I'm lost

[Estella_]

 i was in LDR for about a year and half with a guy, who lived in an other country (France/ USA) , we met in college and spend 8 months in long distance, i was very in love with him everything was great( i was 18 And he was 23).

 He cheated on me during the summer, saying it was too hard because he couldn't get physical with me. I forgived him, feelings was too strong, i loved him so much even if i always Said i would never forgive a cheater.

After that year I decided To take gap year and i worked only for a month because he Said he wanted To missed me so much, we lived together for about 6 months.

Then i lived before the summer, i came back for a week in september because it was very hard for both of us, and we argued a lot about the futur, we also talked about a possible break up but i wanted To find a way To be happy together but He broke up a month later, he Said he doesn't see himself with me in 10 years, even if he always Said that i'm the best GF he bad. I was very confused and i just accepted because i didn't want To react like a crazy GF, he also asked to stay friend with me, i accepted. 

I find a job in the week And worked very hard, i just wanted To Forget him even we were still talking. During that time he always wanted To call but that was just stupid for me Because, i was trying to heal and i just thought it was to easy for him because he can still talk To me and looks happy, but i was broken inside, i felt it was so unfair, but i never talked about that with him. He thinks i overthink too much.

6 months later he asked me if i wanted To get back with him and i told him that I dont know, he just says "then follow me ", i was like I dont know, i dont want attachement or anything, he said oke, now we call everyday like before and he wants more and more, i dont know if he's good for me, i'm confused about What he wants, i dont know What To do, should i leave him or stay and see if we can have a future ? 

Plz help me 😭

PS: sorry for my english might be bad it's not my mother tong 😄

Edited June 5, 2020 by Estella_

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm a little confused - are you two in the same country now?

Personally? I wouldn't go back to him. He's already cheated, told you he doesn't see a future with you, and so on. This isn't a guy who's going to stay with you for very long, if you decide to try again. I don't mean to sound unkind, but don't lower your standards for a guy who treats you like an option. As soon as he happens to meet someone he does see a future with, he will break you heart again.

This distance and the fact that you're both so young add the likelihood that this will not work out in the end. You're better off finding a local guy who doesn't jerk you around like this one. 

[Estella_]

Sorry i might didnt explain very well, no we're not in the same country right now because in september i go back To school and he's trying to find a job, So we are in long distance right now. Thank you for your reply, i know he has done so much bad things To me but my heart tell me To stay, and my reason say he's a jerk and i can find better, but when i try To take distance, he always say Why do you do that To me and make me Feel guilty. That's why i'm very confused.

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, Estella_ said:

Sorry i might didnt explain very well, no we're not in the same country right now because in september i go back To school and he's trying to find a job, So we are in long distance right now. Thank you for your reply, i know he has done so much bad things To me but my heart tell me To stay, and my reason say he's a jerk and i can find better, but when i try To take distance, he always say Why do you do that To me and make me Feel guilty. That's why i'm very confused.

It's hard to get over someone if you're still talking. Stop communicating and you'll move on.

[Estella_]

Should i ghost him ? Like just dispear and not saying anything ?

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Estella_ said:

Should i ghost him ? Like just dispear and not saying anything ?

No, simply tell him that you don't wish to communicate anymore and it's better you part ways. 

This isn't the man you're going to get married to and have a life with, I promise you that. 

[Estella_]

Okay thank you for your advice, i Will try.

[justwhoiam]

On 6/5/2020 at 4:40 AM, Estella_ said:

Plz help me 😭

Hi Estella,

As a European with an American guy in a LDR, I say: make him work hard to get you back. That's the only way in my book. The only way for him to show you how serious he is about you. You don't want to waste your time on him. He can say whatever he wants, but actions speak louder. Talk to him as a friend and let him know, this is what I would tell him "You know, for you to be back together with me, you should go out of your way. And I'm not sure whether you'd be willing to do that or not. So that's on you. For now, we're just friends. Feel free to hook up with whomever. I'm not that cheap, so I won't be into hookups, but certainly open to some fine proper dating. That's what I think I deserve"

Then see what happens.

You might be too much work compared to cheap hookups around the corner. But that won't be girlfriend material either.

On a side note, I would have digged when he said he didn't see himself with you in 10 years. It could be there were things he toned down with you, because you're French... who knows. Don't ask that now. Maybe later on, if he decides to go out of his way. Like he gets on a plane just to meet you again, or something.

[Estella_]

Hi

He's chinese btw but he lived most he's life in america, and the fact i'm french well, it's a big point in our realationship because we had very different education and i have very defferent mindset.

Yesterday i sent him a message saying i want To stop, and he blame me saying i don't give us a chance To meet up again, he said i should give it a time and take decision later. I said i have trust issue because of What he has done To me and he said that he regret everything the cheating and the break up, explaining that he broke up with me because of the frustration.

I think What your saying make sense i should not stop myself To find a better guy and i should tell him To stay friend, but we tried after the break up and he always wanted more, like call, text almost everyday that quiet bother me because you know i still have feelings.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 6/7/2020 at 2:28 PM, Estella_ said:

Yesterday i sent him a message saying i want To stop, and he blame me saying i don't give us a chance To meet up again, he said i should give it a time and take decision later. I said i have trust issue because of What he has done To me and he said that he regret everything the cheating and the break up, explaining that he broke up with me because of the frustration

You don't owe this to him. He's stomping his feet now because his ego is bruised, but this guy was a crappy boyfriend to you. 

You can do better than this clown. 

[BaileyB]

On 6/7/2020 at 7:28 AM, Estella_ said:

 he blame me saying i don't give us a chance To meet up again, he said i should give it a time and take decision later. I said i have trust issue because of What he has done To me and he said that he regret everything the cheating and the break up, explaining that he broke up with me because of the frustration.

Well then, all the more reason to end this relationship. 

I’m sorry, you don’t owe him anything after he cheated. No second chances - you are young, you are not obligated to this guy (in that you are married, own property together, have children, or a long shared history together). There is absolutely no reason for you to give it time or give him another chance. You should be looking locally for someone to date because you can do SO MUCH BETTER than this guy... Best wishes.

Edited June 8, 2020 by BaileyB