I asked my fwb if he wanted to like hang out/hook up this week and he replied, nah.

[Azincourt]

5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

If he's this thoughtful why couldn't be just SAY it was Covid?

"Look, I just don't want to risk it because of Covid."

 Voilà.

 

Because he doesn't want to sound weak?

Guys don't want to lose face. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

7 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Because he doesn't want to sound weak?

Guys don't want to lose face. 

What???? I find this kind of hard to believe. 

[Roswell91]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Bluesky00 in another post you talked about wanting to have about five guys on the go at once.  Have you mentioned this to the Nah guy?   It could explain a lot.

Five guys at once.

What on earth. 

[Bluesky00]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

Because he doesn't want to sound weak?

Guys don't want to lose face. 

You do know that he told me he has a girlfriend?  

[Roswell91]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

Because he doesn't want to sound weak?

Guys don't want to lose face. 

He's already said it once though.

I think he doesn't  value or respect her at all. And that is why he used "nah". It happens when a woman is offering herself on a plate basically

Nothing to do with covid.

[Bluesky00]

1 minute ago, Roswell91 said:

Five guys at once.

What on earth. 

I meant like multi dating or multi hooking up, but like 1st date sex if that makes sense 

[Roswell91]

2 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

You do know that he told me he has a girlfriend?  

So he didnt have  a girlfriend this whole time and all of a sudden he does  now but still doesn't  mind getting together with you.

Charming! 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

43 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

I meant like multi dating or multi hooking up, but like 1st date sex if that makes sense 

Dude.

[Bluesky00]

1 hour ago, Roswell91 said:

He's already said it once though.

I think he doesn't  value or respect her at all. And that is why he used "nah". It happens when a woman is offering herself on a plate basically

Nothing to do with covid.

What is when a woman is offering herself on a plate? What am I doing wrong ? Seems like Guys in my past didn’t respect me the proper way..

[CaliforniaGirl]

15 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

What is when a woman is offering herself on a plate? What am I doing wrong ? Seems like Guys in my past didn’t respect me the proper way..

Come on. You already know.

I don't care how much pushback I get for this, it's true. A woman who says she just wants to screw is seen as just that: a screw. (A man too, but in this case I'm talking to the OP.) If you're there at a text or if you take pics you don't even want to take on command, doing exactly what you're instructed to do, what respect does he need to give? He snaps his fingers and you drop your pants.

This shouldn't be a problem if you just want a FB. And if that's all you want you'll feel the same way about him: he's a warm body who is hopefully ready when you're horny. So this isn't a woman-shaming thing. But...you wonder why you're not respected by this guy? Well, do you respect your FBs? You yelled at this guy for not being willing to run over and service your needs. That's respect? "In the proper way"? What does that mean - like watching for your needs? Putting those first? Being polite? That has never been required of him.

Meanwhile you talk about wanting to be with five guys at a time but maybe only having sex with one on the first date...

You're TELLING these guys how you want to be thought of and treated. And then you're getting mad at them for treating you in those ways.

Edited June 28, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Roswell91]

6 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

What is when a woman is offering herself on a plate? What am I doing wrong ? Seems like Guys in my past didn’t respect me the proper way..

California Girl explained  it pretty well.

You're there whenever he wants *it* and when he doesn't you're giving off desperate vibes, screwing at him as if he's your only source of pleasure. 

I've never been in that situation before. But i think most men probably don't treat their fbs with much respect. More like an expendable object. It is what it is. You put yourself in That position. Only you can change it.

And you confirmed what i said by saying you weren't treated with respect by guys in the past.

 

Edited June 28, 2020 by Roswell91

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

What is when a woman is offering herself on a plate? What am I doing wrong ? Seems like Guys in my past didn’t respect me the proper way..

Because you evidently don't know how to do it without letting your emotions get in the way. 

And when you offer yourself up like that, a guy is going to know he doesn't need to make any effort with you. So he won't. 

[Azincourt]

10 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

You do know that he told me he has a girlfriend?  

What does having a girlfriend have to do with hooking-up?  If I'm in a relationship, and I get offers, that I'm attracted to, what I do is to take them.

