Are more women content on remaining unattached?

[Mysterio]

I don't want to hijack the Thread.  I don't think I am rigid.  I am just being practical with my life.  I just want a classic relationship thats BF/GF in nature.  I find the women in my city a little bit on the chilly side.  I don't get the vibe they are all gung ho about dating.  That me looking past myself.  They seem to come off like if the woman goes out on a date.  They are super locked into the guy.  

Rigid to me is like I want the woman to dress a certain way or wear her hair a certain way.  I think that the women that are single in my social circles.  They just come off as Ice.  

[CaliforniaGirl]

21 minutes ago, Mysterio said:

I don't want to hijack the Thread.  I don't think I am rigid.  I am just being practical with my life.  I just want a classic relationship thats BF/GF in nature.  I find the women in my city a little bit on the chilly side.  I don't get the vibe they are all gung ho about dating.  That me looking past myself.  They seem to come off like if the woman goes out on a date.  They are super locked into the guy.  

Rigid to me is like I want the woman to dress a certain way or wear her hair a certain way.  I think that the women that are single in my social circles.  They just come off as Ice.  

I don't think you're rigid, necessarily. I just think you're looking for love. There's nothing wrong with that.

[basil67]

44 minutes ago, Mysterio said:

I don't think I am rigid. 

I didn't say you're rigid.  What I suggested is that a fair amount of what you're looking for isn't easy to find in your age bracket.   

 

 

[Azincourt]

You know, it seems to be a generational thing. Young women  - many of them - are very keen when it comes to getting a boyfriend and making it official, and getting things on track heading out for marriage and children, whereas women who are divorced and older are usually not looking into getting into something serious. Marriage benefits men a lot more than it does women., and I wonder if all the societal pressure women go through to get married is because women are naturally happier being single and without a boyfriend than a man is happy being single and not having sex.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

You know, it seems to be a generational thing. Young women  - many of them - are very keen when it comes to getting a boyfriend and making it official, and getting things on track heading out for marriage and children, whereas women who are divorced and older are usually not looking into getting into something serious. Marriage benefits men a lot more than it does women., and I wonder if all the societal pressure women go through to get married is because women are naturally happier being single and without a boyfriend than a man is happy being single and not having sex.

I thought this was the whole point. You're a few pages behind. 😂

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

You know, it seems to be a generational thing. Young women  - many of them - are very keen when it comes to getting a boyfriend and making it official, and getting things on track heading out for marriage and children, whereas women who are divorced and older are usually not looking into getting into something serious. Marriage benefits men a lot more than it does women.,

Yes, I've been saying the same thing throughout the post.   The women I know who no longer want to date are all >50 and divorced

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

and I wonder if all the societal pressure women go through to get married is because women are naturally happier being single and without a boyfriend than a man is happy being single and not having sex.

"women are naturally happier being single"  That's one hell of a generalisation - and it's untrue.   Throughout my dating life, I was always happier in a relationship.   I'm perfectly content in my long term relationship too.    And yes, some women are happier single and others are happy either way.   We are not a job lot who all think the same way.

And while getting married does have some roots in societal pressure, it also has practical uses when a country doesn't have laws which protect defacto partners in the case of divorce.   Meanwhile, some people really just want to marry their loved one - no societal pressure, not for legal reasons....but for love.

[Azincourt]

17 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I thought this was the whole point. You're a few pages behind. 😂

Which is why I feel that older women; mothers, older sisters, grandmothers, and teachers, should go around young women warning them that the idea of a life-long marriage/co-habitation and children is picture-perfect in theory, but in reality it's very rarely seen.

From lazy husbands who don't want to get a job, to men who let themselves go and go from looking like Vin Diesel circa 2005 to Giorgio Armani(the fashion designer, not the models) 2020 because he feels safe in his marriage and doesn't want to put work in anymore.

Married men who become addicted to porn. Married men chasing after women half their age. 

Today I saw a 200,000 dollars car, a mustang. I was expecting to see a 25 year old soccer player behind the wheel?

Nah. Brah was in his 60s, and I don't think he bought the car to impress his wife.

Quote

"women are naturally happier being single"  That's one hell of a generalisation - and it's untrue.   Throughout my dating life, I was always happier in a relationship.   I'm perfectly content in my long term relationship too.    And yes, some women are happier single and others are happy either way.   We are not a job lot who all think the same way.

Me is a bartender.

Between serving 18 year olds who are spending their life savings on drinks trying to get sex, I also do time in classy places where middle-aged women go to. The complaints I hear about their husbands are enough to write a book with the thickness of the Holy Bible.

There are good marriages, for sure. Just like there are Victoria's secret models that don't look at a man's bank account before accepting a date with him. But I have yet to meet that Victoria Secret's model.

Edited June 25, 2020 by Azincourt

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Which is why I feel that older women; mothers, older sisters, grandmothers, and teachers, should go around young women warning them that the idea of a life-long marriage/co-habitation and children is picture-perfect in theory, but in reality it's very rarely seen.

And men telling women what they should do is part of the reason older women stay single  

I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.

 

Edited June 25, 2020 by basil67

[Azincourt]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

And men telling women what they should do is part of the reason older women stay single  

I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.

 

And older women are very smart staying single. That ain't much a man can offer to women these days that women can't get on their own. 

Same goes for younger women. Ladies, if you are in your late teens to mid-20s.

Don't think about getting married or about getting a serious relationship so soon in your lives.

You have your whole lives ahead of you, and  men your age, or even most men who are 10+ years don't really have much going for them. 

Most are broke with college debt, they don't have their own house, they don't even have the money for a downpayment. They don't bother with their physical apperance so at the age of 25 they be looking like 15 year old marathon-runners, and honestly, most men are bad in bed, and young women are better off using sex-toys.

Eligible bachelors are as common as perfect teeth in men and women who were born and lived 15,000 years ago.

[basil67]

That's just obnoxious @Azincourt   

There are plenty of fine young men who are respectful, hard working, take care of their looks and care for their partners.   

 

[SumGuy]

18 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@Azincourt   

There are plenty of fine young men who are respectful, hard working, take care of their looks and care for their partners.   

 

Agreed that of course there are, just not in his world / orbit.

24 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Eligible bachelors are as common as perfect teeth in men and women who were born and lived 15,000 years ago.

Ahhh, actually 15,000 years ago humans were hunter-gatherer types (to put it in colloquial terms)...and their teeth are pretty darn good, especially the men and especially those who had a diet high in sea food.  I'm suspecting from this you have never read any primary archaeological or paleontology works. 

From a previous post it seems you modus operandi is to ask women fro neck down nudes before dating....yah any scene where that is a norm is not one where I'd expect to find respectful, hard working, take care of their partners men.   

[SumGuy]

40 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Me is a bartender.

Explains a lot.

 Between serving 18 year olds who are spending their life savings on drinks trying to get sex, I also do time in classy places where middle-aged women go to. The complaints I hear about their husbands are enough to write a book with the thickness of the Holy Bible.

I am sure you have plenty of stories...if you can't see how self selecting and non-representative your sample is there is no help for you....first those who go to a bar, second those who have woes, third those who share said woes with the bartender, fourth the woes are accurately reported.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Which is why I feel that older women; mothers, older sisters, grandmothers, and teachers, should go around young women warning them that the idea of a life-long marriage/co-habitation and children is picture-perfect in theory, but in reality it's very rarely seen.

From lazy husbands who don't want to get a job, to men who let themselves go and go from looking like Vin Diesel circa 2005 to Giorgio Armani(the fashion designer, not the models) 2020 because he feels safe in his marriage and doesn't want to put work in anymore.

Married men who become addicted to porn. Married men chasing after women half their age. 

Today I saw a 200,000 dollars car, a mustang. I was expecting to see a 25 year old soccer player behind the wheel?

Nah. Brah was in his 60s, and I don't think he bought the car to impress his wife.

Me is a bartender.

Between serving 18 year olds who are spending their life savings on drinks trying to get sex, I also do time in classy places where middle-aged women go to. The complaints I hear about their husbands are enough to write a book with the thickness of the Holy Bible.

There are good marriages, for sure. Just like there are Victoria's secret models that don't look at a man's bank account before accepting a date with him. But I have yet to meet that Victoria Secret's model.

I'm pretty sure young women have a good handle on what's happening in the marriages around them and can make that decision for themselves. Relationships are pretty transparent today. If not their own families, then social media, articles, etc. will tell them all sorts of specifics. People today talk about stuff they didn't a generation ago (maybe a little more).

I'm not going to be the crotchety old babe trying to bestow my questionable (and biased) wisdom on an unwilling crowd of 16-year-olds. Like they'd listen. 😂

Edited June 26, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[basil67]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

Agreed that of course there are, just not in his world / orbit  

When one's baseline seems to be based around adoration of male movie stars, of course the general male population will fail in comparison. 

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I'm not going to be the crotchety old babe trying to bestow my questionable (and biased) wisdom in an unwillingly my crowd of 16-year-olds. Like they'd listen. 😂

Yes, my immediate thought was to wonder if Azincourt had any real life experience with mentoring teenage girls.

