Are more women content on remaining unattached?

[Ruby Slippers]

8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Those that aren’t willing to compromise as defined above, likely would be much happier staying single. 

We all have to compromise. Even though the job I have now is a dream job, I still have to compromise in some ways. 

There are some things you shouldn't compromise on. If being true to myself in that way means I don't find lasting love, or I find it later in life, for me it's worth it.

Edited July 5, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[Ruby Slippers]

woops, double post

Edited July 5, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[Ellener]

I think I have a fairly big tolerance for most things, I always thought my husband hit me because he didn't have the simple courage to say I'm unhappy, I'm leaving...he knew I wouldn't end the marriage unless it was something big and intolerable. It's a massive commitment to me, a marriage, even then I stayed his friend for a long time to fulfill that part of the commitment, he needed me, we had something special, or so I thought. I was completely floored, within two weeks of meeting his new wife he wanted nothing more to do with me! switched me out...just like that. He didn't need me, he needed someone, anyone. Talk about an ego wound! so no, I wouldn't like to think I was doing that to someone else.

 

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

We all have to compromise. Even though the job I have now is a dream job, I still have to compromise in some ways. 

There are some things you shouldn't compromise on. If being true to myself in that way means I don't find lasting love, or I find it later in life, for me it's worth it.

Of course there are dealbreakers and should be.
 

But seeing your partner as an equal rather than just a way to enhance your own life is a mindset that will lead to a healthy relationship. Their views are just as important as your own which is the basis of compromise. If you think your partner is wrong and you’re right, that will lead to discord. Which is why a common refrain in marriage counseling is “would you rather be right, or be happy?”

And going back to the original topic, is this unwillingness to compromise becoming more common in women now that they don’t need a man for financial security? And does that contribute to their happiness when single?

[Ruby Slippers]

8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

If you think your partner is wrong and you’re right, that will lead to discord. Which is why a common refrain in marriage counseling is “would you rather be right, or be happy?”

And going back to the original topic, is this unwillingness to compromise becoming more common in women now that they don’t need a man for financial security? And does that contribute to their happiness when single?

Sometimes your partner is wrong and you're right. At least, wrong and right for you. Dating and marriage are very different levels of commitment. I agree that in a successful marriage, you have to submit to the greater good, that being the health of the relationship. 

Definitely women are now stepping back from many of the compromises they had to make in the past for the survival and well-being of themselves and their kids, because we can afford to. My friends and I are always happier and more at peace single than involved in an unsatisfying relationship. 

I finally figured out that if you're a vivacious, life-loving woman who keeps herself in decent shape with a mindset for fun and romance, you'll be able to find interesting suitors at any age. I think more women are figuring this out.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

“would you rather be right, or be happy?”

And going back to the original topic, is this unwillingness to compromise becoming more common in women now that they don’t need a man for financial security? And does that contribute to their happiness when single?

For me, I'm a happy person in general, I've had a fun life on the whole. I've never met a man who enjoys life as much as me, I just have always wanted to see and do it all, and it confuses some of the men I have met. They want to 'fix me' when I don't even think I'm broken! I think I married my husband because he did drag me down to earth and he was the practical and serious one. But he made me depressed with all the bullying and even when I thought I was compromising and doing what was important to him, he was never truly happy and resented me being cheerful about our life. My son hates that now- he said his dad taught him to be unhappy as a default state of mind.

This new man I am going to meet soon what attracted me to his profile, two of the pics he was wearing this Santa suit. Don't laugh! I asked him and he just said he'd had a really great time dressing up and handing out gifts at some sports charity event last Christmas. He sings. In a choir. He thinks I'm fun to talk to! even if I make no sense, since he doesn't really know me or the context for a lot of the stuff I babble about...he likes me, the deep-down me. He likes life!

I don't need him for money. Or protection, jeez the way a lot of men carry on they cause way more safety issues than they solve. Not even sex- 'there are lots of people to have sex with if you aren't afraid of a little embarrassment' a friend told me years ago and she was right. 

But I think I've only got one more big full-on relationship in me, and this one has to be fun, not about us both posturing like children playing at grown-ups. I don't want to be right or wrong in this one, it doesn't matter most of the arguments anyway by my age, I just want us both to be kind and happy. Together.

Maybe I watched one too many Lifetime movies last Christmas in July! I did too. But it's in my religion 'change and become like little children' , it's not just me. 

Me and Jesus...great start 🤣 I know...

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

We’re actually agreeing. I agree with everything you say above. And it makes for women being happier staying single. If they genuinely feel that a compatible guy is hard to find, then staying single is a better (happier) option then getting into a relationship with someone not compatible.

I know two different groups of women who aren't dating.   One group is like you say - they are choosy and would rather be happy single than with someone who isn't right for them.

The other group aren't looking for a man, so finding isn't part of the equation.  Now, if she happened upon a great guy in her daily life and he took the initiative, she may agree to see where things go....but it would have to be because it fell into her lap without effort on her part.

[Weezy1973]

5 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Sometimes your partner is wrong and you're right. At least, wrong and right for you.

Well your partner is always right as are you. Always. That’s where compromise comes in. Which means BOTH people meet in the middle. If one absolutely won’t bend, then it’s not compromise. 
 

As I said, those that find it easy to compromise, will likely find it easier to meet someone compatible. Compromise is absolutely key to relationships. One of the big five.

[Ruby Slippers]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Well your partner is always right as are you. Always.

That's absurd. My ex's spells of verbal abuse were never "right." You'd have to be an idiot to compromise on anything and everything. 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said:

That's absurd. My ex's spells of verbal abuse were never "right." You'd have to be an idiot to compromise on anything and everything. 

They were right for him. That’s the point. And they can absolutely be a dealbreaker.

[basil67]

But personal growth depends on us being able to look at our own behaviour and realise that it's wrong for us.    I'll let you into a secret: sometimes my choices and behaviour have been wrong for me.   I know this may come as a shock, but it's true.

Edited July 6, 2020 by basil67

[CaliforniaGirl]

27 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

They were right for him. That’s the point. And they can absolutely be a dealbreaker.

What?????

Abuse is ALWAYS wrong.

Being smacked around the house "can be" a dealbreaker? As in...for the next woman maybe it wouldn't be or something? 

This argument has gone to a weird place and there's really no defending it when we're down to: being slapped all around your house is a matter of compromise or not and could be a dealbreaker.

Edited July 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[elaine567]

12 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

, is this unwillingness to compromise becoming more common in women now that they don’t need a man for financial security?

I think women have always been pretty good at "compromise". 
Keeping the peace, submitting and smoothing the waters...
In other words, keeping quiet so as not to rock the boat. 
Now some have found their voice, because they have found they don't actually NEED  men anymore. 
Men, who are always somehow "right", telling them what to do...

[Weezy1973]

5 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

What?????

Abuse is ALWAYS wrong.

Being smacked around the house "can be" a dealbreaker? As in...for the next woman maybe it wouldn't be or something? 

This argument has gone to a weird place and there's really no defending it when we're down to: being slapped all around your house is a matter of compromise or not and could be a dealbreaker.

You’re not really getting what I’m saying. Abusers are abusive. That’s what they do. And it should absolutely be a dealbreaker. 
 

It’s hard for us to understand that everybody is different. All have different upbringings and genetics so have very different ways of seeing the world. Whatever anybody is doing, is their best attempt to be happy (I.e is right for them). Including being abusive, drug addiction, gambling, stealing etc. All of which can (and should) be dealbreakers. 
 

But, in the context of a healthy relationship (so not abusive) compromise is vital. And what’s most important in that, is accepting your partner as being equally important as yourself. As a boring example, if you enjoy more exotic, adventurous food, and your partner is more meat and potatoes, both of those preferences are equally valid. Both are “right”. And compromise could look like different things. Alternating restaurants? Going to restaurants that have broad menu choices? Cooking your own meals? It will look different for each relationship, but compromise is vital and an inability to compromise (we’re only going to eat what I want to eat!) will ruin a relationship.

 

People that are unwilling to compromise will surely be happiest in two situations. Either staying single. Or finding a partner that is exactly the same as themselves. And that second one doesn’t exist, as stated above: everybody’s different.

 

[Weezy1973]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

But personal growth depends on us being able to look at our own behaviour and realise that it's wrong for us.    I'll let you into a secret: sometimes my choices and behaviour have been wrong for me.   I know this may come as a shock, but it's true.

At the time you were doing what made sense to you, but you learned and grew. Hopefully everybody is the same. But that’s up to you for yourself. You can’t impose that on others.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

I think women have always been pretty good at "compromise". 
Keeping the peace, submitting and smoothing the waters...
In other words, keeping quiet so as not to rock the boat. 

That’s not compromise. Compromise means both people are meeting in the middle. If one party is submitting to the other as you describe, that’s not healthy. Not to say there aren’t times one chooses not to pick a battle. Not sweating the small stuff can be a sanity saver!

[QuietRiot]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

I know two different groups of women who aren't dating.   One group is like you say - they are choosy and would rather be happy single than with someone who isn't right for them.

The other group aren't looking for a man, so finding isn't part of the equation.  Now, if she happened upon a great guy in her daily life and he took the initiative, she may agree to see where things go....but it would have to be because it fell into her lap without effort on her part.

I am finding more and more of the latter. Usually it's the 40+ crowd of divorcee's. While 40-something divorced men are typically on the prowl and run into these kinds of women, and these dudes attempt to talk them out of their state of permanent singlehood. 

