I have been attacked and my bf did nothing :

[mark clemson]

You're entitled to your view, and honestly it DOES take all kinds to make the world go round as they say. So fair enough.

I wasn't there and perhaps I would have intervened, but I don't think I'd die a little inside if someone took a foolish risk and I didn't back them up if it wasn't critical in some way. Being dead over a laptop, even my wife or GF's laptop, isn't being a dead hero, at least not in my eyes.

I'll post a link - it's humor but I think it helps with my point. I'll post separately as they sometimes take a while to get approved.

[mark clemson]

 

 

[Fresh_Start]

The latter part of my last post pertains to your question about "cops and ERs cleaning up the bodies of would-be heroes".  I guess I should have quoted it.  You're missing my point though by making it about the laptop rather than the safety of your wife, girlfriend, or child.  It stopped being about the laptop as soon as she was physically assaulted.  If the boyfriend had been worth his salt, he would have put his arm out to hold her back in the first place and shouted "Hey!" or "WTF do you think you're doing?" while rapidly closing the distance on the would-be thief.  That's what I would have done and it very likely would have resulted in the thief fleeing the scene without any property being stolen or anybody getting hurt.

All of that aside, the video is pretty damn funny.  If I had a girlfriend like that, she'd be on her own.  

[basil67]

Interesting we are still arguing when the OP appears to be a one post wonder with a contentious story 🤔

Anyway, she apparently kicked his arse on her own.   So wouldn't it be sexist of him to take over from her when she apparently had it all in hand.  If it was your mate and he had it all in hand, would you go in to assist him?  Two against one.  How is it different because she's female?

 

 

[mark clemson]

15 hours ago, Fresh_Start said:

The latter part of my last post pertains to your question about "cops and ERs cleaning up the bodies of would-be heroes".  I guess I should have quoted it.  You're missing my point though by making it about the laptop rather than the safety of your wife, girlfriend, or child.  It stopped being about the laptop as soon as she was physically assaulted.  If the boyfriend had been worth his salt, he would have put his arm out to hold her back in the first place and shouted "Hey!" or "WTF do you think you're doing?" while rapidly closing the distance on the would-be thief.  That's what I would have done and it very likely would have resulted in the thief fleeing the scene without any property being stolen or anybody getting hurt.

All of that aside, the video is pretty damn funny.  If I had a girlfriend like that, she'd be on her own.  

Thanks. 🙂   I do agree the BF should have done something.

[Els]

If I were your boyfriend I would be disappointed in YOU. Do you value your and your boyfriend's life so little that you would throw it away over an iPad?!?!?

IMO, if you are initiating violent physical contact for ANY reason (yes, including having your stuff stolen, having something rude said to you, yadda yadda), the consequences are on you. If it was a different sort of situation where the other person initiated violent or sexual physical contact, then your boyfriend should have helped. Otherwise, you start it you fight it.

Also, physical violence is quite rare in New Zealand and it's very possible your boyfriend has never encountered it before in his life.

Finally, if you are concerned about "personal things" on your iPad, the best solution is to simply not store such things on your iPad, and the second-best solution is to use the killswitch that Apple kindly provides (log in to your account on another device and you can permanently lock the stolen device after authenticating). Hitting the thief is somewhere at the bottom of the solution ranks between "flashing the thief" and "singing happy birthday".

Edited June 23, 2020 by Elswyth

[rjc149]

OP, let me get in front of the indignation and protests by stating clearly that some women love weak, soft men. Some women love taking care of their man, financially, emotionally and physically. Some women want to be placed on a pedestal by their man, some women want their man to obey her orders and serve her as his priority in life. Some women hate macho men who are "brawlers" because it empowers them to be the stronger, more dominant one in the relationship. Some women are sexually aroused by men who cry and sob about their feelings. 

Most women who embrace their femininity and the female gender role want to feel like they are physically protected by their male partner. This is the core polarity between men and women. Men provide and protect/defend when necessary. Women (not all women, see above) are attracted to men who can, or who are at least willing, to handle violent confrontation. A man who is unwilling to handle violent confrontation is weak at a very primal level. It's a huge turn off. 

Your boyfriend didn't have your back. Although getting injured and potentially risking your life to save your laptop was stupid, it's been demonstrated that when push comes to shove and it's do or die, your boyfriend will leave your ass in the breeze. His assistance would have resolved this confrontation quickly and without injury to you. That is his basic role as a man in a partnership. He failed. 

I'm glad your laptop is safe and unharmed. 

Edited July 6, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[manfrombelow]

On 6/13/2020 at 8:10 PM, belinda1234 said:

I had to stich up my lip and had bruises on all my arms and legs but I keep my Ipad (I had too much personals things on it) because of ME! I was so mad at my bf. He told me he did panic and he thought that it was better to find the pepper spray and called the police..while his girlfriend get attacked.... He act as THE tough man but I realize he is a kind of coward. I dont know maybe I over react but Im shock by his attitude.

I file a complaint in a police station but I have no doubt that he will never find him...

