I asked my fwb if he wanted to like hang out/hook up this week and he replied, nah.

[Bluesky00]

I know fwb May see each other once in a while, but I just asked my him if he wanted to hang out this week and his response was “nah.” I’m like ok..which I don’t think I committed a crime by just asking him if I want it, does it mean that it’s over? Or does it mean he just doesn’t want to get together this week? I mean, I just wanted some nookie so I saw no crime in asking..

[Bluesky00]

Also the fact that he didn’t use an excuse like most guys do when they don’t want to like the common busy excuse was like an ouch moment. Why not use some excuse? Or does the whole “make him to come to you” a factor here. I don’t see why I shouldn’t reach out if I want some 

[Blind-Sided]

Unfortunately... you are FWB.  So... either he has someone who he wants to date... or he just isn't horny.    OR... he feels you are getting too clingy. 

In my life, I've had a couple FWB situations... and in all those situations, this was with a girl who I wouldn't have "Dated."  So... when they would get clingy and I felt they were thinking there was more to it... I would cut it off.  In one of those situation... she got VERY angry, and I had to get one of her friends involved (She also knew the situation) to get her to back off. 

The older I get... the worse I think the idea of FWB is.  First... it keeps the focus off of making a real relationship with someone.  And second...  Someone always gets hurt.   And finally... it's not for everyone... and I've seem more than one time here where someone starts "Dating" a new person... but then finds out about their FWB, and they break it off. (So they lost a potential relationship)

[elaine567]

8 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

I know fwb May see each other once in a while, but I just asked my him if he wanted to hang out this week and his response was “nah.

You will find that in a fwb situation, most men like to be in control.
THEY decide when they see you, you don't.
You are in effect a free escort to them.
He didn't need an excuse, you are not his gf, you are not that important.
You offered your services, he said no. Simple.
 

[Bluesky00]

50 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

Unfortunately... you are FWB.  So... either he has someone who he wants to date... or he just isn't horny.    OR... he feels you are getting too clingy. 

In my life, I've had a couple FWB situations... and in all those situations, this was with a girl who I wouldn't have "Dated."  So... when they would get clingy and I felt they were thinking there was more to it... I would cut it off.  In one of those situation... she got VERY angry, and I had to get one of her friends involved (She also knew the situation) to get her to back off. 

The older I get... the worse I think the idea of FWB is.  First... it keeps the focus off of making a real relationship with someone.  And second...  Someone always gets hurt.   And finally... it's not for everyone... and I've seem more than one time here where someone starts "Dating" a new person... but then finds out about their FWB, and they break it off. (So they lost a potential relationship)

It’s been 3 weeks since I saw him, and just last week we were sexting so what gives by the nah response? Does he just not feel like it this week? Which is absurd. When we first met back in January, I would ask and he would comply. Does he not feel like it this week or something? 

Also, after that response I texted him and asked why he didn’t want to after he told me we were doing to have sex consistently. He hasn’t replied back yet seems my iPhone/iMessage is having some issues, it’s happened before 

[Bluesky00]

9 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You will find that in a fwb situation, most men like to be in control.
THEY decide when they see you, you don't.
You are in effect a free escort to them.
He didn't need an excuse, you are not his gf, you are not that important.
You offered your services, he said no. Simple.
 

I kind of get the whole let the man Reach out, but isn’t there that percentage where their are guys do say yes when a women asks? Or does that depend on the guy if he likes to be in control? 

Does his response mean that he’s done with me? I couldn’t tell if he meant no for this just this week or for good?

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

Does his response mean that he’s done with me? I couldn’t tell if he meant no for this just this week or for good?

We can't possibly answer that. Only he can. 

He certainly seems enthused, whether it's just right now or forever.  But with "nah"? I wouldn't reach out again. Time to find a different FWB. He's either lost interest in you, or has found someone else - or some combination of both. 

Next!

[Blind-Sided]

@Bluesky00 I think I understand where you are from your responses.  You Don't really understand what you are in the FWB situation.  

15 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

It’s been 3 weeks since I saw him, and just last week we were sexting so what gives by the nah response? Does he just not feel like it this week? Which is absurd. When we first met back in January, I would ask and he would comply. Does he not feel like it this week or something? 

Also, after that response I texted him and asked why he didn’t want to after he told me we were doing to have sex consistently. He hasn’t replied back yet seems my iPhone/iMessage is having some issues, it’s happened before 

Like I said... he may have something better going on.  So it's not "Absurd" at all.  AND... As @elaine567 so delicately put it... you are a free call girl for him... and you are not in charge.  At the beginning, he may have said yes when you asked because he was horny, and it was "New".   Now... it's not new, and he doesn't need sex from you at the moment. For all you know... he has 3 more girls in the same situation.   