Edited June 26, 2020 by basil67
spello

[Artdeco]

37 minutes ago, basil67 said:

When one's baseline seems to be based around adoration of male movie stars, of course the general male population will fail in comparison. 

 

As for younger women or girls, I’m relieved that there seems to be some distancing from the Disney princesses and Disney princes, and from all the over-romantic love stories that aren’t real. Gen Z is def smarter in the love dept, or more realistic than Most in my generation used to be. 

 

As far as older women, and I’m talking 40+, I think that once they’re divorced, most don’t want to have a live-in boyfriend or a husband. It’s just too much of a hassle - once you’re used to being by yourself and set in your ways, what can a man contribute? Sure – You CAN have a boyfriend. But as soon as he lives with you, the romance is gone. And especially divorced women know the difference, because they’ve lived through cohabitation before. Do that again? If yes, it  has to be close to perfect. Not many can live up to that. And women know that. The only women I know that want a stable live-in partner or get married later in life are those who are worried about their financial future, and about “what happens if I get sick”, and what if the kids have their own fams, and what happens when I’m older and stuff like that. Which are legit reasons. They are! But they don’t make you happy, and you’ll compromise yet again - like you always did! There is never really a “romantic” reason that I hear about. 🤷🏼‍♀️

 

Men OTOH - they have a hard time being self-sufficient. I don’t know why, though. Most of them even in my age group know how to iron, how to cook (Many of them better than most women), how to clean and everything else. It must be a sex thing. They want to have access to sex and that’s why they don’t want to live alone. 

 

And the conclusion is the same as it has always been - Disney princesses or not. Sex is being traded for security/companionship/$$ .... No matter anybody’s age it seems. And therefore IMO women who don’t need this type of security (be it bc they’re financially stable, bc they love being independent, bc they are not afraid of what the future brings, ...) will less likely commit to a live-in relationship or a committed relationship or another marriage later in life.

 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, Artdeco said:

Men OTOH - they have a hard time being self-sufficient. I don’t know why, though. Most of them even in my age group know how to iron, how to cook (Many of them better than most women), how to clean and everything else. It must be a sex thing. They want to have access to sex and that’s why they don’t want to live alone. 

And this may well explain why some of the older posters are like "if she doesn't wants sex - DIVORCE".   It would appear that this is top of the priority list for some men.

I'm in my 50's and didn't see much in the way of Disney ideals thing going on when I was young. 

Edited June 26, 2020 by basil67

[Artdeco]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And this may well explain why some of the older posters are like "if she doesn't wants sex - DIVORCE".   It would appear that this is top of the priority list for some men.

Yes! It seems to be! 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I do think for some "older" men it's very much about sex.  They aren't able to get as much of it "randomly" like they did when they were younger so they need to lock someone down to have it on the regular lol.  I'm friends on Facebook with some single men (some I've never met but they live in my area and are friends of friends who requested me) and some of them lament so damn much about how lonely they are.  It's such a turnoff!  I can't imagine any woman, unless she was also super needy, responding to that and knowing they'd have to provide so much companionship to the person.  Yuck. I would much rather have a man who has his own life.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

And this may well explain why some of the older posters are like "if she doesn't wants sex - DIVORCE".   It would appear that this is top of the priority list for some men.

I'm in my 50's and didn't see much in the way of Disney ideals thing going on when I was young. 

I didn't either. Not by a mile. It was the 80s, we were all working on equality, self-sufficiency, careers and we sure didn't want to be our mothers. 

 

[Azincourt]

Quote

Dating and relationships have always been hard. In this day and age, however, they can sometimes seem impossible. Particularly, women I speak to say that they can't find a good man. They lament over the guys that they say are stuck in childhood, not taking responsibility for their lives. They complain about the men they call "nice guy, push-over" types, who don't stir passionate feelings. They also have difficulty with men they label attractive "jerks," who disrespect them, ignore their needs, and break hearts.

That's from psychology today.

I don't see this abundance of financially stable, physically attractive, responsible, already owns a house at the age of 25-30, male crowd going around. Then again I'm working class. I don't hang out with lawyers, engineers, dentists and doctors, that's the middle-class, and I have a feel that's where most of the women who are middle-aged and in relationship forums tend to belong to.

