purplesoccer34 Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 A few years ago, I met a guy and we became friends. We saw each other at work often so our connection grew stronger over time. I found myself becoming attracted to him, but not to the point where I developed feelings. I never actually wanted a committed relationship with him. Moreover, he had a girlfriend who lived in another country but he told me that he had an open relationship. At some point, he started flirting with me, making it very very clear that he wanted a friends with benefits type of situation. I hated this idea at first - I didn't want to become involved with anyone who was in any type of relationship. But he was very persistent, and I eventually hooked up with with him - believing that he truly had an open relationship. I convinced myself that if this truly was the case, there was nothing wrong with it. We had this fwb type of thing over the course of three months, but I always felt a little uneasy about the situation. I didn't know why, but deep down, I suspected that maybe he wasn't being entirely truthful about his open relationship status. But I brushed aside these feelings of unease. One day he said to me, "Gosh I'm such a cheater and I feel so guilty about it." I then asked him, "Aren't you in an open relationship?" He said that yes he was, and as long as his girlfriend didn't meet the person, they were both okay with it. But he also told me that if his girlfriend ever did the same, he would be very jealous. That's when it finally hit me that something wasn't right about this situation, and I called the whole thing off. I didn't even want to talk to him anymore. Am I correct in thinking that perhaps he was lying about his relationship status? This happened a few years ago, and I know I need to let it go. But I can't shake off the feeling that I did something very wrong - if, in fact he was lying. There were a lot of things I wish I had done - I could have confirmed with his gf that she was okay with this whole situation. I could have listened to my initial gut feelings of unease. I always want to do what's right in any situation, and this whole thing went entirely against my principles. I'm mostly just angry at myself for so many reasons. I have learned my lessons though, and there's no way I'd ever put myself in this type of situation again. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 It sounds like he probably was lying. But it was some time ago. Is there any reason you can think of that it's bothering you again now? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Forgive yourself after all these years. You acted on the info you were given, that he had an open relationship. As soon as you found out the truth, you ended things. There was nothing more you could do & you acted honorably. Besides you also got confirmation that you can trust your gut 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 You've created a thread about this guy about 3 times over he last 6 months. As you were told before if you didn't know he had a girlfriend then you have done nothing wrong. Why do you keep going over this? Do you still like this guy? 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author purplesoccer34 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 29 minutes ago, stillafool said: You've created a thread about this guy about 3 times over he last 6 months. As you were told before if you didn't know he had a girlfriend then you have done nothing wrong. Why do you keep going over this? Do you still like this guy? No, I don't like him at all. I think I still feel a little betrayed in a way and mad at myself for ignoring my gut instincts. I think I always knew it deep down, that I was doing something wrong. But you're right, I need to let go. There's no point in brooding. I just tend to do that a lot. I will stop thinking about this, and realize that it was a learning experience Thank you all for the responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 If you were single at the time... you were just going with the information that was presented to you. If that is the case... YOU DID NOTHING WRONG !!! do not beat yourself up about it. I know that's not going to magically make your feelings disappear... but you should have comfort knowing that you are still a good person, and you were lied to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 You had a gut feeling that something was off about this guy. He must have been acting a little shady or creepy or you wouldn't have felt that way. When you're in a FWB situation with someone, you have a right to call it off at any time for any reason. You don't need a "proven" reason. It doesn't even matter whether his gf really said they could be in an open relationship or not. You felt a little uneasy about this guy, and so you were right to call it off if you weren't 100% comfortable. You don't have to prove anything to him or to anyone else. And this happened years ago, it's time to let it go and move on. I'm not sure why you're even still talking about this. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 On 6/1/2020 at 5:21 PM, purplesoccer34 said: But you're right, I need to let go. There's no point in brooding. I just tend to do that a lot. I will stop thinking about this, and realize that it was a learning experience This is best. Is there something that may have triggered your anxiety over this in the last few months? Are you still in any sort of contact with him? Link to post Share on other sites
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