Can anyone relate to this kind of dating anxiety(casual dating)

[poppyfields]

I'm sorry too cookies. 

I truly do wish you well, we all struggle in some form or another so I do empathize.   And I know you don't behave this way maliciously.

As I said, I  hope someday you will figure it out and be happy. 

I mean that. 

 

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

37 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Lol, changing it to one day a week with no weekends?

sweetie, I would break up with him as (1) that type of rigidity in scheduling time does not appeal to me and (2) since we spend most weekends together plus 2-3 days during the week, it would suggest he was on his way out of the relationship.

No thanks.

And I disagree about developing patterns and no movement.

The ability to be flexible is so important, I am, and I could never be with a man who wasn't himself. 

The type of rigidity you describe actually repels me.

Yes, changing..that is not rigid, really. Quite the opposite. I also don't understand why it necessarily means he is on his way out of the relationship. Maybe he needs space. Maybe he just wants it. When you're single you are free to spend however much time you want with someone....So if one month you want to spend one day...and the next every day...that is a choice you have without needing to worry too much about the why.

Rigidity to me is having to meet a certain number of times each week minimum to not assume someone is going to leave, but quite frankly not at all unusual for serious romantic relationships. What you say is exactly what happens and a major playing in why many find it so constricting

Edited June 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I can relate to that, perhaps in a slightly different way though. There are people around me that do make me anxious , the decision they make do sometimes keep me up at night but despite these I cant contemplate not having them around. Being in lockdown I have missed them tremendously so no what I think you feel is very normal and sure its not always good but I get the sense for you, as for me these people just give something you cant describe which keeps drawing you to them.

In some ways I think it is good to have people like that in life.

I think you are talking about your friend. Forgive me if I’m wrong. It’s good to feel anything that strongly. Yes. I just wish for me or more positive emotions, but I am learning to deal with it and except it. I feel a lot more peaceful today😌 Despite some things I’m dealing with 

[poppyfields]

25 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yes, changing..that is not rigid, really. Quite the opposite. I also don't understand why it necessarily means he is on his way out of the relationship. Maybe he needs space. Maybe he just wants it. When you're single you are free to spend however much time you want with someone....So if one month you want to spend one day...and the next every day...that is a choice you have without needing to worry too much about the why.

Rigidity to me is having to meet a certain number of times each week minimum to not assume someone is going to leave, but quite frankly not at all unusual for romantic relationships. What you say is exactly what happens and a major playing in why  I find it so constricting

And I respect your opinion about that cookies, even if I disagree.  

After spending most weekends together plus 2-3 days a week, give or take, for 2+ years, to a more "rigid" schedule of once a week with no weekends is, to me, restrictive. 

And not conducive to the development of a committed long term relationship. 

I understand why you disagree, you said yourself you prefer casual, which once a week with no weekends certainly is.

Which is fine!  Not judging you for that at all!  I promise.

It's just not my thing so would end it.  

I guess my question to you now is, since you know your pattern of "freaking out" and treated men "horribly" (your own words) why not take a break from dating and use that time to figure out why, either on your own and/or with the help of a qualified therapist?  

Believe me, I am certainly not negatively judging you for having such fears and anxieties. 

I've struggled with the same fears and anxieties myself, so how could I?

But since I wanted to have a healthy long term relationship, I took a break from dating to figure it out.  Like many months.

It was a struggle but I did figure it out, more or less.

I still need lots of space though, and fortunately have found a man who does as well and who understands my need for it.   

