Was I in the right?

[thebiglimp]

I just cant put a sense to this on my own. Please help.

I was in a long distance mode with my ex past 3 months.

Then 2 weeks ago out of the blue she says she needs to ‘focus on her stuff’ then goes incognito for 5 hrs. Shes never done that b4. We were excessive texters. Always letting eachother know where we are. Never more than an hr without a text.

So i panic and let her know im suspicious. Supposedly she tried to eat out by herself because the quarantine’s getting to her. Im still suspicious, she blows up on me, then the next day ends our exclusivity. A week later she dumps me like mopwater then that weekend shes on a camping date with some military dude, that i gather she was rlly attracted to.

I figure she had to have been talking to him during our exclusivity to get so familiar with him, and probably meet up here and there.

Also 2 days before her incognito episode she screenshared my phone and seeing all the women of my past whos contacts i didnt erase, she had a mini meltdown the next day.

Also i WAS insecure about her loyalty thru and thru this long distance arrangement because she kept a close contact with her ex, and we had many arguements over it

[schlumpy]

This was a learning exercise. Remember: Do not discuss your past relationships with each other. Take that knowledge and apply it very diligently to your next shiny new relationship.

[thebiglimp]

6 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

This was a learning exercise. Remember: Do not discuss your past relationships with each other. Take that knowledge and apply it very diligently to your next shiny new relationship.

So u think thats what strained it? We were friends for a yr b4 this and she knew all about them. Maybe seeing them while we were in a relationship was different. Too different. 

[schlumpy]

I would guess that you are right about that. Knowing versus knowing for sure (as in seeing with thine own eyes) are experiences of a different order.

Have you ever had a woman sweet talk and cajole into a safe place where you (for example) admitted that you thought her friend was hot?

The next second the floor drops out from under you as the woman you love is dancing around screaming, "I knew it. You BASTARD!"

[ExpatInItaly]

Excessive texting gets old and tedious, so I couldn't blame her if she tired of it. It becomes annoying to be glued to one's phone. 

However, that does not sound like the only reason she suddenly changed her tune. If she subsequently went away with another guy, well, I think you can guess there were already getting to know each other. 

To clarify, had you met her in person? I'm not sure if this was someone you dated before you went long-distance, or whether this has always been long-distance. 

[Minos]

7 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

 

...then the next day ends our exclusivity.

A week later she dumps me... 

To begin with, putting something "in perspective" means to choose the assumptions that fit a particular viewpoint so that makes it meaningful in such "context".

If exclusivity was one of the core agreeded values defining the relationship, dropping it ("ends our exclusivity") necesarily also entails that the relationship was over. 

And this was true, not later ("A week later she dumps me"), but in the very moment she dropped exclusivity (when she told you so or even earlier, if she was previously unloyal).

IMO, she made you a valuable favor breaking what was no more worth of.

You probably deserve better.

 

 

 

[thebiglimp]

My gf broke up with me then the same week shes on a weekend trip with another dude. Gets back to me on monday and breaks down on me that he rejected her. Treated me like dirt thru the breakup and now this. I blew up on her. If what she had for me is real love can  she really do something like this??

[thebiglimp]

In her eyes i kept straining the relationship throughout but she said she loved me even as we broke up! 

[Gr8fuln2020]

17 minutes ago, thebiglimp said:

My gf broke up with me then the same week shes on a weekend trip with another dude. Gets back to me on monday and breaks down on me that he rejected her. Treated me like dirt thru the breakup and now this. I blew up on her. If what she had for me is real love can  she really do something like this??

She was rejected. If not, she would be with this other guy, not back to you. 

Edited May 29, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[Miss Spider]

Either she’s been checked out of the relationship for awhile and didn’t give any indication/you didn’t read the signs and the breaking allowed her to go out with this guy 

 

  Or she cheated on and left you for ole boy. .

 

Something makes me think it’s more the latter. Regardless, she liked this guy more but he didn’t want to be with her, so now she comes back. If I were you, I’d only communicate with her to laugh at her. 

Edited May 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[thebiglimp]

Her ex labels her sociopath. Maybe that explains it? 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

My gf broke up with me then the same week shes on a weekend trip with another dude. Gets back to me on monday and breaks down on me that he rejected her. Treated me like dirt thru the breakup and now this. I blew up on her. If what she had for me is real love can  she really do something like this??

That's just it, though - it wasn't real love. Not anymore. 

You would be very foolish to let her back in your life. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

Ugh. Horrid. I am sorry. 😥 Kick that witch to the curb. 

[Juha]

SO why do you care about her after what she did to you?

I hope when she got back to you, you laughed in her face

This person does not deserve another minute of your time or energy

Tell her goodbye and move on, have nothing to do with her ever again

She is not relationship material.

 

Search for a woman with integrity unlike this woman

 

I wish you luck

 

[rjc149]

On 5/28/2020 at 10:56 PM, thebiglimp said:

she said she loved me even as we broke up! 

They usually do if they're dumping you for another dude. "I'll always love you" etc etc. It assuages their guilt.

Back to your question.

Is it normal for a woman to monkey-branch to a new guy, then try to swing back if the new guy doesn't work out? Yes. This is standard operating procedure for the majority of young women. As the saying goes, a man doesn't throw out his only pair of shoes. 

Is is normal for a woman to be this brazen and unashamed about it? No.

Are you asking what you should do? If it isn't obvious, ghost her. You're still too wrapped up in your emotions to be calm and collected about it, so go no contact. 