I am so disappointed by my bf. I don't think I can make my life with that kind of person anymore.

Do I overreact?

First thing first, NO you DID NOT over-react.

And yes, your boyfriend was a coward.

I once personally heard of a similar situation, the only difference was that the boyfriend was not a coward but rather a beast to protect his girlfriend, and the girlfriend said how wet (literally) that made her feel that day.

Human beings are biologically pre-programmed to act in certain ways in certain situations: The women, no matter how physically strong they are, always look for protection, or even just signs of protection from their men. This. Will. Never. Change.

Yes out there, there might be exceptions but they mean nothing to the majority of non-exceptions.

In this case, your boyfriend missed the golden opportunity to show you, not by words but through actions, how strong (both mentally and physically) he is. Like Rjc149 said, your man had one job, and he failed.

I'm not surprised that this frustration will manifest itself in you so that you'll gradually stop wanting sex with him and eventually have no choice but to leave him.

And when that day comes, I will NOT blame you. 

Edited July 6, 2020 by manfrombelow

[mark clemson]

Hi @Honest_Interest . I see that you posted a "mad" reaction to my prior post but did not post a response.

Sorry if my view is triggering for you in some way. I think this thread shows two main "camps" which might loosely be described as "safety first" and "a real man defends his woman".

Although I personally lean more towards the "safety" camp, I do think there are valid points on both sides.

Have a nice day!

[emprosnet7]

That is a very interesting situation so I am tempted to write something about it ! (although I have things to do !)

First I want to tell you that when I first met my now ungrateful ex wife, on our very first date, she drove her car stupidly in from of a truck in a road turn (I had already parked mine and was waiting for her) cursing at the truck driver. He was so upset (my wife was at fault clearly) that when he parked the car, he headed towards my wife (parked too) and he was going to beat her up ! So I intervened and stood in front of him (he was a much larger man) and told him to cool. He listened to me and he left. He was really angry and he would get physical for sure. Note that SHE was at fault AND was cursing against the truck driver.

Now back to  belinda1234. If you get serious martial arts lessons, one of the things they will tell you in your situation is to leave your tablet and don't try to engage with the thief. I don't care if you have a black belt in karate, you are a woman and he is an UNKNOWN man.

Google this "Greek Police Arrest Suspect in Murder of Tax Inspector" . This lovely girl is dead now.

I don't want to hear how much expensive the tablet was. You should have gotten a cheaper tablet with your salary anyway. Now that I have established that what you did was stupid, the situation changes the minute you engaged in a fight with the thief. At that time to me your life was in a potential danger and your b/f should have intervened to protect your life ! and not as you think to make a citizens arrest. 

 

[stillafool]

On 6/21/2020 at 8:07 PM, snowcones said:

This is why some women like thugs, criminals or bad boys.  At least they can fight and aren't scared of everything.

Yeah and not only will they fight other men but women too.  

[stillafool]

On 6/15/2020 at 5:04 AM, belinda1234 said:

Yes I seriously think about it but again I guess it's my fault if I have the feeling I cant trust him, not him...

So are you going to break up with him over this?

[Els]

On 7/5/2020 at 2:58 AM, rjc149 said:

OP, let me get in front of the indignation and protests by stating clearly that some women love weak, soft men. Some women love taking care of their man, financially, emotionally and physically. Some women want to be placed on a pedestal by their man, some women want their man to obey her orders and serve her as his priority in life. Some women hate macho men who are "brawlers" because it empowers them to be the stronger, more dominant one in the relationship. Some women are sexually aroused by men who cry and sob about their feelings.

LOL. No, some of us just have no interest in dudes who have balls bigger than their brains. If I wanted that I would date a bush cricket, not a man.

There is no possible situation where risking your life over an iPad is a logical or reasonable decision.

Also:

Quote

some women want their man to obey her orders and serve her as his priority in life.

Sounds exactly like what the OP expects. Except he must also lay down his life for her iPad...

Edited July 6, 2020 by Elswyth

[rjc149]

25 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

LOL. No, some of us just have no interest in dudes who have balls bigger than their brains. If I wanted that I would date a bush cricket, not a man.

There is no possible situation where risking your life over an iPad is a logical or reasonable decision.

Also:

Sounds exactly like what the OP expects. Except he must also lay down his life for her iPad...

I 100% agree-- an iPad is not a hill worth dying for. 

But I would also argue that you would rather not date a dude with zero balls whatsoever. You would rather not date a man who would use his superior intellect to determine that it's more prudent to let a mugger bust your lip than place himself at risk attempting to assist you and protect you.

Or maybe you would. Some of the women here on LS say some pretty surprising things. If anything, I've learned to be more open-minded about female preferences. 

[Els]

1 hour ago, rjc149 said:

I 100% agree-- an iPad is not a hill worth dying for. 

But I would also argue that you would rather not date a dude with zero balls whatsoever. You would rather not date a man who would use his superior intellect to determine that it's more prudent to let a mugger bust your lip than place himself at risk attempting to assist you and protect you.