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Fresh_Start]

Hey Cookies,

I really think you would benefit from taking a break from dating and relationships for awhile to focus on addressing some of the things that you've talked about in this thread.  My concern for you is that if you don't take the time to really address these things and work on becoming the best version of you that you can be, you'll continue oscillating between the two extremes you've mentioned while relationship after relationship doesn't work out for you.  The only purpose this will serve is exacerbating your relationship anxieties and fears of abandonment.  I've seen these patterns in people before where they keep trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole until the hole is so damaged that nothing fits comfortably in it.  They end up so jaded and damaged that when Mr. (or Mrs.) Right comes along, they only succeed in chasing that person off because they're no longer capable of having an emotionally healthy relationship.  That will bring you pain that you don't ever want to experience and it is avoidable if you take the time, now, to ensure that it doesn't happen.

The key to avoiding the loneliness that a "break" from all of this will inevitably bring at some point is to set realistic goals for yourself and stay focused on them.  Working on the things you've mentioned would be a great goal and you can even set other goals in conjunction with that, ie, a physical fitness goal, an educational goal, a career goal, moving to a larger house or apartment, moving to another state that you've always wanted to live in, etc.  Right now in my own life I am in the process of opening a new business in a field that is pretty heavily regulated so that it has been a long, slow process.  I'm also an avid weightlifter/bodybuilder with certain strength and physique goals in mind.  On top of that, I want to move to a larger place myself.  My priorities are not on dating at the moment and I have no interest in it until after I've achieved the aforementioned goals. There will be plenty of women waiting for me when I get there -- high quality women whom I deserve and who deserve the final product of who I'm destined to become.  Do I have lonely moments?  You bet.  But they're only fleeting because I redirect my attention to my goals and to the tasks at hand.  

I genuinely hope you act on this recommendation because I feel that you will be making a big mistake if you don't.

Edited June 13, 2020 by Fresh_Start

[Alexa 95]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I can relate to that, perhaps in a slightly different way though. There are people around me that do make me anxious , the decision they make do sometimes keep me up at night but despite these I cant contemplate not having them around. Being in lockdown I have missed them tremendously so no what I think you feel is very normal and sure its not always good but I get the sense for you, as for me these people just give something you cant describe which keeps drawing you to them.

In some ways I think it is good to have people like that in life.

Is it good?

Its toxic

[Alexa 95]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

cookies, this was very difficult to read. I'm sorry you are struggling so, truly I am. 

I think you are a decent person and I mean no disrespect at all, but your behaviour towards these men is cruel. 

Suddenly running out after they share feelings, ghosting, canceling dates last minute with flimsy excuses, etc etc. 

You said you feel "fight or flight." This is classic commitmentphobe behaviour and you even agreed with my likening it to claustrophobia.

I hope for now you will stop dating, stop messing with literally every single man interested in you,.  Again no disrespect but it's cruel and suggests a lack of empathy for their feelings.

I'm not sure why you are so averse to therapy, you seem very self-aware and admit to treating men horribly. 

I dunno, the reason why I said things don't jive is because your posts sometimes confuse me.

You appear so together, you claim to be very happy but then you write posts like the above admitting to severe anxiety, fears, fight or flight, etc. 

I'm sorry, I hope someday you will figure it out, take good care.

 

She can't help it if she feels stressed or anxious. 

She has a problem which needs to be addressed but you cant  blame her for leaving  these men halfway, since she obviously finds it too excruciating to stay 

[Alexa 95]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

We are certainly not friends. WeBe slept together... So maybe FWB .

A couple months ago, I was in his apartment watching movies after we had been out. He was a little buzzed from the bar and told me how he was falling for me and didn’t want to run from love anymore even though he was scared. It was a surprise to me because we had only been out once and seeing each other a few times. But I said I am starting to feel something too.
 

