Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 7 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: I am noticing quite the sweeping generalization of middle-aged men here. First, define what is "middle-aged"? I mean, they are touting out 60 is the new 40 and on down the line. Of course, I do agree the health of ALL Americans (both genders) are lacking, and thusly, their activity rates as we're the fattest country in the world. I remember when I was in my mid-20s doing online dating and seeing a slew of 18 to 25 year old women with waistlines bigger than my own. Still seeing that now. Shudder to think what they will, or now, look like if they haven't done anything about it Middle-aged are men who aged 35 and above. The USA is not the Country with the highest rates of obesity. Iran is the leading Country in obesity. 75% of all women aged 18-45 in Iran are obese, and I think the % for men in Iran is at 80% not sure. Nah man, there's lots and lots of pysically attractive women in the states. I lived in New York City for a bit before moving to Europe, and I was born and raised in Los Angeles, and I came across tens of thousands of women, a day, who were slim and attractive. There's literally many millions of hot women all over the States. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, QuietRiot said: I am wondering though, why are women okay without the sex and security, but men still long for it? I mean, we can bring in the book of Genesis as it stems back to Adam asking God for companionship and thus Eve was created. And therein where it was imbeded that men needed women more so than the otherway around. It's ingrained in use to pursue...almost relentlessly. Persistently. I think it comes down to sex drive. I have high sex drive and long for it as well, but it seems not to the extent men do. My last two relationships were both off and on, and every time we got back together it's like the man was dying for it. I wanted it, too, but not nearly so obviously as they did. I can take care of myself OK, but according to both of them, self-love was a poor substitute for the real thing. As for security, it's certainly something I've considered more lately. With the new job and salary I got recently, I'm getting more financially secure on my own by the day. It was nice that my ex is even more financially secure, but it wasn't enough to balance out the feelings of resentment that came from living with him - trying to deal with his generally selfish attitude and sometimes daydreaming about how nice it would be not to have to deal with it. Even when I was making a lot less money, I preferred to be frugal and work a side job rather than deal with disappointing behavior from a man. Edited June 27, 2020 by Ruby Slippers Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 There's plenty of men with a low sex drive. It's not black and white, that being a man means he must have a higher sex-drive than her. Back in college I met dudes who had plenty of offers to have sex with a multitude of very attractive women but they decided to remain dedicated to their girlfriends. Meanwhile my grandpa even when he was 70 years old(he's 90 now) would sleep with every woman in the world if all of the women in the world would have him. I've also met women with a higher sex drive than me and I have the sex drive of a 18 year old professional soccer player who drinks 50 protein shakes a day. Women's financial independence has gotten many men insecure and paranoid about losing their relationships. The divorce rate at one of the European Countries I was living in is at 90% with most of it being initiated by women. Why is that? Because most women don't need men anymore, as it should be, and it's easy to just break up, divorce, and find someone who is a better fit. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 (edited) I personally am not romantically interested in or attracted to men with low sex drive. I naturally click with men more on my wavelength - high sex drive and oriented toward monogamy (this is hard-wired - some are naturally more inclined this way than others). It's true that I don't need a man to survive. But still, in my ideal life, I'm living with a great guy in a mutually enjoyable situation where we both pull our own weight and enjoy lighting up the other's life. By now I realize this is a high ideal that very few couples achieve, and I accept that it might not happen. But I have a way of bringing high ideals to life, often after a lot of trial and error, so I remain fairly optimistic. I feel I've gotten pretty close. Since I broke up recently, I've mostly focused on the negatives here, but many aspects of my last relationship were ideal or close to ideal. Edited June 27, 2020 by Ruby Slippers Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 10 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I personally am not romantically interested in or attracted to men with low sex drive. I naturally click with men more on my wavelength - high sex drive and oriented toward monogamy (this is hard-wired - some are naturally more inclined this way than others). It's true that I don't need a man to survive. But still, in my ideal life, I'm living with a great guy in a mutually enjoyable situation where we both pull our own weight and enjoy lighting up the other's life. By now I realize this is a high ideal that very few couples achieve, and I accept that it might not happen. But I have a way of bringing high ideals to life, often