Are more women content on remaining unattached?

[QuietRiot]

I also dated a woman that had a 10 year relationship with a man, about 10 years younger than her...that was a "stay at home" boyfriend. Apparently, him helping her take care of her kid made up for everything as she brought home the doe.

[Weezy1973]

I think a lot of this also has to do with how women value themselves. Back in the day, being a wife and mother was the epitome of womanhood. Nowadays women have careers that give them just as much worth and satisfaction. So before they weren’t worth much (in their own minds) unless they were in a relationship, but now that’s not the case. 

I suspect this shift will continue. Also it’s the flip side of the incels. 

[QuietRiot]

46 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm seeing this among female peers who've divorced.   The kids have grown up and are now self sufficient, husband is out of her hair and she can now do what she wants with her life.   She's finally got some 'me time'.   She doesn't have to fit in with a partner's schedule and she doesn't have to live up to a partner's expectations.   And if her sex drive disappeared, she doesn't have to worry about that either.

Also, some of my divorced female peers switched sides and are now with women.  

You know, I cannot relate to this. I don't think it would ever bother me regarding being able to fit into someone's schedule or time. Or having "me time" I think I can't relate as I've had YEARS long dry spells of loneliness and LACK of companionship where I yearn it.

If you have to live up to your partner's expectations, you should have known this from the beginning and not date them initially..but that's an entirely diff. conversation altogether.

[basil67]

@QuietRiot you don't relate because they've lived a different life to you.   These women are just tired of it after years of doing it.   We ALL have to live up to our partner's expectations to one degree or another, and we all know it upfront - so there's no real discussion there.  

I read of what some of the older men here say they want in a partner.  She's got to be slim, attractive, keep up with his sex drive....   Yeah nah.  The women I know would rather look as they please, travel with friends or alone and not have to bother with sex and keeping the guy satisfied. 

I can imagine there being a role for a male companion, but not so much the relationship stuff.

 

Edited June 17, 2020 by basil67

[QuietRiot]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@QuietRiot 

I read of what some of the older men here say they want in a partner.  She's got to be slim, attractive, keep up with his sex drive....   Yeah nah.  The women I know would rather look as they please, travel with friends or alone and not have to bother with sex and keeping the guy satisfied. 

 

Um...not sure what gave you that impression. Of course, the people on this message board is just but a sliver of the population. A generalization. Of course, it makes sense if he's slim that she be slim as well. A healthy life can be appreciated by both.

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Um...not sure what gave you that impression. Of course, the people on this message board is just but a sliver of the population. A generalization. Of course, it makes sense if he's slim that she be slim as well. A healthy life can be appreciated by both.

And this is exactly the thing.  She may start slim and put on some weight as she ages and then it becomes an issue....and then he's saying that she just needs to exercise more.. and complains that he's not attracted to her now but she's just fine with herself.   They just can't be bothered. 

Relationship expectations are common to all relationships, not just people on the board.  Sure, the expectations differ, but they are still there.

At any rate, that the women have removed themselves from the market means more men for you.  So it's a good thing for you

 

Edited June 17, 2020 by basil67

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Just look this board. Men tend to complain they can't find a woman to date. Women tend to complain they can't right the right man to date. ...

You would think so, but drill down on most of the threads where a man can't find a woman to date...it can't be just any woman, they have criteria for the right one and sometimes a lot of folks think those criteria are pretty stringent.  Not that criteria are wrong but its not just any woman or any shoe smacking them in the head that will work.

[sothereiwas]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I read of what some of the older men here say they want in a partner.  She's got to be slim, attractive, keep up with his sex drive....   Yeah nah.  The women I know would rather look as they please, travel with friends or alone and not have to bother with sex and keeping the guy satisfied. 

This is why older guys often find younger women attractive among other reasons. 

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, SumGuy said:

its not just any woman or any shoe smacking them in the head that will work.

Well .... define "date"

[QuietRiot]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And this is exactly the thing.  She may start slim and put on some weight as she ages and then it becomes an issue....and then he's saying that she just needs to exercise more.. and complains that he's not attracted to her now but she's just fine with herself.   They just can't be bothered. 

Relationship expectations are common to all relationships, not just people on the board.  Sure, the expectations differ, but they are still there.

At any rate, that the women have removed themselves from the market means more men for you.  So it's a good thing for you

 

Not talking about that. I'm talking about compatibility and alignment in a belief in both staying healthy in order to enjoy a quality of life.

[QuietRiot]

5 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

You would think so, but drill down on most of the threads where a man can't find a woman to date...it can't be just any woman, they have criteria for the right one and sometimes a lot of folks think those criteria are pretty stringent.  Not that criteria are wrong but its not just any woman or any shoe smacking them in the head that will work.

Right, and I've even know men to experiment and try message on dating sites they aren't attracted to , just to see if they get a response, and  they still don't get a response. 

[SumGuy]

1 minute ago, sothereiwas said:

Well .... define "date"

I took it to mean sex     Men seem to think it is easy for women to get sex, which I believe is true in general if just any man would do, but in reality not any man will do and most men have what they like...not jut any woman will do for them either.

[Ruby Slippers]

34 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

You know...funny you mention that, as it appears to be a common theme that cleaning up after a guy was kind of the main things that triggered a break up...in the long term...I guess? I mean, which is worse...a sloppy guy, or one of the many reasons that women break up with men...like addiction, abuse, infidelity, etc.

Believe me, I weighed all the pros and cons, concluded "I could do worse" and took him back several times. He'd be more conscientious for a while, then inevitably start slipping back to his old ways.

For me it came down to a feeling of disrespect and lack of consideration. I'm fairly traditional when it comes to the domestic sphere and enjoy taking care of my man in certain ways, but he's got his end of the bargain as the man, too.

I'd prefer to have a great relationship and live together. In most ways I prefer it. But like many women, I'm happier on my own than stuck in a situation with a guy who's being selfish and inconsiderate. 

[SumGuy]

18 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Right, and I've even know men to experiment and try message on dating sites they aren't attracted to , just to see if they get a response, and  they still don't get a response. 

That's kind of sad all the way around. 

But thinking of the sliver of the dating population being here, can say of all the other divorced men I know none of them seem to have the degree of problems one might think common from LS and certainly the ones who are doing fine don;t have all the attributes people seem to think you need to date successfully, be it looks, or money or a charmer, having no baggage, etc..  The one I know who has the most trouble and who seems to love to complain about women, is I assume not bad looking and wealthy...his issue is he just suffers from anal rectal inversion.  He is decent enough in guy world and he doesn't give me sh*t, or if he does not very well and can mess with him back...just a lot of baggage and hurt that he can't seem to keep at bay.

Edited June 17, 2020 by SumGuy

[thefooloftheyear]

If you think about it for a minute, I am not a woman, but holy crap, its exhausting just thinking about it...

Spend practically all your years trying to look "perfect"...Cant just throw on a bunch of rags and scratch your balls and leave the house,  like most men do, you gotta be on your game constantly....

Make up, high heels, hair, nails on point.., God help it if the scale goes over 125/130, and if your tits start naturally falling or are out of shape you are looking for low interest loans for 20 grand to get them fixed...Have a couple of kids and the body is often compromised there...Spending 3/4 of your life eating rabbit food and worrying about every morsel of food going right to their asses...whew....

I just think some women as they age just get tired of it all .....I know a lot of women maintain appearance for themselves, but a lot of it is for the attention of men...They get a little older and its just time to start living a life that isn't so exhausting...Start dating a new man at this stage and he is going to want sex...Not that she wouldn't, but perhaps many women at this stage don't feel great about getting naked and having all the flaws exposed,,,,You would think if she is dating like aged men, that the playing field is leveled there, but the difference is guys generally don't give a crap what they look like, and society doesn't have the same pressures,...Also a lot of guys have an easier time maintaining a decent body at an advanced age...For women its an absolute mountain of work and often requires cosmetic surgery to equal a same aged man that just gives up donuts and hits the gym a few days a week...

I see a lot of middle aged women. posting about nice dinners and drinks and trips, etc that they enjoy with their female friends,..Sure, their hair and makeup isn't on point anymore and they are no longer a size 2/4, but they are enjoying life...And if they have had any type of career at all, by that point they don't need a guys money either...

TFY

[amaysngrace]

It’s so exhausting @thefooloftheyear  I appreciate that you understand us so well.

Your wife and daughter are both very lucky ladies!

 

[chillii]

8 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Just look this board. Men tend to complain they can't find a woman to date. Women tend to complain they can't right the right man to date. Most women could go out somewhere, throw a shoe, and hit a guy who would date her. Very few men could pull that off.

Dunnnooooo about that one . There's 100s of threads here from women no one's asking out or if they're on a date site no one want's anything serious . l don't take forums seriously at all they're never anything like the real world, not mine anyway and they tend to attract the problem child. There are oodles of single women out there in my range late 30s to late 40s l know that much. Finding the right one that also isn't messed up or with a tribe is another story altogether though.

Edited June 17, 2020 by chillii

[basil67]

TFY, you just nailed what I was trying to say about it all being too much effort.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

 it’s the flip side of the incels. 

Curious what you mean.  Is it that the women are volcels?   (I just made that up)

[chillii]

lt is a lot of effort yeah for sure , hence guys l know aren't interested , and l've even wondered myself as life was pretty damn smooth single back when let me tell ya , lots of headaches with gf's stuff now though , not us , just her stuff.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I already know this is going to sound horrible so I'm just going to own that, no excuses.

Even today, in the 21st century, women - including full-time working women - are expected to be the "caretakers." We still (on average) do a much higher percentage of the housework and childrearing...stats bear this out. Again, that includes in two-income households.

Guys and gals, let me say it. We get FRIGGING tired. We're raised to be giving machines. Give give give. Take care, be gentle, be the listener, clean everything up, make a house "homey..." Even if people don't actually say this we all know it's implied. You go into a filthy home, what's the first thing you think? "How come she doesn't clean this place?" A kid at school is a bully. What does everyone whisper? "Where's the mother? Doesn't she feel like parenting her own kid?" 

