enchanted771 Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 I have this male friend who I hang with. We’re not in a relationship, but I stay over at his house one day on the weekend, we do sleep in the same bed, but don’t have sex. We dated a year and a half ago briefly, it was short lived because he wasn’t over his ex. I don’t want to ruin our friendship but I can’t help how I feel... there are certain things about his lifestyle I don’t think I could handle. He drinks and smokes too much. However, when I’m with him I forget about all that and my feelings for him come rushing back... I enjoy spending time with him, but I don’t want to make a fool out of myself. He has given me no signal that he wants something more.. is there a way to remain friends and stop having these feelings for someone that you know is not reciprocated? He knows how I feel about him, so for all I know he’s hanging with me for an ego boost. He does a lot for me, I enjoy my time with him but I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be jealous of another friend. I don’t know if I should take some space from him or what I should do...I am really at a loss. We talk daily... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 If you are sleeping in the same bed with him and he isn't giving you any signals that he's interested you are purely a platonic friend to him. Yes I think you need to take time away from him to get over him. If you remain friends the inevitable will happen and you will meet his new girlfriend which I don't think you will be able to handle. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Being close to a man and not being able to get close to that man is torture. I say make a clean break and detach. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 I'm probably one of the few guys here who have female friends... and I know over the years... there have been at least 3 girls who wanted more. (and let me know) I can say... I would never "unfriend" one of these girls because that would be unkind. And, I always enjoyed spending time with them. But like your guy... there was something that kept me from wanting a real relationship with them. One was a pot smoker... one was just a smoker (I don't smoke, or condone drugs) and one... well... she just didn't do anything for me. (No spark) All 3 of these girls... we would get dinner, hang out, go to clubs/bars, and 2 of them we would sleep in the same bed after a night out. (no sex) Since he is the smoker... maybe you should meditate on that, and know you don't really want to be with someone long term who is a smoker. AND... It's no fun kissing an ashtray. If you can't use the negatives to push it back into the friend zone... then maybe you should take some time away from this friend. Besides... the more time you spend with him... the less time you have to find a true romantic connection. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted June 5, 2020 Author Share Posted June 5, 2020 10 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: I'm probably one of the few guys here who have female friends... and I know over the years... there have been at least 3 girls who wanted more. (and let me know) I can say... I would never "unfriend" one of these girls because that would be unkind. And, I always enjoyed spending time with them. But like your guy... there was something that kept me from wanting a real relationship with them. One was a pot smoker... one was just a smoker (I don't smoke, or condone drugs) and one... well... she just didn't do anything for me. (No spark) All 3 of these girls... we would get dinner, hang out, go to clubs/bars, and 2 of them we would sleep in the same bed after a night out. (no sex) Since he is the smoker... maybe you should meditate on that, and know you don't really want to be with someone long term who is a smoker. AND... It's no fun kissing an ashtray. If you can't use the negatives to push it back into the friend zone... then maybe you should take some time away from this friend. Besides... the more time you spend with him... the less time you have to find a true romantic connection. Good luck. Yes...I’ve pushed the negatives. Pot and cigarette smoke, heavy drinking, etc...he doesn’t seem to have any real goals either. He’s unemployed, could use this time to his advantage for continuing Education, but he stays up late going on Instagram, hanging with friends and binge watching. You would think I’m talking about a 20 year old not a guy in his 40’s. He admitted having a “problem” too, but I’ve heard this whole change speech before. Our friendship is also like a yo yo...we will hang out a lot for a month, then he will start hanging with his boys and I hardly hear from him, until he gets sick of them...so yeah...I’m not reaching out. Even though I hardly doubt I will meet someone with this pandemic going on Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 If you want to get over your feelings for him, it might help to stop sleeping in the same bed as him. If he knows about your feelings for him but doesn't reciprocate, it seems kind of cruel of him to go on sleeping in the same bed as you like that, it's like he's stringing you along. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 Unfortunately you're not in a relationship so you don't have any say in how he lives his life. You need to break away from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 Getting out of his bed would be a good start. Sleep on the couch or go home. Link to post Share on other sites
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