softball88 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I really need some advice. I'm talking to this guy. Not talking, talking. We're not together and that's not a "goal" we're trying to make happen. But there's times we'll talk for days but then abruptly, he stops talking to me. For 4 days. I'll send him a message and he won't read it for over 12 hours or more. This really bothers me and I sent him a message about it and I was upset. He finally messaged me back and told me how I can always talk to him and that it's a 2 ways street. I can message him first too. He said he really likes talking to me but that sometimes he just doesn't feel like talking to anybody because he can be a moody d*ck. And that he didnt mean to for it to feel like he was ignoring me and that can definitely never feel good. I don't know him very well as we just started really talking a few weeks ago. He wants me to stop by his work tomorrow to give him a hug. And then he's wanting to stop by my place for a few after work. I accidentally fell asleep for not even an hour and I sent him a text telling him he can come by tomorrow after work. But I just noticed he was active on messenger again just a few minutes ago and it's been hours since he read my texts. Am I over reacting here by him not texting me? Especially after discussing how it made me feel and everything? Or maybe he assumes I just understand? I don't know. I just need advice about this. Please help. Please? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 Welllllll......... Some people are just that way with txt styles of communication. Unfortunately, until you really get to know him, you don't know his real reasons. But, if you are talking about FB messenger... you can't rely on the little green dot, or the stats saying when he was active. I know I've had this talk with a few people, and it can say I'm active if my phone is on, even if it's not actively open. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 8 hours ago, softball88 said: I really need some advice. I'm talking to this guy. Not talking, talking. We're not together and that's not a "goal" we're trying to make happen. But there's times we'll talk for days but then abruptly, he stops talking to me. For 4 days. I'll send him a message and he won't read it for over 12 hours or more. This really bothers me and I sent him a message about it and I was upset. He finally messaged me back and told me how I can always talk to him and that it's a 2 ways street. I can message him first too. He said he really likes talking to me but that sometimes he just doesn't feel like talking to anybody because he can be a moody d*ck. And that he didnt mean to for it to feel like he was ignoring me and that can definitely never feel good. I don't know him very well as we just started really talking a few weeks ago. He wants me to stop by his work tomorrow to give him a hug. And then he's wanting to stop by my place for a few after work. I accidentally fell asleep for not even an hour and I sent him a text telling him he can come by tomorrow after work. But I just noticed he was active on messenger again just a few minutes ago and it's been hours since he read my texts. Am I over reacting here by him not texting me? Especially after discussing how it made me feel and everything? Or maybe he assumes I just understand? I don't know. I just need advice about this. Please help. Please? You've only known him a few weeks right? Is this a guy youve met online and not met in person. ? Firstly i think telling someone who you haven't known for very long to text you more often, is a bad idea..and on first impressions he will see you as needy. Second i shouldn't tell you what to do but its not a good idea to meet a guy you barely know during a pandemic ( whilst hes been at work and mixed with others). Third if you want this to go anywhere maybe don't invite him round your house..where it could potentially lead to things getting physical. And fourth as the other poster said everyone has different styles of communication. He might just not be into texting..maybe hes a more visual person and sees texting as pointless. But i guess for now you can't second guess much as you barely know him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 IMO you are overreacting. Just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 does not mean we have the obligation to be at somebody's beck & call. My college roommate called me last night but I didn't pick up because I was engrossed in the movie I was watching. Yes, I could have put it on pause but I didn't want to. Instead I called her this morning -- 15 hours later. That doesn't mean I don't care about her. She is one of my favorite people in the world. Chill out & stop trying to measure the quality of your interactions with a clock. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 Not everyone gives incoming chit chat priority. I actually hate it. I like email much better because I can wait until I'm ready to look at it and answer it. I hate being interrupted when I'm doing something by texting. And texting always seems so terse. Like I wrote my friend the day before Mother's Day and just said I wanted to wish her happy Mother's Day and her answer was "Busy, busy." To my mind, the only answer required would have been "Thank you," but I guess she was afraid I, of all people, wanted to start a big chat with her, something I don't do unless someone drags me into it. I simply replied with a happy face, as if she had just said "Thanks." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I think he's telling you the truth. At certain times, my words flow freely and the ideas flow but there are other times where I can't seem to put a sentence together. I guess you could compare it to a battery that needs recharged but it's probably more complex then that. Don't make your conversational exchange a strait jacket for him. