Are more women content on remaining unattached?

[Weezy1973]

2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

If you'd rather divorce than help your wife with what should be your own duties anyway so she feels like you're a couple working together and enjoying together in life then that's that.

Weezy...you're stating how things should be. I'm saying how they are. The question is why not all divorced women are super anxious to remarry. I'm giving one reason I've definitely seen.

Well in the quote above, you are saying how you think things should be. Or at least what you think should be men’s duties.

I have no doubt that many women are burned out from having to do the bulk of the housework and childcare in their marriages. I’d say that if that is a priority, then women can choose men who share those values moving forward. And if those men don’t exist, then yes, staying single is a better option. So we agree!

[basil67]

For the women who've stopped looking.... If a fabulous guy comes their way (IRL - these women aren't on dating apps or at meetups), approaches the woman, woos them and is happy to accept them for exactly who they are....then the woman may be enticed.  

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Incels are incel because they have no social skills. 

I had to look up 'incel', I wasn't quite sure what it means, WIKI says Discussions in incel forums are often characterized by resentment, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, a sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against sexually active people.

I can't imagine many people being attracted to any of those qualities, but the reason I like a man in the first instance, for a relationship serious or casual, is that he's fun. Bitterness and anger is really unattractive. Life is unfair, it rains on the righteous and unrighteous alike etc. so I like a cheerful guy who isn't looking to 'vent his spleen'. Same with woman friends actually.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

16 minutes ago, basil67 said:

For the women who've stopped looking.... If a fabulous guy comes their way (IRL - these women aren't on dating apps or at meetups), approaches the woman, woos them and is happy to accept them for exactly who they are....then the woman may be enticed.  

Probably so.

[CaliforniaGirl]

23 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Well in the quote above, you are saying how you think things should be. Or at least what you think should be men’s duties.

I have no doubt that many women are burned out from having to do the bulk of the housework and childcare in their marriages. I’d say that if that is a priority, then women can choose men who share those values moving forward. And if those men don’t exist, then yes, staying single is a better option. So we agree!

We mostly agree. However I can say both of my husbands were "Renaissance men" until the ring went on. So I disagree with the little slide-in there that maybe it's still the wife's fault.

Again...I gave one reason I've seen for the phenomenon the OP related. No matter the cause, it's a thing. Others' mileage may vary.

[elaine567]

When I was younger and older women used to say "If he dies or we get a divorce, I will never remarry"  I used to think
"Ah, she loves him so much no-one else could ever compare" but now I doubt that was the reason... 

[Realitysux]

I'm single but seeking the right connection, the right person, and the right relationship for myself. I can not speak for everyone but I'm 37 and am not built to serial date at all. My experiences have been somewhat unique and I can not sit down with just anyone and connect. I've been in a few dating situations where I had a difficult time connecting with the gentleman. I didn't really feel comfortable sharing my history. I was also not in a position to date but now that I am getting ready, I have a certain type of men I am looking for and if I don't find my type then I will stay single. Not sure if that sheds light. 

[QuietRiot]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Part of that is the unrealistic androgynous shape that women are expected to have.
Women once past the teenage stage naturally develop fat on areas of the body that are now seen as undesirable.
So woman are always on a treadmill trying to fight against the natural shape of an adult woman.
That is why they need surgery to achieve "perfection".

Actually, there are women who fill out in a way that the waistline is proportionate to the rest of the body, even when they do gain some weight, the pair shape or hour glass figure, vs. the straight up and down. I am guessing the latter is seen more as a masculine shape.

Past the teen-aged stage? Well, there is a rise in obesity with both men and women in their 20s. Hell, there's even childhood obesity. Don't forget, the US is known to be rather one of the, if not THE most unhealthiest country.

[QuietRiot]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Not disagreeing at all, but like I said it’s a culture change and these things take time. We’re shifting from a time when men were expected to be the main breadwinner to one where they aren’t. It will be an adjustment, and some men are going to get left behind. 

Interesting, because the last woman I dated...was unemployed. She was a volunteer working on an organic farm, and she moved on to her father's property. They live in 2 seperate domicile's on said property. So apparently her parents did pretty well. (former farmers)

She was 40 and was wanting to at least foster kids if she was unable to have any. She did very minimal freelance work. I asked her if she was looking to be a housewife she had no income and had no job....you know, because she wanted kids on her life. She kind of was taken aback and seemed a bit offended I would ask such a question, but it was rather obvious.  Also, one cannot qualify for fostering kids unless they have a steady income, so chances are she was looking for a man to bring home the bacon.

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Interesting, because the last woman I dated...was unemployed. She was a volunteer working on an organic farm, and she moved on to her father's property. They live in 2 seperate domicile's on said property. So apparently her parents did pretty well. (former farmers)

She was 40 and was wanting to at least foster kids if she was unable to have any. She did very minimal freelance work. I asked her if she was looking to be a housewife she had no income and had no job....you know, because she wanted kids on her life. She kind of was taken aback and seemed a bit offended I would ask such a question, but it was rather obvious.  Also, one cannot qualify for fostering kids unless they have a steady income, so chances are she was looking for a man to bring home the bacon.

From this description I feel like that situation is pretty unique. And honestly just a hair odd.

[QuietRiot]

2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

From this description I feel like that situation is pretty unique. And honestly just a hair odd.

Well, apparently, she was living in Chicago with her boyfriend at the time. He was in his mid 40s. She in her 30s. he didn't want kids, and thusly the reason the ended it. She moved to my area with her parents. They all built a home together. And the father lives in a separate spot on the property. Yeah, you could say it is odd.

She got a degree in something that one could never really prosper or get a job in.

Edited June 17, 2020 by QuietRiot

[elaine567]

People can have income from other sources apart from employment...
She was living rent and mortgage free plus was doing some free lance work plus she may have had a nest egg or some other source of money.
Assuming she was looking for a man to carry her, is pretty offensive...

Edited June 17, 2020 by elaine567

[QuietRiot]

26 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

People can have income from other sources apart from employment...
She was living rent and mortgage free plus was doing some free lance work plus she may have had a nest egg or some other source of money.
Assuming she was looking for a man to carry her, is pretty offensive...

Her other source of money was her father.  Her freelance work is pretty much a once a year project that barely paid anything. Had it been the otherway around gender-wise...the guy would be labeled a loser.

Edited June 17, 2020 by QuietRiot

[chillii]

4 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Incels want to be loved. If there are 10% fewer women looking for relationships than men, that leaves 10% of men unable to find love. Those are just random numbers to illustrate the point, not sure of the real numbers.

Ahhh, don't think they'd have to worry about that one whatever the numbers from what l see it's way way the other way around in my world.

[SumGuy]

5 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

...I hope any of this made sense. BTW, I'm sure men who don't want to marry have their reasons too. I'm not trying to say women have such terrible lives and men have it easy. But I think people think it's "unnatural" if a divorced woman wants sex and dates and companionship but not marriage - hence the idea behind this thread. I'm just giving my 2 cents as to why it may have merit.

It makes total sense...I think also makes sense that they may decide that dates, sex, male companionship are not worth it.   Luckily, women can do that these days without being thought of as a literal witch, although there are those who still call it "unnatural."  

[SumGuy]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Incels want to be loved. If there are 10% fewer women looking for relationships than men, that leaves 10% of men unable to find love. Those are just random numbers to illustrate the point, not sure of the real numbers.

Alas, I've seen many an incel comment on how the only women available are divorced, over 40 and with kids.  So those 10% are not the ones they want.   I'm pretty sure they mostly want women 20-30, never had kids and with no "baggage."

[SumGuy]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

@CaliforniaGirl you’re right about those things although I’ll add it’s changing slowly. More so with caring for the children than chores around the house. But these types of shifts often take generations. I’d say millennials are likely more equal than Gen X and older, and that trend should continue. 
 

That being said, “equal” might be more about hiring cleaning help and daycare than actually taking on chores that neither partner has time / energy to do!

I'll say my male friends and I have always been ones for the egalitarian relationship and  both doing the housework, etc. and we are in our 50s, birds of a feather and all that I suspect.  I believe it is more a product of the 1960s though that is a little before some of our times.   So it started a while ago but do see the societal judging and have relatives in more conservative part of the country where such expectations on women are alive and strong. 

There also seems to be a strong backlash to men who want an egalitarian type relationship, like this is somehow unnatural, you are less of a man, that she is not feminine, and a plethora of dating sites for women that say there are no men that want an egalitarian relationship (they say it another way but that is the upshot)...that steer them to fulfilling those stereotypes.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

8 hours ago, chillii said:

Dunnnooooo about that one . There's 100s of threads here from women no one's asking out or if they're on a date site no one want's anything serious . l don't take forums seriously at all they're never anything like the real world, not mine anyway and they tend to attract the problem child. There are oodles of single women out there in my range late 30s to late 40s l know that much. Finding the right one that also isn't messed up or with a tribe is another story altogether though.

