Deleting my dating profile and settling for the next guy I date.

[snowcones]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think someone would do it only if they absolutely have to

They do it everyday.  And Thank God for it.  Our global population would be so much less, we might go extinct.  LOL

[Miss Spider]

9 minutes ago, snowcones said:

Well get ready for it, Doll, because more and more men are starting to do this. 

And some guys ARE upset about it - those are the ones running around screaming Golddigger.  The guys who aren't upset about it think women should pick a man based on his earning potential. I guess any leg up is good.

Honestly, I think part of them not caring has to do with women's sexual arousal not being obvious nor necessary in order for her to reproduce.  But that is getting into the hairy woods now and I won't go there.

Yep yep. The tables turn. Many women care just as much ( or  more )about the guy’s appearance as they do his ‘success’, because they’ve got that 

 

Transactional dating doesn’t appeal to me though. I want an equal 

Edited June 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Hopeful30]

5 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Equal in all things? He has to be just as successful as you, just as attractive as you, just as smart as you...all the way down the line? Is that how you view your equal? 

That's too literal. Equal as in compatible, complimentary, but of equal value. For instance, a breadwinner and a housewife can be equals if they approach the relationship with similar skill (in subjective areas), values, respect, commitment, and effort.

[miranda561]

57 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

This is because I think you ladies care more about your appearance than most men do. My appearance has never really been a big deal to me. When I was big into working out, I didn't do body building, I did power lifting. I know for a fact that every time I have gotten with a woman that is much more attractive than I am, it is because she likes my attitude, how I treat her, and the fact that I'm usually smarter than the other men she knows. 

Not true 😂. A lot of men care about their appearance/obsessed with it. And want the type of high maintenance woman who is the same 

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

There is a couple guys in my gym like that. Weak as a kitten. They will do a few sets of curls, then look into the mirror, flex, and take selfies. The other men laugh at them. 

They cringe me out. Wouldnt date one. 

[snowcones]

9 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

There is a couple guys in my gym like that. Weak as a kitten. They will do a few sets of curls, then look into the mirror, flex, and take selfies. The other men laugh at them. 

What were you power-lifting for?  To scare other men?

[snowcones]

4 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

No. Why would I want to scare other men? Feeling strong is a good feeling. I enjoy it. It's also a matter of pride. Not to mention the many health benefits that come from weight training. 

I don't know. I just never understood why some men want so many muscles.  You said power-lifting, so that means a lot of muscle.

[thefooloftheyear]

Whether you like it or not at the end of the day you might not get what you want but rather what you deserve. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I’ve heard from a lot of men over the years say to women  “give guys you’re not attracted to a chance that could turn out to be great guys/make you happy “ = have sex with me even though you’re not attracted to me haha. I guess it’s the same reason a lot of men find the ‘trophy wife/sugar daddy/mail order bride” thing to be fine and maybe even ideal...

I think your confusion comes from your style of sexual attraction being linked to their physical appearance.   Where as my sexual attraction for a guy comes from who he is and how he behaves.  I can get super hot for an average looking but terrific guy.   This is what the guys are asking for.    It's not related to how they feel about a trophy wife etc.  

 

2 hours ago, snowcones said:

 Lower your standards means settle. 

Lower your standards can also mean "Mr Perfect doesn't exist, so stop being so damn shallow and picky.  Quit complaining about being single when there are a lot of great guys out there who aren't 5'11 or who don't look like Adonis"    (generic statement, not aimed at anyone in particular)

Edited June 9, 2020 by basil67

[simpycurious]

2 hours ago, enigma32 said:

There is a couple guys in my gym like that. Weak as a kitten. They will do a few sets of curls, then look into the mirror, flex, and take selfies. The other men laugh at them. 

There is a very NO SO NICE name for those types of dudes..........

 

1 hour ago, snowcones said:

I don't know. I just never understood why some men want so many muscles.  You said power-lifting, so that means a lot of muscle.

Being muscle bound is not terribly athletic......when you lack elasticity and some semblance of flexibility it's not a good thing..ripped is nice but you need some ability with it

[Interstellar]

I installed Tinder again and as I browsed through there’s apparently only three types of people in NY looking for love in the straight category: lesbians, bisexuals, swingers and the fourth: people with butch haircuts that you can’t even figure out whether they’re a man or woman.

I think I’ll try Bumble...or just join a monastery.

Edited June 9, 2020 by Interstellar

[Miss Spider]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I think your confusion comes from your style of sexual attraction being linked to their physical appearance.   Where as my sexual attraction for a guy comes from who he is and how he behaves.  I can get super hot for an average looking but terrific guy.   This is what the guys are asking for.    It's not related to how they feel about a trophy wife etc.  