We hooked up and then the next day he wanted us to run errands but I stayed up all night thinking and got freaked out again. Super claustrophobic like I was stuck  and I had made a huge mistake. So at like 5am I told him that I needed to be at a family emergency and I left. I texted him I am not ready for a relationship. He said he understood and he would  take it slower. So we ended up meeting again a couple weeks later. Back at his apartment, his friends had left and we were just chilling. Then things got weird again and the feeling came back. This time, I grabbed my things and just snuck out. I blocked him everywhere. I know that this is horrible. But I seriously felt like fight or flight. I couldn’t think much beyond just getting it out of my mind because it was  bothering me so much

He told me that after that he had not talk to me for a long time. He even said that he was ignoring me. I didn’t know that because I was blocked but apparently he had me blocked too lol. However, we started talking again and our texts we both said sorry(not sure  why he did) and we vibed. He tried to get me to meet with him a couple times and I flaked. Finally I met with him. That was this past Wednesday and Thursday

 

. I felt like we were going to be camping in his Folks backyard and maybe his parents would be out of the equation doing their own thing. It was intimate, but that’s probably just how they are. But I am not the type of person who thinks that because I talk to someone’s parents it  means anything. Especially since his parents live there. IHis parents are nice and his mom said nice things abotr me. I felt kind of nervous, but not panicky
 

I was actually made more nervous by some of the stuff that he said. Also he wants to meet with me tonight. I am freaking out again. I don’t know if I want to go.  I actually know deep down I don’t want to. Ugh. I tried to get out of it earlier by saying my friends may be having a party as well

he said; 

: Big gas roof top party in xxxxx. Let’s do both.

:I’d love to go with you if you want me to go 

:And if you want to go alone I’m not hurt.  

 

What happened. Did you go?

[simpycurious]

I don't think the OP needs therapy at all. Because someone has not found what is RIGHT FOR THEM does mean they are FLAWED in the slightest.  Maybe, the anxiety is a product of innately knowing THE GUYS are just not right for her.  

Edited June 14, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

I don't think the OP needs therapy at all. Because someone has not found what is RIGHT FOR THEM does mean they are FLAWED in the slightest.  Maybe, the anxiety is a product of innately knowing THE GUYS are just not right for her.  

simp, I think when a poster (in this case cookies).talks about feeling "claustrophobic" even just thinking about dating and having a relationship,  "freaking" out on or before a date, suddenly running out on dates when a man expresses feelings (even when she has feelings for him) making dates, then panicking and breaking the date last minute with a made up excuse, and other behaviours towards men she acknowledges herself is "horrible," I think there is a bit more going on than anxiety because said guy is not the "right" guy.  Come on now.

I am not faulting or judging cookies for having these anxieties and fears, not at all!  Just wanted to make that clear.

And I'm not saying any of this to hurt her either; I am actually trying to help her, as I realize she is struggling and I've been there too. 

After my break up many years back with my long term bf, I struggled too, and I hurt A LOT of men in the process, which I deeply regret.

I also know cookies doesn't intend to be malicious or cruel, no one who suffers from such debilitating anxiety does.

Nevertheless, while I do empathize with cookies, l don't see how anyone can deny that such behaviour is unfair and hurtful to the men she makes these dates with too.  And either subsequently breaks, runs out on or freaks out (her own words)..

And I think it is important to acknowledge that and have empathy for their feelings too.  Because I sense they do care about her.

And perhaps stop dating for a bit, like many people who struggle have done, to figure it out.  Or try to.

I'm sorry simp, but after everything cookies has posted, to suggest she is fine, does not need therapy and all she needs to do is find the "right" guy, is unfair to cookies and does her a great disservice, imo..

 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

Also to add, seeking therapy does NOT mean someone is "flawed."   

That is such a misnomer, puts a negative spin on it and prevents people from seeking treatment.  Treatment that could actually help them.

Therapy helps folks sort things out, even those who don't struggle with anxieties and other issues are in therapy. 

I myself sought therapy when I suffered from debilitating anxiety, and now that I have learned how to manage my anxiety effectively, I still see my therapist. 

Not as often as before, once every other week or so, and find it tremendously beneficial.

So do many people. 

 

Edited June 14, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alexa 95]

2 hours ago, simpycurious said:

I don't think the OP needs therapy at all. Because someone has not found what is RIGHT FOR THEM does mean they are FLAWED in the slightest.  Maybe, the anxiety is a product of innately knowing THE GUYS are just not right for her.  

