I'm seeing this new guy and I feel like his ex might be the person he wants to be with and he's in denial.

[smackie9]

19 hours ago, Hali Carter said:

IF he has feelings for her..... he’s NEVER going to act on them. If we break up..... he’s not getting with her.

You kidding right? You actually believe that? He may not get with her now, but probably will down the road. Maybe after the next argument you have.........

[Hali Carter]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You kidding right? You actually believe that? He may not get with her now, but probably will down the road. Maybe after the next argument you have.........

You guys are acting like she is the love of his life tho. If so, why does he allow her to cry to him wanting to be together and still not be with her? And then he’s been following some of the people we hang out with on Instagram as well

[smackie9]

Does his actions really follow his words???

[elaine567]

Sounds like he has no empathy.
Does he not realise how much cheating hurts?
Do you?
OH poor him, his  ex was mean when he cheated on her... diddums
What on earth are you doing with a guy who seems clueless  about  healthy relationships.

[Ruby Slippers]

He seems to enjoy the attention of all this competitive emotional energy from women. Worse, he stokes the flames. This is not a good guy for a meaningful relationship.

Look, I just broke up with my ex of 6 months after a number of breakups. Many people on this forum told me this guy is a jerk, and while I didn't want to believe it, I finally realize it's true. He's not all bad. We all have our shining qualities. And strong attraction, which I had and which you mention you have, can seriously cloud our judgment.

Please just give yourself some space from this guy to think about and feel what's going on. Call your mom or girlfriends. Get back in touch with yourself. Your intuition will tell you everything if you'll just listen.

[Cookiesandough]

On 6/9/2020 at 8:33 PM, Hali Carter said:

Yesterday they got into a HUGE blow out and he ended up blocking her on Facebook and her phone number and she blocked him on Snapchat and Instagram. The next morning he called her to make amends. WHY WOULD HE CALL HER!? He told me he just wants to “make it right with her”. But WHY does he care so much about her being his friend? He kept asking her “why can’t you just be friends?” He ended up calling her a few hours later. He stepped outside and I could hear his conversation. He doesn’t know I could hear him CLEARLY but He was saying things that made me uncomfortable. He said to her “ok I know I crossed lines by messaging you but answer this? Why did you respond?” Idk what she said but then he said “what about when I said no?”  One thing that REALLY bugged me is he told her “nobody in my life makes me as angry as you!” Then he said something like “well we can’t be around eachother because then THAT happens” he then said “let’s not unblock eachother and I’ll just call to check on you sometimes” and he hung up. He came back and said “gosh she’s a pain in the a**” 

a few hours later I saw his phone and he had unblocked her on Facebook? But why? So then she sent him a Facebook message this morning saying “I just want to be WITH or WITHOUT you and if you don’t want to be with me let’s cut all ties there’s no in between” and she blocked him. I saw the message pop up on his iPad. 
he’s acting as if he doesn’t care but idk. My concern is he’s just SAYING he wants to be friends. Like I feel he may really just WANT to be her friend but maybe he has more feelings than he can control for her. I didn’t like that he told her she makes him angrier than anyone in his life..... why does she have that much power? He always said he can’t stand her.  He was making out like she’s this psycho who won’t let go.... 

Why? Because this guy is messy and abusive...YES -  ABUSIVE. Why would he keep bothering her? Because for an ego gas and perhaps to have her around as backup. I have apologized to exes before to stay in their lives and it was always done with a selfish motive. I know this, because now that I've matured, when I get the mind to apologize to an ex I think 'is this something that would help THEM or something that would help ME" It's always the latter. If he really felt sorry, he wouldn't care about staying in her life and actually, he would have a heart to stay out of it. This guy is taunting this poor girl in a very immature way and also playing you in the process. I don't know why you would keeping seeing this dude for one more minute. He is messyyyy

Edited June 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Hali Carter]

54 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Does his actions really follow his words???

 Which words.  And actions?

[healing light]

22 hours ago, Hali Carter said:

IF he has feelings for her..... he’s NEVER going to act on them. If we break up..... he’s not getting with her.

You have pages of evidence why this isn't true. This thread wouldn't exist if he was done with her. What makes you think that he wouldn't get back with her? He can't even stay away from her in his thoughts or actions when he's supposedly with you.

[Hali Carter]

3 minutes ago, healing light said:

You have pages of evidence why this isn't true. This thread wouldn't exist if he was done with her. What makes you think that he wouldn't get back with her? He can't even stay away from her in his thoughts or actions when he's supposedly with you.

Let me ask you this, so he actually HASNT spoken to her since she said “with or without” him so should I shun him for ASSUMING they will talk ?

[healing light]

And how long was that? Like a week ago? And you've been seeing him for months now?

[Hali Carter]

15 minutes ago, healing light said:

And how long was that? Like a week ago? And you've been seeing him for months now?

It was almost a week ago yes 

[Ruby Slippers]

I bet you $5 million he will get in touch with her again. This guy is totally transparent. You just can't see because you want to believe it's all going to work out. I get it - sometimes we have to go through the experience, we can't learn from what others tell us, have to feel the impact ourselves to truly learn the lesson. Good luck.

[mark clemson]

On 6/9/2020 at 5:33 PM, Hali Carter said:

She messaged him asking am I his gf and he said “no why?”