 

Lower your standards can also mean "Mr Perfect doesn't exist, so stop being so damn shallow and picky.  Quit complaining about being single when there are a lot of great guys out there who aren't 5'11 or who don't look like Adonis"    (generic statement, not aimed at anyone in particular)

Basil I respect your ability to not take looks/physical into account whatsoever in your attraction. . But not a great deal of people in this world are like you. Not saying that we are all looking for perfection and obviously good/average looks are somewhat subjective. But for a lot of people it does matter. So for a person to say overlook my appearance and give me a chance, they are basically telling the person tho date/have sex with them even though they are not attracted to them

Edited June 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

No, they are saying that an average man may start to look a whole lot more attractive to her if they make an emotional connection.   

[chillii]

5 hours ago, snowcones said:

Oh please.  Men are constantly telling women "lower your standards".  For what? So I can date YOU even though I don't like you.  And you don't even care that I'm not attracted to you?  Think about that for a second.  It's ridiculous.   If they did care about whether a woman was really attracted to them, they would never utter such words 'lower your standards'.  Lower your standards means settle. 

Maybe you've never said those words chilli, but I've heard plenty of times, and Ms. Hopeful30 is not going to have any trouble finding a guy to settle with.

 

Don't have to think about it l'm 50s married 20yrs and now very happy with someone else. As a male l've known 100s of guys over the years and know damn well what l;ve seen heard  and lived in the real every day. Never known a guy feeling the way you say, since my divorce btw l could've married 3 women, before l was married 30yrs ago near every gf l had, forums are filled with threads exactly like this.  ps , got two single mates my age right now actually and l'll tell you they;re a long long way from desperate , ones got 25yr old women wanting to marry him and no he's not rich nor interested in looking after them they're both doing very comfortably. The others gf is 36 and absolutely stunning and guess what , she wants to get married too but he doesn't.

 

Edited June 9, 2020 by chillii

[Miss Spider]

28 minutes ago, basil67 said:

No, they are saying that an average man may start to look a whole lot more attractive to her if they make an emotional connection.   

I’m just saying for many ( perhaps most) people, it doesn’t work like that. We’ve probably tried it at one point. And a guy who I am not attracted physical but I feel emotionally attracted to /is a nice person is called my friend. 

[basil67]

27 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I’m just saying for many ( perhaps most) people, it doesn’t work like that. We’ve probably tried it at one point. And a guy who I am not attracted physical but I feel emotionally attracted to /is a nice person is called my friend. 

If it doesn't work like that for you, then don't do it.   But there's nothing wrong with guys throwing the suggestion out there.

[Weezy1973]

I know I mentioned it already on this thread but Google the term “aspirational dating”. 
 

Basically it suggests that a lot of people are the most attracted to people somewhat more attractive than themselves. It also shows that practically nobody is attracted to people less attractive than themselves.

There is also a lot of research that shows that when it comes to long term relationships, most couples match in terms of attractiveness.
 

Which means, most long term couples are not necessarily with people who they were initially extremely attracted to. Rather they’re with people that presented as rather neutral at first, and they became more attracted to over time.

That goes for both men and women by the way. 

[chillii]

Yeah we can't see anyone here nor the people they try to go for but l'd put money on many struggling because of not being realistic, not with themself or those they're after and also not being aware of other things about themselves too even if it's just repeating the same ol over n over and having a very bad picker. But it's often also very obviously more than that too even just reading them.

Edited June 9, 2020 by chillii

[Miss Spider]

2 hours ago, enigma32 said:

Different strokes for different folks, as they say. It really depends on what you want out of life. In my 41 years, the most lonely women I have ever seen are the ones who prioritize physical looks and chemistry above all else. If you are more interested in finding a nice guy that will stick with you and treat you right, it's much easier to find that sort of thing if you are a bit more forgiving when it comes to looks/charm. Everyone just needs to ask themselves what they really want and go get that. 

In my personal experience, it's a lot easier to find the physical chemistry than it is to find personality chemistry. There are a ton of good looking, nice, eligible people out there. Not enough people that are really interesting. I  don't prioritize physical attraction, but it has to be there for me or I just can't do it.  A lot of guys (not all) who suggest women date down  feel the same way..They think the women should do it, but not them... O.o

Edited June 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[schlumpy]

I spent some time mulling over your thread. You seem to be doing what you need to do. No one knows when you run into Mr. or Miss Right. It really does just happen and the cliché "I was in the middle of it before I realized it" can be a true statement.

All I have are your words and an uneasy feeling. You seem to have the ability to end relationships with a smile. I don't sense reluctance or eagerness to avoid the emotional pain most people struggle with at ending a relationship. I'm not sure you feel that much because you don't connect fully with the people that you date. The only relationship knots you have formed with men have been slip knots that can be opened with the pull of one thread.

How are you for sacrificing within a relationship? Have you every put your life on hold and devoted yourself to an SO?

 

[5x5]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Which means, most long term couples are not necessarily with people who they were initially extremely attracted to. Rather they’re with people that presented as rather neutral at first, and they became more attracted to over time.

That goes for both men and women by the way.

Hmmm...

I don't know.

It doesn't always have to be like that.

