Katerina00 Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 A few weeks before lockdown, I met a guy through mutual friends (we are both 18), we managed to meet up once before lockdown and it went really well. We spoke everyday for about two months on text - with both of us equally initiating conversation- and everything was good. In May, when some lockdown restrictions were eased, we met up in the local park and had a chilled picnic. He got back a little later than he should that day which resulted in his father grounding him. Everything was still good and he was planning when we would next meet again. He expressed to me that he felt like he was going into depression because his dad is so controlling and I've tried to show support in the best ways I can. Nearly two weeks ago, Friday, he told me that he was planning to sneak out of his house to meet me again in the park, but on that day , unfortunately his uncle passed away. His uncle lived with them and was terminally ill. He was very close with his uncle, nearly more so than with his own father. We spoke a little bit that day and then I haven't heard from him since? Its been about 9 days without contact; I've messaged him around 3 times, expressing that I'm here for him but I haven't gotten a response... I know he's playing PS4 with his friends, because they've been putting up pictures about their games. I understand he's grieving, but I'm just wondering how I should go about this response and If I should leave him to message me or continue to send him supportive messages? I've never been in this situation before and I don't particularly like being left in the dark. Any advice would be appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Do you know his address? I'd send a sympathy card. I know your generation doesn't do snail mail but give it a shot. Something more tangible then a text is warranted. This may be his 1st encounter with death of a close person. Everybody copes differently. He didn't get the comforting rituals either. As fun as your interactions have been in the grand scheme you haven't been around long enough to really rank in terms of importance surrounding this death. Don't take that personally. It's just a timing issue. Try offering a meet closer to him or at his house in the yard if he's still grounded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Any guy who gets grounded and plans to sneak out of his dad's house is a boy, not a man, and too young to be relationship material. IMO 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 Crazelnut -- the boy in Q is only 18. I suspect the poster & her BF are still in HS, maybe college freshman. Definitely not adults. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 He's gaming to snuff out the pain. Dudes don't usually go sobbing on their GFs shoulders either. The vibe in that household is probably very depressed and it has left him feeling numb....there's no room in there for romance. He needs time to process, and grieve....this may take awhile. One thing about death is that people feel a tremendous amount of guilt as well. Sorry girl this is bad timing. If a card or a note doesn't have him come to the surface, you may have to leave this one and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 9, 2020 Share Posted June 9, 2020 The combination of depression, the passing of a beloved uncle, dealing with a controlling dad grounding him and a coronavirus lockdown are all doing a number on him right now. With all that's going on, he's laying low. He's playing video games with his friends because they're not demanding that he centers their feelings right now. Could be his dad took his phone/restricted his phone as part of him being grounded. As long as he's dependent upon his dad for a place to live, electricity, clothes, etc., he's not going to rock that boat, no matter how he feels about you. Quote I've messaged him around 3 times, expressing that I'm here for him but I haven't gotten a response... You've reached out to him. He knows you care. Let him come to you when he's ready to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 He's going through a lot right now. Just give him space. You already messaged him 3 times and he didn't answer. Messaging him more is not going to help, it is just going to come off as annoying. By not answering your messages he is telling you that he doesn't want to talk right now. Maybe he's lost interest in you altogether. Or maybe he's really just not ready for dating right now, with all that he has going on in his life. Maybe in a couple months when he is in a better state of mind he will reach out to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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