Your worst searching blunders

[ZA Dater]

I was thinking about this yesterday, I am sure most people have an example of where, well common sense and perhaps a very obvious opportunity was missed.

Mine was amusing, sad or pathetic depending on your point of view.

So I got off on a club event, basically its a night away in a rural country town, nice drive, lunch on the way, great accommodating and a wine tasting at the accommodation in the afternoon before dinner in the evening.

It was a fairly cold, grey typical for that time of the year weekend so everyone liked the wine and generally cosy fire place warmed venue. I even had some wine on this occasion more because of a dare than anything else.

Dinner arrived and most of us got dressed up a bit and as the club admin guy I got up and gave a speech of sorts, the venue itself was largely empty barring two other people, two ladies but here judgement and my lack of basic experience proved to be comical. I had noticed them but what wasn't obvious to me was it was a mother and a daughter, both were dressed up, quite what I though I actually cant remember (blame the wine tasting). I do remember thinking the younger looking lady was quite attractive.

It was a long evening and I went back to my room not thinking much more about this. Next morning I am sitting at breakfast and they walk in. A fellow club member (wife of one of the members) greeted them and asked if they were mother and daughter, which of course they were and complimented them on how elegant they looked. I sort of saw the daughter looking at me but again didn't think much of it. Had breakfast and headed on the long drive home.

Later that evening I have a Tinder browse as one does and I get a match....the daughter (27yo)

"Hey weren't you at ABC place last night, I noticed you there among that very diverse group of people"

"You should have come to talk to me after my mom went to her room, I was stuck with that host and he wasn't as interesting as I think you would have been, not saying we would have got up to anything but"

I was in such a loss situation I tried to get this to work and we did have a Tinder conversation for two weeks but nothing actually came of it, she was really attractive and interesting.

It was one of those "doh hit your head against the wall" moments and I do think just maybe had to been more aware that evening I might have had a much better experience!

[Ellener]

A few years ago when I was first single after divorce I started seeing a man who seemed very sweet. He was very friendly with another woman I knew but she was married. Well she turned up at one of our dates too, turned out they were having an affair, plus he had a whole harem of other women. And he was married! his wife called to tell me that...

I didn't date for a long time after that 😃

But I bumped into him again last year at a party and he's kind-of seedy-looking now, guess he wore himself out!

[ZA Dater]

35 minutes ago, Ellener said:

A few years ago when I was first single after divorce I started seeing a man who seemed very sweet. He was very friendly with another woman I knew but she was married. Well she turned up at one of our dates too, turned out they were having an affair, plus he had a whole harem of other women. And he was married! his wife called to tell me that...

I didn't date for a long time after that 😃

But I bumped into him again last year at a party and he's kind-of seedy-looking now, guess he wore himself out!

Looks like you dodged a potential bad experience there!

[basil67]

ZA, good on you for getting out and doing something which was social.   I know you missed talking to the girl, but nevertheless it was exactly the kind of thing to get involved with.  Rather than seeing as a blunder, view it as a learning experience.

Keep it up!

[ZA Dater]

15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

ZA, good on you for getting out and doing something which was social.   I know you missed talking to the girl, but nevertheless it was exactly the kind of thing to get involved with.  Rather than seeing as a blunder, view it as a learning experience.

Keep it up!

There wasn't much win it to be honest but I do laugh when I think about it so that cant be totally bad. Probably the closest I got to actually having "fun"

[Weezy1973]

When I was younger I missed it out on a lot of opportunities because of social anxiety. So most of my stories were about not talking to women even if I knew there was some initial interest on their part. 
 

Also wasted many years crushing on a woman that wasn’t ever going to date me, but basically ignoring every other woman during that time.

I learned and changed my ways as I got older though, so not all was lost! 

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

When I was younger I missed it out on a lot of opportunities because of social anxiety. So most of my stories were about not talking to women even if I knew there was some initial interest on their part. 
 

Also wasted many years crushing on a woman that wasn’t ever going to date me, but basically ignoring every other woman during that time.

I learned and changed my ways as I got older though, so not all was lost! 

What do you think made you crush on the one you did?

I once went on a date with someone who sat down, made idle chit chat, excused themselves to go the bathroom and never returned. While this wasn't funny at the time I can at least laugh a out it now.

On another occasion I went out with someone else who seemed great, albeit very scantily dressed and perhaps a bit out of it, she confessed halfway through the date she had been in a mental institution two weeks earlier in a straight jacket and she wondered what it would be like to work on the road like other ladies did at night.

[Weezy1973]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

What do you think made you crush on the one you did?

I was inexperienced (literally the first person I ever really liked), and had her on a pedestal. The crush lasted so long because I knew she wouldn’t date me, and instead of asking her out romantically and getting certain rejection, I chose to continue the crush and fantasy in my head. 
 

