Love Bombing and Push Pull - Update, How do I Cope?

[BaileyB]

When people show you who they are, you are wise to believe them. 

It’s not your place to understand why he stays. It is only important for you to accept the fact that he is choosing to staying with her. 

I don’t buy his line that you are not “available” because you are still married. The truth is, you are more “available” than he is at the moment. Your relationship has ended, just waiting for the lawyers to do their thing... He is still very much committed to his girlfriend. 

When you ask to meet a man and he says “why,” you have to accept that he does not want a relationship with you. It’s not a reflection of your worth and value as a person or a relationship partner, he just simply doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Stop chasing a man who has told you, he does not want to be with you. There will be another, no doubt, who does want to be with you. No need to chase this guy who has told you it’s not to be. 

Focus on getting the divorce done. And focus on your children. And get yourself to counselling. Those should be your priorities now. Good luck.

Edited September 7, 2020 by BaileyB

[Destiny09]

Yes, all correct in your post.  Forget the why and just see he is committed to her. 
They have relationship, we don’t. 
 I should  see and hear the obvious. Stop living in the “fantasy”.   
The more I chase, the more I look like a fool.  The more reason I give him to stay with his GF (his comfort zone where she doesn’t cause any waves, demands  like I do). 
Again, last night, I sent him text messages; not of anger, just how hurt I was of his comment “we don’t have a relationship”. And in response to all his comments that “I have nothing to hold onto: no hope, no promises, no intentions of him leaving his GF, no future.”
I have asked and he has never promised me anything.  
I have been trying to keep myself busy with outside interests as you mentioned (Kids, work, friends, etc).  I am in IC.  

When I am with AP, we have so much fun, talking, laughing, etc.  Since we stopped kissing, I actually feel more engaged with the EA.  I am very physically & emotionally attached to him. I tell myself every day not to reach out to him, not to plan or ask to see him. But to stop the anxiety of losing him, I text, call and ask to see him again.  
It’s such a vicious cycle.  

I do feel myself pushing him away as I can’t stand losing my self esteem, self worth.  That could be why I have been texting him upset. It’s almost a sub conscience way of me pushing so he will end it and take care of me having to take the step of NC.  It’s like if he stops it all, I have no choice but to end.  If I end, I am left wondering if I should have tried to stay, does he still want me, maybe I should have waited for him longer to see how great I am and he would have left his GF, etc.  

Reading the posts helps. 
Thanks. 

[BaileyB]

56 minutes ago, Destiny09 said:

When I am with AP, we have so much fun, talking, laughing, etc.  Since we stopped kissing, I actually feel more engaged with the EA.  I am very physically & emotionally attached to him.

The thing is Destiny, you can and should find this with a single man. It will be so much better than what you have now because you will know you can trust him and you will both build a future - together. 
 

Quote

If I end, I am left wondering if I should have tried to stay, does he still want me, maybe I should have waited for him longer to see how great I am and he would have left his GF, etc.  

What has he done that would indicate this is a possibility? Because I agree, and I say this with kindness, the longer you chase a man who is saying “we don’t have a relationship” you do look like a fool. I say, keep your dignity and look forward, not back.