If wanted a guy who had no kids or kids who are 16+ years old, I never ever veered from that no matter that other attractive guys were sending me messages who had younger kids. Or, if he had everything I wanted in a man, but he lived 1500 miles away (I don't do long-distance). I didn't even respond if I found out they were not what I want and if we had talked and I found out something a few messages in, I would immediately stop talking to them, even though we hit it off. It was hard sometimes, but if you stick to it you end up talking to a lot less guys and don't experience the dilemma you posted about. It's kind of like holding out for what you really want. It really requires you to know exactly what you want though. Edited May 31, 2020 by snowcones 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 23 hours ago, Realitysux said: when you meet one person and move to texting that person, do you still log on and talk to other people? How many people should you be texting at the same time? You can talk to text as many people as you can handle at once. If that is only one, so be it. If you can carry on dozens of conversations, do that. You can go on lots of 1st & 2nd dates but by the time you accept a 3rd date you need to be pairing things down toward not multi-dating. That isn't to say you assume exclusivity but to the extent that is your goal, it's what you need to be directing your life & choices too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted May 31, 2020 Author Share Posted May 31, 2020 I'm going to just have fun until someone comes along that makes me want to be exclusive .. I'm sorry but there are a million things I'd rather be doing then going on a date with someone to see if I can eventually get that spark. If it isn't immediate then it's not for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 10 hours ago, Realitysux said: I'm not big on the dating websites. I cant see myself ever posting legit photos and trying to meet someone.. I'm in good shape now and I do get approached a lot in person, just not by anyone I'm interested in. I'm working on myself and my house then after the virus, I'll go places in person and start meeting people again. I probably would have alot sooner but an obsession is an obsession and mine was definitely fed. Not to ramble but I dont think at the time, I could have handled it any differently. I was not in a good place and then to have this man come and do what he did at the time he did was so humiliating. At the same time, I started it. I am walking away with battle wounds no doubt and I'm not distracting myself with men day and night just a few social contacts helps and when the virus is over then I can go out and meet people and try to rebuild. I am also buying more clothes today. I’m not big on them either, personally. Not a fan of the concept But I’ve had lots of fun and met cool people I’d otherwise have never met. If you get approached a lot, you must be very atttactive, so you have a great start already. You say it’s not by people you want. I think a lot of people just feel rude or weird just approaching someone they don’t know for a date. Are you going places where people you might be interested in go to and then maybe just having a conversation first. Sorry if this stuff is obvious to you. It’s just something u wanted to throw out there I am sorry what happened with that guy. You are a different person now then you were then, but honestly what he did says more about him than you. Not a good person. Good luck with the shipping. Hope you find something cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 I have quite a few people online. OLD works for some, not so much for others. Depends on the very same things as not-dating-online does. I limit myself to 3 and then whittle down based on preliminary conversations, interactions, and enthusiasm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted May 31, 2020 Author Share Posted May 31, 2020 30 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I’m not big on them either, personally. Not a fan of the concept But I’ve had lots of fun and met cool people I’d otherwise have never met. If you get approached a lot, you must be very atttactive, so you have a great start already. You say it’s not by people you want. I think a lot of people just feel rude or weird just approaching someone they don’t know for a date. Are you going places where people you might be interested in go to and then maybe just having a conversation first. Sorry if this stuff is obvious to you. It’s just something u wanted to throw out there I am sorry what happened with that guy. You are a different person now then you were then, but honestly what he did says more about him than you. Not a good person. Good luck with the shipping. Hope you find something cool. I'm not Any thing special. I saw your picture and I don't look like you at all. Yes I do still get picked up. I think you would be more intimidating to approach then I would. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) When OLD tried to keep active back n forth messaging to 3 but sometimes ballooned to 6 if women who seemed interesting message me. Never like to leave any woman (who seemed interesting) who reached out to me hanging. Even if it is just to say met someone and wanted to see where it goes. It’s really practicality, not wanting to lead any one on, and being a one woman at a time guy. Edited June 1, 2020 by SumGuy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) On 5/30/2020 at 10:37 PM, Realitysux said: I don't like online dating very much but cosidering where I live and in this oandemic, there aren't much options to meet people. I could sit here and torture myself or try to network and move forward in life. My question is: when you meet one person and move to texting that person, do you still log on and talk to other people? How many people should you be texting at the same time? Considering the same thing. It’s always good to keep your options open. It stops you from becoming too focused on that one person and maybe f***ing things up by looking too keen or needy. But it gets tiresome. However , if you meet someone you really connect with, then what’s the point in speaking to anyone else ? All you do is distance yourself. A slight catch 22 , but I think most people know when they hit gold. Edited June 1, 2020 by Fox Sake 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 43 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: Considering the same thing. It’s always good to keep your options open. It stops you from becoming too focused on that one person and maybe f***ing things up by looking too keen or needy. But it gets tiresome. However , if you meet someone you really connect with, then what’s the point in speaking to anyone else ? All you do is distance yourself. A slight catch 22 , but I think most people know when they hit gold. I went to the gas station and there was a very attractive man in front of me. He kept looking back and smiling. I seen him still parked wne I was leaving and thought I'll just go say hi. Then I noticed his girlfriend sitting in the front seat so needless to say, I left. Considering how I spent the last I years, it feels really nice to be noticed and to feel more like myself again. I'm just going to enjoy it without the pressure. I have so much going on and I've been single for so long that I dont need to get married. The only way I would get married is if I met someone that I wanted to be with bad enough. It may or may not happen. Edited June 1, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 I used to talk to as many people as I liked, but as soon as I went on a second date with someone I would hide my profile, and if anyone kept talking to me, (some sites let you chat even when your profile is hidden), I'd let them know I'd begun dating someone. Basically, treat someone as you would like to be treated, with respect and honesty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 23 hours ago, Realitysux said: I used to think OLD was a dating site in the UK or something then I realized it stood for online dating. Just and FYI... on this site... if you see an abbreviation, and it's underlined... just hover your pointer over it, and it will show you the full meaning. Like OLD, BF, GF, MM, BS and so-on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Don't you just love it when posters make up new acronyms on the fly, with no prior reference to what it stands for? I saw one not long ago that was 5 letters long and made no sense at all. You'd think people were being billed by the character the way they will stuff a post with one after another. I think it gives them an in-group feeling... like being in mensa or something. Might be fun to start making up a new one in every post for awhile. LS is like the internet condensed to least common denominator. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: Just and FYI... on this site... if you see an abbreviation, and it's underlined... just hover your pointer over it, and it will show you the full meaning. Like OLD, BF, GF, MM, BS and so-on. I didn't know that! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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