Author QuietRiot Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: This is all true. It's a good time in history for us. Well....the ego boost / attention they get from there and social media is not something to be proud of...I think that's what enigma was getting at. At least when it comes to getting fake attention online. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, QuietRiot said: getting fake attention online. online is a whole new world, I admit, but not necessarily 'fake'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 7 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: Well....the ego boost / attention they get from there and social media is not something to be proud of...I think that's what enigma was getting at. At least when it comes to getting fake attention online. How on earth could anyone possibly be against people supporting one another, bolstering one another and feeling positive about themselves? And....if it's actual attention...it's not fake. It's just...attention. For millennia men were given the helm just for being men; literally no positive traits or contributions required. They owned everything and everyone in their sphere - the hogs, the wives, the children, the house. Was their automatic deservedness fake? Probably. And yet the earth didn't blow up and the sky didn't fall into the sea. Life kept chugging along. Now women are "allowed" to hold one another up and feel good about themselves, and (gasp) give and receive attention - and that's *without* stripping anyone of their rights, mind you - and that means the sky is falling? Men can pay attention to and bolster one another too, you know. There's no law that says you can't. Do it, tell your friends they're awesome, call them up, form and keep bonds. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Now women are "allowed" to hold one another up and feel good about themselves, and (gasp) give and receive attention - and that's *without* stripping anyone of their rights, mind you - and that means the sky is falling? not just women, most of my 'online life' is shared experience and advice from men! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 28 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: This explains why you see a lot of marriages or relationships end because typically the woman is the socialite, and their man is not. 'Typically' is doing some very heavy lifting here... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 4 minutes ago, Ellener said: not just women, most of my 'online life' is shared experience and advice from men! ^ There you go. Nothing is stopping men from sharing or mutually boosting either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: 'Typically' is doing some very heavy lifting here... Okay, then I'll take back typically, as anecdotally, a lot of the couples I've known always had the boyfriend that stayed behind the scenes. But going back to the whole online thing, there is something particularly disturbing with online dating when women are only their for an ego boost, with no intent on meeting in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, QuietRiot said: going back to the whole online thing, there is something particularly disturbing with online dating when women are only their for an ego boost, with no intent on meeting in person. it's really difficult to meet in person right now. I have a date set for tomorrow night and I'll talk to him tonight but we just may have to postpone. Why do you think women would engage with someone and not meet outside of the pandemic? That is a bit strange to me, I always want to meet first before spending hours online with someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Just now, QuietRiot said: Isn't it the boyfriend's own responsibility to talk at gatherings and stuff? As for never intending to meet, people playing games is as old as time. Don't invest weeks in someone, try to meet fairly quickly. Otherwise, fade. And try for mature people aren't just trying for a higher Friends or Follower count. But also be realistic. People may start talking and then realize: no, don't want to meet up. It isn't always some pre-determined thing or anything. If you want guarantees, the dating world is not where to look. It wasn't before SM, either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 31 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: How on earth could anyone possibly be against people supporting one another, bolstering one another and feeling positive about themselves? And....if it's actual attention...it's not fake. It's just...attention. For millennia men were given the helm just for being men; literally no positive traits or contributions required. They owned everything and everyone in their sphere - the hogs, the wives, the children, the house. Was their automatic deservedness fake? Probably. And yet the earth didn't blow up and the sky didn't fall into the sea. Life kept chugging along. Now women are "allowed" to hold one another up and feel good about themselves, and (gasp) give and receive attention - and that's *without* stripping anyone of their rights, mind you - and that means the sky is falling? Men can pay attention to and bolster one another too, you know. There's no law that says you can't. Do it, tell your friends they're awesome, call them up, form and keep bonds. Absolutely. Men just had to show up and life was dandy. Women have had to fight and claw for rights and recognition and so they’re used to fighting for just equal recognition. Women are now valued for more than just popping