On the Fence

[Mysterio]

I dated a women in April 2020.  At the end of April.  She shot me a text stating that she thinks she has an STD and I should get myself checked out.  I did.  She has not tried to get into contact with me.  She still posts stuff on Facebook.  She stated that she is single and trying to get through it.  We had such an intense connection.  I am disappointed that she did not get in-touch with me even about the STD.  I would have worked it out.  

I am on the Fence to contact her.  I don't know how it would be perceived.  I don't know if I would want to date her, as she has 3 kids and is separated from Hubby 2.  Hubby 2 has 1 child from his new woman and JD has been separated from him since 2016 or so.  

 

I don't like loose ends.  I wondering if I should call her to see if she is alright.  Even if I could go back.  I would have to accept that she is separated and nothing will be really done about it for a long time.  Plus her Sons still need to be launched out of her and Ex Hubby 1's households.  JD and I did click talk/physical wise.  Its just that I think she was scared about giving me an STD.  I am clear from my stand point.  

 

I don't know if I want to go back.  Or keep myself free for a new Romantic Prospect.  For me.  I just don't know when I will meet another romantic prospect and I don't want to use her for the Sex,  due to no Romantic prospect at the moment.  I also don't see myself dating several women a year.  Usually its 1 at the most.  I don't know why I have that sort of bad luck meeting women for Romance and forming a Long term relationship.  

[Happy Lemming]

9 hours ago, Mysterio said:

 She has not tried to get into contact with me.

In my opinion, she did the right thing (telling you about the possible STD and recommending testing). 

That "human act of kindness" was not an invite to re-kindle the relationship. 

The relationship is over... move on.

And yes, go get tested, so you'll know your status.

Also no more dating "single moms" leave them for the "single dads", no reason to have to raise some other man's seed (2 of them in this case). 

 

[JTSW]

You have a rather judging attitude about this woman and talk like you are her only option.

You had a brief thing together but she obviously lost interest.

She did the decent thing informing you of her STD and advised you to get tested. 

You seem to think that you have a choice about this woman when its the opposite.

As Happy Lemming said, it wasnt an invitation to rekindle your relationship, it was just an act of human decency on her part. 

 

10 hours ago, Mysterio said:

I don't know if I would want to date her, as she has 3 kids and is separated

I find this very shallow of you.

[chillii]

 

l remember this one and nah , def' not best leave it alone from here. From memory she was into all this sexual crap that was def' not you, she had kids not you again , and she sounded like she was a total mess anyway. Do yourself a favor and leave it be.

[Ellener]

14 hours ago, Mysterio said:

For me.  I just don't know when I will meet another romantic prospect

I think a lot of people especially with the pandemic have been wondering the same, also going through it alone, increased anxiety and loneliness, and in lockdown. I know I have, just keep telling myself be patient and using the time to do other things. 

[Mysterio]

I hear you all.  Thanks for the feedback.  The kids thing is not really an issue, except that I don't like that their Bio father has a major hold on the kids, unless they start living with JD full time.  Mind you they are basically like this 2 twins are turning 17/older son turning 22 later this year.  I am just playing life factors in my mind.  

I am 49.  I really want to settle down with one woman.  I don't need to get married or live with her for now.  Just Dating.  Evolve to BF/GF.  If all is well.  Maybe a marriage, but I think it would have to be great and we are very happy to be with each other.  It can't be going through the motions.  

[Mysterio]

12 hours ago, JTSW said:

You have a rather judging attitude about this woman and talk like you are her only option.

You had a brief thing together but she obviously lost interest.

She did the decent thing informing you of her STD and advised you to get tested. 

You seem to think that you have a choice about this woman when its the opposite.

As Happy Lemming said, it wasn't an invitation to rekindle your relationship, it was just an act of human decency on her part. 

 

I find this very shallow of you.

I hear your point.  I don't think I am shallow.  I am just looking out for myself.  I am looking at the dynamics of my life and how certain things will factor in.  Her and I talked a lot when we were together.  I just find it curious that there was an issue that could have been worked out.  My Ex DD and I had problems in 2012 and we worked somethings out.  I have to get out of the scarcity mindset for myself.  Its just that I want so bad to get out of the dating world and into a LTR.  Where I feel I would thrive better.  I like the vibe of a women looking at me in a romantic way.  We get to talk about our lives. Get to do Social and Recreational activities and we really connect and lots of Physical affection.  I loved that JD gave me back rubs and hugs and kisses and making love.  We were really happy with each other for the short time.  It worries me that we can't work this out.  Perhaps there is someone else that is more suited for me.  Yet I have not had this style of relationship in a long time.  For me Dating is not really fun.  I find most women kind of come off as lackluster and its a chore to go out.  Even though all it would be from my end, is just having dinner and talking or going for a walk/talk.  When I look at some of my male friends.  It feels like the women just dropped into their lives.  My Male friends were not really working it.  My writing comes off intense here, but I feel l am laid back and  I am not forcing the issue of dating.  Its JD that escalated things for us.  Not me pushing for anything major with her.  

