How long has everyone hurt after experiencing infidelity?

[JimmyNorth]

5 minutes ago, pepperbird said:

no offence, but why do you feel you are qualified to speak to how a BS feels  when you aren't one?

No offense taken 😀 I know how it feels to feel insignificant. It takes time to let that pass. 

[emotionallybroken9]

On 6/2/2020 at 9:26 AM, understand50 said:

You will never forget.  You only learn to put the pain away so you can live on.

Yup. You learn to process the pain. In the beginning, the processing takes hours.

 

You lie in bed. Cry. Go out to feel better. Come back and cry. That’s processing. 

 

Eventually, it becomes so quick that you don’t even acknowledge it. But... you still know it’s there. 

 

Im just over a year... still feels fresh. 

[JimmyNorth]

1 minute ago, emotionallybroken9 said:

Yup. You learn to process the pain. In the beginning, the processing takes hours.

 

You lie in bed. Cry. Go out to feel better. Come back and cry. That’s processing. 

 

Eventually, it becomes so quick that you don’t even acknowledge it. But... you still know it’s there. 

 

Im just over a year... still feels fresh. 

Eventually, one day, you’ll be like “Yeah, that was a bunch a bullsh**t. I’ll never do that again!!”

You won’t have a heavy heart.

[pepperbird]

11 minutes ago, JimmyNorth said:

No offense taken 😀 I know how it feels to feel insignificant. It takes time to let that pass. 

JN,
I appreciate you trying, but no, you don't understand.
This isn't just about infidelity. Some us are very cautious. When we choose to love someone, it's deeply loyal. We also give them our trust, and  when you're someone who finds that hard to do, it can be a long road back.

You lose faith n your partner, faith in yourself even. You ask yourself what you did wrong, why you didn't see it sooner, why you weren't good enough.

I'm here to tell you. I will never, ever trust anyone 100 percent ever again. Not even myself.

That's the thing I think a lot of WS don't understand. When they make their decision to stay, leave, tell or not tell, they have had all the time in the world to go through it all in their own  mind. They are at least partly mentally prepared. I'm not saying it's easy for them, just that they have the gift of time. A bs often just gets this all dumped on his or her lap, whether they find out on their own or their spouse or someone else owns up.

Know when my husband told me? He told me while I was washing the dishes after coming home from spending the night with our daughter in the hospital. She was maybe eight at the time. He came in crying and told me he had something to tell me. No mental preparation, no warning, just BAM!

I'm very glad I know, but even so, it still hurts sometimes. That's okay- what doesn't break you makes you stronger, and that twinge of pain can actually be a good thing sometimes. Puts small arguments and petty bickering into perspective, I guess.

 

Edited June 3, 2020 by pepperbird

[JimmyNorth]

1 hour ago, pepperbird said:

JN,
I appreciate you trying, but no, you don't understand.
This isn't just about infidelity. Some us are very cautious. When we choose to love someone, it's deeply loyal. We also give them our trust, and  when you're someone who finds that hard to do, it can be a long road back.

You lose faith n your partner, faith in yourself even. You ask yourself what you did wrong, why you didn't see it sooner, why you weren't good enough.

I'm here to tell you. I will never, ever trust anyone 100 percent ever again. Not even myself.

That's the thing I think a lot of WS don't understand. When they make their decision to stay, leave, tell or not tell, they have had all the time in the world to go through it all in their own  mind. They are at least partly mentally prepared. I'm not saying it's easy for them, just that they have the gift of time. A bs often just gets this all dumped on his or her lap, whether they find out on their own or their spouse or someone else owns up.

Know when my husband told me? He told me while I was washing the dishes after coming home from spending the night with our daughter in the hospital. She was maybe eight at the time. He came in crying and told me he had something to tell me. No mental preparation, no warning, just BAM!

I'm very glad I know, but even so, it still hurts sometimes. That's okay- what doesn't break you makes you stronger, and that twinge of pain can actually be a good thing sometimes. Puts small arguments and petty bickering into perspective, I guess.

 

I agree with you. It definitely hurts. When a person is betrayed it definitely makes the BS feel very low. It’s a feeling of no self worth, or not even feeling worthy of being anybody’s love. It’s the feeling of not having what it takes to be loved 100% by somebody.

However, with that being said, I believe that eventually you will get to a place where you love yourself and are confident again! It will happen, even with memories of past hurt.