Mjp5581 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 I have been with my fiancé for 6 years. I came into the relationship with one child and we had two more together since then. Lately I feel as if my fiancé just keeps me around to use as his punching bag. All his stress is because of me, I am the problem in his life he says. The problem is that I try really hard to be a good partner. I cook all the meals, I work 40 hours same as him, help with all the bills, do the lions share of the cleaning. It’s never good enough. I don’t make as much money, he bought me a car, he bought the house, etc (we share a bank account so I help pay for all of these things and make more than enough to cover “half”) we will be having a perfectly good day and out of nowhere he decides to pick out something like “you haven’t given the dog a bath in weeks I do it everytime” and it turns into a huge fight because of one of two reasons. Either 1, when he spouts off something like that and it’s completely untrue and I remind him I just washed the dog last week he will say “oh great one time” or 2, I will say ok I will but you didn’t have to say it like that, you could’ve just asked and I would’ve done it” but that’s never good enough either. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. When we get in fights he says the meanest things he can think of. Tonight he told me he will never love me. So then I got upset and was crying and he back tracks and says I said I will never love you if you act like this....I’m a strong enough woman to leave when I know someone isn’t worth it but here is the catch....early in our relationship, probably 1-2 years in I was still somewhat in my young 20s party stage and did some bad things like not quite cheating but entertaining the idea of other men and I also got into legal trouble and had to stay in a halfway house for a few months and go to rehab. I tried to break up with him then but he held on and stuck with me through it all. So I know he really loves me, not a lot of people would stay through those things. And it’s not like he’s kicking way outside his coverage or anything he’s very attractive, and has a good head on his shoulders. He’s never cheated on me and he’s never put me into a bad situation (like my ex before him didn’t pay rent and spent all our money on weed and got us evicted) I’m just very torn. I love him with all my heart and I try so hard to keep improving as a partner and I don’t feel like he ever recognizes how much I really do. I feel under appreciated. And I don’t think he hears me when I try to speak about this. He thinks I’m spoiled and ungrateful. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjp5581 Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 I guess I should add I feel like my fiancé really help me turn my life around for the best so I really appreciate that and it is a huge factor in why I haven’t left. Also my oldest child’s dad abandoned him and my fiancé loves him fiercely as his own, he calls him Dad. How can I leave someone that has done all these wonderful things for me. But also how can I submit myself to be treated like this? I gave him my ring back tonight and we haven’t spoken since... Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 You are in an abusive relationship. He is being emotionally abusive to you. Truth is, you'll never be good enough to him. There is nothing you can do to be "better" for him when he doesn't appreciates and even minimises your contributions. You will forever fight a battle that you were never meant to win with him. 2 hours ago, Mjp5581 said: So then I got upset and was crying and he back tracks and says I said I will never love you if you act like this... His "love" is not unconditional. It comes with strings attached. If you don't behave the way he expects you to, then he is going to withdraw his "love". This is being emotionally abusive. He is doing this to either hurt or control you. Check out the loveisrespect website. You can take a quiz on there which will tell you if your relationship is a healthy or abusive one. 1 hour ago, Mjp5581 said: I guess I should add I feel like my fiancé really help me turn my life around for the best so I really appreciate that and it is a huge factor in why I haven’t left. You can be thankful for what he did, but being thankful and marrying him are 2 seperate things. Don't conflate the two. You don't need to marry or stay in a intimate relationship with someone just because they helped you turned your life around once upon a time. You will meet many different people in your life who would have added some value or taught you knew skills/knowledge or helped you when you most need it. You can't be marrying them all. Love isn't a transaction. There is no reason to stay together with him when it's killing your self-worth and esteem and it's making you more unhappy than happy. Get out now when you guys haven't married and it's easier to leave. This is not a loving or healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 You know this isn't a good healthy relationship. You can't stay with him just because eh was nice to you in the past. He's rotten to you in the present & he will continue to be rotten to you in the future until you put a stop to it, which you have done by returning the ring. As much as your children will be hurt by this split you are teaching them self respect. What message do they get if you stay & put up with his abuse? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjp5581 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 Thank you to you both! Link to post Share on other sites
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