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My love life has been poisoned by my first love....


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HoneyLab88

. It sounds crazy to say this out loud because I've supressed my true feelings for a really long time. Me and my ex girlfriend separated many years ago -we were total opposites personality wise but had lots of shared interests. We had a classic 'push , pull' rollercoaster ride relationship and I absolutely adored her but she totally infuriated me at the same time. We argued like cat and dog but the love that we had for each other was so intense , ive never experienced anything like it. We connected on such a deep level , emotionally and she truly understood me and accepted me 'warts and all'.

I know that our relationship wasn't sustainable long term because we burned each other out , it was exhausting but Ive never been able to gage that connection with anyone else and always feel like something is missing in new relationships. I feel like my perception on love and what it means to be in a healthy relationship has been tainted forever. She's long gone out of my life and it's not that I crave her as a person but I crave the connection , the same fire in a new relationship. I cant help but wonder , did we have it all but were just too young to handle it? or am I the problem in all of my relationships and she just loved me enough to accept my shortcomings. I feel that in order to truly find happiness I need to process and make sense of my thoughts. 

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When you say you had a connection with your ex, do you just mean that she loved you, but you don't feel like the others loved you?

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