Settling is surely a bad idea?

[an0nym0us123]

8 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

So, this seems different from what you originally said,

I said that all the dates i went on lead to nothing. Either i was rejected at date one or in subsequent days or weeks.

I had a handful of fwb type setups. One i blocked was much older than me. Another was the same age but had young kids. She was actually bordering on someone i would have dated but i just didnt catch any feelings even after 3 months. Also kids are a deal breaker.

Im not actually looking for help to solve this as i dont believe it can be solved. But I have often seen people get told if they are struggling to "lower there standards" which as far as i can see means dating someone you dont like because they were all you could get. 

As was pointed out earlier by someone else to proceed to a relationship there should be physical attraction and chemistry.

 

 

[an0nym0us123]

1 hour ago, enigma32 said:

 If the kind of woman you want is not interested in you, you have 2 options. You can either give up on those ladies that have no interest in you in favor of ladies that are interested, or you can try to improve your situation to such a point where the ladies you do like will suddenly give you a chance. 

 

I agree with you. But how do I start dating women I am currently not attracted to?

[an0nym0us123]

A lot of the women I dated were from the middle as you call it. It did not make any difference. Whether they had a lot of other options or not, I was not one of them.

[Azincourt]

On 6/17/2020 at 9:08 AM, an0nym0us123 said:

Often people are advised to lower their standards if they are finding it impossible to meet anyone. Im not sure this is something I would ever do but surely trying to form a relationship with someone you are not attracted to and dont even like is not going to be very fulfilling or healthy? 

If you are unable to date someone who meets what you are looking for, you would be happier single?

Many people lower their standards to find a mate, sure. Then they spend the few years they are with that person frustrated and angry at the choices they made. It's better to be single than to be with someone you aren't romantically or sexually attracted to.

If the all the women or men you are interested in aren't interested in you, then it's not a bad idea to maximize your sexual attractiveness.

Go to the doctor, have him perform a battery of medical exams on you, and if you are healthy enough: hit the gym hard.

Get a new haircut. Get fashionable clothes that fit your body build well.

Get a tan.

Get dental braces or a teeth-whitening procedure.

Quote

I agree with you. But how do I start dating women I am currently not attracted to?

By making yourself as attractive as the women you are interested in dating are.

Consider doing what I suggested above.

Also, there are plenty of attractive women who'll date a guy who might not be as attractive as them, but who makes up for it in other ways. Charming. Mysterious. Funny. Kind. Devoted. Rich. 

Attractive women are attracted to a variety of traits, you just gotta get a few of them and you're golden.

You should think about this in a calm manner. Sure, you're not attracted to the women you date, but you're in a better situation than millions upon millions of men in China, India, Pakistan, Iran, and so on, because due to a shortage of women, they have no choice but to live monastic monk lives. They can't ''settle'' for women they aren't attracted to, unlike you.

Edited June 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[an0nym0us123]

I was planning getting teeth straightened but covid put an end to that for now. They are not bad but a bit crowded and misaligned. However wearing retainers for the rest of my life kinda puts me off but will see in the future when the orthodontist opens again.

As i said earlier i have worked out for years and wear nice fitting clothes which looks good. I honestly dont think there is much i can do other than accept what will never be. 

Here is a link to a pic when i was 100% in shape a few years ago. Although i still have the muscle my abs are not so defined, keeping them all year round is torture. I would say i could look as good as this in 8 weeks if i wanted.

https://imgur.com/a/wDKwDqL

[Azincourt]

43 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

I was planning getting teeth straightened but covid put an end to that for now. They are not bad but a bit crowded and misaligned. However wearing retainers for the rest of my life kinda puts me off but will see in the future when the orthodontist opens again.

As i said earlier i have worked out for years and wear nice fitting clothes which looks good. I honestly dont think there is much i can do other than accept what will never be. 

Here is a link to a pic when i was 100% in shape a few years ago. Although i still have the muscle my abs are not so defined, keeping them all year round is torture. I would say i could look as good as this in 8 weeks if i wanted.

https://imgur.com/a/wDKwDqL

I have friends of mine who are in their 50s and 60s and they've recently gotten dental braces installed(months before the covid problem) and they're happy with it. Takes some time getting used to, but the end-result is sooooo worth it. 

Quote

After 12 months of continuous retainer wear, we often recommend that you to continue to wear your retainers at night 3-5 times a week for life. The reason we recommend this cycle of wear is due to the slow shifting of teeth forward and inward as we get older.

What's a little discomfort when compared to having a Hollywood smile?

Women love a gorgeous smile.  I'm 100% sure at least 50% of Tom Cruise appeal as a lady's man is because of his smile. The dude never stops smiling.

Don't forget to get teeth-withening cosmetic dentristy if your smile isn't diamond-white.

That's good. Keep on working out. It will make you feel good, and you will continue to look good, and when that self-esteem is sky high, attractive women notice that and they will want to get to know you better.

Keep yourself clean-shaved on the daily.  If your hair is thinning or if you have a receding hairline or if you have bald-spots: shave your hair.

Get a tan if your skin is naturally fair.  Not sure how tall you are, I'm about average height around here, but with I wear custom-made  lifts in my footwear that get me to 6'6''.

Expensive perfume is expensive but women love a man who smells good. Good aftershave is a must. You don't need to buy expensive clothes for women to see you as a well-dressed man.

My t-shirts are about 5 dollars/euros a unit, my jeans only a little above that at 10 to 15 dollars and they look good. The only thing I splash money on is on footwear. You need good footwear to get around.

I don't know if posting pictures is acceptable by Loveshack's terms of use,  but I'll take your word for it.  if your body is looking good, then there are other areas of yourself that you need to identify that are keeping you from getting with hot women.

Yeah, no pain, no gain. Beauty is expensive and painful. Congrats for putting in the world to get to that physical condition. Way too many dudes are too lazy to bother.

[Cookiesandough]

I mean if you really want it, go for it, I don’t think having perfectly  straight teeth is going to change your life... Most men I meet that don’t get a second date 95% comes down to their vibe. They were trying too hard, artificial, not enough confidence. Etc . Confidence and a drive in something other than dating/chasing skirt makes men exponentially more attractive. Being desperate is something hard if not impossible to hide

Edited June 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Azincourt]

It's a great investement.  It will make his self-esteem experience a tremendous increase in quality.  He will feel better. Look better. People will be charmed by him just by his smile, and nothing makes a man more attractive(he has a fit body, so that's worked out already) than a great smile.

Exactly.

Confidence makes a guy attractive in the eyes of many women.

Looking good makes a guy's self-esteem grow bigger.

Look good, feel good, attractive women will want to get to know you better.

Edited June 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[Cookiesandough]

I think if it can increase his self esteem,  then by all means. But based on what I’ve read his posts, the impact of changing okay teeth to perfect teeth on his dating life will be marginal and is a bit of misdirected focus. Even today, men aren’t valued for physical perfection to the same extent women are. The body perfect stuff you’re talking about with the abs etc might work more on pulling women, but super attractive women (the only kind op seems to want? aren’t generally impressed by all that as much. They have that in abundance. . I look at all the guys my friends are into/after and they are far from physical perfection, but they all run s*** and have things going on in their lives. Jmo 

Edited June 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[preraph]

Get Invisiline.  They are usually only in about 7 or 8 months.  It's not the ordeal it used to be.  You can't even see them most of the time.  It's maybe $3000 to $4000.  

 

If that will give you more confidence, it's a good investment.  A friend of mine had it done in her 60s.  I expect she's out of the braces by now.  She said 3 months in, they were pretty much straightened, but they leave them on to get it set right.  They didn't bother her.  

Edited June 27, 2020 by preraph

[Azincourt]

Quote

Get Invisiline.  They are usually only in about 7 or 8 months.  It's not the ordeal it used to be.  You can't even see them most of the time.  It's maybe $3000 to $4000.  