Yeah, I know. "But I know a husband who..." "I'm a husband who... "

And maybe you do. Maybe you are. But stats and real life show: *more* marriages consist.of the woman doing much more of these things.

Consider this. Husbands who do ANY of the kid, cleaning, sickness, school, clean up the baby puke, etc. chores are praised to the rooftops EACH time they CHOOSE to do it. Like, a standing ovation.

Women hear nothing about *always* picking up this slack no matter how tired...until the one time we *don't* do it. Then we hear it. Oh boy do we. We're lazy, uncaring, bad mothers, cold/lazy wives, unbelievably selfish and on and on and on.

And that's of course way more true for wives. A girlfriend who runs around cleaning up.after her boyfriend is just an idiot. But a wife...it's expected, even if nobody really says so. A man who doesn't clean and nurture and blah blah is "busy." A woman who doesn't do.these things, consistently, yes, even if working, is an unnatural beast. We've all seen it. Even today. Even in 2020.

A mother who is divorced is now doing all that less one person: the ex-husband. Is it really that weird that that's kind of a relief? Like, Miller Time after 20 or more years? For some of us, all our lives. Why wouldn't this woman love just that little bit of a break from give give give, and just "get" (dating, companionship) instead? 

In can 100% see it. If I get divorced I don't want to be married again. I have a few divorced friends who feel the same. I understand it.

 

Edited June 17, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Curious what you mean.  Is it that the women are volcels?   (I just made that up)

I mean as more and more women aren’t seeking relationships, that increases the amount of men that are seeking relationships without a partner. 

[basil67]

Ah, now I get it @Weezy1973    Question is, would the incels want a woman who can't be bothered with sex, relationships or cohabitation?  

[CaliforniaGirl]

16 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I already know this is going to sound horrible so I'm just going to own that, no excuses.

Even today, in the 21st century, women - including full-time working women - are expected to be the "caretakers." We still (on average) do a much higher percentage of the housework and childrearing...stats bear this out. Again, that includes in two-income households.

Guys and gals, let me say it. We get FRIGGING tired. We're raised to be giving machines. Give give give. Take care, be gentle, be the listener, clean everything up, make a house "homey..." Even if people don't actually say this we all know it's implied. You go into a filthy home, what's the first thing you think? "How come she doesn't clean this place?" A kid at school is a bully. What does everyone whisper? "Where's the mother? Doesn't she feel like parenting her own kid?" 

Yeah, I know. "But I know a husband who..." "I'm a husband who... "

And maybe you do. Maybe you are. But stats and real life show: *more* marriages consist.of the woman doing much more of these things.

Consider this. Husbands who do ANY of the kid, cleaning, sickness, school, clean up the baby puke, etc. chores are praised to the rooftops EACH time they CHOOSE to do it. Like, a standing ovation.

Women hear nothing about *always* picking up this slack no matter how tired...until the one time we *don't* do it. Then we hear it. Oh boy do we. We're lazy, uncaring, bad mothers, cold/lazy wives, unbelievably selfish and on and on and on.

And that's of course way more true for wives. A girlfriend who runs around cleaning up.after her boyfriend is just an idiot. But a wife...it's expected, even if nobody really says so. A man who doesn't clean and nurture and blah blah is "busy." A woman who doesn't do.these things, consistently, yes, even if working, is an unnatural beast. We've all seen it. Even today. Even in 2020.

A mother who is divorced is now doing all that less one person: the ex-husband. Is it really that weird that that's kind of a relief? Like, Miller Time after 20 or more years? For some of us, all our lives. Why wouldn't this woman love just that little bit of a break from give give give, and just "get" (dating, companionship) instead? 

In can 100% see it. If I get divorced I don't want to be married again. I have a few divorced friends who feel the same. I understand it.

 

Wanted to add...for SAHMs or part-time working moms it's even more weight this way. Instead of 7/10 or whatever of the cleaning and caretaking at-home expectations it's literally nearly all of it. When you work you get acknowledged no matter what...you get a paycheck. When you don't or it's less you just get "but you're home more, you 'should' do even more." It makes you feel two inches tall.

Now, I'm not saying being married and being a parent aren't rewarding. What I'm saying is: is it really so weird that some women don't want that ring again after a divorce? Just the happy parts of a relationship? Pleasure without so many expectations?

I hope any of this made sense. BTW, I'm sure men who don't want to marry have their reasons too. I'm not trying to say women have such terrible lives and men have it easy. But I think people think it's "unnatural" if a divorced woman wants sex and dates and companionship but not marriage - hence the idea behind this thread. I'm just giving my 2 cents as to why it may have merit.

[Weezy1973]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ah, now I get it @Weezy1973    Question is, would the incels want a woman who can't be bothered with sex, relationships or cohabitation?  

Incels want to be loved. If there are 10% fewer women looking for relationships than men, that leaves 10% of men unable to find love. Those are just random numbers to illustrate the point, not sure of the real numbers.