Summer in Winter Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I was with my ex for 3 yrs and a month. We broke up 2 weeks ago, and I have actually saw this coming. We had some communication issues, more of like cause and effect. He would be gone for days without telling me why in advance, and that made me built walls between us to protect myself. To be honest I was clingy and needy, not to justify but I felt like I needed to get his get his attention just so he would talk to me, whenever we had fights he would either shut me off or say nasty stuff. I stood by him for 3 years, giving him everything I could and everything he needs. But i must say before the quarantine period we were doing great. 2 weeks before the breakup he started ignoring me, just looking at my messages with no replies, then I found out I was pregnant, no reaction from him, no acknowledgement at all. I miscarried, a complete one just a week after I found out, and I had to face it all alone no emotional support from him, then after 6 days he broke up with me and found out he is instantly with someone else. Monkey branching? I dont really know. On the day of the break up i pleaded and begged, but swore that he'd never hear anything from me after that day. I started NC the next day, completely deleted everything about him, removed him from social media, and everywhere that would remind me of him. What I don't understand is why do I feel like I have lost even if I was the one left out? Probably because I had a fair share of the issues with the relationship? Why do I feel like I was the one at fault? Why does it feel like he is bitter even if he was the one who dumped me? Although NC has been helping me a lot, for the span of 2 weeks, I am slowly feeling better with a down time every morning. I went through loss of appetite, loss of sleep, lost weight, even was suicidal about it. How true is it that if you don't beg and plead or even run after them breaks their ego and pride? Thank you and I apologize for this lengthy post Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Please accept my condolences for your miscarriage. Stop feeling guilty. The only thing you did was hope & believe. Yes you may have acted clingy & needy but that was in response to him pulling away. You knew the break up was coming & you didn't want it. In your shoes anybody would act squirrelly. Sadly now you simply have to accept this relationship is over & find a path forward. That will be double hard as you mourn the death of your child but it is doable. Take some time to grieve for both losses. Then start the process of healing. NC is a good thing. Hugs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summer in Winter Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 52 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Please accept my condolences for your miscarriage. Stop feeling guilty. The only thing you did was hope & believe. Yes you may have acted clingy & needy but that was in response to him pulling away. You knew the break up was coming & you didn't want it. In your shoes anybody would act squirrelly. Sadly now you simply have to accept this relationship is over & find a path forward. That will be double hard as you mourn the death of your child but it is doable. Take some time to grieve for both losses. Then start the process of healing. NC is a good thing. Hugs Thanks, Donnivain! Yes I am really having a hard time to get over 2 things at once. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. And yes, NC has been doing great for me as I find peace knowing that I won't need to face more suffering from the person who caused me this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 (edited) 22 hours ago, Summer in Winter said: after 6 days he broke up with me and found out he is instantly with someone else. It wasn't instantly-- Quote He would be gone for days without telling me why in advance, whenever we had fights he would either shut me off or say nasty stuff. 2 weeks before the breakup he started ignoring me, just looking at my messages with no replies, he's been involved with her long before he let you know about it. Who picked the fights? How quick was he to engage? Because that's a tactic of a cheater--it gives them justification for cheating, and they'll manufacture it out of thin air if it'll serve their purposes. When he first started acting sketchy was when they got involved. Edited June 8, 2020 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 On 6/7/2020 at 12:00 PM, Summer in Winter said: I was with my ex for 3 yrs and a month. We broke up 2 weeks ago, and I have actually saw this coming. We had some communication issues, more of like cause and effect. He would be gone for days without telling me why in advance, and that made me built walls between us to protect myself. To be honest I was clingy and needy, not to justify but I felt like I needed to get his get his attention just so he would talk to me, whenever we had fights he would either shut me off or say nasty stuff. I stood by him for 3 years, giving him everything I could and everything he needs. But i must say before the quarantine period we were doing great. 2 weeks before the breakup he started ignoring me, just looking at my messages with no replies, then I found out I was pregnant, no reaction from him, no acknowledgement at all. I miscarried, a complete one just a week after I found out, and I had to face it all alone no emotional support from him, then after 6 days he broke up with me and found out he is instantly with someone else. Monkey branching? I dont really know. On the day of the break up i pleaded and begged, but swore that he'd never hear anything from me after that day. I started NC the next day, completely deleted everything about him, removed him from social media, and everywhere that would remind me of him. What I don't understand is why do I feel like I have lost even if I was the one left out? Probably because I had a fair share of the issues with the relationship? Why do I feel like I was the one at fault? Why does it feel like he is bitter even if he was the one who dumped me? Although NC has been helping me a lot, for the span of 2 weeks, I am slowly feeling better with a down time every morning. I went through loss of appetite, loss of sleep, lost weight, even was suicidal about it. How true is it that if you don't beg and plead or even run after them breaks their ego and pride? Thank you and I apologize for this lengthy post I am so sorry for what you’re going through right now. This is guy is clearly not a good person if he just ignored your pregnancy like that! You are well rid of him! As another poster said, you acted clingy due to his actions. Please don’t blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. NC is great! You’re doing awesome so keep up the good work. In answer to your question, yes I think the dumper always secretly hopes you’ll get in contact with them so they can get an ego boost. My ex broke up with me about 2.5 months ago, I didn’t delete him off social media and about a month after the breakup he started ‘liking’ my posts. I never contacted him after the breakup nor did I acknowledge any of his social media posts (I muted him). I think he started liking my posts because I accepted the breakup too easily and that was a bruise to his ego, so he must’ve thought clicking the like button would somehow trick me into contacting him or something 🙄 Link to post Share on other sites
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