Well, I can say that among my friends in their 40s, none of us have any problem getting dates with interesting, attractive men. But finding a guy you click with and can live with is a whole nother ball of wax.

[Ruby Slippers]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

And like I said, men might not embrace picking up a dishrag, but they would likely support hiring some help if it means saving their marriage.

Not in my case. One of the nails in the coffin for me this time is that not only did he do next to no housework, not only did he fall short of his commitment to do the yard work to the point that I got a complaint letter from the HOA, but he also refused to help pay for any kind of services to do these things. In the home upkeep arena, talk about dead weight.

This is a guy who can easily afford to pay for these services without any impact to his lifestyle whatsoever. This is also a guy who communicated to me in every way possible that I'm the one he's been looking for all these years. 

My point is that it seems no matter how good it gets, this guy will be a disappointment in the home upkeep arena. I get the feeling he's not that unusual. And this is almost certainly one of the biggest drags that women experience in cohabiting relationships with men.

[SumGuy]

5 hours ago, Ellener said:

So women are more picky about who they'll have sex with and men are more picky about who they'll settle down with?! 🤣

Maybe    I'm pretty picky on both fronts...I think my point is people are picky about who they have sex with so the idea women have an easy time finding a man is BS, because just any man won't do and men who say they just want to find some woman and bemoan that no woman wants them is also BS, they won't just accept any woman...they are picky to, even for sex.   Sure they may be picky about different things but picky none the less.

[Weezy1973]

3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

My point is that it seems no matter how good it gets, this guy will be a disappointment in the home upkeep arena. I get the feeling he's not that unusual. And this is almost certainly one of the biggest drags that women experience in cohabiting relationships with men.

He will be a disappointment to someone who prioritizes those things. But you can’t change someone into something they’re not. If he genuinely doesn’t care about that stuff, he doesn’t care. He’s happier doing other things.

There are men who see things in a more egalitarian way, but I suspect these men might not be as “manly” as some women prefer. If one prefers a traditionally masculine man, that’s what they’re going to get. 

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't know any woman who doesn't want a nice, harmonious, clean home and yard.

I suggest that men should consider evolving in this department.

Single women are now generally expected to be nurturing and caretaking at home (feminine energy), as well as shrewd and ambitious in their careers (masculine energy). Most of us are doing that pretty well, and we've had to evolve from the way most of our mothers were to get it all done. 

[Happy Lemming]

13 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

My point is that it seems no matter how good it gets, this guy will be a disappointment in the home upkeep arena. I get the feeling he's not that unusual.

Find your next guy at the Home Depot or Lowes... 

If you see a guy you are attracted to, ask him a question about an item, flirt with him, get his number, etc. 

One day I was in a Home Depot looking for a 5500 Watt Hot Water heater element, so I took the old one with me.  A cute little blonde saw me holding it and inquired about it.  I explained what it was and we started to chit-chat a bit.  If I hadn't already been in a relationship, it would have been quite easy to get her number and ask her out.

[Piddy]

21 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

 

My point is that it seems no matter how good it gets, this guy will be a disappointment in the home upkeep arena. I get the feeling he's not that unusual. And this is almost certainly one of the biggest drags that women experience in cohabiting relationships with men.

 

We're not all like that Ruby.  haha   Let's see. 🤔   I do all the maintenance stuff around the house (except gardening).  I do all the pool stuff,  I do laundry (except the delicates), do dishes, vacuum, change cat litter, and do the taxes.  😉

You'd like me because I hate crumbs on the counter.  I always use a coaster for my glass.    And I do all the outside grilling.  And I cook my own dinner a lot because my wife eats a lot of salads during the week.

What I don't do.  Don't iron (wife loves to iron) and she does the checkbook and pays the bills.  Works for us.  🙂

Edited June 17, 2020 by Piddy

[nospam99]

^^^ My ex-wife might have 'wanted' a nice home. But she NEVER did any work to make that happen, not in her first marriage, not when she was living alone between marriages, certainly not when we lived together, and not after she moved out and bought her own home. It was one of the two major problems (other was parenting) that broke the marriage. She talked a good game but never delivered. So Ruby, YOU may be a 'homemaker'. But be careful about generalizing.