When I first saw my ex-wife from across a backyard at a party, I was enthralled by her stand out beauty. She was literally tremendously beautiful and I wanted to talk to her. Then when I did her first words were telling me how beautiful I was.

Now sure we didn't last for the long haul, yet mental illness can be devastating on relationships. Until she started to change she was the whole package of all kinds of splendid, looks, brain, sexiness, wit and charm.

That said when I met my now wife (married 21 years) 24 years ago, I was enthralled by her movie star beauty, she looked similar to a young Silvana Mangano and still looks beautiful at her age. Likewise my now wife expressed to me then and sometimes reminds me, that if I didn't have a handsome face she would never have been interested in me (she was the one who asked me out). So our experience wasn't neutral, tepid or lukewarm. It was about sex, attraction, lust and we found out we got on wonderfully well together. She remains the whole package of all kinds of splendid, looks, brain, sexiness, wit and good taste.

Plus a few others as well.

Mutual lust/love at first sight relationships, are splendidly delicious tasting.

[5x5]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

In my personal experience, it's a lot easier to find the physical chemistry than it is to find personality chemistry.

Yep they're not everywhere.

Although I've found looks, personality and all the rest in whole packages, with a few women over the years.

Two I married and one I let go mostly because of poor timing.

Plus two more who were simply not to be, since they were married to other men, although I did very briefly play with two of them despite that and am still friends with one of them (she has a new awesome husband as well), There were some other wonderful women as well, yet the above mentioned ones have been the most significant standouts.

Edited June 9, 2020 by 5x5

[chillii]

41 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

Hmmm...

I don't know.

It doesn't always have to be like that.

When I first saw my ex-wife from across a backyard at a party, I was enthralled by her stand out beauty. She was literally tremendously beautiful and I wanted to talk to her. Then when I did her first words were telling me how beautiful I was.

Now sure we didn't last for the long haul, yet mental illness can be devastating on relationships. Until she started to change she was the whole package of all kinds of splendid, looks, brain, sexiness, wit and charm.

That said when I met my now wife (married 21 years) 24 years ago, I was enthralled by her movie star beauty, she looked similar to a young Silvana Mangano and still looks beautiful at her age. Likewise my now wife expressed to me then and sometimes reminds me, that if I didn't have a handsome face she would never have been interested in me (she was the one who asked me out). So our experience wasn't neutral, tepid or lukewarm. It was about sex, attraction, lust and we found out we got on wonderfully well together. She remains the whole package of all kinds of splendid, looks, brain, sexiness, wit and good taste.

Plus a few others as well.

Mutual lust/love at first sight relationships, are splendidly delicious tasting.

 

Your a very lucky man. Not bc 99% of this seems to be about looks or how pretty she is , but bc whatever it all is it's lasted and stood the test of time. And it's so nice to hear of a second marriage doing that and still feeling this way.

 

 

 

 

[Fletch Lives]

Marrying for reasons other than love is a mistake. Relationships take work, and without love, the cookie, you'll eventually get sick of the guy and divorce/breakup.

 

[Hopeful30]

9 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Whether you like it or not at the end of the day you might not get what you want but rather what you deserve. 

Many couples are in partnerships that are unbalanced, including devoted, committed, and loving partners who are regularly cheated on, abused, or used. I've been in a relationship like that before. You wanna know why? Because I was so desperate for love and gave up hope of ever finding what I deserve. One punch in the face later, I find myself single again wondering why I can't find a man who recognizes my worth and treats me as such. So no, we don't get what we deserve. We get what we accept. 

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

No, they are saying that an average man may start to look a whole lot more attractive to her if they make an emotional connection.   

I disagree. He may become more attractive as a person, but he won't *look* more attractive if he initially is not. Maybe this is possible with neutral men, where his personality decides his attractiveness, but this is not the case of physically unattractive men. This is the story of my best ex. Gave him a chance, loved him deeply, great man, but the physical attraction never developed after 2 years, even though the emotional attraction did. 

1 hour ago, schlumpy said:

I spent some time mulling over your thread. You seem to be doing what you need to do. No one knows when you run into Mr. or Miss Right. It really does just happen and the cliché "I was in the middle of it before I realized it" can be a true statement.

All I have are your words and an uneasy feeling. You seem to have the ability to end relationships with a smile. I don't sense reluctance or eagerness to avoid the emotional pain most people struggle with at ending a relationship. I'm not sure you feel that much because you don't connect fully with the people that you date. The only relationship knots you have formed with men have been slip knots that can be opened with the pull of one thread.

How are you for sacrificing within a relationship? Have you every put your life on hold and devoted yourself to an SO?

 

If I met the right man tomorrow, I would drop everything to become his wife and have his babies no problem. I don't know why men are so surprised when a woman enjoys dedicating herself to him. It feels good to have a man to love and support. It's like one of my ex's who would always ask why I bring him his coffee and never make him come to get it. I told him, "Don't rob me the pleasure of bringing it you."