Interesting concept.

But when the anxiety takes over her life and the ability to function. 

Then its a problem 

[Alexa 95]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

simp, I think when a poster (in this case cookies).talks about feeling "claustrophobic" even just thinking about dating and having a relationship,  "freaking" out on or before a date, suddenly running out on dates when a man expresses feelings (even when she has feelings for him) making dates, then panicking and breaking the date last minute with a made up excuse, and other behaviours towards men she acknowledges herself is "horrible," I think there is a bit more going on than anxiety because said guy is not the "right" guy.  Come on now.

I am not faulting or judging cookies for having these anxieties and fears, not at all!  Just wanted to make that clear.

And I'm not saying any of this to hurt her either; I am actually trying to help her, as I realize she is struggling and I've been there too. 

After my break up many years back with my long term bf, I struggled too, and I hurt A LOT of men in the process, which I deeply regret.

I also know cookies doesn't intend to be malicious or cruel, no one who suffers from such debilitating anxiety does.

Nevertheless, while I do empathize with cookies, l don't see how anyone can deny that such behaviour is unfair and hurtful to the men she makes these dates with too.  And either subsequently breaks, runs out on or freaks out (her own words)..

And I think it is important to acknowledge that and have empathy for their feelings too.  Because I sense they do care about her.

And perhaps stop dating for a bit, like many people who struggle have done, to figure it out.  Or try to.

I'm sorry simp, but after everything cookies has posted, to suggest she is fine, does not need therapy and all she needs to do is find the "right" guy, is unfair to cookies and does her a great disservice, imo..

 

 

 

I don't agree with a lot of things you say.

But this post, definitely! 

Maybe it would help cookies and the men she dates  if she told them she has anxiety, not the full picture but a little bit.

So when she cuts out on them and flakes they will take it less personally.

That's if she  continues  to go on dates but  i dont think its a good idea atm

 

[simpycurious]

I have NO expertise in psychology or psychoanalyzing  so I am "shooting from the hip" so to speak my degrees are in the economic and financial realms.  So, I just feel the OP is "first string" in all regards and the suitors are more than likely "second stringers."  I am sure they are great guys but simply not at her level.  I think she has a HARD TIME attempting to NOT HURT them due to her kind nature.  Kinda DANGED IF YOU DO, DANGED IF YOU DON'T..........maybe, the anxiety comes from SIMPLY not wanting to hurt/disappoint another person.  

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

I have NO expertise in psychology or psychoanalyzing  so I am "shooting from the hip" so to speak my degrees are in the economic and financial realms.  So, I just feel the OP is "first string" in all regards and the suitors are more than likely "second stringers."  I am sure they are great guys but simply not at her level.  I think she has a HARD TIME attempting to NOT HURT them due to her kind nature.  Kinda DANGED IF YOU DO, DANGED IF YOU DON'T..........maybe, the anxiety comes from SIMPLY not wanting to hurt/disappoint another person.  

Whether cookies is "first string" and her suitors "second string" is not the issue, at least not for me.  

Nor is whether or not these guys are up to her level.  

If she does not believe they are, that's totally fine!  Then don't date them or even make the date in the first place.

The issue for me is how she chooses to treat these men ("horribly," her own words) regardless of the reason.  She owns it and I give her tons of credit for that!   

I think it's important to behave fairly, kindly and with integrity, even when realizing someone isn't up to your level and/or we are not into him or don't think he's right. 

For example, if you make a date, keep the date unless for an emergency. Versus making up a flimsy excuse because you decide last minute you're too anxious and don't want to go, which cookies has admitted to doing.

Don't suddenly run out on your date because you become anxious when he expresses his feelings.   She admitted this as well. 

Don't lead men on knowing you want nothing to happen.