[Blind-Sided]

I can't believe this thread is still going. 

Anyway... no he doesn't respect you... because you don't respect yourself.  Any FWB situation I've had has ended with the girl getting clingy.  Why would I (a guy) want a committed relationship with a girl that was "Easy" enough to just have free sex with??????  Besides... there is fear on my side that as soon as the sex isn't good... or if things aren't going the right way... she will just go find someone else to screw because that's the way she is. 

You are over thinking this.  He didn't want sex... and he doesn't want you for a GF because of the way you have started your relationship. 

Don't mean to sound harsh... but that's the truth. 

So... if you want a LTR with a nice guy... don't start your relationship with easy sex with no strings attached... and don't talk about other partners... and don't "Multi Date".  Respect yourself, and others will respect you. 

[Bluesky00]

For example, so if I’m lets say I go on a date, nothing sexual has been discussed yet, we go on a nice date and it gets hot and heavy, I’m suppose to tell him NO?  And tell him That I’m waiting for an engagement ring and then I can tell him that we can have sex? A lot of people have sex on the first few dates, it’s normal. And this this whole “respect” thing just because I’m doing some f-buddy situation doesn’t mean that I should be treated poorly by a guy. It all depends on what type of guy he is and if he has manners and the decency to be upfront/communicate and not ghost. It’s not like I’m some hooker working the streets and getting PAID for it, now that’s trash and it would make sense if a man beats her and treats her poorly.

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

That’s called cheating and I doubt you do that. Based on your posts you seem like you are a 60 year old man. Not insulting just assuming 

Are you listening to any of the input on this thread? Do you even want our input? Or are you wasting people's time? If you don't want answers you should say so, so that people don't need to try to help or explain. We can just move along to another thread instead.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

For example, so if I’m lets say I go on a date, nothing sexual has been discussed yet, we go on a nice date and it gets hot and heavy, I’m suppose to tell him NO?  And tell him That I’m waiting for an engagement ring and then I can tell him that we can have sex? A lot of people have sex on the first few dates, it’s normal. And this this whole “respect” thing just because I’m doing some f-buddy situation doesn’t mean that I should be treated poorly by a guy. It all depends on what type of guy he is and if he has manners and the decency to be upfront/communicate and not ghost. It’s not like I’m some hooker working the streets and getting PAID for it, now that’s trash and it would make sense if a man beats her and treats her poorly.

This is hyperbole. Nobody said not to ever have sex on the first date (DATE, real date) or save yourself for marriage.

Why are you asking for input if your mind is already made up? Serious question.

And FWIW, if you ARE looking for input, it sounds like you have an anger issue. You get really, really, really angry at anyone here who honestly answers *your questions* and you yelled at this guy for not wanting sex. You come off SERIOUSLY angry. That could be putting guys off too.

Edited June 28, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Roswell91]

4 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

For example, so if I’m lets say I go on a date, nothing sexual has been discussed yet, we go on a nice date and it gets hot and heavy, I’m suppose to tell him NO?  And tell him That I’m waiting for an engagement ring and then I can tell him that we can have sex? A lot of people have sex on the first few dates, it’s normal. And this this whole “respect” thing just because I’m doing some f-buddy situation doesn’t mean that I should be treated poorly by a guy. It all depends on what type of guy he is and if he has manners and the decency to be upfront/communicate and not ghost. It’s not like I’m some hooker working the streets and getting PAID for it, now that’s trash and it would make sense if a man beats her and treats her poorly.

No one should treat anyone poorly. But some guys have That mentality. Theyll see you as easy, and without any value. Its simply reality. They'll use you when they feel like and drop you when they feel like. If you're on board with that then carry on. 

Evidently both men and women do the fwb/fb thing but i don't think women are wired for it. At some point or another their feelings will get in the way. Just like yours is now. Whether you admit it or not. 

I mean half the time some people can't even respect a woman they're  in a relationship with, let alone  a f buddy or whatever

 

Edited June 28, 2020 by Roswell91

[poppyfields]

37 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

On the other hand, if your gf has been led to believe (by you) that you are in an exclusive relationship but you are having sex with others, social construct or  not, that is deceptive and cheating.

