Handling political differences and similarities while seeking relationships

[Weezy1973]

Not sure which section to put this in so just put it here...and it’s just because I’m curious.

Right now politics is a very divisive topic and polls show the men are more likely to be right wing whereas women are more likely to be left of center. For those actively trying to find a partner:

1. If you’re a man who is right wing, do you find there to be fewer women you’re compatible with? 

2. Same question for women that are left wing.

3. If you’re the opposite, for example a left wing man or a right wing women l, do you have an easy time finding someone compatible?

[mark clemson]

I'm a center-left guy. As much hate as Pelosi and Biden seem to get, I do think it may make it easier, it seemed to in the past. (Also I'm not quite the social idiot Biden appears to be when there's a female around.)

My wife is actually a bit more conservative that I am, although it's mostly on a few specific issues. We both support equality for e.g. people of all races, gays, etc. I'm a bit more of a fiscal centrist (not overmuch love for Sanders here) but I think that to her that's a non-issue.

Where we do differ substantively in a couple key areas we acknowledge that and tend to not get into in-depth conversations (anymore, as we each already knows where the other stands, so not much point debating).

[bradt93]

5 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

I'm considered Right wing on LS, and I did vote for Trump, but those politics tests say I am slightly Left and Libertarian. The last girl I dated (briefly) before I met my now GF was about as Left wing as you can possibly be, and she just couldn't help but want to argue politics with me all the time. That is one of the reasons I broke things off with her. 

As long as someone isn't the overly preachy type, or really stupid, I don't mind different politics so much. For the most part, our politics are just based on our perception of reality, which is mostly determined by our individual life experiences. I have also noticed that the Left wing ladies are still interested in me despite the fact that I have a gun collection and NRA membership. 

 

5 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

I'm considered Right wing on LS, and I did vote for Trump, but those politics tests say I am slightly Left and Libertarian. The last girl I dated (briefly) before I met my now GF was about as Left wing as you can possibly be, and she just couldn't help but want to argue politics with me all the time. That is one of the reasons I broke things off with her. 

As long as someone isn't the overly preachy type, or really stupid, I don't mind different politics so much. For the most part, our politics are just based on our perception of reality, which is mostly determined by our individual life experiences. I have also noticed that the Left wing ladies are still interested in me despite the fact that I have a gun collection and NRA membership. 

Good decision my friend. You don't need that drama with someone arguing with you about politics every freaking second. 

[ShyViolet]

I don't think it's true that most men are right-wing and most women are left-wing.  I think either political party can have no trouble finding someone who shares their political views, regardless of their gender.

I once tried dating someone who had for the most part the opposite political views as me, and it was awful.  I'd never do that again.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, enigma32 said:

The last girl I dated (briefly) before I met my now GF was about as Left wing as you can possibly be, and she just couldn't help but want to argue politics with me all the time. That is one of the reasons I broke things off with her. 

This ^

I think that people who don't care much about politics or who are a bit centrist can make it work.  But if one person is shouty and the other doesn't want to hear it, then the whole thing is doomed.

[chillii]

Back in single days it wasn't a big thing here and l basically know they're all scum anyway mostly so l don't waste too much time caring much, seems to be a big thing with US people though.

But if your similar people with things in common you tend to have very similar views in things anyway so no surprises that you tend to like the same sides as well for the same reasons.

[Blind-Sided]

First... politics should NEVER be talked about while dating.  AND... politics should never be a factor in a relationship.   The only time this should come into it is if someone is fanatical, and to an extreme to one side or another.   So, if I like trump... and my SO likes Biden... but neither are banner waving crazies... who cares?  BECAUSE... when you aren't an extremest, then you can have good, "Adult" debates about it.  The problem are the extremest who won't listen to reason, and at least consider what is being said.

Now... with that said... and to answer your question... I don't talk politics when I'm out on a date.  I would much rather get to know the other person, and enjoy myself. 

[basil67]

I disagree. Mostly  because I’m a libertarian and not one to cast rules on conversation.  Nor do I place “should” on the behaviour of another .  A person can talk about whatever they want to talk about.   They can date who they want to date.  That person may find a kindred spirit or it may crash and burn.  There is no incorrect result.  

 

Edited June 17, 2020 by basil67

[Emilie Jolie]

On a professional / friendship level, unless people are clearly racist or bigoted, I don't really care what political views they have.

As far as relationships, there also doesn't need to be a strict alignment; I don't need someone to agree with my views 100% of the time, and part of my attraction to someone is based off how they articulate themselves, and how open-minded or tolerant they are. If they have a cast-iron, compelling case as to why they have the political views they do, I'll listen. With that said, having a partner who does not align with your values and worldview can be a problem, and to me your politics are a good indicator of your value system. 