out babies and getting dinner on the table by 6. I lecture university students and also teach adults from various walks of life. without fail, the middle-aged women are saying if they could do it all over, they wouldn’t get married again. None of the men feel the same way. Among my university students, the young women don’t want to have children and MAYBE want to marry after 30. More women are pursuing graduate degrees, while the men are doing what they’ve always done. The men also want marriage and babies ASAP. I will say a lot more unmarried and married young men that I come into contact with cook. The women not so much. Women don’t really need men as much as they did before as they have options and independence. That’s a threat to those men who don’t have more to offer than they did before. Women don’t need men for their money anymore, and that’s uncomfortable for some because many times that’s all they have to offer. Of course there are women who want that wife and mother role but the percentage is dropping. women support each other, yes. Why the heck not? Why are they supposed to feel bad that they have a support system? Men are free to do the same. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) On Elleners . yeah that sounds a bit of a just one person opinion to me which doesn't mean much. When l was online they all wanted to meet, they pushed it far more than l did . l use to stall because l'd rather talk a bit first. Just anyone where there was mutual interest l mean of course, not everyone. Edited June 19, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 43 minutes ago, Ellener said: it's really difficult to meet in person right now. I have a date set for tomorrow night and I'll talk to him tonight but we just may have to postpone. Why do you think women would engage with someone and not meet outside of the pandemic? That is a bit strange to me, I always want to meet first before spending hours online with someone. I'm not sure I understand the question. Never said anything about the pandemic. It's not about that. I'm talking about how some people are just online for the ego boost and never actually had an intent on meeting in person. This was happening consistently in the pre-Corona days. I am with you on meeting first before spending hours online with someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: It's not about that. I'm talking about how some people are just online for the ego boost and never actually had an intent on meeting in person. This was happening consistently in the pre-Corona days. I think some women do treat OLD as a type of online game, but I guess a lot of women are not finding guys online that they want to meet. They get into initial "conversations" and find something is lacking or there are dealbeakers or the attraction fades and when it comes to meeting IRL they pass or flake or ghost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, QuietRiot said: I'm not sure I understand the question. Never said anything about the pandemic. It's not about that. I'm talking about how some people are just online for the ego boost and never actually had an intent on meeting in person. This was happening consistently in the pre-Corona days. I am with you on meeting first before spending hours online with someone. so there's a pathological or dysfunctional person who engages people online but it's not real in terms of reality? I do see a new type of 'troll' online in this, yes, someone who if called out won't identify themself or even define themself but they are constantly stirring the pot on 'hot button' issues. I guess it makes people feel more 'alive' or somethng. Ironic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: I think some women do treat OLD as a type of online game, but I guess a lot of women are not finding guys online that they want to meet. They get into initial "conversations" and find something is lacking or there are dealbeakers or the attraction fades and when it comes to meeting IRL they pass or flake or ghost. Right, this is likely due in part of the abundance of choice as they get distracted by a huge amount of men waiting in their inbox. A kid in the candy store mentality. Also google "The husband store". Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: I think some women do treat OLD as a type of online game, but I guess a lot of women are not finding guys online that they want to meet. They get into initial "conversations" and find something is lacking or there are dealbeakers or the attraction fades and when it comes to meeting IRL they pass or flake or ghost. Women have to be safe. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 Ah I recall something here. I had met a Vietnamese nail salon worker on Match. We had met in person and went out a couple of times. I think she put me in the friend zone immeditately, as I think she was back peddling out of "dating" and was really just wanting to make friends. She even told me that a week into Match, she cancelled her membership and asked Match for a refund. Surprisingly, she got it. She said too many weirdos online and I said, "Well, you met me, and I'm not a weirdo, lol" and she goes, "Yeah, I know you're not, but I am not looking for a boyfriend" She said she does massage work on the side, only with women at the salon, and asked if she could give me one, and even came to my house. Figured I'd jump on it at no charge,a beautiful Asian woman giving me a massage? lol But "Just a friend" giving me a massage. We get to talking and she said she doesn't do anything outside of working 7 days