Az, I noticed you quoted only a part of my above quote, to further your agenda perhaps?  

The part you quoted "Sex with others, social construct or not, that is deceptive and cheating."  

That is not what I wrote, not fully, and the part you quoted changed its entire context.  

Why did you only quote part of it and not the entire quote?  

Anyway, re monogamy, I actually agree with you, about the social construct.  

Where we differ is I believe in total disclosure with my partner about this.  We don't lie (by omission) or keep anything secret, we talk about it and agree to it, communicate.  

If you're gonna remain non-monogamous which is fine, no judgment from me, at least be honest about it.  I'm trying not to judge you for that, but it's called having integrity. 

To do otherwise, IS a form of deception and wrong IMO.

$.02 fwiw. 

Edited June 28, 2020 by poppyfields

[basil67]

@Bluesky00 I noticed where you wrote about some people having sex on the first date.  Yes, I did that with my now husband.   But if I met a guy who was the type could be casually seeing five different women, he'd be getting nothing more than a Nah from me.  

We get what we project.

[Roswell91]

5 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Sure it is, it is the very definition of cheating...barring the exceptional case where you clearly say you are not exclusive but she continues to believe otherwise.

If you lead her to believe it is exclusive, even if you don't say it, that is the worse form of deception and a lie.  A lie being a false statement but also the omission of a material fact meant to deceive (hence the leading her on by giving some but not the important part of the truth).  That is summary of the legal definition of a lie that has been around for at least 500 years...if not longer.

So if you never intend to be exclusive but lead her to believe it or fail to correct her stated assumption, that is deception, a lie, manipulation.  If you then go on to have sex with someone else, it is a betrayal of that belief and trust, i.e. cheating.  If you do all this from the get go with no intention of even tying to be exclusive, then that is a con and you have perpetuated a fraud...(1) you made a purposeful misrepresentation of an important fact (you are exclusive); (2) with knowledge that it is false; (3) to a person who justifiably relies on the misrepresentation; and (4) who suffers as a result (in this case emotional suffering or perhaps the fear of STD or other communicable diseases).

The definitions of lies and fraud are definitions of concepts.  The social construct only comes in in how you view them.  The general social construct is these are looked on with disfavor.  You may disagree and have no issues with lies or fraud, but that doesn't make such behavior any less a lie or fraud. 

I have no problem if you have zero interest in exclusivity when seeing someone, but be absolutely honest about it.  By your own words there are plenty of women out there so just be honest and certain there are plenty you come in contact with that will have no issues with it and may even prefer it.

Az is self serving. And telling the woman about him getting with others, is going to get him dumped again in his eyes.

[Roswell91]

11 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Man that is such logical nonsense and self serving BS.  A notarized document is not required for something to be a lie....you are mixing up legally binding obligations with ethics, such as what is a lie.   

It is 100% deceitful, the very definition of deceit.  Now as to "wrong" that is a societal construct. 

In general societies don't; care for folks who will lie to get what they want because if they tell the truth they won't get it.  You can neither trust nor rely on a person like that, they don't have your back rather they could well stab you in the back.   

Im beginning to wonder if hes just a sociopath lol

Most  people acknowledge they're in the wrong at least..but he's not even doing that.

Its all very odd. 

Edited June 28, 2020 by Roswell91

[Roswell91]

42 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@Bluesky00 I noticed where you wrote about some people having sex on the first date.  Yes, I did that with my now husband.   But if I met a guy who was the type could be casually seeing five different women, he'd be getting nothing more than a Nah from me.  

We get what we project.

To be fair its a bit hypocritical of him since he now apparently has a gf but is still ok with hooking up with blue sky 🤔.

I think she wont go for it though. 

 

[basil67]

@Roswell91  Yes, he said that.  But perhaps his morals have since kicked in.   Or their relationship got more committed.   Because by the looks of it, he's written Bluesky off

Edited June 29, 2020 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

I think this dude just wanted to get rid of her and made up the girlfriend altogether.