 

 

Edited May 30, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Fox Sake]

You’ve been given all the advice in the world here , reading other people’s posts on the matter. I don’t feel I have much to offer you in the way of further advice. 
 

But having been in your shoes once before , personally,  never make anyone a priority who only makes you an option.
You were her second option after she got dumped by someone else and the fact she thought she could crawl back to you and get the attention she obviously craves , is just downright devious. You know you’re worth better treatment than that, right? 
 

I get why you still care , but you need to wake yourself up and realise that anyone who treats you like that isn’t worth your time 

[Gr8fuln2020]

OP, let her know with as few words as possible and let her go. From there, don't be a dinga-ling and keep communicating with her to lead her on in any way to believe there is a chance. Cut it off and wish her luck,if you like. You are not obligated to more. 

Edited May 30, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Zona]

She was trying to branch swing, but it didn't work out. You were always plan B in this scenario. Any relationship you have with her will last until she meets someone else.

Don't be anyone's plan B. Move on and find a woman who will treat you right.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Realitysux said:

When someone doesn't reciprocate feelings then it is very hurtful. Its a painful experience no doubt. Ignoring or blocking to get back at them is not a mature way to handle it at all. 

Care to suggest a more mature way for OP to respond to this woman who clearly dumped him for another guy and then only came crying back when this new guy rejected her?

I am wondering if you missed something in the thread here, as I don't believe anyone's suggesting blocking or ignoring her as a means of "getting back" at her. If anything, folks are recommending it to preserve OP's sanity so he doesn't get his heart broken all over again by this woman. 

I don't get where you're coming from, unless you're projecting your own hurt feelings of being blocked by an ex, perhaps?

 

[smackie9]

I don't think she is a psychopath,.... but emotionally messed up? yes. Low self esteem? yes, insecure? yes...immature? most definitely. Selfish? sure. You can poke a stick at this all you want, the best result is you go no contact, and lose her number.

[schlumpy]

That she did this so openly tells you all you need to know about her feelings for you.

She see's you as a placeholder till her real love comes along.

There really are women who will treat you with some respect. I urge you find one.

[preraph]

She's got a lot of nerve coming to you for sympathy after that.  You have got to tell her it's over and not agree to being her little girlfriend she can tell her cheating troubles to.  Yuck. 

[thebiglimp]

Heres some details everyone. Obv i still love her and dont wanna completely demonize her, so maybe thisll give us more insight. 

We became exclusive 2 months ago. Her ex is always in the picture with whom she doesnt have much boundaries with. 

I kept disapproving and suspecting of it and she ended up labeling me insecure, but then also cut contacts with him for me for good. 

Then everything seemed strong between us until one day she looks thru my phone, and sees my old dating contacts, and 2 porn images (for meme templates!) and next day has a mini meltdown. (Shes ultra conservative)

Then next day she goes incognito. Never in a year knowing her and the 2 months dating has she done that. (We were excessive texters) So i voice my suspicion and we have a huge fight. Turns out she drove around 5 hrs looking for restaurants (by herself?? Really???)

That day she ends our exclusivity and 2 days later tells me that she might not be single anymore next month, then 2 days later drops me as a dating prospect altogether. All the while telling me she loves me and giving me more or less same level of affection. 

Now since imploding from that ive talked to her other ex, who says shes basically a sociopath, and the way she went incognito is her pattern of trying to take control of the relationship when shes insecure. (Shes done that to him too) 

I know i f***ed up that day. I shoulda kept cool tho i sensed something was amiss. Turns out i was sensing her sickness.

Regardless, she was talking to this guy before our fight, and had to have started seeing him afterwards, perhaps from the day she went incognito, all the while telling me otherwise. 

So theres the full situation. I dont know what to think of the whole thing...

[Emilie Jolie]

That sounds very intense and chaotic for a 2-month long relationship. She can't be that ultra-conservative if she goes off with another guy not one second post sort-of breakup.

[Ami1uwant]

17 minutes ago, thebiglimp said:

Heres some details everyone. Obv i still love her and dont wanna completely demonize her, so maybe thisll give us more insight. 

We became exclusive 2 months ago. Her ex is always in the picture with whom she doesnt have much boundaries with. 

I kept disapproving and suspecting of it and she ended up labeling me insecure, but then also cut contacts with him for me for good. 

Then everything seemed strong between us until one day she looks thru my phone, and sees my old dating contacts, and 2 porn images (for meme templates!) and next day has a mini meltdown. (Shes ultra conservative)

Then next day she goes incognito. Never in a year knowing her and the 2 months dating has she done that. (We were excessive texters) So i voice my suspicion and we have a huge fight. Turns out she drove around 5 hrs looking for restaurants (by herself?? Really???)

That day she ends our exclusivity and 2 days later tells me that she might not be single anymore next month, then 2 days later drops me as a dating prospect altogether. All the while telling me she loves me and giving me more or less same level of affection. 

Now since imploding from that ive talked to her other ex, who says shes basically a sociopath, and the way she went incognito is her pattern of trying to take control of the relationship when shes insecure. (Shes done that to him too) 

I know i f***ed up that day. I shoulda kept cool tho i sensed something was amiss. Turns out i was sensing her sickness.

Regardless, she was talking to this guy before our fight, and had to have started seeing him afterwards, perhaps from the day she went incognito, all the while telling me otherwise. 

So theres the full situation. I dont know what to think of the whole thing...

 

 

This dont change a thing.  She did it once she’ll do it again.

 

end it now.