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 Yes you are overreacting. Some people are just like that.... they don't respond to texts right away. I have a few friends like that. Different people have different texting styles. You have only known this guy a few weeks and you aren't in a relationship or anything. I think you are expecting a little too much of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted May 21, 2020 Author Share Posted May 21, 2020 (edited) I've been kind of talking to this guy for over a month. And I've seen him here and there during this period. But not much. The other night, I kind of flipped out on him. Because the night before, he said he wanted to see me but couldn't that night but could any other time. Next night rolls around, apparently he can't see me that time either due to an "apparent" leak in his kitchen. This "leak" is in the corner of his kitchen with mold and water damage. Which has obviously been there a while. He told me he could come over the next night. But I got mad and upset because I feel like he just keeps putting me off. He claims to like me and wanting to see me but doesn't happen. I told him that he can find another "snuggle buddy" and feed her his bulls***. He goes "so you want me to send a pic of the f*****g leak or what? I told him no. He sent me a pic of the leak in his kitchen anyway(I did the reverse image look up but found nothing on the internet). The next day I tried talking to him. Then I eventually gave in and asked him if I should just stop talking to him. He told me that basically being called a liar doesn't exactly feel good. I told him that I didn't call him one but I've heard so many lies that I have a hard time believing anybody. And asked him if he wants me to leave him be. He said he doesn't know and to give him some time. I told him I'll just go ahead and leave him alone because I don't deserve him or anyone anyway(with the way I've treated him). He goes "yes you do, but just give me some time". Like what more time could he want? We hardly see each other or talk the way it is. I've been seeing him maybe once or twice a week and the talking wasnt that much to begin with. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I've discussed wanting us to talk and see each other more but it doesn't matter what I do to try to get close. Its a lose-lose situation for me. He said he has a hard time getting close because he freaks out. He's been single most of his life. I feel like that if he likes me, he would show it regardless. I don't know. He also admitted to me that he drinks alot on his days off work. So I guess he has an alcohol problem. He didn't deny it when I asked if he was addicted. But maybe I'm wrong that he should show he likes me regardless. Can anyone tell me what's happening here? Edited May 24, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 If he's dragging his feet and taking a lot of prompting to make a date, he's just not that into you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) You're acting crazy and obsessed, thats whats happening. You were really out of order there and pretty s***ty to him. He was clearly being honest about his leak but you went all pshyco on him. You've only been talking for a few weeks and you already give him this much agro? I wouldnt be surpised if he didnt talk to you again after this. Edited May 24, 2020 by JTSW 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 On 5/14/2020 at 7:45 PM, d0nnivain said: IMO you are overreacting. Agreed On 5/15/2020 at 5:50 PM, ShyViolet said: Yes you are overreacting. Agreed Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 On 5/21/2020 at 10:01 AM, softball88 said: I've been kind of talking to this guy for over a month. And I've seen him here and there during this period. But not much. The other night, I kind of flipped out on him. Because the night before, he said he wanted to see me but couldn't that night but could any other time. Next night rolls around, apparently he can't see me that time either due to an "apparent" leak in his kitchen. This "leak" is in the corner of his kitchen with mold and water damage. Which has obviously been there a while. He told me he could come over the next night. But I got mad and upset because I feel like he just keeps putting me off. He claims to like me and wanting to see me but doesn't happen. I told him that he can find another "snuggle buddy" and feed her his bulls***. He goes "so you want me to send a pic of the f*****g leak or what? I told him no. He sent me a pic of the leak in his kitchen anyway(I did the reverse image look up but found nothing on the internet). The next day I tried talking to him. Then I eventually gave in and asked him if I should just stop talking to him. He told me that basically being called a liar doesn't exactly feel good. I told him that I didn't call him one but I've heard so many lies that I have a hard time believing anybody. And asked him if he wants me to leave him be. He said he doesn't know and to give him some time. I told him I'll just go ahead and leave him alone because I don't deserve him or anyone anyway(with the way I've treated him). He goes "yes you do, but just give me some time". Like what more time could he want? We hardly see each other or talk the way it is. I've been seeing him maybe once or twice a week and the talking wasnt that much to begin with. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I've discussed wanting us to talk and see each other more but it doesn't matter what I do to try to get close. Its a lose-lose situation for me. He said he has a hard time getting close because he freaks out. He's been single most of his life. I feel like that if he likes me, he would show it regardless. I don't know. He also admitted to me that he drinks alot on his days off work. So I guess he has an alcohol problem. He didn't deny it when I asked if he was addicted. But maybe I'm wrong that he should show he likes me regardless. Can anyone tell me what's happening here? I think maybe he was genuine about his leak. But you going off at him didnt help your situation. I mean its only been a month. That's not even long for you to start demanding things. Its way too early. And the fact he said he needs to think. It only means he's unsure about you and having second thoughts. Unfortunately in life if someone just for whatever reason doesn't want to see or speak to you much..emotionally breaking down is not going to help change the situation. It may push him away even more now 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 He's not that interested, OP. Rather than going postal on him, you need to walk away. This isn't going anywhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Don't ever ask someone if they want you in their life or if they want to break up. Instead, decide for yourself if you want to continue with them. Putting the decision in their court not only gives away your power, but it's also kinda lame. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 On 5/21/2020 at 5:01 AM, softball88 said: I told him that he can find another "snuggle buddy" and feed her his bulls***. He goes "so you want me to send a pic of the f*****g leak or what? I When someone makes me feel like saying things like this or worse and leaves me suspicious with my blood boiling and about to bring out my best crazy, I’ve learned now to retreat and let go instead of making a fool out of myself. Who needs the aggravation. They’re only going to further irritate me in the future if I keep trying to talk to them & resentfully play by their rules. Yea, you acted crazy but I understand it because the bottom line is he wasn't making an attempt to see you, so you spazzed in a momentary state of frustration. Now he’s all talking space. Fine. Give him all the space he needs for the rest of his drunk assed life. Sorry, I know it sucks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 OP, I went back and read your other recent threads - I'm assuming they're about the same guy? If so, it couldn't be clearer that there's really nothing to work with here. You're very much just an option to him, while you see him as a priority. He gets in touch when he wants but has not shown any consistent interest. You really need to let this go. When you feel this resentful that someone isn't as responsive as you hoped, it's often because they're just not that into it and don't want to be in more frequent contact. I'm sorry, girl. Time to close the door on this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 He wants you to go by his work and give him a hug? What's up with that? Coming to your place after work? WTF? Sounds like he's testing you for a possible physical relationship. You should never have brought up the texting issue. You barely know this dude. It speaks to your neediness and insecurity. Very likely he will continue to do this in the future. You two are not close where he must take your feelings into consideration. Not responding to you for hours - big red flag. Are you sure he isn't married or otherwise attached. This guy actually sounds like bad news based on the "hugging and coming over to your place after work" requests and disappearing acts. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 Not a big texting fan. Believe it or not there are a few of us left like that that don't place it in high priority . To many folks these days expect near instantaneous responses and get all flustered when it does not happen in there expectation of response time. People have jobs, kids to care for with a plethora of life going on to make an quick response. Quite frankly when I do have time I honestly forget about the text message by then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted June 5, 2020 Author Share Posted June 5, 2020 So this guy and I(yes, the one I've posted about) were kind of doing things. I mean we'd make out and stuff but never had sex. Anyway, I told him last night that I don't want to see him anymore but I still want us to be ok with eachother and talk. He said he can't talk to me right now because he's upset and he doesn't want to say something he'll regret later. He never asked why I didn't want to see him anymore. He neveer tried talking about it. Apparently he's upset because I simply told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Is this normal? I mean wouldn't he want to know why? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 As a guy, I don't female friends... In my past, I've had female "Friends with Benefits". I've also had female business associates and female neighbors that I would be friendly towards, but they weren't really friends. If I thought the "relationship" might lead towards sex, then I would continue to attempt to date the woman, but if she straight up said "I don't want to see you anymore" there is no reason to attempt a friendship with her. I'll direct my time and energy towards a woman that is interested in having a relationship with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 4 hours ago, softball88 said: I mean wouldn't he want to know why? If he's decided he doesn't want a friendship, possibly because he was more invested than you, then what's the point in knowing why you don't want to see him anymore? Would it change the outcome? Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted June 5, 2020 Author Share Posted June 5, 2020 If I knew for sure he was invested, that would change everything Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 24 minutes ago, softball88 said: If I knew for sure he was invested, that would change everything Wait so you're breaking up with him because you like him?🤔 Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 We're not together. It was more like a friend's with benefits situation. Except we didn't have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 OP: you make my head hurt with all of this. I think it is better if you just move along. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts