Author Hopeful30 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 1 minute ago, nospam99 said: ^^^ Since I have now been engaged in a dialog .... it depends on the guy. Just my 'only one guy' opinion. If I felt a first-date woman had refused a kiss, I'd be more likely to move on and less likely to believe she was interested in seeing me again. And I don't 'chase'. I only 'keep the fire burning'. If I get what can be interpreted as a 'get lost' signal, I next. OP, by ducking the kiss, you sent a weak 'get lost'. While you can wait and see if he contacts you again, you contacting him removes your 'get lost' signal. Your contact can me as low key as 'Hey, did you have any ideas for more outings?' Perhaps the men I'm attracted to are like this hence why these experiences repeat. Edited June 14, 2020 by Hopeful30 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 No, I do not think this necessarily means that he's only out for sex. Everyone is different... some people are more conservative when it comes to connecting physically and they wait several dates, but some people are just very sexual/physical and don't see a reason to wait. I think it's jumping to conclusions to write him off because of this. Also it sounds like when you gave your cues that you didn't want to kiss just yet, he respected that. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Hopeful30 said: Now the question is...should I contact him? Usually I wait for men to contact first because I want to gauge their interest in me (and meet halfway). ...is that wrong? Men are supposed to chase after all 🤷♂️ I'd say trust your instinct. I fully respect your preference not to kiss on date 1, and I think the right man for you will roll with that and give it a few dates before he writes you off as uninterested. However, it certainly deviates from the norm in mainstream dating, which is generally to expect a kiss to happen on date 1. One could argue he did "chase" you by trying to kiss you, and you shut that down. So now he may be feeling a bit pushed back on his heels. You might need to be a little more proactive in following up and moving things forward, to communicate to him that you're not uninterested, just slower to warm up to a new man physically. Edited June 14, 2020 by Ruby Slippers 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 7 hours ago, Alexa 95 said: Really? A first date? People can't even wait for a second or third date. 🤔 They're pretty much still strangers at this point Yes, a first date. Many first dates don’t involve total strangers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I wouldn’t say a kiss is necessarily expected on the first date. But I also think it genuinely doesn’t matter. I doubt an attempted kiss on the first date is indicative of anything more than wanting to kiss. Some people think kissing is a big deal, others don’t. As for contacting him, how did the date end? Did you both indicate you’d like to meet again? If so, I’d wait for him to reach out. If however it was more ambiguous, then I think you should reach out to him if you’re interested in a second date because he could interpret your not wanting to kiss him as lack of interest, and it would be good for him to know that you are still interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 No it’s not a good assumption to make. I know this is a ‘thing’, because I’ve had many guys say they waited to make a move out of “respect” but not sure how this memo got around in the first place. Maybe it was started by the same person who made the 3 or so dates before sex rule if you’re looking for relationships/commitment. . But no, I don’t think that has much bearing onit because several of my friends are with guys who they hookup up with first date, let alone kids. To me, one thing that’s safe to assume is that a man who sits on his hands regarding intimacy to convey he is interested in a relationship has some kind of (imo twisted) notion about the meaning behind physical intimacy beyond just going on their feelings. I’m not really down with that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 It's been an incredibly lengthy lockdown in most places so it's understandable to a degree that he wanted some form of physical contact - it's nothing out of the ordinary to do on a first date either. The only way you'll be able to properly understand his intentions is to go on a second date and compare the outcome to the first. Good luck if you wish to proceed anyway! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 Oh yeah, I think the reason that he has not asked you for a second date yet is because you reject his kiss. He might need time to assess like you do x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) Don't be surprised if he never contacts you again for a 2nd date. He is assuming you are not interested in him romantically. By giving him your cheek tells him you do not fancy him. I can understand you do not want to kiss on a first date. Is that a rule that you follow all the time or you just not feeling it for this guy? If you are interested in this man you are going to have to do something to initiate a 2nd date or he is moving on to another women since he thinks you are not interested in him... Explain to him about you like to move slow and the cheek was not you rejecting him Edited June 14, 2020 by Juha Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 8 hours ago, Alexa 95 said: Really? A first date? People can't even wait for a second or third date. 🤔 They're pretty much still strangers at this point If you really like the guy, having a fun time why not have some innocent kissing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, Redhead14 said: He tried to kiss her within an hour of meeting. That's a little too forward, IMO. I've told this story often, but first time on this forum. When I met my bf for the first time (we chatted for a few weeks on line prior), we were both so attracted, the sexual tension so thick, he kissed me (passionately) after approx 30 minutes! That broke the tension a bit and we went on to have one of the best dates of my life! We are still together, 2+ years later. ❤️ So I think it depends. If you were both vibing and connecting (and when you are, it's obvious) then go with it. If you're "attracted to" him versus merely finding him attractive (there is a difference) don't play that "turn your cheek, it's too soon" game, it will come off to him as a test or game, not good. On the other hand, if you were on the fence about him, still deciding if you like him, then what you did was fine! When it comes to kissing or any other form of physical affection, it just really all depends, there is no one "right" way of doing it. Edited June 14, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I've told this story often, but first time on this forum. When I met my bf for the first time (we chatted for a few weeks on line prior), we