Guys should not give women their phone number

[Watercolors]

...because it makes them seem "lazy," like the woman isn't worth the effort of asking her for her phone number. Sure, guys offer their phone number to women because they are shy, its 2020 and social media and online dating has changed courtship somewhat, or they are trying to impress the woman with their business card to show her that they are gainfully employed, therefore worth dating. 

Yesterday, when I was at the store, the lock on my SUV suddenly decided to stop working. A guy walked by and then grabbed my keys and pretended to run off with them but then came back. He tried to fix my lock and told me he has his own flooring business. He did fix the lock (which was great) and then he left. I was sitting in my SUV responding to some texts and he drives up in his business van and hands me his business card and tells me to call him to go out. I told him that I don't drink or smoke and am fairly low key. He responded, "Oh well I'm a wild guy you'll get used to it." Um, what?! 

I thanked him for his business card and then threw it away. I just think if he's that cocky, he probably gives his business card out to a lot of women. Had he asked me for my phone number, I definitely would have given it to him. Why can't men just ask women for their phone number anymore? Even if men give women their business card, there's a 50/50 chance she won't call which is the same if a he asks for her phone number -- she may reject him. Is romance dead?! I think it's sweet for a man to ask a woman for her phone number. Where are those men? 

[Ruby Slippers]

In my experience it's always been the lazy slacker type guys who try to give me their number. I just say no, thanks. 

[Cookiesandough]

This guy thought he was real slick “I’m a wild guy, you’ll get used to it“ 🙄

Edited June 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

...because it makes them seem "lazy," like the woman isn't worth the effort of asking her for her phone number. Sure, guys offer their phone number to women because they are shy, its 2020 and social media and online dating has changed courtship somewhat, or they are trying to impress the woman with their business card to show her that they are gainfully employed, therefore worth dating. 

Yesterday, when I was at the store, the lock on my SUV suddenly decided to stop working. A guy walked by and then grabbed my keys and pretended to run off with them but then came back. He tried to fix my lock and told me he has his own flooring business. He did fix the lock (which was great) and then he left. I was sitting in my SUV responding to some texts and he drives up in his business van and hands me his business card and tells me to call him to go out. I told him that I don't drink or smoke and am fairly low key. He responded, "Oh well I'm a wild guy you'll get used to it." Um, what?! 

I thanked him for his business card and then threw it away. I just think if he's that cocky, he probably gives his business card out to a lot of women. Had he asked me for my phone number, I definitely would have given it to him. Why can't men just ask women for their phone number anymore? Even if men give women their business card, there's a 50/50 chance she won't call which is the same if a he asks for her phone number -- she may reject him. Is romance dead?! I think it's sweet for a man to ask a woman for her phone number. Where are those men? 

Yeh he sounds cocky. But also too scared  to ask you for your number. 😂

At the  same time someone who can do that can probably  go handing out his card to different  women at every turn

[Lotsgoingon]

It's hard to explain and I'm not defending this guy, but there have been times I have offered my number to a woman, and had them follow up with a call.

Once, I was talking to an on-duty restaurant manager during meal, and I just had a feeling that it was inappropriate to ask for her number. So I gave her my number. And she called. That's happened at least one other time. I'm having trouble conjuring up the exact circumstances, but sometimes giving someone your number is like saying, "Hey, love to meet up with you. Not sure what you feel. Here's my number in case you're interested."

It can be a very non-possessive, confident move.

 

[Cookiesandough]

I can see it if a guy doesn’t want to put the woman on the spot to give out her information. She can think about it and decide if she wants to call/text thereby giving him her info. And there are instances I will contact the guy. . I’ve had way too much success asking dudes out now to be opppsed to it. I’m 3 for 3 now 

Edited June 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Ruby Slippers]

@Cookiesandough, I see your point, but I'd rather he ask for my number, then if I hesitate, he can offer his as a low-pressure alternative. 

[Fox Sake]

In this situation if it was me , It’s a lot easier to ask for someone’s number than to give them your card, it would look like I was trying to hard. More daddy fool than daddy cool. 
But hey. I’m not even a daddy. 
You miss 100% of the opportunities you don’t take and what’s for you won’t pass by you. And if you can make those two contradicting statements work in harmony then you have your answer.  

