Purepony Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 I’m not sure I’m posting in the right section but if I’m not please feel free to move it. so long story short. I was dating a girl with a child and at the time a few other issues that probably haven’t changed like a dui but anyways the relationship surprisingly was great and I was happy. She was working on changing but then my ex reached out abd I went back so the girl with a kid found out before I was able to tell her and she was irate, can’t blame her so she blocked me but after a while also reached out abd we tried again but my ex wouldn’t go away and the truth is... my ex is mature, stable, academically accomplished abd we have a lot of history together. i decided to stay with my ex and it’s been almost six months and I miss the girl with the kid more n more. I look back and wonder if I really was happy or if she felt the same ...? it hurts because I don’t even know what to do. on one side I have a great great girl on the other I have a younger girl with many more issues that will come up but even though I know she’s probably not the best choice here I keep missing her could it be because we were okay when I left ? anyone ever had something similar ? how did you deal with it ? what did you do or would do ? thanks for hearing me out on another rainy night Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 You did the right thing staying with the one you have the most invested in. You're still too involved to do any other relationship justice, and that would certainly not be fair to the children. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 26 minutes ago, preraph said: You did the right thing staying with the one you have the most invested in. You're still too involved to do any other relationship justice, and that would certainly not be fair to the children. you do make a good point but just because I’m invested does that mean it’s the right one ? Even if I’m not as happy just content ? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 If you want to be with her and things are going well, that's a fairly rare situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 27 minutes ago, preraph said: If you want to be with her and things are going well, that's a fairly rare situation. I really do but the problems and future challenges really make me doubt things working out in the long term im nervous and worry but I was happy abd I believe she was too but I’m content with my current gf and that’s the difficult part Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Better the one you know than the one you don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 9 minutes ago, preraph said: Better the one you know than the one you don't. thats a new angle I hadn’t thought of you’re right ! but why did you say that ? what did you see I didn’t ? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Like just about everyone who is "torn between two lovers" then neither is really "good enough", hence the indecision and the bouncing back and forth between the two. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Longevity and you still seem to care about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 49 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Like just about everyone who is "torn between two lovers" then neither is really "good enough", hence the indecision and the bouncing back and forth between the two. you’re right and that’s what I don’t want Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I think it's resonated with you even more due to the assumption that what happened between you and the other girl is still considered unresolved and the whole scenario of 'what if' comes into the equation when you think about it. @preraph spoke volumes by saying that you made the right decision by remaining with the one you've invested the most in - why risk that to go through it all over again? I personally think it's more than acceptable to miss someone whilst being with someone else, it's just how the brain functions sometimes. However, to then act on how you're feeling with this other girl would very much jeopardize your commitment to either party because you'll just have the same thoughts all over again about the other person. 4 hours ago, Purepony said: my ex is mature, stable, academically accomplished abd we have a lot of history together. This is something a lot of people wish their ex's were. Stick with what you have and perhaps over a continuous period of time the feelings and thoughts for the other girl will subside. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I don't know, I kind of disagree. I mean, if you're having feelings for someone else, then I feel as if something is missing with the ex-now-current-girl. How long were you with the ex beforehand? What made you break up? And how long were you with the girl with the child? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 3 hours ago, Malin889 said: I don't know, I kind of disagree. I mean, if you're having feelings for someone else, then I feel as if something is missing with the ex-now-current-girl. How long were you with the ex beforehand? What made you break up? And how long were you with the girl with the child? ive been with my ex for ten years ( on n off) and the girl with the kid one year I agree I miss her personality I feel like the girl with the kid understood me a lot more but my current gf really has been trying and continues to it’s really draining just to be thinking back n fourth most of the day we broke up because at the time she stopped caring so I cheated and we broke up while broken up she met someone else and I met the girl with the kid Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Purepony said: we broke up because at the time she stopped caring so I cheated and we broke up while broken up she met someone else and I met the girl with the kid Hmm. Well, it sounds like things have kind of run their course with the woman you're with in some ways. Do you actually feel IN love with her or just obligated because of your history? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 14 hours ago, Purepony said: I’m not sure I’m posting in the right section but if I’m not please feel free to move it. so long story short. I was dating a girl with a child and at the time a few other issues that probably haven’t changed like a dui but anyways the relationship surprisingly was great and I was happy. She was working on changing but then my ex reached out abd I went back so the girl with a kid found out before I was able to tell her and she was irate, can’t blame her so she blocked me but after a while also reached out abd we tried again but my ex wouldn’t go away and the truth is... my ex is mature, stable, academically accomplished abd we have a lot of history together. i decided to stay with my ex and it’s been almost six months and I miss the girl with the kid more n more. I look back and wonder if I really was happy or if she felt the same ...? it hurts because I don’t even know what to do. on one side I have a great great girl on the other I have a younger girl with many more issues that will come up but even though I know she’s probably not the best choice here I keep missing her Other girl with child: 1. You were happy with her 2. She was making changes 3. Miss her Current gf: 1. More accomplished with fewer problems 2. Cheated on her because you felt the relationship was off 3. Still feel something is missing.... Purepony, Did you ever miss your current gf when you were with the younger woman? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spainglish Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) After ten years, all you can say is your content AND you've already cheated on her. I think it's safe to say this is NOT the right one for you. It's not right to stay with her simply because you've invested more time in her. If you don't truly love her it's wrong to waste 10 more years of her life simply because she's a safe bet. She deserves to have someone who cherishes her and isn't thinking about another woman. In the long run, you are only going to hurt her more and eliminate the chance of her meeting the right one because she's falsely believing in you. You also deserve to be with someone you're madly in love with. I"m not sure if the girl with the kid is the right one for you. Only time will tell. Perhaps neither one is the "right one" and you should enjoy bachelorhood for a bit longer. Edited June 7, 2020 by Spainglish spacing 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 8 hours ago, healing light said: Hmm. Well, it sounds like things have kind of run their course with the woman you're with in some ways. Do you actually feel IN love with her or just obligated because of your history? I do love her and care for her, I do feel she’s the better long term choice and we’ve been through a lot but part of me does feel obligated because she did get engaged last year but reached out before the actual wedding 3 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Other girl with child: 1. You were happy with her 2. She was making changes 3. Miss her Current gf: 1. More accomplished with fewer problems 2. Cheated on her because you felt the relationship was off 3. Still feel something is missing.... Purepony, Did you ever miss your current gf when you were with the younger woman? I thought about her but I didn’t miss her it was more like I hope she’s happy And it was not as frequent as I miss this girl with the kid now. I mean it’s paralyzing because everyone hour into the hour some memory pops up. Today I woke up thinking about the time I fixed her moms car me and the younger girl with the kid really had some good times im at the point where I’m just so drained I just want to be happy regardless I just want it to stop because I’m stuck in the middle abd it’s been almost 6 months 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 I think my mind gets overwhelmed thinking if I went back to the other girl abd then regret it I’m screwed because it’s just too much back n fourth at this point Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 5 hours ago, Spainglish said: After ten years, all you can say is your content AND you've already cheated on her. I think it's safe to say this is NOT the right one for you. It's not right to stay with her simply because you've invested more time in her. If you don't truly love her it's wrong to waste 10 more years of her life simply because she's a safe bet. She deserves to have someone who cherishes her and isn't thinking about another woman. In the long run, you are only going to hurt her more and eliminate the chance of her meeting the right one because she's falsely believing in you. You also deserve to be with someone you're madly in love with. I"m not sure if the girl with the kid is the right one for you. Only time will tell. Perhaps neither one is the "right one" and you should enjoy bachelorhood for a bit longer. I agree with everything you said however I don’t know what this part of me or why this part of me is so scared to actually do this ? I really think I should take some time on my own but for whatever reason I just physically can’t in my mind I already have everything mapped out if I decided to go back to the girl with the kid but physically I can’t even make the first move Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 3 hours ago, Purepony said: I do love her and care for her, I do feel she’s the better long term choice and we’ve been through a lot but part of me does feel obligated because she did get engaged last year but reached out before the actual wedding I thought about her but I didn’t miss her it was more like I hope she’s happy And it was not as frequent as I miss this girl with the kid now. I mean it’s paralyzing because everyone hour into the hour some memory pops up. Today I woke up thinking about the time I fixed her moms car me and the younger girl with the kid really had some good times im at the point where I’m just so drained I just want to be happy regardless I just want it to stop because I’m stuck in the middle abd it’s been almost 6 months I wonder. What does this current woman see in you? You had a long-term ON and OFF relationship which sounds like it was not settled in any way. When you broke it off with the woman you are with now, she came to you, right? Why did you leave the other relationship? Exactly. How did this woman you are with now, deal with the time you two were not together? Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: How did this woman you are with now, deal with the time you two were not together? Well, from the looks of this post, it sounds like she went off with another man and got engaged. Then reached out to OP and couldn't go through with the wedding. Sounds like the current woman might be comfortable or in love with the OP, but OP is IN love with the girl with the kid. And just settling with this choice out of practicality and obligation, not because he truly wants to be there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 50 minutes ago, healing light said: Well, from the looks of this post, it sounds like she went off with another man and got engaged. Then reached out to OP and couldn't go through with the wedding. Sounds like the current woman might be comfortable or in love with the OP, but OP is IN love with the girl with the kid. And just settling with this choice out of practicality and obligation, not because he truly wants to be there. I missed where this woman with whom he is currently cohabitating, was engaged. Wow. I knew a woman who was in a 10-year, on and off relationship. Abusive. They had developed a co-dependent relationship. That co-dependency was so strong, she effed-up a good relationship with another guy because she could't completely let go of her past relationship. She ended up losing a lot more... I wonder... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Move to an area where polygamy is legal and you've got the best of both worlds. Spend the night with whomever you feel like at that particular moment. Remember, this isn't about what THEY want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purepony Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 3 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I wonder. What does this current woman see in you? You had a long-term ON and OFF relationship which sounds like it was not settled in any way. When you broke it off with the woman you are with now, she came to you, right? Why did you leave the other relationship? Exactly. How did this woman you are with now, deal with the time you two were not together? we broke up and she started seeing someone else I had started seeing the gir with the kid. The other one couldn’t go through with the wedding and she reached out. I think I should have said no but for whatever reason I didn’t and now I’m here thinking about the other one but I map everything out... I’ll sell the cars, I’ll sell the house I’ll move and reset but I can’t make the first move to even get started and meanwhile I’m still with my ex of ten years comfortably but I have my moments where I just really really emotionally break I wouldn’t marry both there’s no way that would work I don’t really know wat either woman saw I’m me they’re both attractive women with the exception of one being academically accomplished and everything going for he while the other has some baggage but she’s also attractive just understand me better but physically I can proceed with the ten year one I just freak out when she talks about moving in and stuff etc with the other it was A yes I want to explore all of those things like moving in and being omtogether but maybe looking back it’s her son that holds me back .... I really didn’t like the kid even though we got along and he admired me but I still don’t know if it’s in me to care for someone else’s child no matter what I think I’ll have some permanent damage Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 15 hours ago, Purepony said: I wouldn’t marry both there’s no way that would work I'm pretty sure Gamon was joking above. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts