QuietRiot Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 I recently spoke with a woman that's a sister to someone I knew in high school. She's the younger sister. Her older sister is married. The woman I spoke to told me she's single and has no interest in dating and has remained single for 6 years. I have noticed this with mostly divorced women...some as young as mid-30s that has found contentment remaining out of a relationship as they prefer to occupy their times with their nieces or nephews (if they have no kids)...and if they do have kids...well, spend time with their kids and gal pals and/or possibly their platonic guy pals, but typically these guys wind up wanting more from her. I know a woman that knows how men can be so she has a teen daughter she loves spending time with and the grand parents. Outside of family, she has 3 gal pals that she only meets up with and nothing more outside of that. Men tend to get slightly pushy with her when they meet her...saying, "Nah you can't possibly mean that forever" even her lady friends try to fix her up spontaneously or get a guy to come approach her. She even said she doesn't even doe friends with benefits, which is surprising....but yea, it would complicate things. What's interesting is, where I live, out in the boonies, the drive to have a partner in your life is much higher than city folk. So it is kind of uncharacteristic of a single gal to remain unattached in a small town vs a big city gal. Men ,however, typically cannot go without companionship, for long periods like women...at least the kind of companionship they desire. I dunno, how many of ya'll gentleman are trying to search for a lady and wind up coming across women preferring to remain unattached? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 I prefer relationships. Always been a relationship person. Life is easier when it's 2 people. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 I don't know, I'm seeing more of both men and women remaining single, especially post-divorce. Men may try more for casual relationships with women than the other way around because they want sex but not the relationship more than women do, but they have porn and can satisfy themselves that way. I have read that young people are having less sex now with each other than ever before too. Not sure what exactly is behind that but I suspect some of it has to do with so much socializing moving online and porn too. The drive and the payoff is just not there as much for people to connect in person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, QuietRiot said: I recently spoke with a woman that's a sister to someone I knew in high school. She's the younger sister. Her older sister is married. The woman I spoke to told me she's single and has no interest in dating and has remained single for 6 years. I have noticed this with mostly divorced women...some as young as mid-30s that has found contentment remaining out of a relationship as they prefer to occupy their times with their nieces or nephews (if they have no kids)...and if they do have kids...well, spend time with their kids and gal pals and/or possibly their platonic guy pals, but typically these guys wind up wanting more from her. I know a woman that knows how men can be so she has a teen daughter she loves spending time with and the grand parents. Outside of family, she has 3 gal pals that she only meets up with and nothing more outside of that. Men tend to get slightly pushy with her when they meet her...saying, "Nah you can't possibly mean that forever" even her lady friends try to fix her up spontaneously or get a guy to come approach her. She even said she doesn't even doe friends with benefits, which is surprising....but yea, it would complicate things. What's interesting is, where I live, out in the boonies, the drive to have a partner in your life is much higher than city folk. So it is kind of uncharacteristic of a single gal to remain unattached in a small town vs a big city gal. Men ,however, typically cannot go without companionship, for long periods like women...at least the kind of companionship they desire. I dunno, how many of ya'll gentleman are trying to search for a lady and wind up coming across women preferring to remain unattached? It seems perfectly normal to me. If one is not that interested in sex and romance, and has plenty of other people and things to do to provide that sense of intimacy and connection why would one need or want a partner. I can see a woman being OK with a relationship where the man lets her be this way without pressure...but my recollection of the boonies (and heck even cities) is such men are hard to find...they can't understand such a relationship and won't be down with the occasional companionship. I can say I do like a relationship, intense see each other all the time kind, doing mundane chores together, going on vacation together, etc., and although that is me I can definitively see how a person could not want that and be perfectly fine with it. I don't find this often or really at all as when searching was using OLD and sites/apps where it is more about LTR. But a women with their own lives set up and not jumping to integrate and move in, very common, but I'm 50+ and date women who have it together...with their own home, career, friends, families...so integration is not as simple as getting a place together as when younger. Which is also fine by me as I have a few years before have the complete freedom to integrate. Edited June 16, 2020 by SumGuy 4 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) l'll guarantee the younger ones claiming that will mostly turn into one of the older ones in a panic later. Older women some , l dunno , who cares they can do what they want there's plenty of others that do want a relationship . Plenty of guys don't wanna get involved again after a divorce either, women are pushy and bossy and take away freedom and many other things too it's not only men - where do you