Don't ghost, which cookies said she doesn't do anymore which I give her credit for. 

Or if you realize you become too anxious dating, then stop dating and take steps to determine why.

In short, be aware of how your behavior affects the other person. I understand anxiety but nevertheless, I think many people in today's dating environment forget this, it's an "every man for himself" mentality. 

Anyway, nuff said from me, if you disagree simp (and Alexa) I am totally cool with that.  

This will be my last post on this thread, I've said my piece and @cookies I wish you the best and hope someday you will figure this out, and find happiness and peace within.

 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alexa 95]

8 hours ago, simpycurious said:

I have NO expertise in psychology or psychoanalyzing  so I am "shooting from the hip" so to speak my degrees are in the economic and financial realms.  So, I just feel the OP is "first string" in all regards and the suitors are more than likely "second stringers."  I am sure they are great guys but simply not at her level.  I think she has a HARD TIME attempting to NOT HURT them due to her kind nature.  Kinda DANGED IF YOU DO, DANGED IF YOU DON'T..........maybe, the anxiety comes from SIMPLY not wanting to hurt/disappoint another person.  

 

I think a couple of them she really likes, genuinely likes. 

Her anxiety is coming  from her fearing rejection from them. 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Alexa 95

[Alexa 95]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Whether cookies is "first string" and her suitors "second string" is not the issue, at least not for me.  

Nor is whether or not these guys are up to her level.  

If she does not believe they are, that's totally fine!  Then don't date them or even make the date in the first place.

The issue for me is how she chooses to treat these men ("horribly," her own words) regardless of the reason.  She owns it and I give her tons of credit for that!   

I think it's important to behave fairly, kindly and with integrity, even when realizing someone isn't up to your level and/or we are not into him or don't think he's right. 

For example, if you make a date, keep the date unless for an emergency. Versus making up a flimsy excuse because you decide last minute you're too anxious and don't want to go, which cookies has admitted to doing.

Don't suddenly run out on your date because you become anxious when he expresses his feelings.   She admitted this as well. 

Don't lead men on knowing you want nothing to happen.

Don't ghost, which cookies said she doesn't do anymore which I give her credit for. 

Or if you realize you become too anxious dating, then stop dating and take steps to determine why.

In short, be aware of how your behavior affects the other person. I understand anxiety but nevertheless, I think many people in today's dating environment forget this, it's an "every man for himself" mentality. 

Anyway, nuff said from me, if you disagree simp (and Alexa) I am totally cool with that.  

This will be my last post on this thread, I've said my piece and @cookies I wish you the best and hope someday you will figure this out, and find happiness and peace within.

 

 

 

Its a condition she has though. Neither you nor i have experienced  her anxiety, and some types can be debilitating. 

Its preventing her from leading her life normally. If she has to leave or run away from a situation providing her great discomfort then so be it. She has to look after her mental health above others. 

Shes not being a typical jerk or ghoster or whatever, in that they have actually have the ability to stay or part ways in a respectful civil way. 

Which is why i said if she told them she has anxiety, perhaps they will be less hurt and take things less personal 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Alexa 95

[poppyfields]

18 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Believe me, I am certainly not negatively judging you for having such fears and anxieties. 

I've struggled with the same fears and anxieties myself, so how could I?

But since I wanted to have a healthy long term relationship, I took a break from dating to figure it out.  Like many months.

It was a struggle but I did figure it out, more or less.

Alexa, I have struggled with anxiety, I mentioned that in an earlier post.^^

I would never say these things to cookies or anyone else if I had not.

I also mentioned, that there was a time, after my break up with my long term bf many years ago, when anxiety caused me to treat the men I dated unfairly (and rather poorly if I'm honest), which I deeply regret. 

It's what drove me to seek therapy and stop dating for a long time, to figure it out.

Took me awhile to find the right therapist but I eventually did and she helped me tremendously.

I still see her to this day.  Not as often, but I still see her.

So I do understand, more than you know. And how I am able to empathize with cookie.

Thanks to therapy and my own hard work, I am finally in a healthy happy relationship with a man I adore and he adores me.

I want that for cookies as well, she is a beautiful girl with a great spirit and deserves that. 

Edited June 14, 2020 by poppyfields

[ZA Dater]

18 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think you are talking about your friend. Forgive me if I’m wrong. It’s good to feel anything that strongly. Yes. I just wish for me or more positive emotions, but I am learning to deal with it and except it. I feel a lot more peaceful today😌 Despite some things I’m dealing with 

My point is you can see a situation like this as a negative or a positive. Clearly there is something about these guys you do like which means you don't really want them out of your life but there is an anxiety if they do leave of if they do stay. As people were are very hard on ourselves, sometimes its best to try and just sit back, take stock and try to take a step back from the situation. Perhaps you are over thinking the whole thing.

[Alexa 95]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Alexa, I have struggled with anxiety, I mentioned that in an earlier post.^^

I would never say these things to cookies or anyone else if I had not.

I also mentioned, that there was a time, after my break up with my long term bf many years ago, when anxiety caused me to treat the men I dated unfairly (and rather poorly if I'm honest), which I deeply regret. 

It's what drove me to seek therapy and stop dating for a long time, to figure it out.

Took me awhile to find the right therapist but I eventually did and she helped me tremendously.

I still see her to this day.  Not as often, but I still see her.

So I do understand, more than you know. And how I am able to empathize with cookie.

Thanks to therapy and my own hard work, I am finally in a healthy happy relationship with a man I adore and he adores me.

I want that for cookies as well, she is a beautiful girl with a great spirit and deserves that. 

Ok fair enough.

Can't  object to that im assuming  cookies  a young girl. She'll be ok

Edited June 14, 2020 by Alexa 95

[Cookiesandough]

17 hours ago, Alexa 95 said:

What happened. Did you go?

Yea. We went to the party yesterday. It was fun!!! 

The reason I don’t think I need therapy is because I have been to a dr/therapist and they even pretty much told me I don’t need them. It got to the point I was like “why am I here?” Because I’m not dealing with stuff. 

 I was overthinking it and I haven’t been extremely anxious since that day I got home from my date. I am thinking it  was because of the situation. The truth is most people would feel a little weird if someone they wanted to casually date seemed to want more and got kind of heavy. . So I believe what @interstellar and @simpycurious say is true. I can tell they’ve been through similar.  It’s just the guys I am meeting. I don’t want a committed relationships, so  of course I am going to feel bad if I’m dating someone who has that end game. Of course it will make me feel bad to keep seeing them. But the bottom line is I am not misleading anyone. I told the score and I’m just living.  It would take someone really special to make me want to give up all the freedoms I have to compromise for a rship if that person even exists. But I’m not going to feel bad about it in the meantime. I may have to lose some people and it’s okay. They have their goals too. Right now I just need to stop thinking it so much and accept I can’t control everything. 

zA_Dater. You’re absolutely right. 😊 Thank you 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

55 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

My point is you can see a situation like this as a negative or a positive. Clearly there is something about these guys you do like which means you don't really want them out of your life but there is an anxiety if they do leave of if they do stay. As people were are very hard on ourselves, sometimes its best to try and just sit back, take stock and try to take a step back from the situation. Perhaps you are over thinking the whole thing.

Yes,  ZA you seem to have a good grasp of the situation.  It's not that complicated (to me at least).  People that are highly unique and elite are just different and it's difficult for others to understand the world they see and deal with DAILY.  It's like trying  to describe to someone what it's like to play in front of 90,000 people, or drive a car in a Nascar race, or hit a baseball that is coming at 100 mph............you just can't do it.  You can say the words but unless someone has been in those SHOES to experience it first hand, they just cannot truly understand. 

