worried we might not get back together

[ice_turtle]

Last month i asked my boyfriend, for a break. he understood and we talked about a date on when we'll come back together.  during the break, he haven't contacted me at all. (which i guess he was following the no contact rule?) 

i can't say i followed that rule, considering i reached out to him twice (May 24 / June 6th) , each time it was just a check in, we talked about whats going on in our life and how we been 

in 3 days , our break will be over. I was thinking of just waiting to see if he text me first, but after reading / talking to some friends, apparently the person who asked for the break is the person who does the reconciling. Which means i have to text him again. The last two times i texted him, i wasn't nervous but i feel anxious thinking about texting him this time. especially since our break, could easily turn into a full on breakup. I'm a little worried about that

anyway i  i feel like this is something he knows already but do  i remind him that our break is over, do i ask when we're seeing each other, etc etc .. What do i say? I just wanna get to the point and not start off with a small pointless conversation.

[basil67]

Yes, it's on you to reach out first.   And it's also on you to set up the first meeting after the break.   It's also possible that it will be on you to work to regain his trust that you won't do this again.

What do you say?   Well that depends on how he reacts to the idea of seeing you again and how you feel.  

[Mrin]

I know for me I would expect you to reach out, state your desire to come back together again and explain to me what this break taught you. I would expect you to make a convincing case as to why it was good and why it won't happen again.

If you didn't do those things I wouldn't agree to meet you again (except to exchange stuff) much less get into a relationship with you again. 

[lovehimendlessly]

If I were you,

I would ask myself what I want

If I see potential --> I will be HUGELY empathetic, apologetic and clearly articulate why I needed the break and what the break has taught me about myself, my relationship and how much I value my partner. They NEED to know this. They NEED to hear, I have 100% clarity that I want to get back together and make things work. I will also to everything I can to win my partner's trust that I won't just buzz off at the face of another challenge. Full 360 degree addressing of All issues and a game plan for the future. 

If I want to break up --> respectfully do so, if possible face 2 face. Initiate no contact and move-on. 

 

It is 100% on the dumper/break-up to initiate and to not only make contact but to make your partner FEEL valued. They may have been crying themselves to sleep for all we know.. so gallons of empathy, honesty and earnest heart-felt communication. I've been in your partner's shoes and trust me, it will always come back to haunt you with trust issues etc if not done properly.

 

Good luck!

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Mrin said:

I know for me I would expect you to reach out, state your desire to come back together again and explain to me what this break taught you. I would expect you to make a convincing case as to why it was good and why it won't happen again.

All of this, yes. 

Why did you ask for a break to begin with, OP?

As for your worry that this might result in a total break-up, you are right to be worried. You may find he doesn't want to take you back. Did you not consider this before you asked for a break?

 

Edited June 9, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[d0nnivain]

I don't believe in breaks.  You are either together working on your relationship or you are apart.  There is no time off. 

You asked for a break & your guy honored the request you voiced.  He maintained his dignity.  Now here you are wondering what to do next.  

The problem is you didn't want a break.  You wanted him to chase you.  You wanted him to prove to you that he loved.  You wanted him to reassure you.  He did not play your silly games.  He has enough self esteem to not debase himself.  You tested him in a very mean, unfair way & now you don't know what to do because he called your bluff.  

You caused this mess.  Therefore it is incumbent on you to fix it.  In his shoes, I wouldn't take you back.  Your little disappearing stunt tells him that you think he's disposable, that this relationship was all about you, your time table & what you want.  You think he can turn his feelings on & off at your command.  You are ready to be back together even though you have not even defined what was previously wrong let alone how that problem has been resolved.  

I'd call him.  I'd ask to meet assuming it's safe to do so.  I'd apologize profusely for your treatment of him & I'd ask for a 2nd chance.  You might not get it.