[Interstellar]

I agree, it’s always a stronger play to risk rejection and ask for the phone number. 

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

In my experience it's always been the lazy slacker type guys who try to give me their number. I just say no, thanks. 

This has been my experience as well over the years when I've actively dated men. I had to learn the hard way a few times, that men who can't be bothered to ask me for my phone number, and offer me theirs instead, have never turned into anything long-term. That makes them lazy slackers for sure! Like, if you are attracted to me, at least make an effort by asking me for my phone number. 

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

This guy thought he was real slick “I’m a wild guy, you’ll get used to it“ 🙄

Oh, believe me. I rolled my eyes after he drove off. When he told me he'd sold his Condo and moved into a studio apartment, the financial red flag popped up. Business not too good if you have to sell your condo and move into a closet. He may be a wild guy, but I'm not a safari ride. 

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, miranda561 said:

Yeh he sounds cocky. But also too scared  to ask you for your number. 😂

At the  same time someone who can do that can probably  go handing out his card to different  women at every turn

When he told me he was 50 years old, I immediately thought he's either a player or divorced and reacting to his own insecurities by throwing his business card at every set of ovaries who cross his path. Ehhh. He had red hair too which is my kryptonite. Red headed me make me weak in the knees. 

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, enigma32 said:

In my experience as a man, it was always better to ask a woman for her number. If she likes you, she will give it. If you give her your number, she probably won't call even if she is interested so it's just a waste of your time. 

Thank you enigma. A classy gentleman you are. Can you clone yourself -- your single self and UPS it to me? 

[Watercolors]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

It's hard to explain and I'm not defending this guy, but there have been times I have offered my number to a woman, and had them follow up with a call.

Once, I was talking to an on-duty restaurant manager during meal, and I just had a feeling that it was inappropriate to ask for her number. So I gave her my number. And she called. That's happened at least one other time. I'm having trouble conjuring up the exact circumstances, but sometimes giving someone your number is like saying, "Hey, love to meet up with you. Not sure what you feel. Here's my number in case you're interested."

It can be a very non-possessive, confident move.

 

Where does "here's my number, call me" come across as non-possessive and confident? He did not speak as eloquently as your fictional scenario either; not that it would have changed the outcome (I still would have tossed out his business card as that's UBER tacky on his part to give to me, instead of asking me for my phone number, or just giving me his cell #). 

By giving me his business card, he's totally in control of the situation. If I had called him, he could have played games with me and either not answered my call, or waited days to text me back, or who knows what. But, a man who has a shred of self-confidence in himself does not just throw a business card at some random woman he meets in a parking lot and drives off after telling her, he's a wild guy like he's Steve Martin. 

[Watercolors]

59 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I can see it if a guy doesn’t want to put the woman on the spot to give out her information. She can think about it and decide if she wants to call/text thereby giving him her info. And there are instances I will contact the guy. . I’ve had way too much success asking dudes out now to be opppsed to it. I’m 3 for 3 now 

I think its a younger generation preference. I'm Generation X. So, I'm used to having men ask me for my phone number (the good ones always did) in college or thereafter because cell phones were barely into existence and there was no social media or instant messaging in the 1980s or 1990s. I think courting habits have been altered by online dating apps and cell phone technology for sure. People can spend hours a day texting with each other thinking its building emotional intimacy. But I don't think that's the right way to build emotional intimacy. You eventually have to meet each other in person and have that face to face interaction to really build emotional intimacy with each other. 

[basil67]

My daughter worked in retail.  She said that one of the worst types of being hit on was while on the job.   Not just being stuck at the counter with him, but also that "he knows where I work" kind of thing.  According to her, she felt far safer if he gave his number and allowed her to initiate if she felt comfortable doing so. 

[Watercolors]

12 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

I agree, it’s always a stronger play to risk rejection and ask for the phone number. 

