Took my ex for granted. How to get her back?

[Jackx]

I was together with my first love for 1.3years. We broke up 1.5months ago.(End of April)  She left me because she felt the relationship wasn’t going anywhere, I took her for granted sometimes and wasn’t sure what I really wanted. She was my first GF and we moved in after like 2months. We talked about marriage and kids. I’m 24, she’s 26. But over time my stupid ass just got lazy didn’t always show her the affection I should have. 
 

The breakup was good. Well I was upset but after we were laughing and kissing. She did say to me I’m pretty sure we won’t be together this year. When she broke up with me she said she was waiting for me to change, I just wish she would have told me earlier what she told me in the breakup so I had time to change. She said I am a man and I should know , which is true.

I was texting her every week after the breakup. I never managed to do full 30day NC. She left me because in her eyes I never fully cared. I thought if I kept telling her how much she means to me, then things might be ok. But I was in panic mode.

I also offered to pay for the deposit for a house for us. Her response was to ask my parents how to sort the mortgage/credit out. So I was thinkin she wants to give it a shot. She then said ‘do you really think any amount of money can buy my love?’. Now that was annoying, she could have just said  ‘No’ or I’m not interested’. So anyway that ship sailed. I told her she was just playing games. Weeks after we had alright conversations.
 

My last message was that I will give up on us and that I’m sorry for not treating her right and to take care of herself. Because I was getting nowhere with her. She is a stubborn girl and stands up for herself, plus her friends have been in her head.

I am thinking of contacting her again in 7weeks. Every relationship is different and so many variables on how long it takes to get them back. If she does not respond when I reach out then I will know to give up.

Does anyone have an advise or pointers? Would a simple ‘Hey how have you been’ be alright or should I have a reason for messaging her? Thanks. I officially hate this year! breakups in isolation suck!🖕🏼😁

Edited June 13, 2020 by Jackx

[Stevnx3]

Sorry you went through a break up. First loves/ break ups are always tough. To me, this all sounds very one-sided. You seem to be the one making all the changes and effort here. Even if you did get lazy - this happens in relationships.

She could have communicated this ( I know you mentioned this ) while in a relationship with you. Communication is very important. You are trying and she is rebuffing your efforts.

No contact should be consider self-therapy. It does bot usually result in a relationship again. If anything NC just teaches you to deal with being alone, under hope for the better.

Finally, you can ask her "How have you been?" See where it gets you. But if I were you: I'd start moving on if she rebuffs you again. I know it hurts; be strong.

[spiderowl]

I know you seem to want her back at the moment but it may be better to reflect on where this went wrong and to learn from it for next time.  Once people have decided to break up, they have usually been thinking about it for a while.

[kendahke]

On 6/13/2020 at 1:56 PM, Jackx said:

I am thinking of contacting her again in 7weeks.

Don't.

Just move on. If you haven't done any work on addressing why you take girls for granted when you're in a relationship with him by now, then you're just dragging the same messed up baggage back to her and she's not going to sort it for you; nor will any other woman.

There was a reason why you felt it was fine to take her for granted for as long as you did... and why it was fine to dismiss her complaints about the treatment until you no longer had access--and it now looks like you're just missing the convenience, not missing her and she knows that.

Use this time to sort yourself out.