Due to the fact that its my perception that I have a harder time than most.  That on me.  I will meet someone else.  I just have to tough out the lack of Romantic Prospects for the time being.  For me its not like I get heavy Romantic prospects my way for the most part.  If it was.  I would be different.  If I had to give a percentage.  I guess 25 % of the time.  I could be involved with a women romantically.  I guess its realistic.  If it was 75% of the time.  I would be in a different state of mind.  

Edited June 9, 2020 by Mysterio

[snowcones]

Every time you feel like you want to go back to her, just go jerk off.  Then you'll be more clear-headed.

Don't go back to her.  It's not real love.

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, snowcones said:

 just go jerk off.  Then you'll be more clear-headed.

A good rule of thumb ( no pun intended )

😁

[chillii]

You two must be on something , does that work for you ?

lf you comprehend mysterio at all you'd know he runs a lot deeper than that.

 

[thefooloftheyear]

Eh, she easily could have used the STD thing as an excuse to blow you off...

She sounds like she has more baggage than the terminal at JFK...If you got laid for a while, and if it was worth it,  great....Move on and forget it....

TFY

Edited June 9, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[chillii]

1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Eh, she easily could have used the STD thing as an excuse to blow you off...

She sounds like she has more baggage than the terminal at JFK...If you got laid for a while, and if it was worth it,  great....Move on and forget it....

TFY

Tell ya what , your a crude bastard sometimes tf but eh , you do come out with some beauties too non the less.

[CaliforniaGirl]

You insulted her nine ways from Sunday on the other thread, spoke about her horridly, told us how she does threesomes and smokes out and every negative quality a woman could probably have, and went on and on about how you're such a great catch but she'll wind up old with nobody...

...and now you want to go back to her? Just as a favor to her, I guess.

She has already ended the relationship. You need to someone else.

[Mysterio]

I was not insulting her.  I was just stating facts and getting a sounding board.  I just don't like how it ended.  It was too murky.  The threesomes and weed.  I did not say anything to her and it was fine.  I just think that her life has too many extremes to it.  I don't have that many extremes to my life.  Go to work.  Work out.  See family and friends.  I have to accept that it was a month thing and leave it at that.  I guess its hard for me.  As I don't have any Romantic prospect at the moment.  I will again.  Its just that its not in abundance at the moment.  I don't know when it will happen.  

I personally want to settle down at this stage of my life.  I just would like to date one woman work it out.  I don't want to date multiple women.  I just don't see the fun in that.  I just wish my dating life was light and easy.  I meet a woman.  We click and build our lives together.  We don't have to get married or have kids.  Just enjoy each others company.  I just don't know why in this time in my life.  I find most women are very turbulent.  I don't have that.  I don't have 2 ex wives.  One of them I am not even divorced from and we are on year 5 of our separation.  I don't do any drugs.  

 

I guess I have to wait until things happen and a woman looks at me in a romantic way,  and vice versa.  I don't why this is a hardship for me.  

[CaliforniaGirl]

11 hours ago, Mysterio said:

I was not insulting her.  I was just stating facts and getting a sounding board.  I just don't like how it ended.  It was too murky.  The threesomes and weed.  I did not say anything to her and it was fine.  I just think that her life has too many extremes to it.  I don't have that many extremes to my life.  Go to work.  Work out.  See family and friends.  I have to accept that it was a month thing and leave it at that.  I guess its hard for me.  As I don't have any Romantic prospect at the moment.  I will again.  Its just that its not in abundance at the moment.  I don't know when it will happen.  

I personally want to settle down at this stage of my life.  I just would like to date one woman work it out.  I don't want to date multiple women.  I just don't see the fun in that.  I just wish my dating life was light and easy.  I meet a woman.  We click and build our lives together.  We don't have to get married or have kids.  Just enjoy each others company.  I just don't know why in this time in my life.  I find most women are very turbulent.  I don't have that.  I don't have 2 ex wives.  One of them I am not even divorced from and we are on year 5 of our separation.  I don't do any drugs.  

 

I guess I have to wait until things happen and a woman looks at me in a romantic way,  and vice versa.  I don't why this is a hardship for me.  

You’re not divorced but part of the litany of things she’s done wrong is that she’s not divorced???

