Are more women content on remaining unattached?

[Weezy1973]

44 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Meaning what? Men who don't find women attractive should continue to go out with the woman because he might eventually begin to be attracted to her?

If there’s a base level where attraction can grow, then sure. A lot of the most important traits don’t reveal themselves right away so jumping into something serious based on initial attraction doesn’t make sense. Time is key.

 

But like I said, there has to be a base level. So not necessarily instant fireworks, but not repulsed by the thought of kissing etc. either.

From personal experience, the two women I had immediate chemistry / fireworks with  both turned out to be fairly toxic. The first date with my wife was in a loud pub and we couldn’t hear a good portion of what we were saying to each other. By the fourth or fifth date, my attraction towards her was as strong as anything. If I hadn’t asked her out again given there wasn’t instant fireworks, my marriage wouldn’t have happened...

[elaine567]

48 minutes ago, Roswell91 said:

I think a second chance should always be given unless the first time is a total disaster. As people are nervous and may not be able to show the best parts of themselves 

Maybe, but I guess people give second chances to people they see some future with.
Too short, no eye contact, acting like a tramp and no attraction are dealbreakers.
There was no future envisaged, so no point in wasting anybody's time.

[Roswell91]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Maybe, but I guess people give second chances to people they see some future with.
Too short, no eye contact, acting like a tramp and no attraction are dealbreakers.
There was no future envisaged, so no point in wasting anybody's time.

Im probably just too open-minded 😂

[OatsAndHall]

IMO, some societal physical standards for women make it easier for them to stay single. Let's be honest here folks, there's certainly a societal disparity between what is considered attractive in a male and a female. The "dad-bod" phenomenon is a perfect example; there's plenty of male celebrities with doughy physiques that society still deems as attractive. Yet, if a female celebrity parades around 20lbs overweight in a swimsuit, there's going to be a lot of talk about how they've "let themselves go".  There's a big difference between how the sexes view each other when it comes to being overweight.

I'm not saying that women aren't attracted to physically fit guys but there seems to be a broader range of acceptability there. I don't think women are given that same amount of leeway when it comes to their bodies. And, it's not just body types either; women are expected to put much more time and effort into their appearance when playing the dating game. I could show up to a date after about 15 minutes of prep; shower, run a comb through my hair, put on deodorant,  throw on a polo that shows off my chest (and hides my small gut and love handles) and a decent  pair of jeans and shoes and I'm good to go. Women are typically expected to put much more time and effort into their appearance before a date.

As such, I can see how many women would simply grow tired of the dating game in this aspect and choose to remain single.

[hotpotato]

8 hours ago, Roswell91 said:

So true. 

Both posts.

I think a problem is exactly that, they will compare to the previous ones they had. 

And if a guys had plenty of relationships he will most likely have experienced a lot of different  types of women who have given him different kinds of feelings.

It can be difficult to live up to all that 

Yes, the comparisons are tiresome. A woman must have all the positive traits of the women hes dated but magically none of their negative traits. They get older and become unrealistic. 

~~~~

I guess I could go out a find a bf, but then what are we gonna do? Have sex and watch tv? I'm used to going out, doing stuff, and trying new things. 

I'd have to integrate not only him into my life, but most likely his kids and to some extent his baby momma. 

I have a different dating style than most men. I dont miss dealing with that. Most women can get sex from a man easily. I've found it much easier to get a fwb or two than to deal with dating. 

I'd have to meet a bunch of men and go on a bunch of dates. If I met 50 men i was remotely interested in them, one of them should work out. I dont feel like playing numbers games anymore. 

I want this decade of my life to be adventurous and FUN.

 

 

[Roswell91]

1 hour ago, hotpotato said:

Yes, the comparisons are tiresome. A woman must have all the positive traits of the women hes dated but magically none of their negative traits. They get older and become unrealistic. 

~~~~

I guess I could go out a find a bf, but then what are we gonna do? Have sex and watch tv? I'm used to going out, doing stuff, and trying new things. 

I'd have to integrate not only him into my life, but most likely his kids and to some extent his baby momma. 

I have a different dating style than most men. I dont miss dealing with that. Most women can get sex from a man easily. I've found it much easier to get a fwb or two than to deal with dating. 

I'd have to meet a bunch of men and go on a bunch of dates. If I met 50 men i was remotely interested in them, one of them should work out. I dont feel like playing numbers games anymore. 

I want this decade of my life to be adventurous and FUN.

 

 

Same it gets really boring and feels more like work having to meet and talk to hundreds of people before finding even one suitable person. 

[Roswell91]

3 hours ago, OatsAndHall said:

IMO, some societal physical standards for women make it easier for them to stay single. Let's be honest here folks, there's certainly a societal disparity between what is considered attractive in a male and a female. The "dad-bod" phenomenon is a perfect example; there's plenty of male celebrities with doughy physiques that society still deems as attractive. Yet, if a female celebrity parades around 20lbs overweight in a swimsuit, there's going to be a lot of talk about how they've "let themselves go".  There's a big difference between how the sexes view each other when it comes to being overweight.

I'm not saying that women aren't attracted to physically fit guys but there seems to be a broader range of acceptability there. I don't think women are given that same amount of leeway when it comes to their bodies. And, it's not just body types either; women are expected to put much more time and effort into their appearance when playing the dating game. I could show up to a date after about 15 minutes of prep; shower, run a comb through my hair, put on deodorant,  throw on a polo that shows off my chest (and hides my small gut and love handles) and a decent  pair of jeans and shoes and I'm good to go. Women are typically expected to put much more time and effort into their appearance before a date.