Exactly!

It takes having them a lot less than it did when I was a teenager, and they're very cheap. Well worth the time and investment it takes to get that smile that opens doors, both professionally and romantically.

Yeah, I see a lot of people(used to) in their 50s and 60s even 70s wearing dental braces. There's nothing shameful about them, OP.  It isn't a teenagers thing.

[chillii]

54 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

I have friends of mine who are in their 50s and 60s and they've recently gotten dental braces installed(months before the covid problem) and they're happy with it. Takes some time getting used to, but the end-result is sooooo worth it. 

What's a little discomfort when compared to having a Hollywood smile?

Women love a gorgeous smile.  I'm 100% sure at least 50% of Tom Cruise appeal as a lady's man is because of his smile. The dude never stops smiling.

Don't forget to get teeth-withening cosmetic dentristy if your smile isn't diamond-white.

That's good. Keep on working out. It will make you feel good, and you will continue to look good, and when that self-esteem is sky high, attractive women notice that and they will want to get to know you better.

Keep yourself clean-shaved on the daily.  If your hair is thinning or if you have a receding hairline or if you have bald-spots: shave your hair.

Get a tan if your skin is naturally fair.  Not sure how tall you are, I'm about average height around here, but with I wear custom-made  lifts in my footwear that get me to 6'6''.

Expensive perfume is expensive but women love a man who smells good. Good aftershave is a must. You don't need to buy expensive clothes for women to see you as a well-dressed man.

My t-shirts are about 5 dollars/euros a unit, my jeans only a little above that at 10 to 15 dollars and they look good. The only thing I splash money on is on footwear. You need good footwear to get around.

I don't know if posting pictures is acceptable by Loveshack's terms of use,  but I'll take your word for it.  if your body is looking good, then there are other areas of yourself that you need to identify that are keeping you from getting with hot women.

Yeah, no pain, no gain. Beauty is expensive and painful. Congrats for putting in the world to get to that physical condition. Way too many dudes are too lazy to bother.

 

Just curious , so are you actually married or in a " decent " real , relationship , or been doing this dating thing for the past 100 yrs. No l don't need any advice , l'm just wondering . You sound like one of the never ending professional dater types with all these tips and advice all over the place. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 27, 2020 by chillii

[Cookiesandough]

I had Invisalign to straighten my teeth a little (they can’t really be used for big changes) and they are actually teh suck imo. Ime they make your mouth feel clunky and you can see them, of course less than traditional braces though. You have to wear them pretty much 24/7 but yes they are a lot better than braces if you can get them which is your misalignment is minor than you should be able to. 

Edited June 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

 

Just curious , so are you actually married or in a " decent " real , relationship , or been doing this dating thing for the past 100 yrs. No l don't need any advice , l'm just wondering . You sound like one of the never ending professional dater types with all these tips and advice all over the place. 

Thought about getting married a few times, but my family has money and I don't want to lose my assets. Prenups sound lovely in theory, but Jeff Bezos could buy several A-list Law firms and he still lost 60 billions to his ex-wife. The world's richest man can afford losing 60 billions. I can't afford losing what my family owns.

Was in a few long-term relationships, and it was pretty chill, until they decided they wanted to ruin it by discussing moving in together and having babies. I don't want to live with a girlfriend and I have absolutely no interest in having children. Even got a vasectomy done. If I do become a dad, and that's a big IF, is when I get to be in my 60s or 70s.

I've been dating and meeting people since I was 13, and being in my 30s I collected a few tips and stuff along the way.

 

1 hour ago, chillii said:

 

 

 

 

 

[chillii]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

I had Invisalign to straighten my teeth a little (they can’t really be used for big changes) and they are actually teh suck imo. Ime they make your mouth feel clunky and you can see them, of course less than traditional braces though. You have to wear them pretty much 24/7 but yes they are a lot better than braces if you can get them which is your misalignment is minor than you should be able to. 

l can't stand perfect teeth on actors they look effg ridiculous. These day ghlo white mouths you could run a straight edge along , they look like dentures , fake. No one has teeth that perfect in any natural form at their ages.

