reddog63 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Without going into to much detail, I wanted to ask if anyone is or has been in my situation. Been married 20 years. In my early 40's. Have three children. The last 3 to 5 years have not been that great marriage wise. Wife is same age, kind, good person, great mother. I am not in an affair so there is no other relationship clouding my judgement. Ok, so what am I getting at? I just do not feel in love anymore. My wife is being nice and wanting to be close to me, cuddling, etc.........and I have a hard to responding. I just dont feel it. Has anyone found themselves in that situation? I feel like a bad person but I can not shake this feeling of not being in love. I would be curious on any input to help me figure out whats going on in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I'll say it again: love is a decision, not a feeling. Try this: cuddle up to her, whisper sweet naughty things in her ear, do all those things like you did when you first met her, even if you don't feel like it. In short, fake it 'til you make it. It works. Really. You're not a bad person - at least, not from what I can tell in your post anyway - it's simply that you've progressed to a stage of love that is more about comfort and security than it is about bursting eroticism. Raising three kids is tough work, too, so there's probably a certain amount of chronic exhaustion. Is there any way that you and your wife can get out of town, sans kids, for a few days or a week? It doesn't have to be one of those "marriage encounter" weekends; just a few days for you and her to enjoy being catered to, sleep late, enjoy luxuriant sex in the mid-afternoon, etc. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Unreg24689 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 "love is a decision, not a feeling." You can't just decide to love someone! You wouldn't fancy 99.999% of the people you pass in public each day, you wouldn't fall for them if you tried - it just wouldn't happen. Love can "die" if it was never really alive in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Sounds like you two need a romantic getaway to capture the intimacy again. And also spice things up. Buy her some sexy lingerie, go on a date and pretend to pick her up in the bar...Flirt and also fool around in the car later! Then take it to the bedroom... You do love your wife, it's just that intense feeling isn't there being felt like it was. Life gets in the way and things settle down. It's normal. I'm going through something with my husband. He isn't "into" much these days, but I keep on trying. Even if you don't feel like it, cuddle with her. Have fun, giggle and be silly too. Does she know how you feel? Can you talk to her about it or are you keeping it to yourself. Maybe if you mention to her what you're feeling, she can help you through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Do you each have a hobby that you do on an individual basis (without the other person)? Time away from each other - even for a couple hours - can make you feel that you are doing something for YOU (the same for her) and will give you something to tell her about. How about doing something new together? Like skydiving or a cooking class. You will be able to see "how she works" in a different setting and vice versa. That would give you something to talk about that you have in common (besides the kids). Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I forget where I heard this about marriage... but too many people fall into the rut where the only things they do when they're married or living together for many years are; * Talk about the chores * Talk about the kids * Talk about problems at work * Complain about this, that and the other Pretty soon, the married couple both feel like time spent together is TIRESOME. THey don't associate being together with FUN anymore. We all crave fun. We all need to play. You probably need to get out of your rut and try new things and have some fun together. You need to see each other in a new light. Try something together that you'd normally never THINK of doing -- like taking a poetry class. Or doing volunteer work for a cause you both feel strongly about. Or taking up an instrument. Anything that helps you feel alive again. Link to post Share on other sites
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