Isn't this all you really need to know right here?

[healing light]

2 hours ago, Hali Carter said:

It was almost a week ago yes 

That's my point. He should be in the excited honeymoon stage with you, you should be enjoying this as one of the best times of your relationship, but instead the focus has been on this girl. It's only been a week since he hasn't been in contact with her, that's nothing. He's had months to cut her off and she's been there in the background the whole time. I highly, highly doubt they won't be sniping at each other again within the next few weeks.

[Timshel]

2 hours ago, Hali Carter said:

 Which words.  And actions?

Hahaha deja vu, any one....any one?  I watched Ferris Bueller a few days ago with the kids, lol. 

Best Hali

[Hali Carter]

He does hang out with me every weekend tho. We have party’s at my place With drinks and games  and he always comes. Like he does make an effort to be around me

[Acacia98]

On 6/11/2020 at 1:38 PM, Hali Carter said:

And I was like why’d you block her back after she blocked you and he said so she can’t message him anymore. Idk if I should believe that’s why he blocked her. In the message she said she was cutting all ties . 

It sounds more like she bruised his ego by blocking him. So, to get back at her, he blocked at her. It's kind of ineffectual, though, because if she's serious about blocking him, she'll never know he blocked her.

[Acacia98]

16 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Isn't this all you really need to know right here?

You hit the nail on the head. She should have dumped him at that point.

[Hali Carter]

21 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

It sounds more like she bruised his ego by blocking him. So, to get back at her, he blocked at her. It's kind of ineffectual, though, because if she's serious about blocking him, she'll never know he blocked her.

 Do you think it means anything that he hangs out with myself and my friends on weekends? Like drink at my house and stuff? 
I also noticed something he did. My best friends husband that we always hang out with followed him  on Instagram. He didn’t follow him back but followed a ton of random like Instagram models and random girls AFTER he followed him so I know he saw it. But he only followed random women

[Acacia98]

On 6/11/2020 at 2:12 PM, Hali Carter said:

Can I be honest? It’s making me resent her. Because she went and posted yesterday all these gorgeous selfies and got so many likes and comments online..... I’m sure she did that to catch his attention and prove she’s “single”. And now I’m annoyed that I’m annoyed 

 

On 6/11/2020 at 10:07 PM, Hali Carter said:

I get what everyone’s saying but like.... IF he has feelings for her..... he’s NEVER going to act on them. If we break up..... he’s not getting with her.

Does it really matter if he ultimately gets with her, though?

This is not a competition between you and her for him. He just wants you both to believe that it is. Relationships are not about fighting with other women to win a prize (the guy). A relationship should be about you and the guy spending time together, getting to know each other, figuring out whether you're compatible. In the process of spending time with this guy, you've seen him obsessing about his ex, playing manipulative games with her, doing the same with you...

The relationship has you feeling insecure and stalking her profile. Is this your idea of a dream relationship? Is this how you want to spend your days feeling? I assume the answer is no to both questions. So forget about her. You don't have a relationship with her. Focus on him: is he meeting your expectations? 

[Hali Carter]

@Acacia98 can you respond to the question I asked you about IG models and stuff and 

[Hali Carter]

23 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You kidding right? You actually believe that? He may not get with her now, but probably will down the road. Maybe after the next argument you have.........

I mean he’s with me every weekend. With me and my friends. Or double dating. The only thing he’s done like yesterday I didn’t like was my best friends husband followed him on Instagram and instead of following him back he followed a bunch of random Instagram girls like literally random women! And didn’t follow him back. I felt that’s shady especially being that it’s someone we double date with and he’s planning on being around! Or is it just me?

[FMW]

Obviously he enjoys being with you and doing couple things.  But that doesn't mean he's committed to anything more than just in the moment.  And it hasn't stopped him from trying to keep his ex in his life, and your gut is telling you there is something off. 

I don't get anyone following IG models, so I'm the wrong person to give you any answer that would put it in a positive light.  Sure, it's a guy thing, but .... blech.  

Since you are intent on defending his actions against what other posters are saying, and even your own doubts, my guess is you're going to keep seeing him. I would just suggest to keep the comments from everyone in mind as you go forward.  And pay attention to your own feelings of unease.  Only you can decide if you're ok with your relationship .  

[Hali Carter]

5 minutes ago, FMW said:

Obviously he enjoys being with you and doing couple things.  But that doesn't mean he's committed to anything more than just in the moment.  And it hasn't stopped him from trying to keep his ex in his life, and your gut is telling you there is something off. 

I don't get anyone following IG models, so I'm the wrong person to give you any answer that would put it in a positive light.  Sure, it's a guy thing, but .... blech.  

Since you are intent on defending his actions against what other posters are saying, and even your own doubts, my guess is you're going to keep seeing him. I would just suggest to keep the comments from everyone in mind as you go forward.  And pay attention to your own feelings of unease.  Only you can decide if you're ok with your relationship .  

I’m not trying to defend him I just don’t want to be ALL negative and I didn’t only say IG models. I said random girls too who ARENT IG models 

[FMW]

It's good to not be all negative, but to me it has seemed like you are defending him.  

Sorry, my bad about them NOT being IG models.  But I get the random girls even less.