Otter2569 Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 I have been with my gf for 4 years. Its mostly been very good. In the last few months ive lost interest and have been distant partly due to stress and partly due to her weight gain. Shes also been really stressed. It felt like we were just getting it back. She planned an intimate date and after dinner at her place sh$t hit the fan. Not even sure how it started but it was her initiation. We rarely fight. All weekend she ignored my periodic texts and calls. Sunday my things r boxed and on the doorstep w a 2 page letter how i'm unsupportive. This was so over the top and out of character. I texted "best of luck to you" and have gone silent but feel really blindsided... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 Whatever her stress level has been she doesn't think you were supportive enough about it. Plus whatever that fight was it had probably been brewing for a while. She most likely thinks she expressed herself clearly only to have you fail to respond. Since you posted that you have no idea what happened, she probably wasn't as clear as she thought she was. Unless you can get her to talk to you or the 2 page letter has more insight then you are giving us, you may never know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Otter2569 said: This was so over the top and out of character. I texted "best of luck to you" and have gone silent but feel really blindsided... It was bound to end, right? You just didn't know when exactly it would. Most men who have been treating their gf/wife badly for looooong time don't think she'll ever breakup with him and then when she does, they feel blindsided. I would say you can't predict these things, except you can. If she's complaining and nothing is changing, it's coming, bud. It's just a matter of time. It's okay, you'll be okay. Just go find another woman to date. Edited June 15, 2020 by snowcones 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 The fight started because I asked where she wanted to order pizza for the kids. Of course you and I know it was about way more than that. The letter had a lot of insight about her insecurity, stresses, how she feels she has always has to handle everything in life and cant keep up. Also asking what I want from her and ended with 'the next move is yours ". Since it was attached to my box of belongings that she intentionally delivered when I wasn't home I didn't know how to take that - literally. After a confusing and highly emotional weekend I made my reply. IMO ignoring me and packing up my stuff crossed the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 23 minutes ago, snowcones said: "If she's complaining and nothing is changing, it's coming, bud. It's just a matter of time." Believe it or not we rarely argued. Things were really stressed the last few months - our lives have been like a country western song. Oh well, I was comfortable but I wasn't really all that happy. She was just a step ahead of me I guess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 47 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: Believe it or not we rarely argued. Things were really stressed the last few months - our lives have been like a country western song. Oh well, I was comfortable but I wasn't really all that happy. She was just a step ahead of me I guess. Correct. Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Sounds to me like you’re not bothered that it ended, but bothered that you weren’t the one to end it. That’s just ego, you’ll be fine. If you were truly heartbroken by this I think you would’ve tried to contact her again after reading the letter. Looks like your relationship ran it’s course 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Well then @Otter2569 You do not seem bothered by it. You internally have been ready for this moment, for some time now. Sucks, I know. But as she said: "Next move is yours." You made that move already. It crossed the line. IMO you should move on, if that is the case. Sucks as you both rarely argued; it only takes that one, though! Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 If you are confused as to why she broke up then you are either in denial or she didn't give you the real reason for the breakup. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 17 hours ago, Otter2569 said: In the last few months ive lost interest and have been distant partly due to stress and partly due to her weight gain. .....but feel really blindsided... You shouldn't feel blindsided. You were sending her the message that you were not into her anymore. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Unfortunate that a 4 year relationship had to end so abruptly, but also fortunate that you are now separated before things worsened to the point of it taking a bigger toll on both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Your feelings about her, even if unspoken, were clear to her. She could feel it, see it in how you acted with her. She probably followed suit and didn't voice what she was feeling in words that honestly and accurately addressed the situation. It sounds like it's the best thing for both of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 3 hours ago, Stevnx3 said: I am more shell shocked by the swift and aggressive action without any real dialog. Totally agree with everyone about giving off the negative vibe. IMO it was not that bad for that long and not without some really valid reasons on both ends. This morning I apologized and offered to talk about what happened and address concerns she voiced in her letter. I also need to do some soul searching in the mean time . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 4 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: I am more shell shocked by the swift and aggressive action without any real dialog. Totally agree with everyone about giving off the negative vibe. IMO it was not that bad for that long and not without some really valid reasons on both ends. This morning I apologized and offered to talk about what happened and address concerns she voiced in her letter. I also need to do some soul searching in the mean time . I see. Well. I do wish you all the best with soul searching. I know that none of this is easy. I can see where this sudden action would shell shock you. It would have me. I really do feel for you, and her. I hope you can work it out, especially internally. And find peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Otter2569 said: This morning I apologized and offered to talk about what happened and address concerns she voiced in her letter. I also need to do some soul searching in the mean time . Good for you. You have kids together? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 35 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: This morning I apologized and offered to talk about what happened and address concerns she voiced in her letter. I also need to do some soul searching in the mean time . And what concerns were these? You said she mentioned her insecurities - does she know how you felt about her weight gain? What was stressing you both out? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 She probably had been wanting to break up for a while, but she had been bottling it up. She had probably been planning this for a while, just waiting for the right time to do it. It sounds like this relationship wasn't working for some time, and it was bound to come to an end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted June 18, 2020 Author Share Posted June 18, 2020 On 6/16/2020 at 1:32 PM, Ellener said: Good for you. You have kids together? No. We both have kids from previous marriages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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