I look back and think how stupid I was to waste so much time, but I did learn the lesson. Don’t waste time on crushes! Make your intentions known early in the process and accept the rejection if it happens. And then move on.

[Alexa 95]

13 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I was inexperienced (literally the first person I ever really liked), and had her on a pedestal. The crush lasted so long because I knew she wouldn’t date me, and instead of asking her out romantically and getting certain rejection, I chose to continue the crush and fantasy in my head. 
 

I look back and think how stupid I was to waste so much time, but I did learn the lesson. Don’t waste time on crushes! Make your intentions known early in the process and accept the rejection if it happens. And then move on.

Im sure a lot are guilty of fantasy and imagining scenarios.

It's a total waste of time

[mark clemson]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

... she confessed halfway through the date she had been in a mental institution two weeks earlier in a straight jacket and she wondered what it would be like to work on the road like other ladies did at night.

Yikes! Now THAT'S a story...

[mark clemson]

Both of these stories are "ancient history", but...

In college I had a several month period where I was hung up on and pining for a GF who had broken up with me. There was a gal who was a friend of mine who seemed to always be looking at me "wistfully" etc. Looking back, I'm pretty sure she had limerence for me (I had no idea what that was at the time). At any rate it was clear she was attracted.

She went so far as to sit next to me at a movie night we were having and run her hands up and down my leg for quite a while. Despite all that (and being VERY aroused from it as I was around 20 at this time)  - NOPE, I was still hung up on the old GF. So, did nothing about this. To this day I still somewhat regret I didn't start a relationship with her.

Another time, soon after I moved to a new city in California, I went to a surfer party. One of the surfer chicks (the type who hang out with surfers, but don't actually surf well themselves, not an actual surfer chick) made it pretty clear she was happy to spend the night with me. Anyhow, with surprising discretion I chose to return home rather than spending the night with her. Perhaps it's be one more notch on my belt (I don't have that many) but I really don't regret this one, as she was clearly a party girl and I had no protection, so honestly wonder what diseases I might have wound up with.

So two stories for you. I can probably think of a few more, but they'd all be ancient history anyway.

Edited June 11, 2020 by mark clemson

[mark clemson]

Oh here is another one for you. In late HS I had a male friend who was a "druggie" and well known for being willing to try most any drug.

There was a girl who was a member of one of the well-known religious sects commonly considered a cult. She had a BF and was rumored to be a (genuine) nymphomaniac. For example, in class one time she explained to a group of fellow students how she learned to masturbate at an early age (like 5) and had continued to do it regularly ever since.

So a real couple of characters. Anyhow, one afternoon she shows up at my house, explains that she broke up with B. (her BF), and essentially tried to seduce me. At one point, after some conversation, she said "I don't think you know what's going on here" and climbed on top of me and started kissing me, etc.

In HS I really wasn't ready for this kind of girl, and was self-aware enough to recognize this, so while I didn't exactly rebuff her, I also didn't respond. For example, although I let her kiss me I didn't really kiss back. After a bit she recognized this and stopped.

She seemed disappointed but her disappointment didn't last long because quite soon after this my druggie friend called to tell me about some upcoming party or whatever. She asked to talk to him, commented on how she liked his voice, and soon took off to visit him at his house.

So... drum roll... the next morning when I saw my druggie friend he announced that she had come over and they had both realized "they were the same person" and were going out. He also converted (the night before) to her religion. And stopped doing drugs.

Their relationship didn't last long (about a week). I honestly doubt he was up to her "standards". However, he remained in the religion up to the last time I saw him (many years ago). To my knowledge he's still part of that religious group.

Another one I DON'T regret. She was weird...

Edited June 11, 2020 by mark clemson

[Ellener]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Don’t waste time on crushes!

 

5 hours ago, Alexa 95 said:

Im sure a lot are guilty of fantasy and imagining scenarios.

It's a total waste of time

It has its place, fantasy, but a good friend told me years ago 'the fantasy will always be better than the reality'. 

'Band-aid on loneliness' is all a lot of encounters are...

 

[Alexa 95]

42 minutes ago, Ellener said:

 

It has its place, fantasy, but a good friend told me years ago 'the fantasy will always be better than the reality'. 

'Band-aid on loneliness' is all a lot of encounters are...

 

Of course fantasy is always better.

Almost never can a man/woman live up to what the person has composed in his/her head. 

[ZA Dater]

Another date I went on was with an acting student. Stupidly I made this one a lunch, for whatever reason I don't know.

On the face of she was nice enough, not exactly pretty but nice enough to be deemed attractive and she was ok company. She could talk and it turned out to be a very long lunch. Here I was thinking I made a good impression and we left with a hug and a smile.

Few hours later "Sorry I could see within one minute you aren't for me but I enjoyed the free lunch".