think term ball and chain came from. l know a few single guys 50s wouldn't get involved with another woman for a million bucks, seems to be a common complaint of single women on ls , they just bring one home now and then for a bit of fun that's it. l also know 2 women around the same age both say they don't wanna be involved again either , there'll always be some in either. But l will say after marriage and meeting women again , 90% of them give or take , really wanted to meet someone to share life and grow old together with, there was no doubt about that . Maybe in some other parts that might be a lot lower hell l dunno or do l care , but just sayin. Edited June 16, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Four of my good female friends never married or had kids, and while they've occasionally dated someone or briefly had a FWB, they're not interested in a relationship. They are very content with just having friends, and are now at an age where a relationship would probably be highly disruptive to their lives. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 Generally, after the initial adjustment, women are happier after breakups and divorce than men and do better on their own. They tend to have stronger support networks of friends and family, and of course every woman knows that a hookup with a hot guy is just a few text messages away, if she gets the urge for that. Generally, as long as it's present, the male sex drive keeps men hunting for a sexual partner. Women are a lot more selective and can better manage their own sexual needs solo. I just broke up with my ex last week, and this morning I cleaned the microwave. One of our biggest points of contention in the day to day realm is that he's kind of a slob and it was a bummer that he was always making messes and I was cleaning them up. He was bad about covering his food in the microwave with a paper towel, so the microwave always looked like a disaster zone of splattered food, whereas when it's just me, it stays nearly spotless. I felt a sense of relief that now my home is getting back to its normal state of being nice and clean with a certain purity about it. I think it's very common that after a breakup, women feel a huge sense of relief that they're no longer burdened with all the extra work that comes with living with a man. It's almost like you're taking care of an overgrown child, and suddenly you're free of all the responsibility and frustrations that come with it. I've noticed many women on this board who were married for years express that they have no desire to live with another man, and it often seems it's because they don't want those extra burdens of housekeeping and caretaking anymore. I get it. So, it's not that women don't want companionship. It's just that we're happier alone than with a companion who feels like a weight on us. And unfortunately, this is how it works out with a lot of couples. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 24 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Generally, after the initial adjustment, women are happier after breakups and divorce than men and do better on their own. They tend to have stronger support networks of friends and family I’d say this is the main reason. Men tend not to go to other men as an emotional resource, even if they have lots of friends. And most men don’t have a lot of friends. Men seek a relationship to have that deeper emotional bond, and therefore struggle more without it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 50 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: I’d say this is the main reason. Men tend not to go to other men as an emotional resource, even if they have lots of friends. And most men don’t have a lot of friends. Men seek a relationship to have that deeper emotional bond, and therefore struggle more without it. There are just as many men not wanting to be in a relationship as women....Maybe more...The interest in M/F relationships for men has much to do with sex drive...Sex drive goes and that's that....Conversely, there are women who still want a male companion even if the sex ship sailed....They may understand that sex is needed to maintain the relationship. but it may not be a vital aspect as it is for men.. That's why you see more women seeking male friends than the opposite.. The problem for women at that age is multi fold...If they are single moms,. a lot of guys dont want to deal with that...The higher tier guys have all sorts of options so they may go for a younger woman, woman with no baggage, princesses, etc...The guys left on the market become a rag tag bunch of Peter Pan's, non committal pussy hounds, and just a smattering of other guys that most women don't want(unattractive, fat, broke, stupid, whatever).... It's easy to see why they either settle for something that's not ideal or just resign to the sex toys and cats...Chasing rainbows is exhausting.... TFY Edited June 16, 2020 by thefooloftheyear 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 20 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: There are just as many men not wanting to be in a relationship as women....Maybe more... Not according to most research. A higher percentage of women report being happy single, and a higher percentage of men actively seek a relationship (not just sex) when single. It’s not a huge difference - about 10 percent or so on both measures, but to answer the question of the thread: Yes, more women are content being unattached then men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 5 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Yes, more women are content being unattached then men. I wonder how that varies with age. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Not according to most research. A higher percentage of women report being happy single, and a higher percentage of men actively seek a relationship (not just sex) when single. It’s not a huge difference - about 10 percent or so on both measures, but to answer the question of the thread: Yes, more women are content being unattached then men. Perhaps for the reason's I mentioned, though....not because they "just feel like it" or that they actually prefer it... If it makes guys feel better to think that the reason they can't catch any fish is that the fish aren't there, then great....they aren't there....😂 TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 13 minutes ago, sothereiwas said: I wonder how that varies with age. Just a guess but it’s probably true of younger women and older women. I’d guess that women in their late 20s - late 30s that want kids / marriage likely are more active in seeking a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 13 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: Perhaps for the reason's I mentioned, though....not because they "just feel like it" or that they actually prefer it... Most of research I’ve read cites more time and energy to dedicate to their education and career as the main reason they preferred being single (of those that did). And not to drive the point, the actual difference between the percentage of women and men that are happy being single is quite small. But there is a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 46 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Not according to most research. A higher percentage of women report being happy single, and a higher percentage of men actively seek a relationship (not just sex) when single. Just look this board. Men tend to complain they can't find a woman to date. Women tend to complain they can't right the right man to date. Most women could go out somewhere, throw a shoe, and hit a guy who would date her. Very few men could pull that off. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 At the risk of repeating myself, I'm 66 (old), 5'8'' (below average height), and apparently ridiculously healthy and physically active. I've been having a lot of frustration finding a woman who is willing to date a man my age and height AND physically able and willing to keep up with me. I assume that based on my age and height, I'm not considered 'top tier'. So women content to remain unattached just further thins the fish in the pond. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 8 hours ago, SumGuy said: I can say I do like a relationship, intense see each other all the time kind, doing mundane chores together, going on vacation together, etc., and although that is me I can definitively see how a person could not want that and be perfectly fine with it. I've been joking with my married friends this week, they are saying their spouses drive them crazy with lockdown and I have been thinking wish I was married again to have someone to share lockdown! Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 29 minutes ago, nospam99 said: At the risk of repeating myself, I'm 66 (old), 5'8'' (below average height), and apparently ridiculously healthy and physically active. I've been having a lot of frustration finding a woman who is willing to date a man my age and height AND physically able and willing to keep up with me Where are you and how can I hook you up with my early 60's mom whose ideal height is 5'8" and top criteria is healthy and active? 😂 Men like you are rare, at least according to her. Haha. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 @nospam99, you’ll have wait about a decade when men start passing away at a higher rate then women to start moving up the ranks... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 I think different people vary as to what sex they prefer to spend time with. I have female friends who love to spend time with other women. I'm not too keen on that and prefer to spend time with a guy. I don't think it's a sexuality thing, more whose company you prefer in general. Women who prefer the company of women will probably be less concerned about finding a guy for romance and men who prefer to be alone or to hang around with the guys will probably be less driven to find a female companion. If, as a woman, your emotional needs are satisfied by being with other women, then what's the rush to find a guy, unless your sex drive is strong? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, nospam99 said: At the risk of repeating myself, I'm 66 (old), 5'8'' (below average height), and apparently ridiculously healthy and physically active. I've been having a lot of frustration finding a woman who is willing to date a man my age and height AND physically able and willing to keep up with me. I assume that based on my age and height, I'm not considered 'top tier'. So women content to remain unattached just further thins the fish in the pond. At 5'8 you're well into a good height range for men your age. Today's younger men are a lot taller than we were - I'm always astounded at the how nearly all of daughter's male friends are over 6'. So we have to compare our height to that of our peers. The women who want active lives are out there. I go to the gym during the day and there are so many retirees there who could easily keep up with you. One complication I recall (please forgive me if I've mistaken you for someone else) that you have is that you've written about wanting the right hip to waist ratio. The older women I see in the change rooms may be fit, but many have lost that tiny waist. Or like one of the older female PTs, may be super fit and strong, but has the genetics which leave her with a 'blockish' shape. Don't loose hope, but do adjust your expectations for your body shape of the average fit, older woman. Lots of fish out there if you broaden your search criteria. Edited June 16, 2020 by basil67 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 I'm seeing this among female peers who've divorced. The kids have grown up and are now self sufficient, husband is out of her hair and she can now do what she wants with her life. She's finally got some 'me time'. She doesn't have to