what do I have to work on?

[python23]

broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years on Friday, id been going through the motions for a couple of months, maybe longer.

 

I cannot fault the girl, her effort and commitment in this relationship has been the best ive ever experienced, we never had a single argument, she was thoughtful, kind and affectionate and was interested in my new career that I started just before lockdown. My family liked her, my friends did, and I tried to integrate her into my social group as I new she was a good girl, while hoping my true feelings would develop like ive had in previous relationships, Heres the but..

 

Ive initially fancied girls more than my recent ex, that flame you feel when you really like someone wasn't as bright with her, but we got on and I can be myself around her which hasn't been the case in the past, in the past ive been the one showing more interest and ultimately I was the one on the wrong end of a breakup, did those women put the effort in and have as much time for me as my ex? absolutely not, but the initial attraction was more apparent.

 

There was certain aspects about my recent ex that I did find unattractive and im sure she felt the same about me, nobody is perfect, I wanted her to have a little bit more pride in keeping fit and healthy and that wasnt a priority to her, I am aware that you can't make somebody change so that was up to her, By the end of it I was definitely going through the motions and the tank was empty and I decided to have a talk, I explained that I wasn't showing up in the relationship in every aspect of it and she deserved more time and thought than I could give her. She took it so gracefully and only wiped back a couple of tears, she even offered me a drink as she could see I was upset about it. Right to the very end she showed class and kept her pride. she said she could sense something wasn't right for a few weeks. 

 

2 days on and obviously ive thought about her a lot, emotions are quite high and so im wondering if ive made a mistake, nobody has treated me as good and that's more evident now. My question is, is it me that has the issue? why do I seem to lose attraction for this great girl and yet in the past ive been burnt by two who didn't reciprocate the effort, is there a way of truly being happy with my ex and focusing on her good traits, admittedly ive found other girls more sexually attractive than her but none have had the personality she has, any advice for a guy trying to find his way and wonder if he can work on things himself.

 

thanks.

[Realitysux]

I don't think you did Any thing wrong .. You did the right thing.. You just haven't met your person is all and when you meet your person then you will know! 

[preraph]

I've been through something similar with someone I knew as a friend first.  I couldn't make the transition to true attraction even though I thought he was cute.  Just friends too long.  It never felt right.  I knew he wanted a woman who really made clear she was into him and there was one handy.  I actually tried to get him to date her before me because I wasn't ready from a bad breakup a few months before, but he said me first and even told the other woman while I was right there that's what he was doing.  She'd been chasing him.  I never saw what he saw in her.  Kind of a looney looking woman, but she chased him from the beginning and he loved that, so they have been together ever since. 

 

You just never know what's going to work and what's not until you try.  If you had two pretty good years, I don't call that time wasted.  Yeah, you'll miss her some.  I wish I could have stayed real friends like before with my guy after the breakup but obviously, she was too jealous for that because she knew he wanted to be with me worse in the beginning, so...that was that except for just being acquaintances.  I later found out they joined a swinger's club (she actually wrote about it on her blog!).  By then, they were both middle aged.  So obviously, when I read that I was thanking my lucky stars I wasn't around when he went that far off the rails.