Seriously lucky....

[ALuckyOne]

It's been a long time and I just wanted to share my story with you all.  

 

I am a 34 year old male.  A little over 2 and a half years ago, I ran into the woman of my dreams.  She was cute, smart, sexy, and we connected emotionally on so many levels.  Our talks would consist of so much playful banter and every conversation was filled with those moments where we would laugh until we couldn't breath.  She was perfect for me, my soulmate.  The only problem was that she was married with 2 kids.  

 

As many of you on here probably experienced, the urge to be with her was uncontrollable.  We as humans can naturally tell when we fit together with another person.  Emotionally we tell by the way this person makes us feel, mentally is more about how we talk and interact with the other person, and physically its really about how 2 people fit together when they are holding hands walking down the street, embracing in a hug, or making love (for me, smell is the most important after the physical factors you can see).

 

We worked together so we saw each other every day.  Getting lunch together, working on projects together, getting dinner together. Inevitably, this turned into an emotional and physical relationship.  The moment this happened, I ended my 7 year relationship just to be with her.  Like every affair, we started out strong and the chemistry was so good.  There were moments I even forgot there was a husband in the picture.  We traveled together and in those moments standing by the mountains and staring at the milky way, I really felt it was just her and I.  2 and a half years passed by really quickly with all of the ups and downs you could imagine.  

 

During the coronavirus outbreak, her and I spent a lot of time together with her 2 daughters.  I had spent time with them before, but it was never an everyday thing.  Children are copies of their parents.  I work with children so its my job to read behaviors and emotions of children.  I could tell that they loved me and I truly fell in love with them too.  That was the first moment I ever felt such a deep craving to have a family.  I wanted to share my life with this woman.  I knew her faults and accepted everything that I would have to go through to be with this woman (divorce, step parenting, ex-husband, etc.) so a little over a month ago I finally asked her to marry me.

 

Throughout the whole relationship, she would talk about us like she knew it would be temporary and end one day, but that's not what I wanted.  Her answer to me when I asked her was "no."  That killed me inside, but that moment I realized no matter how much it hurt, I would have to move on.  Every day it killed me to think of all the things that happened over the last 2 and a half years and realize that they wouldn't be there anymore.  I had endless breakup songs on my phone where I would just listen to them and randomly start crying.  I saw her everyday at work and we would talk like strangers at first but somehow always fall into that rhythm and vibe we used to have.  We worked hard to tune down the smiles and hold back some laughter, but you can always tell it's there.  All I knew was that if my heart wasn't going to let me out of this relationship that easily, I would have to claw and bite my way out mentally!

 

After being broken up with, I really started to love myself again.  I started to realize that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am actually a very attractive person.  2 weeks ago, I met her.  I realized that I had finally started falling for another girl when I woke up, and the first thing I thought about was her and not my affair partner.  Me and the new girl started spending more time together and I remember the moment we finally touched and kissed was the moment everything from the affair washed out of my system.  

 

My affair partner found out about my new relationship and demanded that I get back together with her.  She said things like "you don't love me anymore?" or "I can live without you, but I don't want to because I love you."  It even went as far as for her to tell me that she knows that her marriage won't last, but he needs her right now.  My last reply to her was "For 2 and a half years, all I wanted was to be with you and you never once gave me any hope.  A month ago, I told you that I could let go of everything in my life just so that I can share a life with you, but you told me no.  I went through hell for this entire month as you stood by and watched, but you never reached out to pull me close to you.  I don't want this anymore and I really can't live my life like this any longer.  I deserve a chance at a complete love."  

 

I believe that we really loved each other.  I believe that a lot of affairs do indeed have real love involved.  But there needs to be a goal and a decision.  I got extremely lucky to find the girl I am dating now.  For me, connection is instant.  Me and this new girl share a same past, same present, and working for a similar future.  Physically, I have never felt anything more perfect in my arms than her (this is really a matter of physiology like limb length, body type, hand size, etc...).  Emotionally, her and I have similar ways of expressing our feelings and thoughts so we can fundamentally understand one another.  Her smell is intoxicating for me.  This is something that is really purely chemical as it tells you that your hormones are compatible.  Because we have similar upbringings, our bodies just naturally know how to move with one another, sex is amazing.

 

So, I am really one lucky son of a b****.  But to those that are in an affair either as the other person or married person, you really have to know that there is more out there.  That the end of a relationship really isn't the end of the world.  But the world waits for no one.  My affair partner and I used to say that we need to tell the other if one of us wakes up from this dream (our affair), but what you will realize when you wake up is that it was actually a nightmare.  Stay positive and stay moving forward.  The pain won't last forever and it won't kill you.  But you have to commit one way or another.

Edited June 3, 2020 by ALuckyOne
grammar error

[Findingfreedom]

So happy for you!!

[notmyfinestmoment]

Such a great post....thank you for sharing.     My A sounds like it was very similar to yours.   Your analogy of "clawing and biting" your way out of it mentally is spot on.    I couldn't agree more that in those moments (mountains and stars...I had the same :-), it did feel like a dream, but did turn out to be quote the nightmare emotionally....it still kind of is at times 😞.  Sometimes, I wonder if I will feel the same way about someone again, but your story gives me some hope that there is indeed life after this and the best is yet to come. 

Take Care!!!!

[GenLondon]

@ALuckyOne  I'm so pleased for you that you've finally found someone that means the world to you, and who you can share you life with, wholly and completely. Good luck for the future and don't think on your affair partner for another second. 

[elaine567]

14 hours ago, ALuckyOne said:

...so a little over a month ago I finally asked her to marry me.

...Her answer to me when I asked her was "no."  

I get that some want to move on quickly to get over a failed relationship, but it seems to me you have moved at lightening speed and grabbed onto the first girl you can find...
Most on here can take months/years to even think of dating again, yet within a month you are all loved up with someone else...

[ALuckyOne]

2 hours ago, Amethyst68 said:

So what was the husband doing while you were playing happy families with his kids?

Honestly, who knows?  

[ALuckyOne]

50 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I get that some want to move on quickly to get over a failed relationship, but it seems to me you have moved at lightening speed and grabbed onto the first girl you can find...
Most on here can take months/years to even think of dating again, yet within a month you are all loved up with someone else...

Why would it take months or years to even think of dating?!  Because moping around and being depressed is so much better for healing?  

 

No, I went out on dates as soon as we broke up.  Had a lot of s***ty dates and realized a lot of traits that I really don't want in a partner.  But basically, the world put this new girl in front of me so why not?  It's not like she is going to be waiting months/years for me to be fully healed and ready for a relationship.  

 

You fall sometimes, so what?  Get back up and just keep moving forward.

[BaileyB]

16 hours ago, ALuckyOne said:

During the coronavirus outbreak, her and I spent a lot of time together with her 2 daughters.  That was the first moment I ever felt such a deep craving to have a family.  I wanted to share my life with this woman. 

You seem to get yourself really wrapped up in the fantasy of relationships.

I say that because the reality is that you involved yourself with an unavailable woman, and VERY inappropriately involved yourself with her children. Not a good plan.

As you have learned, if you want a family you will need to date a woman who is not already married. 

And I am another who thinks you have moved from one fantasy relationship to another. First, one generally doesn’t get over a long relationship In which they were deeply involved (your affair) in a month. And, an individual with a realistic and healthy understanding of relationship also doesn’t tend to become deeply enamoured with another woman after only a month. What you are feeling now is infatuation, and that is great! But, you have yet to experience a healthy long term relationship. Hopefully this new relationship will work out for you... I wish you well.

Edited June 3, 2020 by BaileyB