Thank you Interstellar for agreeing with me that its classier and shows more genuine interest for a man to ask a woman for her phone number. Rejection is a variable that can't be removed no matter what. But the risk of rejection is higher, if you take the lazy slacker route and give the other person your phone number. At least he was giving me a preview of what dating him would be like: I'd be waiting around for him to call me, probably since he's such a "wild guy" as he tried to emphasize as he handed me his business card. Pfft. 

51 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

In this situation if it was me , It’s a lot easier to ask for someone’s number than to give them your card, it would look like I was trying to hard. More daddy fool than daddy cool. 
But hey. I’m not even a daddy. 
You miss 100% of the opportunities you don’t take and what’s for you won’t pass by you. And if you can make those two contradicting statements work in harmony then you have your answer.  

Yes, thank you Fox Sake for agreeing with me that asking for someone's phone number is a better option than just handing them your business card. It made me think he was trying too hard to impress me, "Hey! I own my own business! See?" Well I don't have floors that need resurfacing so, pfft. I don't view this as a missed opportunity. I view it more as, I dodged a HUGE bullet. 

[Watercolors]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

My daughter worked in retail.  She said that one of the worst types of being hit on was while on the job.   Not just being stuck at the counter with him, but also that "he knows where I work" kind of thing.  According to her, she felt far safer if he gave his number and allowed her to initiate if she felt comfortable doing so. 

Ugh. Your poor daughter! She was trapped with creepy coworker guy! 

[Watercolors]

As I am responding to you lovely people's posts, I am also reflecting on all the lazy slacker guys I gave a chance to, who gave me THEIR phone number instead of asking me for my phone number. None of those connections lasted. Coincidence? I think not. Pattern? Definitely. 

[basil67]

16 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Ugh. Your poor daughter! She was trapped with creepy coworker guy! 

Actually, it was more about customers.  I can see this strongly both ways.   It's great for him to make the effort and I totally get where you're coming from, but I understand women who don't feel safe giving out a number.    

[Watercolors]

Oh, I understand about not feeling safe giving out a phone number. I've been in those situations too, where I didn't feel safe giving a man my phone number. It sounds like in your daughter's case, he had access to her contact information since they were coworkers? 

[contel3]

I guess it depends on the situation. The guy you're talking about was a bit tacky.

But if it was done in a respectful way I would think it's nice. But then I really dislike guys aggressively hitting on me, makes me feel unsafe. My experience has been exactly the opposite as yours, guys who pursue me too hard often turn out to be controlling and mean.

So if the purpose to give me his number was to not make me feel uncomfortable, I would absolutely reach out.

[Watercolors]

36 minutes ago, contel3 said:

So if the purpose to give me his number was to not make me feel uncomfortable, I would absolutely reach out.

Well, did he think telling me that he's a 'wild guy and I'll get used to it' was not to make me feel uncomfortable? How is that respectful? Because it sure didn't make me feel comfortable AT ALL. I saw it as a preview of possibly what's to come with him; I give him boundaries, "I don't drink or smoke and am fairly laid back," and he just ignores those boundaries, "I'm a wild guy, you'll get used to it." That is not someone I want to reach out to, unless I want to be in an abusive relationship. 

Edited June 10, 2020 by Watercolors

[miranda561]

4 hours ago, Watercolors said:

When he told me he was 50 years old, I immediately thought he's either a player or divorced and reacting to his own insecurities by throwing his business card at every set of ovaries who cross his path. Ehhh. He had red hair too which is my kryptonite. Red headed me make me weak in the knees. 

are you going to call him

[contel3]

40 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Well, did he think telling me that he's a 'wild guy and I'll get used to it' was not to make me feel uncomfortable? How is that respectful? Because it sure didn't make me feel comfortable AT ALL. I saw it as a preview of possibly what's to come with him; I give him boundaries, "I don't drink or smoke and am fairly laid back," and he just ignores those boundaries, "I'm a wild guy, you'll get used to it." That is not someone I want to reach out to, unless I want to be in an abusive relationship. 

Well I did mention his behavior was tacky. I was just saying getting a guys number can be nice, if tastefully done.