[Hopeful30]

On 6/12/2020 at 2:47 PM, Cookiesandough said:

I hope I am not judged for this, but I am dating a few different people casually. A lot of people do this, especially in my generation. It is kind of expected.

I woke up today with an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I recognize as fear/anxiety, which never used to happen to me when I wasn't dating. I have this fear that I am going to lose some of the people I am dating  

 

 I like a lot of these guys a lot and grow attached to them in a way, but not enough to be with them exclusively. It's irrational because when you do not become exclusive with people you can't be upset that they get someone else to become exclusive with who would become their first pick.

It's never bad until it gets somewhat serious or headed into that direction...then they want to see you a lot more often and it causes a lot of anxiety for me. I can barely sleep or eat sometimes. Before it heads in that direction, I don't get the bad feeling at all...

One guy in particular, I cannot seem to let him go. I have seen him probably 20 times this year. I fall off the map and then randomly miss him and text him so I can start seeing him again. And so far he has been available, however, I know one day I will lose sight of him and he will get tired of it and meet someone new. Which he totally should. I know he wants a gf, but I feel really anxious when he gets really close to me, I feel anxious and pressured. I feel scared.   Then after awhile these ease up and I contact him again to hang out.

 

Maybe I am just not cut out for casual dating, but I feel like with how my life and personality is, it might suit me best. I actually do quite well until things get serious? So maybe I should only see people a couple times and just have fun and cut off from them. If I stop dating period I can get a bit lonely after awhile. 

Even if I stop now, it won't help the people I am seeing now who it will be like a break up with...Hard to let go....

 

Can anyone relate to this?

You reach to them for emotional security,and your fears sound intimacy related. What is your relationship with your father like? You seem to have an anxious avoidant attachment style. 

[Cookiesandough]

I don’t get what is confusing really. I am surprised that people are struggling with the concept of liking someone but not liking them enough to want to want to give up everything else to be with them. Relationships are a ton of commitment./responsibility. you have to dedicate your self to that person and can’t leave for no reason unless you break their heart. You can like someone a lot but not be absolutely in love with them? Or do you guys just like someone or not like someone. It is not black-and-white for me personally. 
 

My therapist did not turn me away. Never said that, poppy.  It just got to the point were I asked myself why was Paying $150 for a hour to be asked redundant, circular questions and I questioned why I needed to be there if I wasn’t really dealing with any issues anymore, especially with since  school. They said that if I am not having issues with it anymore it would be okay to stop having sessions. I don’t know the ethics of it. But that is what they said. 

there’s no reason to doubt what people say just because you don’t experience it. Just because you don’t understand it or feel that way. Also don’t get why you have to announce you are leaving thread. Anyone is welcome to come and go at any time.Not like I’m going to lock you in here.  I appreciate the help though

Thank you for the help,guys, but I am really not dealing with anxiety anymore. It was just that day... figuring out the cause helped it will be back though I’m sure. But I guess that is life! 😊
 

hopeful , relationship with pops is awesome. My parents also have a good relationship, but they settled late in life and because of that I’m an only child . I like being by myself a lot 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

Yes,  ZA you seem to have a good grasp of the situation.  It's not that complicated (to me at least).  People that are highly unique and elite are just different and it's difficult for others to understand the world they see and deal with DAILY.  It's like trying  to describe to someone what it's like to play in front of 90,000 people, or drive a car in a Nascar race, or hit a baseball that is coming at 100 mph............you just can't do it.  You can say the words but unless someone has been in those SHOES to experience it first hand, they just cannot truly understand. 

Simpy, thank you.I like that analogy a lot. I honestly did not know it was that unusual until I open this thread and see people who do not understand or doubt the validity of liking someone’s company and being attracted to them, but not  wanting a relationship with them. I thought that this was pretty common. Maybe it is people who do not casually date or just don’t have that casual dating mindset but the thread specifies  “casual dating“

 

Hope you are doing well!