 

[dangerous]

On 6/9/2020 at 2:34 AM, Mysterio said:

I hear your point.  I don't think I am shallow.  I am just looking out for myself.  I am looking at the dynamics of my life and how certain things will factor in.  Her and I talked a lot when we were together.  I just find it curious that there was an issue that could have been worked out.  My Ex DD and I had problems in 2012 and we worked somethings out.  I have to get out of the scarcity mindset for myself.  Its just that I want so bad to get out of the dating world and into a LTR.  Where I feel I would thrive better.  I like the vibe of a women looking at me in a romantic way.  We get to talk about our lives. Get to do Social and Recreational activities and we really connect and lots of Physical affection.  I loved that JD gave me back rubs and hugs and kisses and making love.  We were really happy with each other for the short time.  It worries me that we can't work this out.  Perhaps there is someone else that is more suited for me.  Yet I have not had this style of relationship in a long time.  For me Dating is not really fun.  I find most women kind of come off as lackluster and its a chore to go out.  Even though all it would be from my end, is just having dinner and talking or going for a walk/talk.  When I look at some of my male friends.  It feels like the women just dropped into their lives.  My Male friends were not really working it.  My writing comes off intense here, but I feel l am laid back and  I am not forcing the issue of dating.  Its JD that escalated things for us.  Not me pushing for anything major with her.  

Due to the fact that its my perception that I have a harder time than most.  That on me.  I will meet someone else.  I just have to tough out the lack of Romantic Prospects for the time being.  For me its not like I get heavy Romantic prospects my way for the most part.  If it was.  I would be different.  If I had to give a percentage.  I guess 25 % of the time.  I could be involved with a women romantically.  I guess its realistic.  If it was 75% of the time.  I would be in a different state of mind.  

I think, this woman has sailed, end of.

your friends who seemed to have an easier time falling into a relationship: I think most people, are desperate to be in a relationship, almost any relationship, and they will compromise to get it. Sometimes they work, but sometimes they don't. OP you sound like me, you want passion, the one, not compromise, not settling for anything as long as its a relationship. Unfortunately, these things are rare, they may take time. Happily, I had two such relationships in the last 5 years, so I will just hang fire, stay alone, until I come across another one. 

Keep strong, do not settle for mediocre, and don't revisit failed experiences.

Edited June 11, 2020 by dangerous
spelling

[mark clemson]

23 hours ago, Mysterio said:

 The threesomes and weed.

There's minor differences and then there's this. If threesomes and weed are not your thing, then you're really not missing out on much by passing on her IMO.

People can talk about "judging" all they want, but personally I'd want little to do with a mother of 3 who smokes weed (even though it's legal in a lot of places now) unless she did it very sparingly and discreetly, just as I wouldn't date a single mom of 3 who's a lush. It's just not particularly responsible behavior for someone who's a raising 3 kids.

As for 3somes (which I assume would be reciprocal), I'd only go for that if it was going to be a true kink and/or swinging relationship. If that were the case I might roll with it, but not otherwise. So if not actually interested in that, why deal with it IMO...

[Mysterio]

No tot try to prolong this post.  What I want is this and I have posted this before.  I would like to Date and then form into a BF/GF relationship with a woman in which we both have Interesting Conversations and Laughs.  We do shared Social and Recreational activities together.  Lots of Physical Affection which = Holding hands/Kissing/Making Out/Making Love a dozen times a week.  Thats it.  No Marriage or Kids.  If we do Marriage.  Its going to have to be that we have been together at the minimum of 2 yrs.  

I have 6 women friends.  So its not like I want more of that.  I don't feel like I am so desperate for a relationship that I will just take anything.  I feel I lean towards more forming into a BF/GF thing after dating for 3 to 6 months.  I am not trying to lock down any woman right away.  

Dating is so Nebulous.  There is not do this and this will happen or that.  I guess for me the ideal situation is a woman that wants to date me and makes that effort towards me.  I am so weary about the women I meet these days.  I feel like I am more cut out for Dating going into BF/GF situation.  I am not a Playboy.  I don't really want to be with a lot of women.  I don't see them like that.  I don't see the average woman is up for just having fun and hook ups with no strings attached.  Not where I live.  I would rather have a woman that is into me.  Planning a surprise B-day for me, than banging 6 women a week.  

I will meet someone else and thats fine.  I just don't know why I find it not easy to just Date woman after woman.  Its like a chore.  When I meet.  All I want to do is have a good time.  I am not thinking about locking them down right away.  It takes time.  My male friends wives.  They all wanted to settle down.  They just had to put in time with my friends.  It just feels like now a days.  No one can really just settle down, unlike my Parents did in the late 60's.  It was like to be a Playboy and go from woman to woman.  Those women were not having that.  My dad had to properly court my mom in 1968 and marry in 1969 and have me in 1971and brother in 1973.  

When I post here its to get support really.  I guess I have to accept STR over a LTR, until I meet a woman that wants a LTR from me.  

[chillii]

 

But eh l had a chuckle , a dozen times a wk now think you said 2 or 3 times a wk another time, not picking can't put numbers on these things , just stirring . Anyway , l certainly get the tiresome dating thing the way people seem to around here , talk about a drudgery l dunno how they put themselves through it. l've never done it nor any woman of mine either being alike we've worked in the same way felt the same ways, patience and selectiveness avoids it all. lt's just about meeting that right one and you can pick that just in meeting her if you know yourself and what you like . No need to go any further if she's not that. Mind you , of course there's false starts, it happens, and l get some do just wanna play about, that's different.

Edited June 14, 2020 by chillii