VAis4lovers Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 So two weeks ago I discovered that the guy I had been dating for a year was in fact living a double life. I was unaware that when we met he was engaged and continued to go through with the marriage in January. There were a lot of red flags throughout the relationship that always made me question if there was someone else; especially how he would never add me to his social media accounts, never introduced me to his family (I was introduced to friends/coworkers). He made up for all that with his support he showed me during some difficult times over the past year. But ultimately I started digging on social media that was how I was able to find all of this out about him. Anyways I confronted him about it and he is insisting that he wants to remain friends. Since all of this has unfolded he has totally flipped the switch. He's been very affectionate, making more time to see me, and even introduced me in person to his son. Essentially he is making up for every argument we ever had. There now seems to be issues in his marriage - recent arguments, sleeping in separate houses (not mine). It doesn't look like she makes an effort with his son and really only thinks about herself. Which comes to my questions.. why is he doing all of this now? Should I keep hope that he gets a divorce and chooses me? How big of an idiot am I for staying around? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 1 hour ago, VAis4lovers said: Which comes to my questions.. why is he doing all of this now? Should I keep hope that he gets a divorce and chooses me? How big of an idiot am I for staying around? Pretty big. A sensible person would have informed his wife and then flushed this bad experience out of her life. Instead, you're are hanging around hoping for leftovers. There has to be better options in your life then this. I'm astonished that you would demean yourself this way. Even if he divorces his wife why would you want to be with a man whose life is based on a lie? Why do you want to share that lie? Dump him and get into therapy. Quit reaching into the bottom of the barrel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 (edited) He's lied to you for a whole year, what makes you think what he tells you is the truth now? He's playing you. Now you are the OW, and guess what...married men who have affairs always tell you they are having issues in their marriage. It's bull crap. He's trying to keep you hooked so he can have his cake and eat it too. He's manipulating you, by being more affectionate, pulling on your heart strings and playing the victim to get your sympathy...making you feel you are special for rescuing him from this terrible marriage. It's all smoke and mirrors hun. Have some self worth and dump this jerk. Edited May 31, 2020 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, VAis4lovers said: . why is he doing all of this now? Should I keep hope that he gets a divorce and chooses me? How big of an idiot am I for staying around? Why now? Because his marriage is falling apart & you're an ego boost If he chooses you, then you get a lying, cheating louse who settled for you. You were never his 1st choice. You were his dirty little side piece. Is that what you really want? What you deserve? Answer the above Qs & you will have the answer to whether you are an "idiot" or staying. Edited May 31, 2020 by d0nnivain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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