Miss Spider Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) Oh yeah she sounds really conservative... practically a nun... Look, I know you love her but don’t fool yourself into believing you did anything to deserve this. Sounds to me the main ex has always been in the pic because she’s still into him and he is probably just keeping her for convenience.She got jealous/mad at you that day and decided to run back to him. He rejects her and she runs back to you. Not surprising she also did it to another ex. Anyone who thinks it’s okay to play people like that you do not want to get involved with... abort Edited May 30, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) No now i know her ex wasnt in the picture like that, but she WAS talking to other men for sure. I keep thinking of all the times i let my insecurity flair up, and it mustve been almost every other day it got so frequent. Worst was righht b4 her job interview when i said what if youre phoning your ex. Because they worked in same job. She blew up on me. It got to the point where she was doubtful that my insecurities wouldnt interfere with her job but knowing how it looks from my end regarding her ex, she cut him off for me. Then the incognito episode later that month that brought the whole thing down. The more i think about it the more i wanna blame me. If i just kept my patience wouldnt she have stayed? She wanted me to trust her. But if she truly loved me wouldnt she have not let things happen like this? She trusted ME. She knew I was reliable. Edited May 30, 2020 by thebiglimp Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Dang it... I should add that she didnt specifically complain about the rejection!! But knowing her and how she was complaining about the date, i was accurately able to tell that it was the rejection she was crying about. Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 9 hours ago, thebiglimp said: Heres some details everyone. Obv i still love her and dont wanna completely demonize her, so maybe thisll give us more insight. We became exclusive 2 months ago. Her ex is always in the picture with whom she doesnt have much boundaries with. I kept disapproving and suspecting of it and she ended up labeling me insecure, but then also cut contacts with him for me for good. Then everything seemed strong between us until one day she looks thru my phone, and sees my old dating contacts, and 2 porn images (for meme templates!) and next day has a mini meltdown. (Shes ultra conservative) Then next day she goes incognito. Never in a year knowing her and the 2 months dating has she done that. (We were excessive texters) So i voice my suspicion and we have a huge fight. Turns out she drove around 5 hrs looking for restaurants (by herself?? Really???) That day she ends our exclusivity and 2 days later tells me that she might not be single anymore next month, then 2 days later drops me as a dating prospect altogether. All the while telling me she loves me and giving me more or less same level of affection. Now since imploding from that ive talked to her other ex, who says shes basically a sociopath, and the way she went incognito is her pattern of trying to take control of the relationship when shes insecure. (Shes done that to him too) I know i f***ed up that day. I shoulda kept cool tho i sensed something was amiss. Turns out i was sensing her sickness. Regardless, she was talking to this guy before our fight, and had to have started seeing him afterwards, perhaps from the day she went incognito, all the while telling me otherwise. So theres the full situation. I dont know what to think of the whole thing... Okay my bro - you never f***ed up. You actually dodged a bullet and the sooner you realise this the sooner you will be able to heal. Cos’ right now you’re still crushing on someone who is flakey, doesn’t understand you, you don’t trust each other fully and who wants to be that good friends with their ex anyways?! She sounds like a total header. Jumping from relationship to relationship, man to man, keeping her options open ... I dunno. She just sounds like a trash version of a drinking nun. the good news is you’re both young , and you have a great opportunity here to learn from this NOW. I see a tonne of lessons here. Otherwise you learn the same lesson over and over with every new partner until you do. You’ll realise this as you get older. Put yourself on a pedestal. Realise your self worth and never settle for anyone who doesn’t make you feel less than amazing. stay away from anyone who has no boundaries with their exes. That would make a lot of people question things. That’s not the respect you give your partner in a relationship. She should have stopped talking to her ex out of respect for you, not because you had to ask. “I might not be single anymore next month” screams insecurity and make this girl sound like she gets her own way all the time.. she sounds cheap af. Honestly you should actually be laughing about this cos she’s painted herself in such a light that HOW could you ever respect anyone like that? And furthermore , no one respects anyone who’s a doormat and I’m afraid you’re letting her wipe her feet clean. Do not give this girl another moment of your time. I would run, stay single for at least a few months after and take