Worse than someone who doesn't align politically with my personal views, to me, is someone who is completely apathetic and doesn't care about politics at all. 

Edited June 17, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[elaine567]

Politics matters because it tends to colour views on life and opposing politics often means opposing views on life. 
Of course some are not that interested in specifics and may vote on personalities or where the mood takes them, so politics may not matter one whit.

[Fluffkitty]

I think back in the "good ole days" of Regan and Clinton, people could have relationships across party lines. There were differences  of course, but generally the two parties tried to compromise and that was reflected in the population, for the most part. Now, both parties are firmly entrenched into an us versus them mentality  and that has people dug in. Hence the standing outside a restaurant for 10 minutes to cool off after a debate referenced above. 

I think it's best if you are a solid, never going to change your mind Dem or GOP, you should date within your party. The differences these days are much to difficult to overcome. If you are an Independent or you just don't care then it's not that big a deal. 

 

[d0nnivain]

I have dated & am friends with people all across the spectrum.  I like people who are engaged & trying to make a difference.  

My husband & I are not of the same party but we shared similar values.  We're both more centrist & only differ on minor ideology not fundamental values.  I am way more political then he is.  I have friends who hold offices.  I have worked on campaigns.  I have attended national conventions.  I have served on party committees. I have paid big bucks to get into the small events where you get access to the officeholder.   I have been in the proverbial smoke-filled backrooms where the deals get made.  I have been a spokesperson for candidates.  I have written op-ed pieces.  I have lobbied.  I have protested.  I have weighed in on writing proposed legislation.  I have been to swearing in ceremonies.   I have testified before various elected bodies.  I have yet to attend an inaugural ball but it's on my bucket list.   DH just comes along for the ride when it's quasi social event but we rarely spend election nights together because I am usually at party HQ or in some ballroom with a candidate waiting to get balloons dropped on my head.  

I think you do need to know something about your partners' views but it doesn't have to be a subject of constant strife.  If it's always an argument, you are not compatible.  

Unless somebody was advocating violence as a political solution,  I can & have dated across the political spectrum.  

Edited June 17, 2020 by d0nnivain

[contel3]

I'm quite on the left side of the spectrum. I've dated people on every end of the spectrum. The only time it was ever an issue was when the guy I was dating told me he thinks torturing people of a certain part of the world should be legal. That really rubbed me the wrong way.

I don't live in the US though. I think if I decided to move there, I think my dating pool would drastically decrease... Where I am politics aren't that extreme, so it's a lot easier to find common ground. 

[max3732]

Don't want to post my political leanings, but where I live most people are on the other side of the aisle and it has made it difficult for me. There are many profiles that say "if you support Trump, then FU you horrible, closed minded bigot" or something to that effect. I've never seen a comparable profile insulting people who supported Clinton or Biden. The only thing I've seen is profiles that will say "swipe the same way you vote".

I do follow politics and think that values matter and should definitely be discussed as it would affect daily life together. When they should be discussed I don't know. 

[d0nnivain]

Just now, max3732 said:

I do follow politics and think that values matter and should definitely be discussed as it would affect daily life together. When they should be discussed I don't know. 

IMO you should start discussing values -- maybe not necessarily who the person voted for or their registered party - -somewhere around the time that you find yourself falling for the person & thinking about saying those 3 little words.  

 

With political junkies like me you will see signs if you care to look.  My FB feed is filled with discussions.  At various times there were lawn signs, bumper stickers & the like in my yard & displayed where you can see them.  Some people wear hats or t-shirts.  Although they aren't having the fair this year, by me I used to work the tent for the party of my choice.  Even when not working, I always went by the tent to see candidates.  I would ask a new person in my life if they wanted to go with me to so & so's campaign headquarters or whatever ballroom on election night if I didn't already know their leanings.  

Since many of my friends hold elected office, it's pretty easy to figure out I'm political when the office holder comes over to hug me.  I took a new boss with me to some work-related networking event & he was flabbergasted when a sitting Congressman walked across a room to hug me hello.  To me, the Congressman was just my friend "Bob" & it wasn't weird at all but sometimes I would forget about his day job.  He was my friend before he took office & now that he's out, he's still my friend. 

[mark clemson]

36 minutes ago, max3732 said:

There are many profiles that say "if you support Trump, then FU you horrible, closed minded bigot" or something to that effect. I've never seen a comparable profile insulting people who supported Clinton or Biden.

I don't know about dating profiles, but terms like "libt**d," "snowflake," and "commie scum" come to mind.