That will not happen because there is no situation in which I will be grabbing on to a thief and initiating a physical fight to try and prevent him from leaving. Like I said, that's a very different situation from being physically assaulted - literally the only thing she needed to do to end it was let go. If the OP had been attacked by the mugger instead, many of our responses would be different.

[rjc149]

29 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

That will not happen because there is no situation in which I will be grabbing on to a thief and initiating a physical fight to try and prevent him from leaving. Like I said, that's a very different situation from being physically assaulted - literally the only thing she needed to do to end it was let go. If the OP had been attacked by the mugger instead, many of our responses would be different.

I don't think that it matters how the altercation came to be, or who started it, or who's fault it was, etc. 

The bottom line is that the OP was in a violent confrontation and her BF stood and watched because he was too scared to do anything about it. If a mugger attacked first, the OP now has serious reason to doubt her BF would have acted differently, and has every reason to believe he would be too scared to protect her in any circumstance. 

This was a test of his mettle as a man and he failed. There's no other way to look at it, as far as I'm concerned. Who hit first, what they were scuffling over, is irrelevant. 

[manfrombelow]

Oh, one more thing, this is a golden example of how, to me, the entire discussion about "Gender Equality" is total BS.

Men and women are designed for different purposes with different expectations for each other.

In this case, according to the brilliant minds that graduated from the "Gender Studies" major at universities/colleges, OP should have got NO PROBLEM whatsoever about her man being a complete coward because of "eQuALitY", but hey....!!! 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 7/6/2020 at 11:16 PM, manfrombelow said:

Oh, one more thing, this is a golden example of how, to me, the entire discussion about "Gender Equality" is total BS.

Men and women are designed for different purposes with different expectations for each other.

In this case, according to the brilliant minds that graduated from the "Gender Studies" major at universities/colleges, OP should have got NO PROBLEM whatsoever about her man being a complete coward because of "eQuALitY", but hey....!!! 

 

That's clueless.

Him having and exercising common sense while she does not, in no way equates to cowardice.

 

You have to ask yourself why the OP came to LS, an anonymous online website, for advice, when she could have garnered far more precise advice for her unique scenario from her own parents.

[OrbitalKat]

Nobody carries guns in Romania and there are no gun fights over there. Romania has one of the toughest gun laws in the entire world. A thug can only kill you with a bat or a knife or beat you to death. Google that. Civilians do not carry guns, period. 

Belinda is right to be dissapointed in her boyfriend, regardless of whether or not she was right to confront the thief over the iPad. It wasn't about the iPad, the problem is that he does not have her back. When push comes to shove, in the future, he will not defend her, and I'm not even talking about defedning her in the sense of physical defense. This is a man who does not have your back and when something happens in your life that is not convenient to him, you'll find yourself alone. I think you should break up with him, OP, your gut feeling is right.  Find a man who has your back.

 

[Fresh_Start]

18 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

That's clueless.

Him having and exercising common sense while she does not, in no way equates to cowardice.

There are a lot of people in this world who will try to prevent the theft of their personal property and other crimes.  We've seen it with little old ladies who fight back against the thief who is trying to steal their purse, I showed you a video on the previous page of an elderly woman who fought off an armed robber, we all know the story of the Florida father who witnessed his son being molested and proceeded to nearly beat the molester to death, and I have explained the psychology of it with the fight or flight response. 

If I saw somebody breaking into my vehicle as I was walking towards it and attempting to steal my personal property, you best believe that I'm going to be accosting them.  It is not a matter of "common sense"; it is now an aggressive (fight) instinct triggered by me watching someone damage my vehicle with criminal intent and attempting to steal my property.  In this scenario, that was Belinda's natural instinct.  Furthermore, as soon as she started getting attacked, this whole entire encounter and everything leading up to it, right or wrong, stupid or smart, instinct or reason, stopped being about the laptop and started being about her safety.  At that point, it is your duty to intervene the same way it would be if you watched your child come into harm's way.  Whether it was the product of a stupid decision, bad luck, or the criminal activity of another person is no longer relevant at that point.   

Just because you would choose to stand there using "common sense" and doing nothing about it doesn't make it the right decision or a smart decision.  It makes it a cowardly decision.  At that point, you are watching your spouse, girlfriend, or child come into harm's way in a potentially life threatening scenario and doing absolutely nothing to intervene because you're more concerned with your own precious skin.  That is the personification of cowardice. 

[Dreamer2017]

Dear Belinda,

 

It is my opinion and belief that has been embedded in my ethos, is to defend all who I Iove with my life.  It was in college when I was recruited by the Marines and I love the Corps!!!! My brother was in the 1st Recon and I always looked up to him.  I then move forward with the PLC.  My morals and ethics are as follows.

1.)   I am always faithful to my God

2.)   I am always faithful to my family

3.)   I am faithful to my country.

I AM NOT AFRAID TO DIE!!!!!

Yes, I would have defended you with my life if that was required!!!

 

Dreamer