Guys should not give women their phone number

[Watercolors]

36 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

are you going to call him

You must have skipped my post where I wrote that I threw out his business card. 
NO I am not going to call him. Why on earth would I?!?!

[Watercolors]

24 minutes ago, contel3 said:

Well I did mention his behavior was tacky. I was just saying getting a guys number can be nice, if tastefully done.

We’ll need to agree to disagree on that.

[elaine567]

29 minutes ago, contel3 said:

his behavior was tacky.

I think everyone is being a bit hard on this guy.
He did fix her lock...
He didn't need to do that, he could have just kept on walking by.
Too man assumptions about who and what he is with very little evidence.

8 hours ago, Watercolors said:

"Oh well I'm a wild guy you'll get used to it."

Its called banter.

Edited June 10, 2020 by elaine567

[Watercolors]

8 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I think everyone is being a bit hard on this guy.
He did fix her lock...
He didn't need to do that, he could have just kept on walking by.
Too man assumptions about who and what he is with very little evidence.

Its called banter.

There’s banter and then there’s being tacky and creepy. I’d just told him my boundaries and he essentially mocked my boundaries back to me. 
 

Banter could have been something where he acknowledged my non drinking and non smoking in a more respectable and supportive way, while being funny-charming. Which he was not. His response was downright tacky and off putting to me. No assumption there. It was very off putting.

Yes he fixed my lock which was not expected from a complete stranger. But does that mean that I owe him a first date to thank him?! Nope.

Edited June 10, 2020 by Watercolors
added more

[nospam99]

Does context matter? I'm male, 66, and ONLY making contact through OLD. I picked up from somewhere that, in my context, women don't want to give out their phone numbers to avoid being annoyed by guys who won't go away. So what I do is when a woman, again on OLD, responds to my initial message, offer, not give, my phone number. I only give it if she responds that she wants it. Is that being 'weak'? Showing a lack of confidence? Of course I assume she understands that if she calls me, I will then know her phone number as well.

[QuietRiot]

10 hours ago, Watercolors said:

...because it makes them seem "lazy," like the woman isn't worth the effort of asking her for her phone number. Sure, guys offer their phone number to women because they are shy, its 2020 and social media and online dating has changed courtship somewhat, or they are trying to impress the woman with their business card to show her that they are gainfully employed, therefore worth dating. 

Yesterday, when I was at the store, the lock on my SUV suddenly decided to stop working. A guy walked by and then grabbed my keys and pretended to run off with them but then came back. He tried to fix my lock and told me he has his own flooring business. He did fix the lock (which was great) and then he left. I was sitting in my SUV responding to some texts and he drives up in his business van and hands me his business card and tells me to call him to go out. I told him that I don't drink or smoke and am fairly low key. He responded, "Oh well I'm a wild guy you'll get used to it." Um, what?! 

I thanked him for his business card and then threw it away. I just think if he's that cocky, he probably gives his business card out to a lot of women. Had he asked me for my phone number, I definitely would have given it to him. Why can't men just ask women for their phone number anymore? Even if men give women their business card, there's a 50/50 chance she won't call which is the same if a he asks for her phone number -- she may reject him. Is romance dead?! I think it's sweet for a man to ask a woman for her phone number. Where are those men? 

Apparently, guys claim they do this as to not make a woman feel put on the spot OR uncomfortable by asking for THEIR number. Dead serious, no joke. Even women like this method (well,t he paranoid women that is, lol). 

Apparently, these men are adjusting to accommodate women's comfort zones as to not put them on the spot.

[Blind-Sided]

While I agree the guy was kind of a D-bag (running off with keys, and saying you will get use to being wild) I completely disagree with the comments that a guy is being lazy, or is timid if he gives his number to a girl.  As already talked about... you may have one opportunity to make a connection, but it's not appropriate to  "Ask" for her number.  Besides... the way I see it... I really have a better chance if I give her my number.  Look at it this way... I ask for her number, and she was having a bad day, or isn't in a position to say "ok"... then I get a "No Thanks" answer from her, and it's over.  But if I give her my number... maybe later in the day... or even a couple days later... she thinks... "He seemed nice"... then I get a call. 

