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how do you think a rebound relationship would interfer with the healing process..


brittanyjean259

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dark knight... 3 years. felt like a lifetime.

 

i agree with temelkov. when you're still a mess, don't mess with others til you've fixed yourself up.

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chocolate_boy

Yeah my girlfriend and I started having problems one month ago today, we have been split for 2 weeks.. but I cannot see myself even kissing another woman until at least the new year now...

 

You need time out.

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there is that as well. i just didn't want anyone else to touch me. nothing triggered off feelings about the ex more than being physically even near another guy. so rebound was hopeless. never got past couple of platonic dates.

 

glad i felt like that tho.

 

better than bed bunnies who just hop in with anything new........

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POSITIVE CHALLENGE.....

 

Think about James Bond or if you are of a more literary persausion Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Strong and Silent.

 

Image 007 was off to the casino and his gf gave him sh*t about it would he give in, NO WAY. But he would rebuke her in charming and sophisticated manner, NOTHING TOO HEAVY. Then off to the casino and all forgotten.

 

Imagine OO7's gf was becoming distant would he disintegrate into 003.5 begging pleading over-analysing NO WAY. He would go about his business and allow her to miss him. He would verbalise because he is a man of action. He would keep himself in mind go to the gym buy a new tux from saville row and get out and about. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. The future missus Bond would get the message. I am my own man you don't define me.

 

Finally, would Bond, James Bond text, email and phone the gf every minute of every day. NO WAY he is strong and he has a life, the gym/work/social life and he is not willing to give that up. In the first "dating period of a relationship keep it brief, keep it to the point (i.e. next date) and keep it light

 

OK that's the challenge bit......now for the positivity...

 

When you see a girl you like, be on time, make it imaginative not necessarily expensive! Be a gentleman, Dress up and give the lady you are with your full attention. Be kind, listen and make it a great date/night in or whatever you are about.

 

Then you will be a positive challenge. Woman are keen on that kind of approach, not new men or emasculated men or jerks (if they are sane)

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there is that as well. i just didn't want anyone else to touch me. nothing triggered off feelings about the ex more than being physically even near another guy. so rebound was hopeless. never got past couple of platonic dates.

 

glad i felt like that tho.

 

better than bed bunnies who just hop in with anything new........

 

TOTALLY AGREED that if you are not into a rebound then

don't venture. However, don't feel guilty or unfaithful. Just get on with life as soon as you feel you can.

 

And the physical benefits of great sex can't be overstated. It doesn't always have to be the love of your life

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that's a really good comment, about not feeling unfaithful or guilty. dunno why that comes up for me so strongly. it's happened before. and months down the track. even when i've been the one to break up first.

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Dark- Wow, thank you. I think that sums up exactly what many of us need to do and quickly. If I feel lousy tomorrow night going to the restaurant, I'll use that image. I really appreciate that insight!

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brittanyjean259

so yeah i guess rebounds are a really bad thing...i meen i dont see how there not...i havent rebounded...but i have meen flirtatsious only to realize the next day ew what was i doing? lol....

 

 

that is a rebound affect though and i just need to keep telling my self that over and over...

 

i feel bad for the people who actually make them selves beleive everything is fine only to find out 3 months later well yeah...hope people think first! i meen life isnt that nice to you okay after a breakk up..you find someone and fallin love with them...i meen with people who dont have healing periods...

 

that just doesnt seem right unles there really crazy and it is a rebound and they dont realize it MORE in puts im so curious ive been investigating them ever since my boy rebounded...not that im waiting around for him though

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brittanyjean259

yeah be very honest, i meen how can you not want to....bc there is a big chance you will see this person differently eather a week later...or months...

 

and eh haha

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Sorry all to beat this to death and I realize this really belongs in a different thread but it is still part of the whole rebound thing: I am supposed to take someone I have been seeing for about 2 months to a fancy birthday dinner tonight. She has suddenly cooled big time and yesterday (her actual birthday) I was not included in any of her plans. So...do I cancel tonight or go and put on every air that it did not and will not bother me how she has acted the last 2 weeks. I really don't want to go, but even less do I want it to show how it affected me. Thanks...

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DarkKnight- Just to let you know, your "Positive Challenge" theory works like an absolute charm. Amazing how a change of one's own attitude so directly affects the way other people treat you. Thanks again for sharing one of the best posts on LS.

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off2sea,

i think following the bond theory, you would go, and make it a good time, and then not call her afterwards.

maybe dark knight would disagree.

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Thanks, I ended up going and it was a beautiful night, great food & wine. Today I may or may not return her calls. I hate the games but it is great for self-preservation.

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brittanyjean259

do you think its possible to be happy right away after a break up( if you still have feelings) could that be eather indeinal..

 

and if your happy at first with your rebound who you jumped in to with...are the possibilitys of you being truly happy false and will fade away?

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The rebound takes the edge off a bit. Unfortunately I thought it would be a cure-all and when that person lets you down as well it exemplifies the first loss. So...I have backed off on the rebound relationship a bit to put things in perspective. I am keeping it going but on a much different scale- enjoying it for what it is, nothing more.

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I think that rebounds aren't a problem if you're honest with yourself. I broke up with my ex about a month ago and I guess I would be rebounding now. My advice:

 

Don't let it get too serious too soon

 

If you would be crushed if you're rebound didn't call you on Saturday night, you probably shouldn't be seeing the person

 

I don't see rebounds as a problem. I don't see why they can't work out as long as you go slow and deal with the emotions you still might be feeling for an ex. I DON'T think you should get into a relationship soon after you break up with someone, but casual dating never hurt anyone ;)

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brittanyjean259

awsome on the replys guys:)

 

dating does no harm, i will when im ready i just dont want to hurt any1 but i will be very truthful

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I think that dating is a good idea when you can go out on a date without feeling guilty about it. I know that the first date I went out on after my ex broke up with me, I felt extremely guilty and uneasy all night. That pretty much let me know that it was way too soon for me to be doing that.

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brittanyjean259

ever since me and my boyfriend broke up, i have instantly been attracted to much more guys than usual. I defently know its a rebound effect for me because guys that i find attractive once i start like gettin involved

 

not meening like involved but i meen like saying hey or whats up...i pull away than the next week im like ew what was i thinking...

 

i guess we subconsouly try to ease the pain and dont really know what were doing...but its a good thing, because when i do like a person i will defently know the difference! and i think i am doing the right thing.

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Does the phrase, "golf ball through a garden hose" mean anything?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:laugh: :lmao::D

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