2 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

I kind of get the whole let the man Reach out, but isn’t there that percentage where their are guys do say yes when a women asks? Or does that depend on the guy if he likes to be in control? 

Does his response mean that he’s done with me? I couldn’t tell if he meant no for this just this week or for good?

Sure... there are guys who say yes... but it depends on when they had it last.  BUT... when that woman gets gets crazy, or clingy... then that will quickly turn into a NO because the guy doesn't want to deal with it.   This is the same reason why I cut off a couple FWB I had.  

I don't know if he is totally done with yo or not... but he is in control, and you have to wait until he contacts you.

I am sorry for what you are going through... but you aren't the GF in this situation, and you aren't entitled to any explanations from him. 

[elaine567]

9 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

Does his response mean that he’s done with me? I couldn’t tell if he meant no for this just this week or for good?

NO idea what he is thinking.
But as you want a man for consistent sex as a fwb, then this guy is no good whatever his reasons for turning you down.
FWB is an arrangement for sex, without sex it is not an arrangement.

[Bluesky00]

3 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

@Bluesky00 I think I understand where you are from your responses.  You Don't really understand what you are in the FWB situation.  

Like I said... he may have something better going on.  So it's not "Absurd" at all.  AND... As @elaine567 so delicately put it... you are a free call girl for him... and you are not in charge.  At the beginning, he may have said yes when you asked because he was horny, and it was "New".   Now... it's not new, and he doesn't need sex from you at the moment. For all you know... he has 3 more girls in the same situation.   

Sure... there are guys who say yes... but it depends on when they had it last.  BUT... when that woman gets gets crazy, or clingy... then that will quickly turn into a NO because the guy doesn't want to deal with it.   This is the same reason why I cut off a couple FWB I had.  

I don't know if he is totally done with yo or not... but he is in control, and you have to wait until he contacts you.

I am sorry for what you are going through... but you aren't the GF in this situation, and you aren't entitled to any explanations from him. 

Okay, I understand the new and fresh part, but he specifically told we were going to have sex consistently after I got on the birth control and I just told me that I’m on it already, so I guess I was expecting a different answer. Did he give me false promises?  

[snowboy91]

6 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

Okay, I understand the new and fresh part, but he specifically told we were going to have sex consistently after I got on the birth control and I just told me that I’m on it already, so I guess I was expecting a different answer. Did he give me false promises?  

I wouldn't call it a false promise necessarily.

A couple of things - sex drives fluctuate, and your understanding of what this is might be a little different to his. He for whatever reason isn't feeling horny for you at the moment, and doesn't feel up to hanging out. Others have said you're not in a relationship so you don't need an explanation, but I still think the F in FWB still needs to apply and he should at least have been more elaborate than just "nah".

You certainly haven't done anything wrong, but I get the feeling this is on shakier ground now. Depending on how long you've been in this arrangement and what it's like, either you or him may have started to catch feelings, or realised it's not going to work any more. Or he may have built up a perception that you want something more while he doesn't. Either way I'd check in to see how he's feeling about things. 

[Redhead14]

Why can't it just be that he didn't feel like doing it this time?  Why does it have to be a whole "thing"?  He responded with a very lackluster answer which to me is just indicative of the type of relationship it is.  He doesn't owe you anything at all.  And, he doesn't have to jump to attention any time you want, just like you don't have to do that either.  It is what it is.  If you're thinking he's done with the whole arrangement, either ask him about it or just stop reaching out to him and see what happens.  If he never contacts you again, you have your answer. 

[ExpatInItaly]

53 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

Okay, I understand the new and fresh part, but he specifically told we were going to have sex consistently after I got on the birth control and I just told me that I’m on it already, so I guess I was expecting a different answer. Did he give me false promises?  

He might have meant it when he said it. 

These situations can change, though, as interest changes and other things come up. Just because he said you two would have sex consistently doesn't mean he will feel like whenever you do. 

I'm getting the sense you're taking all of this a lot more seriously than he is. In my experience, a FWB is generally very casual with hook-ups happening when it's convenient for both parties. Sometimes it's more frequent than others. There are no promises of frequency made, and expectations are usually quite low. He's not a boyfriend so he doesn't really owe you anything. His response indicates he's not that bothered if it happens again or not. 

Edited June 18, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[BaileyB]

I don’t have sex with men who respond “nah” when I ask to spend time together... 

[Redhead14]

34 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I don’t have sex with men who respond “nah” when I ask to spend time together... 

Yep, even if it's just FWB, there should be at least a certain amount of respect and not treat each other like pieces of meat.  But, that is how that response comes across in my mind about how he feels about it.  He sees his FWBs as nothing more than a d*ck garages.   It's more like F buddy than FWB. I see them as two different things.