every lesson you can from this. In the time you’ve taken to heal up , I can guarantee she will have gone through another few guys most probably. She won’t have learned anything. Meanwhile you’re streets ahead in your own game because you’ve learned some big lessons and learned about yourself too. Self respect is a big one. If you can’t find the self respect just yet to say “f*** this I’m worth so much more” Start off with thinking about what you don’t like about her. The qualities that you will avoid when looking for another woman. I haven’t really read anything positive about this girl, at all. She has made this pretty easy for you to see exactly who she is , if you look at it the right way and trust me dude , there will be a time in the future when you look back on this , coming out of another relationship and you’ll wish it was as easy as this is. I don’t wish that on you by any means, but it’s the way life goes sometimes. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 8 hours ago, thebiglimp said: But if she truly loved me wouldnt she have not let things happen like this? Well, exactly. This girl was checked out. She just needed an excuse to blame it on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Thank you for everyonee input so far. I should add that she has a history of masking her feelings (or so she claimed) so im trying to figure out if theres some complex scheme of hers that im not seeing. Perhaps she loved me so much but knew that it was too risky of a matchup so she had to find herself a rebound to rid me from her heart asap. And treating me the way she did to drive me away as hard as possible. I dunno im probably overthinking it because it doesnt add up completely... Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 9 hours ago, thebiglimp said: The more i think about it the more i wanna blame me. If i just kept my patience wouldnt she have stayed? She wanted me to trust her. But if she truly loved me wouldnt she have not let things happen like this? She trusted ME. She knew I was reliable. It was that reliability that she used to her advantage. She knows you too well and that you will stay pinned in place while she indulges. She has no fear that you will leave her. No consequences equals no change in behavior. Human Nature 101 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 4 minutes ago, thebiglimp said: Thank you for everyonee input so far. Perhaps she loved me so much but knew that it was too risky of a matchup so she had to find herself a rebound to rid me from her heart asap. And treating me the way she did to drive me away as hard as possible. I dunno im probably overthinking it because it doesnt add up completely... This is circular logic that will lead nowhere. "She loves me so much that to spare my feelings she ran with another guy to give me a reason to leave. That proves she really loves me." That isn't how it works Mr. Blimp. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 13 minutes ago, thebiglimp said: I should add that she has a history of masking her feelings (or so she claimed) so im trying to figure out if theres some complex scheme of hers that im not seeing. Perhaps she loved me so much but knew that it was too risky of a matchup so she had to find herself a rebound to rid me from her heart asap. And treating me the way she did to drive me away as hard as possible. I dunno im probably overthinking it because it doesnt add up completely... Oh no, OP. Don't fall into that trap of trying to convince yourself this was somehow borne out of her intense love for you. The problem is that she didn't love you in the way you believed, and hence treated you like crap. You are her back-up plan, but the guy she really wants now is her weekend fling. I guarantee you she will leave you in the dust again if he calls her. That is not love. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 19 minutes ago, thebiglimp said: I dunno im probably overthinking it because it doesnt add up completely... With bells on! thebiglimp, you were dating for 2 months, that's less than an Spotify Premium Account free trial. She didnt treat you well - there's nothing more to it. You now need to do the necessary work to move on for good. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 1 hour ago, thebiglimp said: Thank you for everyonee input so far. I should add that she has a history of masking her feelings (or so she claimed) so im trying to figure out if theres some complex scheme of hers that im not seeing. Perhaps she loved me so much but knew that it was too risky of a matchup so she had to find herself a rebound to rid me from her heart asap. And treating me the way she did to drive me away as hard as possible. I dunno im probably overthinking it because it doesnt add up completely... Man , your clutching at straws finding ways for her not being her. She does this crap , her, and sorry to be harsh but your back up plan b. Really , there's no excuses so stop taking the wrap for things she's done- all on her own. And these insecurities you bash yourself over , well they can be insecurities sure but also gut feelings screaming at you not to trust her and you can't l'm afraid, they were spot on. Really , get away from her do yourself justice and find someone true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, thebiglimp