fit in with a partner's schedule and she doesn't have to live up to a partner's expectations. And if her sex drive disappeared, she doesn't have to worry about that either. Also, some of my divorced female peers switched sides and are now with women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: Not according to most research. A higher percentage of women report being happy single, and a higher percentage of men actively seek a relationship (not just sex) when single. It’s not a huge difference - about 10 percent or so on both measures, but to answer the question of the thread: Yes, more women are content being unattached then men. Research besearch half the time . Women often can't resist grandstanding when asked or around their friends, put out a lot of bravado, can't say as l see even close to stats like that in RL reality though , not even close. l was single 4 yrs or so later 40s , so later 30s to later 40s is the kind of age range l saw a lot of, don't think l even met one that didn't still hope to meet mr right . The other two l mentioned that l've known years have just never had any luck with men lived most]y single lives and even one of those told me many times over the years she'd love to get married, she's just given up now. As l said l don't care but just sayin. ps , l don't really know any older but l would be guessing much older women though , late 50s , 60s, still single would be over it mostly though , might wanna just stay single though , and the same in men. Edited June 16, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 16, 2020 Author Share Posted June 16, 2020 5 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Generally, after the initial adjustment, women are happier after breakups and divorce than men and do better on their own. They tend to have stronger support networks of friends and family, and of course every woman knows that a hookup with a hot guy is just a few text messages away, if she gets the urge for that. Generally, as long as it's present, the male sex drive keeps men hunting for a sexual partner. Women are a lot more selective and can better manage their own sexual needs solo. I just broke up with my ex last week, and this morning I cleaned the microwave. One of our biggest points of contention in the day to day realm is that he's kind of a slob and it was a bummer that he was always making messes and I was cleaning them up. He was bad about covering his food in the microwave with a paper towel, so the microwave always looked like a disaster zone of splattered food, whereas when it's just me, it stays nearly spotless. I felt a sense of relief that now my home is getting back to its normal state of being nice and clean with a certain purity about it. I think it's very common that after a breakup, women feel a huge sense of relief that they're no longer burdened with all the extra work that comes with living with a man. It's almost like you're taking care of an overgrown child, and suddenly you're free of all the responsibility and frustrations that come with it. I've noticed many women on this board who were married for years express that they have no desire to live with another man, and it often seems it's because they don't want those extra burdens of housekeeping and caretaking anymore. I get it. So, it's not that women don't want companionship. It's just that we're happier alone than with a companion who feels like a weight on us. And unfortunately, this is how it works out with a lot of couples. You know...funny you mention that, as it appears to be a common theme that cleaning up after a guy was kind of the main things that triggered a break up...in the long term...I guess? I mean, which is worse...a sloppy guy, or one of the many reasons that women break up with men...like addiction, abuse, infidelity, etc. Much worse reasons to end it I suppose as compared to a sloppier guy. (How sloppy ? I dunno). But I don't do well with neat freaks either. Knew a woman that wouldn't even let you into the house with your shoes...and yes they were dress shoes. No mud or anything. She was a bacteria-phobe. Her roomate (a woman) think she's off her rocker. Shudder to think how's she is handling the Covid 19 situation. I sympathize with her. In contrast, I knew a couple of women that actually went out of their ways to do their b/fs a favor. Although, they did not LIVE with their B/F's, but had a key to their places. BOTH thought they'd do them a huge favor by coming in and cleaning. Of course, I think it is women, in general, that have a tendency to be cleaner than men, and thus back in the day where women stayed home and men were the bread winners, it was rather instinctual for them to clean. Result: They got ticked off for moving their stuff around and now can't find it. And I"m thinking DUDE "She's a KEEPER> WTF Is wrong with you?!" lol!" But the caveat there is, they weren't living together. If you head into the 65+ crowd if widows and singles...I hear things how men in THAT age bracket are looking for a "nurse with a purse" LOL Funny term. OH, and I do recall a man that was dying of cancer that met a woman online that she wanted to marry him as he was doing pretty well financially. She was giving him the affection and "love" he needed, as he was kind of desperate for companionship in his final years. So it was rather...transactional. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted June 16, 2020 Share Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) LOL @ healing light. As the location in my posts says, I'm in upstate New York, more precisely within 3 hours of NYC. So are you going to hook me up with your mom? :D Rare? Truthfully, the other 'old guys' in my meetup groups and dance parties are almost always visibly taller than me (plenty of six-footers) and, even at my age, the grandmothers still gravitate their way. Edited June 16, 2020 by nospam99 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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