There was another who wanted me to meet her at a bar, she arrived with a friend, neither was sober and they were looking for me to buy them drinks at which point the one had come to meet told me she was a stripper, looking at her I wondered where but I thought I best not ask, I ordered then a few drinks made small talk and then talk myself out and left. They had no trouble finding another bank for the evening.

I can laugh about these things now but they were not funny at the time

I once decided to meet up with someone I knew who was very religious, why not, lets see what the date would be like. It actually wasn't too bad when she wasn't trying to preach to me and trying to give me CD's to listen to. Needless to say when she discovered I could not be converted she quickly lost interest. Much one who wouldn't meet up with me at all because I didn't go to church.

Then  there was the property saleslady I met on Tinder and eventually met up with, she arrived looking as if she just crawled out of bed, to date I haven't seen anyone put less effort into their appearance, there wasn't much conversation either.

Then there was instances where I simply used very poor judgement and over thought things too much and ended up getting nowhere.

1: The very classy stunning lady I met for ice cream, well this ice cream date lasted 5 hours and I got the distinctive impression has I pushed my luck I could have got more than a kiss, again poor judgement and me simply not feeling comfortable.

2: The tipsy date who arrived with no wallet and downed 3/4 of a bottle of wine, who proceeded kiss me in the middle of the restaurant, again my judgement said put her into an uber and send her home because nothing good would come of this. Did I make the right call, I don't know. We had scheduled a second date but that never happened.

3. At one point I had someone want to "teach" me but this was such a vague statement, I actually met up with her three times which is highly unusual for me. Another case of poor judgement.

 

[ZA Dater]

Another terrible blunder was a wedding I attended. For whatever reason my game was very poor on this particular day and to this day it remains the ONLY time I have ever been approached. Anyway I was making conversation with some people I knew and was approached by a not super attractive but not wholly unattractive blond lady and she basically jogged my memory as I had met her before, she basically said to me that she was at the wedding on her own and didn't really know many people.

What did I do....walk back to my table with people I did know, granted I hoped to find her later but suffice to say later never really arrived.

This was just another instance of very poor judgement.

[Hopeful30]

On 6/11/2020 at 3:11 AM, ZA Dater said:

I was thinking about this yesterday, I am sure most people have an example of where, well common sense and perhaps a very obvious opportunity was missed.

Mine was amusing, sad or pathetic depending on your point of view.

So I got off on a club event, basically its a night away in a rural country town, nice drive, lunch on the way, great accommodating and a wine tasting at the accommodation in the afternoon before dinner in the evening.

It was a fairly cold, grey typical for that time of the year weekend so everyone liked the wine and generally cosy fire place warmed venue. I even had some wine on this occasion more because of a dare than anything else.

Dinner arrived and most of us got dressed up a bit and as the club admin guy I got up and gave a speech of sorts, the venue itself was largely empty barring two other people, two ladies but here judgement and my lack of basic experience proved to be comical. I had noticed them but what wasn't obvious to me was it was a mother and a daughter, both were dressed up, quite what I though I actually cant remember (blame the wine tasting). I do remember thinking the younger looking lady was quite attractive.

It was a long evening and I went back to my room not thinking much more about this. Next morning I am sitting at breakfast and they walk in. A fellow club member (wife of one of the members) greeted them and asked if they were mother and daughter, which of course they were and complimented them on how elegant they looked. I sort of saw the daughter looking at me but again didn't think much of it. Had breakfast and headed on the long drive home.

Later that evening I have a Tinder browse as one does and I get a match....the daughter (27yo)

"Hey weren't you at ABC place last night, I noticed you there among that very diverse group of people"

"You should have come to talk to me after my mom went to her room, I was stuck with that host and he wasn't as interesting as I think you would have been, not saying we would have got up to anything but"

I was in such a loss situation I tried to get this to work and we did have a Tinder conversation for two weeks but nothing actually came of it, she was really attractive and interesting.

It was one of those "doh hit your head against the wall" moments and I do think just maybe had to been more aware that evening I might have had a much better experience!

Not that I'm aware of 🤷‍♂️

[Cookiesandough]

I feel like this happens more to guys because they are less likely to assume they are being hit on.  

8 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Another terrible blunder was a wedding I attended. For whatever reason my game was very poor on this particular day and to this day it remains the ONLY time I have ever been approached. Anyway I was making conversation with some people I knew and was approached by a not super attractive but not wholly unattractive blond lady and she basically jogged my memory as I had met her before, she basically said to me that she was at the wedding on her own and didn't really know many people.

What did I do....walk back to my table with people I did know, granted I hoped to find her later but suffice to say later never really arrived.

This was just another instance of very poor judgement.

That description made me laugh

[ZA Dater]

9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I feel like this happens more to guys because they are less likely to assume they are being hit on.  

That description made me laugh

 Yeah of course the reality is if I had had some common sense I would have realised but unfortunately that particular day it was awkward me rather than more confident me.