But to my real point... I read threads like this, and I think to myself... "No wonder some of these people are single... they make MAJOR judgments over MINOR acts."   To assume someone is weak or shy without at least talking to them is just DUMB and you are potentially losing out.  He made a move, and made first contact, and asked for a date.  That doesn't seem weak or shy.

[introverted1]

48 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

Does context matter? I'm male, 66, and ONLY making contact through OLD. I picked up from somewhere that, in my context, women don't want to give out their phone numbers to avoid being annoyed by guys who won't go away. So what I do is when a woman, again on OLD, responds to my initial message, offer, not give, my phone number. I only give it if she responds that she wants it. Is that being 'weak'? Showing a lack of confidence? Of course I assume she understands that if she calls me, I will then know her phone number as well.

This is fine, imo.

Also, you can block your number on an outgoing call (well, you can on iPhone, so I'm assuming you can on Android).  So a really paranoid woman could still remain anonymous if she wanted.

[contel3]

20 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

But to my real point... I read threads like this, and I think to myself... "No wonder some of these people are single... they make MAJOR judgments over MINOR acts."   To assume someone is weak or shy without at least talking to them is just DUMB and you are potentially losing out.  He made a move, and made first contact, and asked for a date.  That doesn't seem weak or shy.

Even if the guy was shy, I don't really see the big deal lol. 

 

I think OP is refering to guys who don't make an effort in general though. Not guys who are actually interested but shy.

[introverted1]

Why the pile-on with this guy?  He fixed her lock and then offered his card if she wanted to go out. If his approach is not for her, fine, don't call.  But the need to establish this guy as some sort of villain, particularly after he did a favor for the OP, seems over the top. 

No wonder guys sometimes adhere to silly dating rules (that are also the subject of threads here).  Damned if they do, damned if they don't.

 

[miranda561]

2 hours ago, Watercolors said:

You must have skipped my post where I wrote that I threw out his business card. 
NO I am not going to call him. Why on earth would I?!?!

I dunno because you just admitted you liked his red hair 😂😂

Now that  you said he was 50, i changed my mind.

I assumed he was younger 😂

Edited June 10, 2020 by miranda561

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

Yes he fixed my lock which was not expected from a complete stranger. But does that mean that I owe him a first date to thank him?! Nope.

Honestly, I wouldn't have let him fix my lock. And his attitude would have irritated me (your description of him actually reminds me of someone I know).

But, having said that, I can't assume that his idea of banter or humor wouldn't work for another woman.

And, on the phone number thing, it sounds okay to me for a guy to give a woman his number. If she's not impressed, she can simply not call him. 

Also, I don't think folks are saying you should have gone out with him. I think they're just saying your judgments about this guy's personality are too harsh.

Edited June 10, 2020 by Acacia98
Adding a sentence

[Gr8fuln2020]

After talking/chatting for some time, I offer my phone number. Common practice. My offering my number does a few things:

1. Shows my confidence and trust that providing it will escalate the communication

2. I have nothing to hide 

3. Allows the lady to decide whether it is safe reciprocate at her leisure and comfort 

I don't get this notion that the guy is probably too cocky and probably gives his number to other women, so I am not going to contact me...stuff. Seems odd to me that one would not come to the same conclusion is he asked for her number instead. Why wouldn't the guy, total stranger, ASKING for the woman's phone number not also seem cocky and likely an action reproduced as frequently towards other women???

I have had women give me their number first. Shall I conclude the same about them and reject them? Nah. 

Edited June 10, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[Ellener]

10 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

It can be a very non-possessive, confident move.

It can.

If I like a man I will give them my number, though I doubt it will go anywhere if they don't contact me: it just signals something- I can't know what, but it's there!

[smackie9]

From what I have read in articles and on the boards, when a guy gives you his number, you are just an option. Not saying all but he's looking for the weak and desperate, to use them and then ditch them. There have been women who have come on here confused as to why they were doing all the initiating and not getting anywhere with them. Even if there are good intentions...women like to feel that they have value to the guy, so in turn have the confidence to ask her for her number. Women like it and feel desired.

You did right OP, by tossing that number into the trash.