said: Thank you for everyonee input so far. I should add that she has a history of masking her feelings (or so she claimed) so im trying to figure out if theres some complex scheme of hers that im not seeing. Perhaps she loved me so much but knew that it was too risky of a matchup so she had to find herself a rebound to rid me from her heart asap. And treating me the way she did to drive me away as hard as possible. I dunno im probably overthinking it because it doesnt add up completely... You’re making excuses for her because you’re not ready to let go, I get that.... But stop. I ask you go to the start of this thread and read every single post back to yourself again and again until it sinks it that your being mugged off by this girl Edited May 30, 2020 by Fox Sake Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 It does all add up and you are in denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 I honestly wouldn't waste any time trying to figure it out. That's a fools errand. Look on the bright side. She showed you the kind of person she is before you got in deeper. In time, you will come to appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 One thing that bugs me. When she ended the exclusivity it was over vidchat since we're long distance rn. I told her i probably wont come visit her now and she started crying. Then 2 days later dumps me as a romantic prospect altogether. Then that weekend on a date. You can cry for many things but it doesnt necessarily equate to love, i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted May 31, 2020 Author Share Posted May 31, 2020 I should clarify that it was 11 days after our big fight and the end of our exclusivity that she went on that camping date. I dont know if that makes her look any better. (I still cant think straight...) So 11 days ago we had that big fight over me being suspicious of her "alone time'. And she coming back saying we should keep our options open. Then the week after, ends our tie altogether. ('I dont think i can ever date you again') Then 3 days later that camping trip. So total of 11 days for her to completely move on and discard the 'love' she had. Its still not right, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 22 minutes ago, thebiglimp said: So total of 11 days for her to completely move on and discard the 'love' she had.Its still not right, is it? No. She still had this other guy in her sights and ended it with you so she could explore her crush on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted June 2, 2020 Author Share Posted June 2, 2020 Hey guys this is a spinoff from my other thread and im so sorry i cant stop talking about my breakup im so heartbroken, and this seems to be the only thing thats helping. So please bear with me. So the ex breaks up with me and goes on a major date the next week. But week before that we had a huge fight that is the precursor to all this and i need to know if i had the right to react the way i did. The detail is that she has a trauma of men cheating, and strongly against porn. 2 days prior to the fight she finds on my phone old contacts of women ive met in the past, and also 2 porn images (for meme template!) And next day has a mini breakdown, crying on the phone how she cant trust me, ive been with too many women, and that the lockdown is getting to her. That night i spend about 4 hrs facetiming her until she goes to bed at which point she seems to be in a jovial mood. The next morning shes suddenly distant to me. We always text excessively so i can sense it. And also since we text excessively its a pattern breaker when she just says she needs to focus on her own stuff today and disappears. Never once in a year of knowing her and 2 months of dating has she been vague with details like this. But right before she leaves the house i give her a quick call, because for some reason since 2 days ago she started using snapchat. (We also share screenshots excessively, tho not for checking up on eachother mind u). Her excuse is that the apps always been there and its ads thats popping up, that she doesnt talk to anyone there. She hurridly hangs up saying she has to go, and when i call back her phone is busy, then shes out of the house and doesnt open my messages for 5hrs. And my messages were these- that we are both struggling with this long distance thing, and that you know im getting more insecure, and its unfair that you dissappear on me without a word like that and if the shoes were swapped i would never do that to you. She comes back 5 hrs later and unloads on me. That i cant even give her space and dont deserve to hear about her day. And that shes having a meltdown right at that moment and that shes crying. So i try calling her about 5 times in various apps, because in the past when she was crying she would always pick up, and receive comfort. I figured if i kept trying she would calm down enough to pick up the phone. Nope. She calls back an hr later berating me, and then on text starts telling me of her day which was that she spent 4 hrs driving around looking for an open restaurant and to find a sense of normalcy in this lockdown. Unconvinced i ask her- by yourself? She explodes for the last time. Comes back next day and ends our exclusivity. Then only 11 