maryjohanna Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 my bf & I have been dating for almost 2 years now. my parents aren't fans of my bf & one of the things they have always complained about is being on the phone with him for hours at a time every night. we aren't up talking all night, we just start out talking, & then fall asleep together with the phone on. we have done this for the longest time. it has become habit for us & is something that makes us feel closer. my parents are worried he is trying to be controlling, but never once has he forced me to do it or told me I have to. it is just our thing. we are both 21 years old & my parents have been frustrating me. my bf & I were up for hours on Zoom tonight & watched tv together. my mom came downstairs at 530 a.m. [when we were starting to sleep] & began questioning why the phone was on & what was happening. I was so confused, considering there wasn't fighting that she overheard or anything, it was a fun & good call. she told me to hang up the phone [even though it was muted] & when I told her I shouldn't have to, she made me move to a part of the house & have a convo with her. she said being on the phone every night for hours & falling asleep is weird, bizarre & not normal. my parents said they think its concerning & creepy - example: when they come down to say good morning & he is on the phone. my dad said its his own house & he doesn't feel comfortable. they claim theyre just worried, but I'm 21 & its my relationship. is it truly that weird or are my parents overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 You're 21. An adult. Just because you live with others doesn't make you less of an adult. You and your BF have been dating for 2 years. Some couples would be MARRIED by now. You two are still living apart, sleeping in separate beds. I don't think falling asleep on the phone is abnormal at all - I think it is positive that you two are close like that. I mean, these days most cell phone companies have unlimited talk/text, so it isn't like you're running up a huge phone bill. Any plans for the relationship to move forward? How do you think your parents would deal with an engagement, wedding, or moving in together? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) You've just written about the abuse you're suffering at the hands of this boyfriend. Your parents aren't the bad guys here - they are trying to support you. Edited June 10, 2020 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryjohanna Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: You've just written about the abuse you're suffering at the hands of this boyfriend. Your parents aren't the bad guys here - they are trying to support you. I don't see them as the bad guys at all; I guess I just wanted feedback about this specific scenario, because it is something that I don't think is abnormal and it isn't something I feel forced to do. We just naturally do it. He hasn't ever forced me to or made me. Considering the other details, I guess it is seen differently. I am sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 So you didn't share the full story in your first post. The boyfriend is abusive, that's why your parents don't like him. They have a point. Why don't you focus on getting out of an abusive relationship, rather than this silly phone situation. And I just have to ask, is it a landline? That's what you make it sound like. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Quote Reading your other thread, your parents aren't so upset that you fall asleep over the phone with your BF. They are upset that you still date this very bad guy. You aren't' on the phone for hours because you want to be. You are on the phone for hours because your BF has conditioned you to check in constantly because he doesn't trust you & is controlling you. That is the part your parents object to. Use your parents as the much needed excuse to get away from this guy. He's no good for you. Your relationship which includes an on going break up make up cycle is highly dysfunctional. Also studies have shown that the lights & noises from cell phones interfere with quality sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryjohanna Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: So you didn't share the full story in your first post. The boyfriend is abusive, that's why your parents don't like him. They have a point. Why don't you focus on getting out of an abusive relationship, rather than this silly phone situation. And I just have to ask, is it a landline? That's what you make it sound like. no it is my cell phone, and I want to leave, but I struggle to do it and I feel ashamed for it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 4 hours ago, maryjohanna said: I want to leave, but I struggle to do it and I feel ashamed for it. Use this to motivate yourself. Talk to your parents about how to get away from this guy. They love you & they will help you. Let them! Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 10 hours ago, maryjohanna said: no it is my cell phone, and I want to leave, but I struggle to do it and I feel ashamed for it. You don't even live with him. There are women who are entangled in abusive relationships and have a very hard time figuring out how to get out of it, because they live with the guy, are financially dependent on him, maybe even have kids with him. Now that's a difficult situation to leave. You don't live with him, you live with your parents, you're not married to him. What am I missing? Stop sitting on the phone with him every night for hours. This is an abusive relationship, why are you doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
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