Edited June 10, 2020 by smackie9

[major_merrick]

I don't think that a guy giving out his number is necessarily bad, but it doesn't work.  Women are typically passive and will not initiate.  That's why guys have to send messages online, because women just don't message first.  I'm more aggressive than most women, and I've notice that when interacting with other women I have to initiate most of the time.  Women are also taught to play "hard to get" which I think is a silly waste of time, but its still kind of an unspoken rule. 

[smackie9]

I'm an aggressive women too. If I was really interested in a guy I would volunteer to give him my number BUT if he just just tosses me his number telling ME to call him sometime...that's a nope. First impressions count and that's a turn off. I understand that there are women that want a man to be a man about it and ask for her number.

Edited June 10, 2020 by smackie9

[Watercolors]

Ok, I concede to everyone's feedback that I have been vilifying this man based on the way he first pretended to run off with my SUV keys, then jumped in and tried to fix my lock (it happened to fast, I didn't know how to politely tell him "Hey, thanks but I'll take care of it" because I was caught off guard). Where the interaction went south with this man, was when he drove up to my SUV in his flooring van and told me he's a wild guy and I'll get used to it, then tossed me his business card. I definitely felt put off by his approach because while it was a nice gesture for him to jump in and fix my SUV's trunk lock (the latch was just jammed, he loosened it), the way he "bantered" with me, didn't make me feel like he was someone I would feel comfortable around DESPITE HIS GORGEOUS RED HAIR haha! 

I just have experienced being someone's option, every time I initiate contact after THEY give me their phone number. And, I think I deserve better. I'd like to have a man ask me for my phone number. I don't see why, in 2020, even with online dating, men can't ask women for their phone number. It's that little effort that makes me, at least, feel like maybe I'm not just another dating option. But a man handing me his business card? I totally felt like I was just another option to him. And it was off-putting because of the way he "bantered" or dismissed the fact that I don't drink or smoke, and am very low key (not dull, just, not wild and crazy). 

Was I hard on the man? Sure. But, I felt like, it was all for good reason. My interaction with him, left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm a dreamer a la Bridget Jones, who is still looking for her Mark Darcy. And I keep running into these Daniel Cleaver types, like I did with this entrepreneur flooring man. He was VERY Daniel Cleaver with me and that was icky. 

Also, I Googled his name online and NOTHING popped up anywhere. No social media; no Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, email, no website for his business, no bonded verifications, no reviews of his flooring business. So, that in itself is a bit off-putting to me as well. He does not exist online, at least based on the name on his business card which lacked a website or emal address and just had a phone number. 

 

Edited June 10, 2020 by Watercolors
editing

[smackie9]

Maybe he's a gold digger, serial killer etc. Obviously this doesn't pass the sniff test, and something stinks bad with this dude. Hey it happens...gosh I keep getting friend requests from burly men (much younger) from Alaska or wherever trying to friend me on FB....totally fake accounts. I guess I watch too much Dr. Phil lol

Edited June 10, 2020 by smackie9

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, major_merrick said:

I don't think that a guy giving out his number is necessarily bad, but it doesn't work.  Women are typically passive and will not initiate.  That's why guys have to send messages online, because women just don't message first.  I'm more aggressive than most women, and I've notice that when interacting with other women I have to initiate most of the time.  Women are also taught to play "hard to get" which I think is a silly waste of time, but its still kind of an unspoken rule. 

Yes, this^. In a real life interaction I'd ask for hers. Then she can be the one cooling her heels and wondering if I'm going to call. If I'm chatting on a dating app I will often say, "shall we switch to text," and include my number. Then she has the option to share her number, send a text, or ignore it and continue on the app. 95 percent of the time they will send a text.

I had one woman who I was chatting with on an app hint that she'd like to speak on the phone. So I offered to call and asked for her number. She said, no, I don't share my number. You need to send me yours, and I will call you with the number blocked. Then she went on about being afraid of being scammed, yada, yada. I told her to forget it––we'll just call it a day. What's fair for the goose is fair for the gander. I suspected she was whack-a-doodle anyway, and this spooky drama over the phone number was the last straw. I found out why she's single without even having to call.

