bradt93 Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 I think why a lot of women are turned off by me is because of the way I dress and me being bi-polar. I don't tell anyone about me being bi-polar and my aspergers. Women sense something is wrong with the opposite sex and they get scared or nervous. I also wear the same clothes every other day, but I rewash them of course. I shower and shave, so I stay clean, so I don't see the problem there? Are women incapable of loving me? 😔 If women can sense something is wrong with me mentally then I have no chance ever, so why bother? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 If you think that your difficulties are slamming the door on a relationship then watch a few episodes of "My six hundred pound life." These people have unattractive qualities that range from the physical, mental and personality. Yet, many of them have boy friends or girl friends. One episode had a guy giving his GF a bath by hosing her off at the side of house. If they can do it, so can you. You are going to have quit projecting your own thoughts onto women you meet. I doubt very much that they are sensing a flaw in you. They are probably reacting to your tense attempt at conversation and "what the heck they know I'm flawed" attitude. Women are very caring creatures and it's in their nature to empathize if you give them a fair chance. This isn't to say that some women won't reject you because of your baggage. They will. I'm asking you to show them your better side. Show an interest. Don't start talking about what medication you are taking because you think they noticed that you are peculiar. Make the conversation about them. Find a common interest or point for discussion. Stay within your comfort zone during a conversation. Talk about subjects you have knowledge about so you can feel confident about what you are saying. Don't worry about flaws because there's a good chance the women you talking to is more flawed then you are. Don't take rejection personally. Remember you don't need the approval of one hundred women, you only need one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted June 12, 2020 Author Share Posted June 12, 2020 50 minutes ago, schlumpy said: If you think that your difficulties are slamming the door on a relationship then watch a few episodes of "My six hundred pound life." These people have unattractive qualities that range from the physical, mental and personality. Yet, many of them have boy friends or girl friends. One episode had a guy giving his GF a bath by hosing her off at the side of house. If they can do it, so can you. You are going to have quit projecting your own thoughts onto women you meet. I doubt very much that they are sensing a flaw in you. They are probably reacting to your tense attempt at conversation and "what the heck they know I'm flawed" attitude. Women are very caring creatures and it's in their nature to empathize if you give them a fair chance. This isn't to say that some women won't reject you because of your baggage. They will. I'm asking you to show them your better side. Show an interest. Don't start talking about what medication you are taking because you think they noticed that you are peculiar. Make the conversation about them. Find a common interest or point for discussion. Stay within your comfort zone during a conversation. Talk about subjects you have knowledge about so you can feel confident about what you are saying. Don't worry about flaws because there's a good chance the women you talking to is more flawed then you are. Don't take rejection personally. Remember you don't need the approval of one hundred women, you only need one. I never really approach women, because I'm in fear of rejection and the women who did flirt with me in the past, I don't know if they were making fun of me or being serious. I've been called "retarded" in the past and I hate that word as most people would. I'm far from being "mentally retarded" I'm actually very smart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 I don't find anything wrong with the way you express yourself. My point is that you have to find a way to not project onto the other person what you think they are thinking about you. I know that is damn near impossible especially when you first meet. So I would suggest you practice. You can do it by yourself in front of a mirror. It might help to record yourself so that you can look and see what you must look like to a potential date. A relationship coach might be the right answer for you but I think it's a matter of putting yourself in the right place to meet the right woman for you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 3 hours ago, schlumpy said: Women are very caring creatures and it's in their nature to empathize if you give them a fair chance. Some women... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 22 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Some women... I guess I should have said "in general" because I DO know what you are talking about. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 11 hours ago, bradt93 said: I think why a lot of women are turned off by me is because of the way I dress and me being bi-polar. I don't tell anyone about me being bi-polar and my aspergers. Women sense something is wrong with the opposite sex and they get scared or nervous. I also wear the same clothes every other day, but I rewash them of course. I shower and shave, so I stay clean, so I don't see the problem there? Are women incapable of loving me? 