[Azincourt]

16 minutes ago, chillii said:

l can't stand perfect teeth on actors they look effg ridiculous. These day ghlo white mouths you could run a straight edge along , they look like dentures , fake. No one has teeth that perfect in any natural form at their ages.

There's plenty of people who have gorgeous teeth, naturally.  Back in college, there were tens upon tens of thousands of attractive women for guys to meet, but the ones I was really attracted were the women with perfect teeth. I remember meeting this woman in particular and staring at her teeth. Perfect size for her mouth and jaw. Perfect gums.  White like white paint. no gaps between the teeth. No crooked tooth. Absolutely stunning.

She was Brazilian and she grew up in the ghetto. Parents could barely feed her let alone take her to the dentist.

Archeologists even find human remains thousands upon thousands of years old with perfect teeth.  In Greece they uncovered the body of a 30-something Mycenaean warrior with perfect teeth., who died 3500 years ago. Which is not only impressive having all of his teeth in a time when being 30 years old was being old already, but that he kept his teeth despite being a warrior and facing physically powerful men.

I remember looking at the skeleton remains of a 6000 year old body with perfect teeth.  I remember when they studied the body of an European king who died in the 1200's, aged 60 or 65, and not only they found the guy to have all of his teeth still - they were stunningly flawless.

No cavities. No chipped teeth. No broken teeth.

Some people really are incredible.

It's nearly impossible these days to find someone with perfect teeth who has never been to the dentist before.

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

l can't stand perfect teeth on actors they look effg ridiculous. These day ghlo white mouths you could run a straight edge along , they look like dentures , fake. No one has teeth that perfect in any natural form at their ages.

I feel similarly honestly. I prefer teeth with a little character/crookedness in guys... 

 

in Japan they purposely cosmetically change their teeth to get snaggletooth to be “cute“

Just a preference thing. but there was one tooth in particular  I had I really wanted straightened (no one really noticed but me) so I got Invisalign. ... I haven’t worn my retainer or my Invisalign brace for years and it’s back the way it was before  lol....It was 4k

Edited June 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Azincourt]

That's because they're still fulfilling a beauty standard in Japan.

Japanese men believe that a woman being physically perfect is not natural and so they think it's hot for a woman to have crooked teeth. It's why there's lot of adult porn stars in Japan who mess up their teeth on purpose. 

They're still fulfilling a male fantasy.

 

[an0nym0us123]

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I mean if you really want it, go for it, I don’t think having perfectly  straight teeth is going to change your life... Most men I meet that don’t get a second date 95% comes down to their vibe. They were trying too hard, artificial, not enough confidence. Etc . Confidence and a drive in something other than dating/chasing skirt makes men exponentially more attractive. Being desperate is something hard if not impossible to hide

I generally just turn up on a date and be myself. I dont actually feel like i have anything to prove as normally i have more resources at my disposal than the women i date so its not like i feel intimidated or anything.

I run a business and work long hours. Also have other projects on the go. And no im not getting rejected because im too busy I can make time when needed. 

Edited June 27, 2020 by an0nym0us123

[Cookiesandough]

I believe it is actually has very little to anything to do with men, but is a trend in Asian countries where women want to look “cute” like little girls/prepubescent girls, instead of sexy. I am half Korean and they do it in Korea  too. They get circle lenses,  “aeygo sal”  injections (to mimic the puffiness babies have under their eyes), and snaggletooth caps on their incisors because it makes them look like little girls 

Edited June 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

8 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

I generally just turn up on a date and be myself. I dont actually feel like i have anything to prove as normally i have more resources at my disposal than the women i date so its not like i feel intimidated or anything.

I run a business and work long hours. Also have other projects on the go. And no im not getting rejected because im too busy I can make time when needed. 

