Feel guilty pushed a good guy away

[rainbow12]

 I know him since at college, he is a good guy and had the traits I was looking for as a boyfriend, He was my favorite male friend. He's been showing he had intimate feelings for me like romance and told me that I'm his type, back then he's already in a relationship with a girl that I think has down syndrome, and he use to criticize her for being overweight to his friends while I listened and he just insulted about her to us, like he was forced to be with her. He told his friends he wanted to be with me,  The reasons I don't find him appealing to me in a romantic way is because he's naive, desperate, needy, he even cried for her when they both ended which doesn't make sense. I don't mean to sound shallow, but he was very thin. There were times where he would ask me to be his girlfriend when I moaned about being single on a Facebook post, I lied and said I'm not looking for a relationship. He knows I'm not interested, This is where I feel guilty that I treated him badly when he showed to be in a slightly bad mood with me, I block him and then a lot of time has passed, I unblock him again and decided to give him a chance this was in 2017 and he took the train for me about 1 hour to see me, my family welcomed him, I only hugged and was hardly intimate like real couples were, I never kissed him, It was very short of the kinda date. He went with me and my family to sea side only once, my family liked him because he treated me right, but regardless of the hug, I just didn't have sexual urges or sexual feelings for him. I thought I could do better and wanted to explore more of my options since I was a lot younger and believed that without attraction, I got nothing to keep him in my life.

 

So, when I ended it with him, he didn't like it and tried to make it up by saying he will buy me and my family dinner but I said I have to block you to help you move on and I blocked him then 3 years later, I see him with another girlfriend that he's now living with, She suits him, she looks like a nice girl but she's not attractive but anyway I'm happy for him, I only message him few days ago to say I'm sorry I blocked him and that I regretted and miss the friendship he accepted the apology but I can tell he's moved on because he's not in a hurried way to speak to me, so I left it there. He's had another girl did the same thing to him before while he went out with her that she blocked him for no reason and ghosted him, the same way I did. So, I'm no better than her. Even tho this is all in the past and you're all thinking whats the problem here, Well, I just wanted reassurance if I did the right thing because...if I was with him, I wouldn't go through the meaningless texting and through horrible dudes but since I didn't want to be with him, I now have to look harder to be with a decent guy and without me being too fickle and shallow.  I did it with him and I feel like I contradicted myself in not being too picky when it comes to other men on dating sites. I guess I feel guilty because he was the only guy that I knew treated me right and I just don't think I'll be able to find anyone like him. 

 

I just have voices in my head of how I'm not relationship material and that I'm always craving for something more that doesn't exist for me. I have gone through smoke and mirrors from strangers, when I did feel comfortable with him. 

[Confoosedgal]

So, is the question, “Did I do the right thing?”

because from what I read, it appears you DID do the right thing for yourself. If you were absolutely physically attracted to him, you would have dated him, you would have kissed him, you would have been physical with him. The reason you didn’t pursue it is because you weren’t physically interested and that is okay! 👌🏽 

In order to emotionally bond with someone in a relationship, we need to be physically attracted to them FIRST AND FOREMOST. You cannot fake that. 

on top of that, you said he came off desperate, clingy, and needy and he insulted someone with Down syndrome. That is NOT someone YOU are interested in so why waste yours time and energy THINKING about him? Why waste any time thinking about “what could have been?”

and if you blocked him for several years, that’s a pretty big indicator that you were bothered by him and maybe even a little disgusted by him. So there’s your answer.

and any bad relationships or bad guys you have dated since then is NOT your fault at all. It is not karma and it is not your fault. Things like that happen all the time. just move on and be careful about the guys you choose to spend your time with. 

[schlumpy]

You describe him as a "good guy." 

You are obviously not in love with him.

His new girl friend isn't attractive? Perhaps as you maybe?

If you don't love someone and you let them go then you did the right thing.

[rainbow12]

On 6/17/2020 at 10:52 PM, Confoosedgal said:

So, is the question, “Did I do the right thing?”

because from what I read, it appears you DID do the right thing for yourself. If you were absolutely physically attracted to him, you would have dated him, you would have kissed him, you would have been physical with him. The reason you didn’t pursue it is because you weren’t physically interested and that is okay! 👌🏽 

In order to emotionally bond with someone in a relationship, we need to be physically attracted to them FIRST AND FOREMOST. You cannot fake that. 

on top of that, you said he came off desperate, clingy, and needy and he insulted someone with Down syndrome. That is NOT someone YOU are interested in so why waste yours time and energy THINKING about him? Why waste any time thinking about “what could have been?”

and if you blocked him for several years, that’s a pretty big indicator that you were bothered by him and maybe even a little disgusted by him. So there’s your answer.

and any bad relationships or bad guys you have dated since then is NOT your fault at all. It is not karma and it is not your fault. Things like that happen all the time. just move on and be careful about the guys you choose to spend your time with. 

Thank you, Sorry for the very late response, I needed a break from love shack and I just read this and I agreed. Thank you both.