These ladies find solace with their immediate family members, neices , nephews, cousins. etc. I know a woman that's been single for a long time, she isn't all that great looking, but all her weekends consist of spending it with her neices and nephews....so...she doesn't even get out with friends to socialize at certain local venues. So she is resisting putting herself out there and has wound up being kind of a Marry Poppins to her married brothers and sisters.

 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

That’s not compromise. 

I know and why I put it inverted commas, but it is often what some see as compromise... he states his case, she shuts up.
In the power dynamic she is lower as she is dependent and needs a man.
Now women are not shutting up because they no longer NEED a man.
They can thus be seen as being "unwilling to compromise"...

[Weezy1973]

14 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I know and why I put it inverted commas, but it is often what some see as compromise... he states his case, she shuts up.
In the power dynamic she is lower as she is dependent and needs a man.
Now women are not shutting up because they no longer NEED a man.
They can thus be seen as being "unwilling to compromise"...

Ah yes I see. But ironic because in this case, he’s actually the one that won’t compromise! 

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

That’s not compromise. Compromise means both people are meeting in the middle. If one party is submitting to the other as you describe, that’s not healthy. Not to say there aren’t times one chooses not to pick a battle. Not sweating the small stuff can be a sanity saver!

You’ve said this thing about compromising multiple times. Given the question, are you saying women stay stay single because they won’t compromise?

 

7 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I think women have always been pretty good at "compromise". 
Keeping the peace, submitting and smoothing the waters...
In other words, keeping quiet so as not to rock the boat. 
Now some have found their voice, because they have found they don't actually NEED  men anymore. 
Men, who are always somehow "right", telling them what to do...

Yup! Exactly. 

[Weezy1973]

35 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

You’ve said this thing about compromising multiple times. Given the question, are you saying women stay stay single because they won’t compromise?

Most men and women are in relationships, so the majority of women don’t stay single. And the question is whether or not women are happier staying single than men.

I think most in this thread at least, believe that to be true. More women are happier being single than men. One of the reasons I’ve postulated is that women are happier being single because they believe “good men” (however one defines that) are rare or elusive. Contrast that with men who feel there are plenty of good women, however they’re unable to attract them. That discrepancy could lead to a difference in happiness when single. Then the thread took a bit of a turn, as I was wondering why some people believe finding a good mate would be rare or elusive, and one of the reasons might be people that are looking for a “perfect” fit, or wanting someone to fit perfectly into their lives, as opposed to being able to meet someone halfway and compromise. 
 

Which lead me to think that perhaps the people that are happiest being single are also ones who aren’t willing to compromise and therefore believe that a good mate is rare and elusive. And why would they compromise as they’re happy being single!

 

That was my somewhat convoluted train of thought anyways...

[nospam99]

ellener said ''I woke up today missing my ex husband, always a bad sign..''

I dreamed that I woke up missing my ex wife. Then I woke up IRL and said ''whew, what a nightmare''

[jspice]

10 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I am finding more and more of the latter. Usually it's the 40+ crowd of divorcee's. While 40-something divorced men are typically on the prowl and run into these kinds of women, and these dudes attempt to talk them out of their state of permanent singlehood. 

These ladies find solace with their immediate family members, neices , nephews, cousins. etc. I know a woman that's been single for a long time, she isn't all that great looking, but all her weekends consist of spending it with her neices and nephews....so...she doesn't even get out with friends to socialize at certain local venues. So she is resisting putting herself out there and has wound up being kind of a Marry Poppins to her married brothers and sisters.

 

Why do you mention her looks? 
is it because you feel she should be grateful these men are trying to date her

She’s not resisting putting herself out there. She seems perfectly fine with her choice. Why don’t the men “resist” trying to force her to go out? 

[Ruby Slippers]

4 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

One of the reasons I’ve postulated is that women are happier being single because they believe “good men” (however one defines that) are rare or elusive. Contrast that with men who feel there are plenty of good women, however they’re unable to attract them.

I think this is because, in general, women have higher standards/expectations for a romantic partnership. If you ask a man what his must-haves in a partner are, he'll probably list 3 or 4 things. If you ask a woman, she's probably got at least a dozen. And she could easily sit there and come up with a dozen more she'd strongly prefer. 

[lonelyplanetmoon]

11 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I am finding more and more of the latter. Usually it's the 40+ crowd of divorcee's. While 40-something divorced men are typically on the prowl and run into these kinds of women, and these dudes attempt to talk them out of their state of permanent singlehood. 

These ladies find solace with their immediate family members, neices , nephews, cousins. etc. I know a woman that's been single for a long time, she isn't all that great looking, but all her weekends consist of spending it with her neices and nephews....so...she doesn't even get out with friends to socialize at certain local venues. So she is resisting putting herself out there and has wound up being kind of a Marry Poppins to her married brothers and sisters.

 

Where are you seeing 40+ year old men being interested in 40+ year old women?

Most available men in their 40’s are chasing after 20 year olds. Lol