It’s hard to say without knowing you and seeing your behavior firsthand. You’re doing something really wrong, that goes way beyond teeth. What is “yourself”? Are you interesting and fun? Are you perhaps too uninvolved and it comes off as an unattractive form of arrogance. I really wish I could be a fly on the wall at your dates because I’m pretty good at pinpointing it, but it’s harder to do hearing it secondhand from someone whose assessment of themselves is probably quite flawed. They have paid coaches who do this, but they usually suck 

[Azincourt]

Maybe the fact that he owns a business and has other projects going on means he has his mind every filled with thoughts of running his business and his projects, and women feel like he has little interest in them because he seems distracted, distant, unisntered?

[an0nym0us123]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s hard to say without knowing you and seeing your behavior firsthand. You’re doing something really wrong, that goes way beyond teeth. What is “yourself”? Are you interesting and fun? Are you perhaps too uninvolved and it comes off as an unattractive form of arrogance. I really wish I could be a fly on the wall at your dates because I’m pretty good at pinpointing it, but it’s harder to do hearing it secondhand from someone whose assessment of themselves is probably quite flawed. They have paid coaches who do this, but they usually suck 

What can i say. My ex gf thought i was the greatest guy on earth until she met another one. The woman i had 4 dates with last year was heaping praise on me without asking.

I talked for a woman on the phone for 2hrs before we met and she still wanted to meet me after which i got the chop. 

[Azincourt]

9 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

What can i say. My ex gf thought i was the greatest guy on earth until she met another one. The woman i had 4 dates with last year was heaping praise on me without asking.

I talked for a woman on the phone for 2hrs before we met and she still wanted to meet me after which i got the chop. 

Yeah, and?

I know a guy who makes a living giving dating advice to people.

He went on 300 dates with 300 women before he met the woman who would become his wife.

I know a woman who went on 2 000 dates with 2 000 men before she found the guy who is now her husband.

What do you prefer? To be rejected by women who feel like you aren't a good fit for them, or do you want to date women who settle for you because they want to find a boyfriend as fast as possible and don't want to go through the hurdle that the dating world is?

Yeah, and so what? I was dumped by a 20 year old girlfriend for a 50-something TV executive who made me look like a greek god next to him and that didn't keep me from meeting other women, going on dates, getting girlfriends etc.

Dating isn't easy for anyone.

 

[Lotsgoingon]

  

9 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

What can i say. My ex gf thought i was the greatest guy on earth until she met another one. The woman i had 4 dates with last year was heaping praise on me without asking.

I talked for a woman on the phone for 2hrs before we met and she still wanted to meet me after which i got the chop. 

OK, you wanna get some real and quick insight? Call up each of these woman and tell them you are doing a frank reflection on your dating style, what's good and what's not so good. Give them the freedom to honestly talk.

You will get a sense of what you may be doing that alienates people. Something is happening AFTER your first charm them. And it may not be that you're dong something wrong, per se. It may be that they simply recognize some incompatibility that you don't recognize and so they pull back. My guess is that you're not  aware when YOU are not having fun on a date, so your radar is off. You're settling for dates where things seem "Ok." And "OK" is actually a fine date, but a fine dating for excluding someone and realizing things are not right between you two. If you're not having an absolute blast when you're in the presence of these various women, then you're doing something wrong. 

BTW: I did talk to an ex about my strengths and weaknesses in dating. She was so helpful, helped me see things I didn't see, including strengths. One challenge in dating is that you may have a superpower and yet not know how attractive that superpower is ... and thus you hide it.  She also told me to stop feeling insecure about some personality traits I had.  Frankly, I see now that she and I were not a good fit, but ... the point is ... you should call up each of these women, ask for tips. I hate to stereotype, but you ask for tips and most women won't dump on you. They'll offer constructive points.  You just gotta make clear that you are not angling to resume things with them. Do that brother and I promise you will get tons of insight.