days later on a camping trip with another dude. She also says me calling her 5 times like that was a stalker behavior. And that she was greatly hurt i couldnt see her mental state and be supportive. (but we sexted just as she went to sleep the night before!! Hows that for someone whos distressed? ) I dont know... writing it all down it looks more like she was snapchatting this guy and seeing him on the side and that my suspicions were valid. But i dont know, im still very hurt Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 As we all said in your other thread - your suspicions are probably correct. She was lining up this other man and needed an excuse to dump you so she could try with him. This relationship didn't have legs to last, OP. You need to stop tormenting yourself with the details. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 Your only friend right now is No Contact. Keep yourself busy. Think about doing something you have always wanted to try. Go to a firing range, rent a gun and fill a paper target full of holes. Take a self-defense course and flip a couple a people down hard on the mat. Go fishing. Learn to ice skate or ski. Join a multi-player game like EVE or Fortnite. Take on the big project around the house that you never had time to do. Buy a nice fancy car that turns heads when you drive by attractive women. Lots of things to do that will keep you away from the keyboard. You just have to muster the will power to do it. If you can't, then borrow your friend's will power to motivate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted June 4, 2020 Author Share Posted June 4, 2020 Guys obviously im having a tough time getting thru this breakup. Its the worst one in probably a decade... My mind run circles around it and writing it seem to help me see it objectively, so... As u know on the last day she told me all the sweet words i wanna hear and also offered to fly me out to her city. Then the next day dumps me out of the blue and not only that, treats me like dirt and with zero respect. And with pretty much zero emotion. How could she be like that at a flip of a switch? Was it to mask the guilt that she cheated on me? And whats the use, besides cruelty, to lead me on like that until the last minute? Im really baffled, still... Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 7 hours ago, thebiglimp said: How could she be like that at a flip of a switch? Was it to mask the guilt that she cheated on me? She could be like that because that's the real her. You two broke up at the 2 month mark of being in a relationship---and that's about the time where weak foundation relationships fail. You both were on your best behavior with one another--and when you dismissed the "on their best behavior" representatives and the "real you/real her" came to the fore, you both showed each other the real side of yourselves and that's why this all went to hell like it did. You're incompatible. You both have completely different ideas on how to progress in a relationship. She was no longer interested in being accountable to you, so she checked out. She knew you were making a 7 course meal out of her crumbs, so that's why she yanked your chain hither and yon---because she knew you'd give her an audience. Quote And whats the use, besides cruelty, to lead me on like that until the last minute? because you allowed it and she knew you would 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 1 hour ago, kendahke said: She could be like that because that's the real her. You two broke up at the 2 month mark of being in a relationship---and that's about the time where weak foundation relationships fail. You both were on your best behavior with one another--and when you dismissed the "on their best behavior" representatives and the "real you/real her" came to the fore, you both showed each other the real side of yourselves and that's why this all went to hell like it did. I was about to write the same thing. It isn't likely this is switch that suddenly flipped, OP, but rather that you just didn't know this side of her existed until now. I completely understand why it seems like a dramatic 180 for you, but it's rare that someone's personality does a complete change so suddenly. You two barely knew each other as a couple, so I think it's probably safe to say that this part of her has always been there. It simply hadn't emerged until this point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 On 5/27/2020 at 12:46 AM, thebiglimp said: Was I in the right? Of course. Move on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebiglimp Posted June 4, 2020 Author Share Posted June 4, 2020 I mean i understand this is her but im just asking about the pathology behind it, and whether such behavior is common/acceptable. Granted i havent dated all the kinds women in the world but the breakups ive gone thru have all been much more amicable and compassionate. Even women who used me for sex offered more closure than this. Its been 3 weeks but the pain is still fresh. In my mind its easy to let go the person who dumped me like this. But not so easy the person whose gestures and words were much different than this. I dont know which ones the real her Link to post Share on other sites
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