after a lot of trial and error, so I remain fairly optimistic. I feel I've gotten pretty close. Since I broke up recently, I've mostly focused on the negatives here, but many aspects of my last relationship were ideal or close to ideal. Same. I've always clicked better with women with a high sex drive. Not just in the way they conduct their sexual lives, but also in their approach to men and dating in general. Women who approach me, make the first move, or straight up talk about having sex instead of waiting for me to be the one to change the tides of conversation in that direction have always earned big cookie points with me. Yes, ideally people should be financially independent and getting with their partner because they click well, emotionally, romantically, and sexually, but sadly that ain't the situation for most women around the world. From China, India, Pakistan, Iran, African nations, down to Countries with a demolished economy. Greece, Spain, Portugal, Italy,(to some degree) which results in women selecting a guy based on him actually having a job, and then the relationship eventually ends because the guy having a job is not enough to make her happy, which is natural ain't it. It's great that you have found a balance between being free from having to pick a mate based on economical reasons, and being into him strongly enough and living in harmony together, and at the same time knowing that if the relationship turns bad, you can always exit it and you will survive well on your own. Sadly, millions upon millions of women aren't as lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Yes, you make a good point. My mother is financially dependent on my dad, and I have no idea how she puts up with him sometimes. I could have been "set for life" with a number of men by now. I just couldn't "settle" for that. You're right that I'm fortunate to have that freedom to decide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 27, 2020 Author Share Posted June 27, 2020 56 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I think it comes down to sex drive. I have high sex drive and long for it as well, but it seems not to the extent men do. My last two relationships were both off and on, and every time we got back together it's like the man was dying for it. I wanted it, too, but not nearly so obviously as they did. I can take care of myself OK, but according to both of them, self-love was a poor substitute for the real thing. As for security, it's certainly something I've considered more lately. With the new job and salary I got recently, I'm getting more financially secure on my own by the day. It was nice that my ex is even more financially secure, but it wasn't enough to balance out the feelings of resentment that came from living with him - trying to deal with his generally selfish attitude and sometimes daydreaming about how nice it would be not to have to deal with it. Even when I was making a lot less money, I preferred to be frugal and work a side job rather than deal with disappointing behavior from a man. I do have to ask, since we're only hearing your story about him, I wonder if he spoke of you...that you were quite the beacon of light in the marriage/relationship? What would he say about you to others? rather than deal with disappointing behavior from a man. From A man. Sounds like you basing this one bad experience and applying it to any man that comes into your life. Not quite fair is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Well, considering Ruby Sliper's guy begged her to come back to him, when they broke up, I'm pretty sure he's pretty happy with her as a woman, a partner, and a sexual being. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 27, 2020 Author Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 minute ago, Azincourt said: Well, considering Ruby Sliper's guy begged her to come back to him, when they broke up, I'm pretty sure he's pretty happy with her as a woman, a partner, and a sexual being. Yeah men are pretty simple. I saw some movie where a woman was asking the guy (played by Harrison Ford) about what a man looks for, after she gave a long list of criteria....he said, "He's happy that she even shows up". lol Link to post Share on other sites
Roswell91 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 5 hours ago, QuietRiot said: I am wondering though, why are women okay without the sex and security, but men still long for it? I mean, we can bring in the book of Genesis as it stems back to Adam asking God for companionship and thus Eve was created. And therein where it was imbeded that men needed women more so than the otherway around. It's ingrained in use to pursue...almost relentlessly. Persistently. I thought men don't care 🤔 (apparently), they don't need women other than to fulfil their urges 🙄. Well what ive heard anyway. Women can be independent and financially stable on their own and probably can't be asked with men and their games/f boyness and all the other baggage Link to post Share on other sites