Edited June 18, 2020 by Redhead14

[Azincourt]

3 hours ago, elaine567 said:

You will find that in a fwb situation, most men like to be in control.
THEY decide when they see you, you don't.
You are in effect a free escort to them.
He didn't need an excuse, you are not his gf, you are not that important.
You offered your services, he said no. Simple.
 

huh... no.

Men who have a friendship with benefits don't see the woman they're in a FWB as ''free'' escorts. 

You still have to put in the work to either get the woman to enter a FWB relationships with you, or if she was the one who really wanted to get in a FWB with you,  thing is you still gotta keep having good sex with her,  and that takes effort on a guy's part, and with women getting approached everyday by several guys at least, you  need to be pretty good at what you're giving to her for her to remain in a FWB with you instead of finding a boyfriend, or getting herself another FWB guy and dumping you.

There is no need to treat OP like that. She's not a professional escort.  ''You offered him your services, he said no.''

Services. Like a woman being interested in sex and in sex alone is a freak of nature and there's something deeply wrong with her, for wanting sex without being in a relationship. Yikes.   Women who are just having sex for the sake of sex aren't being used. They're enjoying their bodies, their sexual partner's body, their youth, and the freedom that comes from not being married, not having children, and not  being in a long-term relationship.

 Baby boomers did it, what's wrong with Millennials doing it?

 

Edited June 18, 2020 by Azincourt

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

Did he give me false promises?  

Yes, of course he did.   That is part of what FWB is all about unless you were actually good friends before hand.    And a good friend would come over nookie or not, unless they had something going on and then they’d tell you.  
Most FWB are really strangers with benefits situations,  there’s none of the friend part.  Shouldn’t be surprised a stranger who just wants sex would say anything to get it.  

[preraph]

Men who just want FWB don't want anything else from you in particular. They don't want any obligation to have to see you at any certain time or with any certain frequency. You are just disposable sex to them. The fact that you are upset about this tells me that you do not even want FWB but a real boyfriend so block this jerk and get out there and find one and don't agree ever again to just be someone's convenient sex outlet.

[ShyViolet]

The whole point of FWB is that it's not a proper relationship.  He's not your boyfriend.  If you're cool with no-strings-attached hooking up once in a while, then this arrangement is for you.  But if you're going to start setting expectations on it, then maybe you need to take a step back.  Maybe he just wasn't in the mood that particular day/week, and wanted some space.  If you don't like the vibe you're getting from him then just stop seeing him.

[Art_Critic]

He doesn't seem as into it as you are, you got blown off.. why ?.. maybe he is seeing someone else. Most guys would never turn down good NSA sex so unless his Dad died, he has a GF or he is sick I would thikn this has run it's course and it's time to move on.

Sorry.. rejection sucks even in a FWB.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Literally "nah"?

Oh that man would NEVER be getting between my legs again.

I can see not being into it but literally just saying "nah" as the response?

Find a new FB. This is NOT a FWB, no "friend" would be that mean and asinine. A friend would at least vaguely be thinking about your feelings. You need a FB. And he needs to be somebody with some enthusiasm and a sex drive. JMO.

[Bluesky00]

3 hours ago, Art_Critic said:

He doesn't seem as into it as you are, you got blown off.. why ?.. maybe he is seeing someone else. Most guys would never turn down good NSA sex so unless his Dad died, he has a GF or he is sick I would thikn this has run it's course and it's time to move on.

Sorry.. rejection sucks even in a FWB.

Did he think the sex was bad??!???

[Bluesky00]

Just last week he reached out to me and he sent me pics of his junk and wanted me to send him a picture of me playing with my toy. I didn’t want to send him one initially, because I was hairy down there, and told him I didn’t shave. He still wanted the pic, so I just sent him one. And didn’t respond to that. 

Was that hairy picture that I sent to him a turnoff? Or dealbreaker? 

[ShyViolet]

4 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

Just last week he reached out to me and he sent me pics of his junk and wanted me to send him a picture of me playing with my toy. I didn’t want to send him one initially, because I was hairy down there, and told him I didn’t shave. He still wanted the pic, so I just sent him one. And didn’t respond to that. 

Was that hairy picture that I sent to him a turnoff? Or dealbreaker? 

You sent a picture and he didn't even respond??  That's rough.  This guy has no consideration for you, it's almost like he's trying to tell you straight out that he doesn't give a s*** about you.  Stop talking to this guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Bluesky00 said:

Was that hairy picture that I sent to him a turnoff? Or dealbreaker? 

Again, we can’t answer that. 

But the fact that he didn’t respond and then turned down your offer to meet should be all you need to know to stop trying.