Edited June 17, 2020 by mark clemson

[rjc149]

Well, there's a saying: "Too much agreement kills the chat."

How much fun would posting on LS be if everyone agreed with each other? 

However, polar differences that create vitriolic debating, which then devolves into personal attacking, is not good for any relationship. Family, friendships, or romantic partnerships. 

I have shed many friendships with individuals who became hyper-left SJW types (and it could easily be said that they shed their friendships with me). Not only do I not relate to them, they irritate me. 

I do find myself attracted to women who are sensitive, socially aware, and compassionate. They tend to be left-leaning. Our political differences create a lot of sexual tension. 

 

 

[max3732]

40 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

I don't know about dating profiles, but terms like "libt**d," "snowflake," and "commie scum" come to mind.

What I'm talking about is on multiple dating profiles. I've never seen those terms you mentioned on a dating profile, although you're right there are derogatory terms for every group.

I did end up putting my political party on some of my dating profiles, but don't say anything about not messaging me if you voted for the other party and didn't put anything else political on my profile

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I do follow politics and think that values matter and should definitely be discussed as it would affect daily life together. When they should be discussed I don't know. 

Probably sooner rather than later as understand you are looking for marriage and kids; likely along with religion at some point.  These are things people can feel strongly about so good to see potential for alignment if you are thinking of a serious commitment like marriage and kids eventually.  No need to belabor it, just see if what differences there are are surmountable or not.

[max3732]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

IMO you should start discussing values -- maybe not necessarily who the person voted for or their registered party - -somewhere around the time that you find yourself falling for the person & thinking about saying those 3 little words.  

 

With political junkies like me you will see signs if you care to look.  My FB feed is filled with discussions.  At various times there were lawn signs, bumper stickers & the like in my yard & displayed where you can see them.  Some people wear hats or t-shirts.  Although they aren't having the fair this year, by me I used to work the tent for the party of my choice.  Even when not working, I always went by the tent to see candidates.  I would ask a new person in my life if they wanted to go with me to so & so's campaign headquarters or whatever ballroom on election night if I didn't already know their leanings.  

Since many of my friends hold elected office, it's pretty easy to figure out I'm political when the office holder comes over to hug me.  I took a new boss with me to some work-related networking event & he was flabbergasted when a sitting Congressman walked across a room to hug me hello.  To me, the Congressman was just my friend "Bob" & it wasn't weird at all but sometimes I would forget about his day job.  He was my friend before he took office & now that he's out, he's still my friend. 

With the last woman I dated on the 3rd date she told me she was from the other party and mentioned a bunch of values that were important to her. These were the polar opposite of what I believed. There was no animosity or anything, but it was clear it wouldn't work as she had certain ideas in mind for what she wanted her husband to do.

That's great you're so involved. I'd love to take a date to political event. All the meetup groups and everything I see in my area are for the other party. They have had presidential candidates come within an hour of me and I've gone to those events and loved talking to the like minded people there and even meeting some candidates. Really wish they had a singles event there or like I said I'd love to take my girlfriend to any kind of political gathering.

[d0nnivain]

Since you are open to politics, volunteer for the candidate of your choice, especially this year.  Assuming we can go out in public again safely it's a great way to make friends 

[ThaWholigan]

I'm very hard left (as in ANARCHIST COMMUNIST 😱) and I admittedly have a quite tough time finding people compatible with my beliefs, particularly within my community so I do have to be somewhat flexible as long as they are predominantly loving and accepting people. 

That said, I've been fortunate enough to be able to meet some women who fall under my political umbrella so that's encouraging. 

[Woggle]

My sister in law and her husband are complete opposites and it has considerable strain on their marriage though if he were more respectful towards her maybe things would be better.

[d0nnivain]

Respect is very important when you are of opposite parties.  There's also a difference between 

your candidate is a %&^$%

        vs 

you are a %&^$%

[basil67]

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Respect is very important when you are of opposite parties.  There's also a difference between 

your candidate is a %&^$%

        vs 

you are a %&^$%

I couldn't even accept the first one.   If they respect someone who I think is ^!@# (or vice verca) then there's going to be too much difference between us in terms of morals and ethics.  I'll give an example of how it would be in Aussie politics.   I'm left wing and in recent times we've had a succession of right wing leaders.  In my view:

• Abbott @#$^$%$!!!!
• Turnbull While I wouldn't vote for him, I think he's got some strong leadership qualities, he's moderate, he's calmed down the nation politically and I agree with a few of his ideas.
• Morrison #$%!!

So I could date a right wing person who's views align with Turnbull.   But if their views aligned with Abbott or Morrison, we just wouldn't be a good fit.