As such, I can see how many women would simply grow tired of the dating game in this aspect and choose to remain single.

Yeah this is true.

Men don't have to try as hard to look good.

Women are expected to be done up to the nines.

Hair, makeup, clothes, shoes..and even after doing  all that still may get rejected 😂.

Its just time consuming.

Of course there are women who don't mind all that, Because their whole life goes into makeup and outfits and looking  good 24/7. And that is what other young women such as myself has to compete with. Cant get away with being natural since there are so many other women trying so desperately hard to attract a man

Edited July 8, 2020 by Roswell91

[QuietRiot]

17 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Compromise on a couple of things, yes. Settle for "Mr. All Right" doesn't sound like that. It sounds like a recipe for disaster. Everyone - every single person - I know except my 80-year-old FIL (who just can't be alone) was thrilled to be marrying his or her spouse. Just over the moon, and very much in love.

Actually, hardly a disaster. I knew of a few married couples that did this, and happy until this day. I had a female friend that said she's into blonde men, with Arnold Schwarzenegger' physiques, but she wound up falling in love and marrying a dark haired man with a physique far from that of Arnie's. More lean if anything.

One woman that wasn't attracted enough to this one guy must have asked her out 3 or 4 times, each time was a rejection, be she said she finally caved and went out with him and they became exclusive. Guess he was able to charm her.

Edited July 8, 2020 by QuietRiot

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Actually, hardly a disaster. I knew of a few married couples that did this, and happy until this day. I had a female friend that said she's into blonde men, with Arnold Schwarzenegger' physiques, but she wound up falling in love and marrying a dark haired man with a physique far from that of Arnie's. More lean if anything.

One woman that wasn't attracted enough to this one guy must have asked her out 3 or 4 times, each time was a rejection, be she said she finally caved and went out with him and they became exclusive. Guess he was able to charm her.

So is this what you're aiming for? Finding a woman who's not really what you wanted, but it she persists she may end up being good enough and you're charmed and you marry? And then you'll be happy? Serious question.

 

Edited July 8, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[basil67]

18 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Actually, hardly a disaster. I knew of a few married couples that did this, and happy until this day. I had a female friend that said she's into blonde men, with Arnold Schwarzenegger' physiques, but she wound up falling in love and marrying a dark haired man with a physique far from that of Arnie's. More lean if anything.

One woman that wasn't attracted enough to this one guy must have asked her out 3 or 4 times, each time was a rejection, be she said she finally caved and went out with him and they became exclusive. Guess he was able to charm her.

The first woman fell in love - that's not settling.   Settling is knowing the person isn't what we really want but being with them anyway.     The second woman, without knowing how she feels about him now...she may or may not have settled.  

 

[SumGuy]

On 7/7/2020 at 6:30 PM, hotpotato said:

Yes, the comparisons are tiresome. A woman must have all the positive traits of the women hes dated but magically none of their negative traits. They get older and become unrealistic. 

Ahhh that's the difference between someone who gets stuck in their ways and can't grow...wanting all the positives and none of the negatives, and a person who gets wiser with age.

There are men who after going through a lot in life learn that the things that used to annoy them are trivial and no longer bother them, and they realize no one is perfect and have matured to realize what is important and a must have and what is not.     

[SumGuy]

On 7/7/2020 at 8:37 PM, Roswell91 said:

Yeah this is true.

Men don't have to try as hard to look good.

Women are expected to be done up to the nines.

Hair, makeup, clothes, shoes..and even after doing  all that still may get rejected 😂.

Its just time consuming.

Of course there are women who don't mind all that, Because their whole life goes into makeup and outfits and looking  good 24/7. And that is what other young women such as myself has to compete with. Cant get away with being natural since there are so many other women trying so desperately hard to attract a man

Agree with you on the overarching societal expectations, at least what is shown in media, but it really depends on the type of guy you are looking for.

Guys do have to try hard on looks depending on the woman, or man, they are looking for.

There are plenty of guys and sub-cultures (for want of a better descriptor) where a natural look vastly preferred.  I know because that has been my life, and find the look like of a TV news person or a typical supermodel off-putting and plastic.  On clothes and shoes...that is completely the people you are looking to attract.  Don't buy the propaganda that these sub-cultures and guys are all at the extreme, it's not wither dress like in TV news or dress like you've been living on the street for 10 years.

[CaliforniaGirl]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Did you ever discuss whether he'd seen a doctor and what the doctor had said?   If not, it's wise to not presume what he would have been thinking or feeling and whether or not it wax fixable.   

 

Not that poster but from what I looked up, surgery is pretty...well, intense-looking and there can be complications. And it's expensive.

He could just be afraid of the surgery.

If it's as serious as the poster makes it sound I'd be pretty surprised if he had never investigated any interventions at all.

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Not that poster but from what I looked up, surgery is pretty...well, intense-looking and there can be complications. And it's expensive.

He could just be afraid of the surgery.

If it's as serious as the poster makes it sound I'd be pretty surprised if he had never investigated any interventions at all.

Men are known to avoid going to the Dr, but yes, I'd be surprised if he hasn't sought an opinion.  Sounds like the poster dumped him before finding out the history and surgery options...so we'll never know.