a week. She lives in Florida, and has no interest in doing anything. Not the beach, has no favorite movies, no...interests..in anything. She is literally a boring person and lives only for a lowly nail salon job where she is first in to open in the morning, and last out of the store to close. She has no kids, no family in the area, NADA. Basically, she has no life. Has no favorite TV shows, no favorite books to read. NOTHING.I figured a man coming into her life would change that, but she has no interest. OH, and she hasn't been in a relationship with a man for 12 years since her divorce and has had offers from men to marry them so she wouldn't have to work such a tedious job...and she refused. She'd be content with a chair and 4 undecorated walls if you let her. Very strange. (She was living in her boss' family's home and also played nanny to their kid, unpaid gig/ obligation). She gets hit on a lot at work, but I think she was just reluctant about jumping into the dating scene again and immediately was just scared of it, even though she was comfortable with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 8 minutes ago, Ellener said: Women have to be safe. How does flaking have to do anything with being safe? Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 hours ago, jspice said: ...women support each other, yes. Why the heck not? Why are they supposed to feel bad that they have a support system? Men are free to do the same. I would say for the longest time men did have a support system, one of the strongest you could have, the full force of the law and the monopoly on the vote. To the extent as a man you have never benefited from that, it has nothing to do with women getting a fair shake or wanting a life for themselves that does not align with the life you want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 hours ago, QuietRiot said: I'm not sure I understand the question. Never said anything about the pandemic. It's not about that. I'm talking about how some people are just online for the ego boost and never actually had an intent on meeting in person. This was happening consistently in the pre-Corona days. I am with you on meeting first before spending hours online with someone. I can agree with that. When I was OLD'ing had several women I met comment on how they liked how I asked to meet soon, and it somehow seemed to set me apart. It was pretty common for them to have stories of guys who were pen-pal types. As to why, certainly can speculate, nevertheless ending those pen-pal relationships seemed way to often to end up in a nasty e-mail from the guy...a whole world of trepidation I've never experience as a man in OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 hours ago, Ellener said: Women have to be safe. Agreed. Every woman I've met who has done OLD had a story of the unsolicited message denigrating their profile and telling them how they will never find a man (invariably spewing how they were not feminine) or down right nasty even if they politely said no or did not respond. Some it was only 1, but to me 1 is 1 too many. I'm hoping many women here will say they have not received such... Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 3 hours ago, QuietRiot said: How does flaking have to do anything with being safe? Sometimes there is no easy way to say no, it may be at the time asked a woman is afraid to say no so says yes...then she "flakes." Now of course their are people who are just flakes or fickle, but I don't presume the negative or judge harshly just because a woman flakes. Now I may not reach out to her again...but that is because I take a flake to mean "no" or "changed my mind"...fair enough and can empathize why that may be their way of saying that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, SumGuy said: I'm hoping many women here will say they have not received such... During lockdown I was talking to a man I didn't have time to meet previously, we spoke months ago and I promised to contact him again when my home situation resolves. I did and we had some lovely talks but he just kept increasing 'demands'. I can switch off my 'phone ( he called at 7 am! ) or ignore an email but he was pressing me to not just meet during lockdown but to invite him here. When I shut him down on that citing the pandemic and safety he told me I am 'full of bullsh*t'. I may as well have just flaked! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) I don’t think it’s more or less. I think it’s the same amount. I think it’s just that now more than ever women( in most places) women have a lot more reason/ability to remain unattached or be picky. Jmo Edited June 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 On 6/18/2020 at 10:35 AM, Azincourt said: The OP is asking if women who are single or divorced are happier being without a romantic partner, than men do. Which they are, as men seek to marry and remarry when they get divorced, a lot quicker, and in a lot higher numbers than women do. Right... and that's because a woman's heart is more like the human egg(than is the male heart)... once something penetrates to a certain depth, (something/protein) tends to prevent anything else from penetrating as deeply. Women are focused from very young on going ALL-out for the first such prospect. (no girl wakes up at age 8 in our society and asks her mother: "Mom, what do you think all of my future husbands will be like?" or "Mom, are 4th husbands typically any better than 2nd husbands?" ) Link to post Share on other sites
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