were both so attracted, the sexual tension so thick, he kissed me (passionately) after approx 30 minutes! That broke the tension a bit and we went on to have one of the best dates of my life! We are still together, 2+ years later. ❤️ So I think it depends. If you were both vibing and connecting (and when you are, it's obvious) then go with it. If you're "attracted to" him versus merely finding him attractive (there is a difference) don't play that "turn your cheek, it's too soon" game, it will come off to him as a test or game, not good. On the other hand, if you were on the fence aboit him, still deciding if you like him, then what you did is fine! When it comes to kissing or any form of physical affection, it just really all depends, there is not one "right" way of doing it. I would agree poster is not really attracted to him all that much. If you were you would not have turned your cheek If he was taller you probably would be much more attracted to him, know you are trying to expand on your dating pool but it may be difficult to not subconsciously break your prior deal breakers Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 19 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: The majority of our conversations were about different sex cultures around the world, like Japanese underground sex culture. And you wonder why he wanted to escalate things? He probably thought he was onto a dead cert for first date sex. It is hardly a surprise he couldn't wait to get down to business... Why would you discuss sex, if a simple kiss was off the table? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 48 minutes ago, Juha said: I can understand you do not want to kiss on a first date. Is that a rule that you follow all the time or you just not feeling it for this guy? Neither. I'm not the kind of person to get physical that fast, whether I like the man or not. 44 minutes ago, Juha said: If you really like the guy, having a fun time why not have some innocent kissing? Too soon for me. 35 minutes ago, Juha said: I would agree poster is not really attracted to him all that much. If you were you would not have turned your cheek If he was taller you probably would be much more attracted to him, know you are trying to expand on your dating pool but it may be difficult to not subconsciously break your prior deal breakers On the contrary, I like him, but that's way too soon for me, which is why I'm annoyed that men move in so fast! They assume it's a rejection when they merely rushed, and I end up looking like the bad guy! That's not fair. 6 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Why would you discuss sex, if a simple kiss was off the table? He kept bringing up the topics, including weird things he's seen on his travels. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I would next time maybe tell the person sweetly you like them, but you feel it’s too soon for that, just so they know it’s not disinterest and headed In that direction 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 21 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I would next time maybe tell the person sweetly you like them, but you feel it’s too soon for that, just so they know it’s not disinterest and headed In that direction I did in a subtle way. Afterwards while we were walking, I told him that I enjoy savouring how things develop and like to take things slow. I hope he didn't misinterpret that either. We are in touch today so I hinted that he should bring his dog on our next walk. Let's see what he says. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 In feel like it’s better to not do ‘subtle’ in that situation. But I hope it works out for you despite that.🙏 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 28 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: ...so I hinted that he should bring his dog on our next walk. Let's see what he says. Dog - great subject for a conversation. Japanese underground sex culture - not so much... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 ^ completely disagree. Both fantastic subjects 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 11 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: ^ completely disagree. Both fantastic subjects Not if she is trying to cool his ardour... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I'm not impressed he was talking about sex on the first date. I've never been on a first date where the guy brought up sex in conversation. That didn't bother you? To me it's even more forward than going for a kiss. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Share Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'm not impressed he was talking about sex on the first date. I've never been on a first date where the guy brought up sex in conversation. That didn't bother you? To me it's even more forward than going for a kiss. I've given up caring at this point. I just want to find a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 Famous last words! Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: Now the question is...should I contact him? Usually I wait for men to contact first because I want to gauge their interest in me (and meet halfway). ...is that wrong? Men are supposed to chase after all 🤷♂️ There is no “supposed to” in my book only what you want and are after. If you are looking for a guy that will chase then that is your preference, your filter, it only matters if the filter works for you. He sounds like he was not disturbed or offended by you turning your cheek. Also would say to me an extended conversation about sex (even in an intellectual context) would lead me to believe a kiss is expected if as a guy I was feeling it. So wouldn’t read too much in him trying to kiss but how he reacted after seems to me to be more important...and would paint him in a positive light. Edited June 14, 2020 by SumGuy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: I did in a subtle way. Afterwards while we were walking, I told him that I enjoy savouring how things develop and like to take things slow. I hope he didn't misinterpret that either. We are in touch today so I hinted that he should bring his dog on our next walk. Let's see what he says. I like how you played it there. I may very much be a first date kiss guy, but I tend to be passionate. What I’m really passionate about though is connection, so at least for me I would react well to you enjoying and savoring how things develop (savor is the perfect word) and can completely respect, and more importantly enjoy, taking it slow. That and a woman who is chill with me bringing my dog along is golden. Oh and as an aside, not too subtle, I’d have gotten it no problem. You like me, but like to take it slow, let’s do this again. Perfect really. Edited June 15, 2020 by SumGuy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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