Ladies (or women for those who object to the term), these threads where you take one insignificant, little thing and turn it into a major issue, declare your opinion to be some sort of moral compass, and then generalize and apply derogatory labels... it's just tired, tired, tired. For most people these days, women are equal and gender roles are considerably less rigid than they were in 1950. It's like the paying-for-dates thread, but microscopic. OP, don't call. It's just that phukking simple.

[Snow_Queen]

Just thought I’d share my POV on the subject. In the past, when I’d give out my number,  I had some bad experiences more times than not. Typically, it resulted in being harassed early on (before or shortly after a first meeting). So, I stopped giving it out.

Most men still pushed for my number despite my reasoning. It was very much seen as taboo but it certainly cut down on harassment. Any man who couldn’t respect my wishes wasn’t someone I’d be willing to date anyway.

Edited June 10, 2020 by Snow_Queen

[DarrenB]

Men typically don't want their egos shattered in front of the person they're courting and being rejected on the spot, so by providing their number they can avoid this but of course still be open to rejection if the other person doesn't acknowledge or act on after receiving it. By the time the man comes to the realization that he isn't going to hear from her again they already have gone their separate ways so it gives him feasible time to get over it and try again elsewhere.

Unknown logic, right?

[QuietRiot]

15 hours ago, Watercolors said:

Ok, I concede to everyone's feedback that I have been vilifying this man based on the way he first pretended to run off with my SUV keys, then jumped in and tried to fix my lock (it happened to fast, I didn't know how to politely tell him "Hey, thanks but I'll take care of it" because I was caught off guard). Where the interaction went south with this man, was when he drove up to my SUV in his flooring van and told me he's a wild guy and I'll get used to it, then tossed me his business card. I definitely felt put off by his approach because while it was a nice gesture for him to jump in and fix my SUV's trunk lock (the latch was just jammed, he loosened it), the way he "bantered" with me, didn't make me feel like he was someone I would feel comfortable around DESPITE HIS GORGEOUS RED HAIR haha! 

I just have experienced being someone's option, every time I initiate contact after THEY give me their phone number. And, I think I deserve better. I'd like to have a man ask me for my phone number. I don't see why, in 2020, even with online dating, men can't ask women for their phone number. It's that little effort that makes me, at least, feel like maybe I'm not just another dating option. But a man handing me his business card? I totally felt like I was just another option to him. And it was off-putting because of the way he "bantered" or dismissed the fact that I don't drink or smoke, and am very low key (not dull, just, not wild and crazy). 

Was I hard on the man? Sure. But, I felt like, it was all for good reason. My interaction with him, left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm a dreamer a la Bridget Jones, who is still looking for her Mark Darcy. And I keep running into these Daniel Cleaver types, like I did with this entrepreneur flooring man. He was VERY Daniel Cleaver with me and that was icky. 

Also, I Googled his name online and NOTHING popped up anywhere. No social media; no Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, email, no website for his business, no bonded verifications, no reviews of his flooring business. So, that in itself is a bit off-putting to me as well. He does not exist online, at least based on the name on his business card which lacked a website or emal address and just had a phone number. 

 

When I think about it...this can kind of be an equivalent to when a  woman insists on not letting a man buy her meal when on a date. 

When it comes to both cases, certain experiences with such women has lent to a backlash into feminized men.

Edited June 11, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

18 hours ago, Watercolors said:

Oh, I understand about not feeling safe giving out a phone number. I've been in those situations too, where I didn't feel safe giving a man my phone number. It sounds like in your daughter's case, he had access to her contact information since they were coworkers? 

No, we're talking about customers and her not wanting to be put on the spot by a customer.  Especially one who is trying to push for the number.

[princessaurora]

I don't like this guy. Everything he did makes him sound like bad news. You made the right decision, no doubt watercolors. 

He probably would have been extremely aggressive on a date based on his behavior already. He reminds me alot of this dude i went out with once long before I was married. He was arrogant beforehand,  tried to run things the whole date, discounted my feelings and values the entire time, and then at the end of the date I wouldnt kiss him, so he grabbed me and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Uck, it was awful! But I was young and stupid, that's why I went.