😔 If women can sense something is wrong with me mentally then I have no chance ever, so why bother? i'm bipolar too bradt93 and i've banged close to 50 women in my life. i'm very good at hiding my bipolar symptoms. if you are taking the right medicines in the right doses there should be no problem. please talk with your shrink or therapist 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Share Posted June 13, 2020 8 hours ago, alphamale said: i'm bipolar too bradt93 and i've banged close to 50 women in my life. i'm very good at hiding my bipolar symptoms. if you are taking the right medicines in the right doses there should be no problem. please talk with your shrink or therapist Come on I'm 31 years old and never had sex yet. Their has to be something wrong with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Share Posted June 13, 2020 20 hours ago, bradt93 said: I never really approach women, because I'm in fear of rejection and the women who did flirt with me in the past, I don't know if they were making fun of me or being serious. I've been called "retarded" in the past and I hate that word as most people would. I'm far from being "mentally retarded" I'm actually very smart. Tell me about it California girl, it's pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 Something has to be wrong with me though for me not to ever have a g/f. What could it be? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Liane Holliday Willey wrote a memoir about having Aspergers and it's title was "Pretending to be Normal". Honestly, this phrase sums up dating to a tee. For starters, wearing the same clothes each day is not a 'normal' thing to do. NT (neuro typical) women just won't get it. For starters, multiple changes of clothes so that you can pretend to be normal is essential. Not only so that you can not only look like you have more than one outfit, but also dress for an occasion. Something you'd wear on a date isn't something you'd wear to the beach. And something you'd wear to the beach isn't what you'd wear to work. Then there's the whole social skill thing which is a minefield. My best advice is that you find someone who specialises in teaching dating skills to autistic people. Someone who can help with the dialogue and presentation and all those unwritten rules. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 How about dating someone who isn't neurotypical? There must be women who would relate to you because they face similar challenges in life. I'm guessing you would be less inclined to think they were judging you or laughing at you. But, before dating anyone, you should probably get some counselling/therapy to help you process your previous hurts and disappointments, improve your self-esteem, and ultimately enable you to cope better when people are unkind to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 35 minutes ago, basil67 said: Liane Holliday Willey wrote a memoir about having Aspergers and it's title was "Pretending to be Normal". Honestly, this phrase sums up dating to a tee. For starters, wearing the same clothes each day is not a 'normal' thing to do. NT (neuro typical) women just won't get it. For starters, multiple changes of clothes so that you can pretend to be normal is essential. Not only so that you can not only look like you have more than one outfit, but also dress for an occasion. Something you'd wear on a date isn't something you'd wear to the beach. And something you'd wear to the beach isn't what you'd wear to work. Then there's the whole social skill thing which is a minefield. My best advice is that you find someone who specialises in teaching dating skills to autistic people. Someone who can help with the dialogue and presentation and all those unwritten rules. Escorts it is then and aspergers is high functioning autism. I'm not mentally retarded or anything. I'm actually pretty smart. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 3 minutes ago, bradt93 said: Escorts it is then and aspergers is high functioning autism. I'm not mentally retarded or anything. I'm actually pretty smart. No one (and that definitely includes @basil67) was saying that you are mentally retarded or suggesting that you weren't smart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 5x5 is right. Nobody thinks that you’re dumb or retarded. My own son is on the spectrum and has an intellectual disability, so I do get it. Your dating problems undoubtedly go back to not knowing the unwritten social rules which NTs seem to magically know. At this point, your best option is to talk to someone who understands those unwritten rules and can help you navigate them. I didn’t mean to offend with mention of your clothes. However you brought it up , I’m assuming because you know it’s unusual. Having a good selection of clothes and knowing what to wear to different occasions is one of those unwritten rules. It may be dumb, but it’s just the way it is. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 Well just so you all know I hate the word "retard" in case anyone here knows people that are that word, then I'm so sorry I offended you. It's a cruel word, because I was called that in middle school and I got scarred because of it. I know some of you will ask, why do you keep bringing up your past? The honest answer I don't know. I guess my memories of my past are so deep, it's been hard for me to let go. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 6 hours ago, bradt93 said: I guess my memories of my past are so deep, it's been hard for me to let go. That's perfectly human...and an anonymous space like this can be a safe place to let it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted June 17, 2020 Author Share Posted June 17, 2020 I was at the grocery store today and this woman smiled and I ignored her😔 Link to post Share on other sites
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