 

 

 

Edited June 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed non topical info

[Ruby Slippers]

13 hours ago, Artdeco said:

As far as older women, and I’m talking 40+, I think that once they’re divorced, most don’t want to have a live-in boyfriend or a husband. It’s just too much of a hassle - once you’re used to being by yourself and set in your ways, what can a man contribute? Sure – You CAN have a boyfriend. But as soon as he lives with you, the romance is gone. And especially divorced women know the difference, because they’ve lived through cohabitation before. Do that again? If yes, it  has to be close to perfect. Not many can live up to that. And women know that. The only women I know that want a stable live-in partner or get married later in life are those who are worried about their financial future, and about “what happens if I get sick”, and what if the kids have their own fams, and what happens when I’m older and stuff like that. Which are legit reasons. They are! But they don’t make you happy, and you’ll compromise yet again - like you always did! There is never really a “romantic” reason that I hear about. 🤷🏼‍♀️

 

Men OTOH - they have a hard time being self-sufficient. I don’t know why, though. Most of them even in my age group know how to iron, how to cook (Many of them better than most women), how to clean and everything else. It must be a sex thing. They want to have access to sex and that’s why they don’t want to live alone. 

 

And the conclusion is the same as it has always been - Disney princesses or not. Sex is being traded for security/companionship/$$ .... No matter anybody’s age it seems. And therefore IMO women who don’t need this type of security (be it bc they’re financially stable, bc they love being independent, bc they are not afraid of what the future brings, ...) will less likely commit to a live-in relationship or a committed relationship or another marriage later in life.

 

Damn. Wisdom bomb! 

I'd prefer to live with a good man long term, but you're right that unless it's really good, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

[QuietRiot]

20 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Damn. Wisdom bomb! 

I'd prefer to live with a good man long term, but you're right that unless it's really good, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

I am wondering though, why are women okay without the sex and security, but men still long for it? I mean, we can bring in the book of Genesis as it stems back to Adam asking God for companionship and thus Eve was created. And therein where it was imbeded that men needed women more so than the otherway around. It's ingrained in use to pursue...almost relentlessly. Persistently.

Edited June 27, 2020 by QuietRiot

[Azincourt]

9 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

I'd prefer to live with a good man long term, but you're right that unless it's really good, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

It really doesn't. Men get set in their ways when they've been single or divorced for long, and then it's a hassle to live with them. My aunties - the ones who are married - lament over the loss of the personal freedoms that comes from living alone, although they like their husbands and all that, they do miss the lives they once had when they were single.

Quote

I am wondering though, why are women okay without the sex and security, but men still long for it? I mean, we can bring in the book of Genesis as it stems back to Adam asking God for companionship and thus Eve was created. And therein where it was imbeded that men needed women more so than the otherway around.

More than half of middle-aged men don't have the physical health to perform, if I'm not mistaken, and many men are lazy in bed and don't want to bother making women happy.  Which makes middle-aged women reluctant when it comes to finding a new partner because they don't know how the guy is, either as a romantic partner, as a sexual partner, and as a human being.

When Amon-Ra created the world, and then created Osiris and Isis, He created the world's first couple. Human beings are imperfect, so it's natural for women's and men's sex drives to exist in a disparity state of being, as it is. 

But that's easy enough to solve.

Middle-aged men should hit the GYM HARD.  Hugh Jackman is like 60 years old or something and he's super swole and jacked.  Inspire lust in women when they look at you and you'll have a fun sex life as a middle-aged dude.

Edited June 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[QuietRiot]

17 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

It really doesn't. Men get set in their ways when they've been single or divorced for long, and then it's a hassle to live with them. My aunties - the ones who are married - lament over the loss of the personal freedoms that comes from living alone, although they like their husbands and all that, they do miss the lives they once had when they were single.

More than half of middle-aged men don't have the physical health to perform, if I'm not mistaken, and many men are lazy in bed and don't want to bother making women happy.  Which makes middle-aged women reluctant when it comes to finding a new partner because they don't know how the guy is, either as a romantic partner, as a sexual partner, and as a human being.

When Amon-Ra created the world, and then created Osiris and Isis, He created the world's first couple. Human beings are imperfect, so it's natural for women's and men's sex drives to exist in a disparity state of being, as it is. 

But that's easy enough to solve.

Middle-aged men should hit the GYM HARD.  Hugh Jackman is like 60 years old or something and he's super swole and jacked.  Inspire lust in women when they look at you and you'll have a fun sex life as a middle-aged dude.

I am noticing quite the sweeping generalization of middle-aged men here. First, define what is "middle-aged"?  I mean, they are touting out 60 is the new 40 and on down the line. Of course, I do agree the health of ALL Americans (both genders) are lacking, and thusly, their activity rates as we're the fattest country in the world.  I remember when I was in my mid-20s doing online dating and seeing a slew of 18 to 25 year old women with waistlines bigger than my own.  Still seeing that now. Shudder to think what they will, or now, look like if they haven't done anything about it