Roswell91 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 42 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I personally am not romantically interested in or attracted to men with low sex drive. I naturally click with men more on my wavelength - high sex drive and oriented toward monogamy (this is hard-wired - some are naturally more inclined this way than others). It's true that I don't need a man to survive. But still, in my ideal life, I'm living with a great guy in a mutually enjoyable situation where we both pull our own weight and enjoy lighting up the other's life. By now I realize this is a high ideal that very few couples achieve, and I accept that it might not happen. But I have a way of bringing high ideals to life, often after a lot of trial and error, so I remain fairly optimistic. I feel I've gotten pretty close. Since I broke up recently, I've mostly focused on the negatives here, but many aspects of my last relationship were ideal or close to ideal. I've hardly come across men with a low sex drive 😂. Unless they're batting for the other team 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 (edited) Quote Yeah men are pretty simple. I saw some movie where a woman was asking the guy (played by Harrison Ford) about what a man looks for, after she gave a long list of criteria....he said, "He's happy that she even shows up". lol Nah. People just like to make men seem simple. But we aren't. I've met men who were average-looking and they were dating women as hot as Alessandra Ambrosio, and the women were getting ignored often by their partners, even for sex. There were men I met who were pinning strongly after women who were very average while having women as hot as Sara Matos is back home, and there were men who expected a woman to be it all, socially, professionally. Lots of picky men out there. It's true that men with little to no options only need a woman to show up, but so what. Quote I've hardly come across men with a low sex drive . I have. Plenty of times. More noticeably back in my college days. These guys were 18-22 and in the prime of their lives. They would talk to each other about pokemon(???) or they'd spend all day talking and playing video games, when there were literally tens of thousands upon tens of thousands of very hot women coming in from France, Germany, Italy, Portugal, South Africa, Angola, Brazil, Australia etc, looking to get a college education and to meet men, but these dudes, it was like they didn't even notice these women's existence at all. Edited June 27, 2020 by Azincourt Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 35 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: I do have to ask, since we're only hearing your story about him, I wonder if he spoke of you...that you were quite the beacon of light in the marriage/relationship? What would he say about you to others? I'm not sure how he'd characterize me after the fact. He told me in many ways during that he was happier and more in tune with me than he'd ever been with a woman before. He told me it was the first time he felt truly loved. His main complaint seemed to be that I'm hard to please. I guess. I am what I am. In some ways I'm low maintenance, but I don't handle a lazy, inconsiderate attitude well. It kills my desire for the guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Women with a lot going on for them, professionally, aesthetically, socially, are harder to please than a woman who has less going for them. That's natural. There's nothing wrong with a woman like that having expectations on how her partner should act, or how he should treat her. I don't think Brad Pitt went into his marriage with Angelina Jolie thinking all he needed to do to make her happy was to show up and smile at her lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 27, 2020 Author Share Posted June 27, 2020 8 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'm not sure how he'd characterize me after the fact. He told me in many ways during that he was happier and more in tune with me than he'd ever been with a woman before. He told me it was the first time he felt truly loved. His main complaint seemed to be that I'm hard to please. I guess. I am what I am. In some ways I'm low maintenance, but I don't handle a lazy, inconsiderate attitude well. It kills my desire for the guy. Just now thought of this (meant to do it earlier) . Someone mentioned something about cleaing up after a guy, but then I'd hear other arguments where the guy would try to clean...but ,according to her...he "wasn't doing it right". So she took over and he backed off. So it was a lose-lose for him. Not saying that happened in your situation. I recall this Russian woman I went out with. Believe it or not, she owned a cleaning service, and had asked me if I had any "clutter" in my home. I was honest, as I have this one room full of clutter, as I have a room packed with antiques and collectibles for selling online. I was honest about that, but she said, "I don't like clutter" Now, there's a difference betweeen clutter and being a slob, right? The latter is unsanitary I suppose. But regardless. she kept pushing it, and I said, "Well I have been wanting to get organized lately, care to help me out? lol" It was rhetorical. Then when I came to her home, she made me take off my dress shoes before entering her uncarpeted foyer. She was a neat freak (Complete opposite end of the spectrum). Her roomate told me that she was "Yeah, she's neat freak, drives me crazy!" I bet she's a hermit and off dating for good since the Covid hit. Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Women in the west do most of the house chores while having a job. While taking care of the children. While running errands. Lots of guys think having a job is enough. The reason why women get exasperated with how a guy cleans is that when you spend the last few decades taking care of the household and then the guy is doing a half-felt job of it, it annoys women. This isn't an occurence that happens only with women. I've met men who are religously neat-clean. There's nothing wrong with that. It's actually pretty great. It's pretty hot in a woman's eyes when a man takes that much care about his house. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 hour ago, QuietRiot said: Sounds like you basing this one bad experience and applying it to any man that comes into your life. Not quite fair is it? Well, I did just break up 2 weeks ago. But I'm getting over it. I feel like it could definitely happen for me, and that would be great. You live and learn more about what you can and can't live with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 6 hours ago, QuietRiot said: I am wondering though, why are women okay without the sex and security, but men still long for it? I mean, we can bring in the book of Genesis as it stems back to Adam asking God for companionship and thus Eve was created. And therein where it was imbeded that men needed women more so than the otherway around. It's ingrained in use to pursue...almost relentlessly. Persistently. No, dear, women were not created to make men feel happy. Three quarters (at least) of the problem lies in this ^ attitide, especially among older guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 24 minutes ago, Azincourt said: Women in the west do most of the house chores while having a job. While taking care of the children. While running errands. Lots of guys think having a job is enough. The reason why women get exasperated with how a guy cleans is that when you spend the last few decades taking care of the household and then the guy is doing a half-felt job of it, it annoys women. This isn't an occurence that happens only with women. I've met men who are religously neat-clean. There's nothing wrong with that. It's actually pretty great. It's pretty hot in a woman's eyes when a man takes that much care about his house. I mentioned this right at the beginning and was shouted down by guys who knew better. But hell, maybe now that a man is saying it...well, now it's probably true. So thanks, I guess? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Just now, CaliforniaGirl said: I mentioned this right at the beginning and was shouted down by guys who knew better. But hell, maybe now that a man is saying it...well, now it's probably true. So thanks, I guess? it's a male ego thing with many guys, usually to be met in middle-aged men who grew up watching their own mothers doing all the household chores, taking care of the kids, running outside to do errands and groceries, and when they grow up and get married, they expect their wives to be just like mom. Well, women don't want to be a guy's mom. They want to be his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 minute ago, Azincourt said: it's a male ego thing with many guys, usually to be met in middle-aged men who grew up watching their own mothers doing all the household chores, taking care of the kids, running outside to do errands and groceries, and when they grow up and get married, they expect their wives to be just like mom. Well, women don't want to be a guy's mom. They want to be his wife. I agree with you. there is nothing so panty-drying as having the ring put on it and suddenly expecting to be a grown man's Mom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 To abstract it some, men or women, who have their sh*t together have a hard time tolerating someone who doesn't; how much you need to have together just increases with life. How people also get rigid in their ways, even little ways, don;t get. Sure do what works, but many things can work, it seems more a self-soothing defensive mechanism when people say they can't learn a new habit. Sure you can, just depends on how "can do" you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 (edited) On 6/24/2020 at 4:28 PM, Mysterio said: I think most women are very pickey with who they date. Its not like my single friends are sloppy dressers and don't know how to talk. I almost feel like the women around my age range want some sort of fantasy where everything is perfect I hope these women will be happy to be unmarried and childless in the end. According to an article I saw in the Atlantic, If a woman is not married by the age of 35, there is only a 5% she will ever be married. Time is not on their side. Women have a sizable advantage over men when dating in their 20's. In the 30's and beyond, the advantage shifts to men significantly.Wasting your best years looking for Mr. Perfect and waiting for him to commit is such a common mistake nowadays, and I don't think a lot of women have a realistic view of how hot/desirable they are. In the United States, over 70% of women are either overweight, obese or morbidly obese. Edited June 28, 2020 by Zona 3 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fresh_Start Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 7 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: No, dear, women were not created to make men feel happy. Exactly. They were created to make us feel miserable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Fresh_Start said: Exactly. They were created to make us feel miserable. I guess Adam should have been satisfied with the bears and non-poisonous rattlesnakes and birds and stuff and quit while he was ahead. 😂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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