Nats_16 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Sorry to hear you are going through this. Affairs are messy and every party is damaged, hence the distrust you have in your partner. There could be a few explanaitions but my advice would be to sit and talk it through and see if you can get him to explain why he has kept her number. It is also possible that the OW wants nothing to do with him now she knows he has been physical with you and extending your family. I was in an affair and there were 4 d-days, he just got more clever at being deceitful. Most men in a n affair don’t want to give the other woman up and they also want the comfort of their own home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 Hi, thanks for responding sorry you’ve gone through this. We aren’t happy, we haven’t been for a long time. I think you’re right he doesn’t want to give her up..I don’t think he has told her I’m pregnant. I think he’s too scared to incase of losing her. It’s almost as if he has put her in a box Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Sweetie, you need to stop asking US why he still has her number and talk to HIM. You seem desperate for us to confirm what you suspect. But we can't. Only he can tell you why. You never answered my questions either. Is he interested in your marriage or going through the motions? Honestly, your marriage doesn't sound healthy anyway. Do you want to be married to a man who loves another woman and would be with her if he had half a chance? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 15 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: Sweetie, you need to stop asking US why he still has her number and talk to HIM. You seem desperate for us to confirm what you suspect. But we can't. Only he can tell you why. You never answered my questions either. Is he interested in your marriage or going through the motions? Honestly, your marriage doesn't sound healthy anyway. Do you want to be married to a man who loves another woman and would be with her if he had half a chance? I know I do but I don’t feel ready to speak to him yet. I thought because he agreed to a second baby that he wanted to be here. And that he wasn’t just here for our son. But I believe he is going through the motions yes. I know that he’s keeping it for a reason, I’m just wondering if there could be any other reason as to why he has it Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 7 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I know I do but I don’t feel ready to speak to him yet. I thought because he agreed to a second baby that he wanted to be here. And that he wasn’t just here for our son. But I believe he is going through the motions yes. I know that he’s keeping it for a reason, I’m just wondering if there could be any other reason as to why he has it Maybe he has it so during these moments to where he can,he talks to her or hooks up with her. Yeah a new child rarely fixes anything in an already strained relationship such as this. Whatever he is doing he must stop for the sake of your marriage including ridding that number that clearly pains you, which I do not blame you one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 14 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m just wondering if there could be any other reason as to why he has it Like what? He has his OWs number on his phone, he is not hiding it. He has already been "caught" but got away with it essentially scot free, so why would he need to worry? If you say anything about the number, he can give you any cock and bull story and you will have to accept it as you have no proof of anything else. He knows you are likely going nowhere as you are tied to him with the child and another on the way. He has you by the short and curlies.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 6 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Maybe he has it so during these moments to where he can,he talks to her or hooks up with her. Yeah a new child rarely fixes anything in an already strained relationship such as this. Whatever he is doing he must stop for the sake of your marriage including ridding that number that clearly pains you, which I do not blame you one bit. I know I go on about the number. But to me it’s not just a number, it’s a link to her. I think deep down if he was happy at home he’d have deleted her Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 Just now, elaine567 said: Like what? He has his OWs number on his phone, he is not hiding it. He has already been "caught" but got away with it essentially scot free, so why would he need to worry? If you say anything about the number, he can give you any cock and bull story and you will have to accept it as you have no proof of anything else. He knows you are likely going nowhere as you are tied to him with the child and another on the way. He has you by the short and curlies.... It’s under a mans name. I just knew it was her because it’s on WhatsApp and the WhatsApp picture is her Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: It’s under a mans name. I just knew it was her because it’s on WhatsApp and the WhatsApp picture is her Ok so he did hide it. That probably is not a good sign but who knows really? You said you had "a fight" when you found out, was that it? Edited June 20, 2020 by elaine567 Typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Ok so he did hide it. That probably is not a good sign but who knows really? You said you had "a fight" when you found out, was that it? Well it can’t be anything than a bad sign - him hiding her number under a mans name is even worse. I saw him delete it so he must have put it back in and it’s been there ever since Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Just now, elaine567 said: Ok so he did hide it.Tat probably is not a good sign but who knows really? You said you had "a fight" when you found out, was that it? Couldn't agree more. This is spot on and not a good sign, period. That shows extreme intent to hide his cheating on you. Lauren, this is not the man for you. I know kids will complicate things, but there is no more trust there. He has not even bothered to fix anything. This relationship is sadly over imo. He is too smitten with this other woman and hiding her anyway he can from you. He may not want to hurt you either. But ultimately he is. You need peace brought back into your life. I do feel bad, as you sound like a very sweet person. Your husband however is an ahole* for doing this to you, had to say it. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 9 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Couldn't agree more. This is spot on and not a good sign, period. That shows extreme intent to hide his cheating on you. Lauren, this is not the man for you. I know kids will complicate things, but there is no more trust there. He has not even bothered to fix anything. This relationship is sadly over imo. He is too smitten with this other woman and hiding her anyway he can from you. He may not want to hurt you either. But ultimately he is. You need peace brought back into your life. I do feel bad, as you sound like a very sweet person. Your husband however is an ahole* for doing this to you, had to say it. Sorry. No honestly please don’t apologise. I am grateful for your comments. I do believe he has stopped speaking to her but only since we found out I was pregnant and he knows that if he tells her there’s a huge chance he will lose her. But he’s kept the number to start contact again at some point otherwise there’s no need to have it if that makes sense Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: No honestly please don’t apologise. I am grateful for your comments. I do believe he has stopped speaking to her but only since we found out I was pregnant and he knows that if he tells her there’s a huge chance he will lose her. But he’s kept the number to start contact again at some point otherwise there’s no need to have it if that makes sense Ultimately yes, he will start talking to her again, if he has not done or is doing so now. If he is this smitten with her, I doubt they stopped talking. He may lose her, yes, or lose you for her.. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 5 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: he knows that if he tells her there’s a huge chance he will lose her. Probably not, OWs have an amazing capacity to stick in there, no matter what. They often give ultimatums but will cave, especially if they are in love. They can put up with all sorts, as they subscribe to the belief that a bit of him is better than nothing. They can think that If they stay around for long enough he will ultimately choose her and bin the wife... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 9 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Ultimately yes, he will start talking to her again, if he has not done or is doing so now. If he is this smitten with her, I doubt they stopped talking. He may lose her, yes, or lose you for her.. I know how much my h hates confrontation so I know that they have stopped speaking for now. That’s the only thing in this whole situation I’m certain of. But i know it’s not because it’s over Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 32 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I know how much my h hates confrontation so I know that they have stopped speaking for now. That’s the only thing in this whole situation I’m certain of. But i know it’s not because it’s over Also, I believe that he’s smitten with her and that’s exactly why he’s not speaking to her right now. Because he doesn’t want to lose her Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 So sorry to hear that LaurenEliz. You have some difficult choices to make. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 7 minutes ago, skywriter said: So sorry to hear that LaurenEliz. You have some difficult choices to make. Thank you. Would you say that if it were over between the two of them her number would have been deleted? Sorry to ask, I’m just trying to find out people’s opinions Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 OP, what do you envision your life with him looking like in another year? Another 5 years? Do you believe that he and his “girlfriend” end it for good, he will then be faithful to you from there on out? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 Honestly? I don’t know. All I’m trying to work out right now is what reasons there could be for him still having the number. My brain won’t let me think beyond that right now Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 24 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Honestly? I don’t know. All I’m trying to work out right now is what reasons there could be for him still having the number. My brain won’t let me think beyond that right now Perhaps it is not the reason he has it that should matter at all? I know it matters to you, yes. However, the reason isn't what's important. What is important is that he has, and still has. He may be afraid of confrontation, but he brought it upon himself. There would otherwise be nothing to fear. We all lust; we all look and wonder. We are thinking and feeling beings who see something that looks good, and envision life with it ( this is wrong too, but not as wrong as..) Then...There is acting on this lust; which he has done. It is wrong. There must be corrections made, otherwise you are stuck in limbo. The reason is washed in the actions he has taken or not taken. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 14 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi, thank you for sharing your story, sorry you e been through this. I agree, if it was over between them, why would he still have her number That's what I don't understand. What does he say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 Hi pepperbird, I haven’t told him I know yet. Right now I’m just trying to get my head a little clearer..I’m just trying to think of any possible reason Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 1 hour ago, LaurenEliz said: Honestly? I don’t know. All I’m trying to work out right now is what reasons there could be for him still having the number. My brain won’t let me think beyond that right now Are you hoping that someone here will tell you it’s an innocent oversight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Are you hoping that someone here will tell you it’s an innocent oversight? No, because I know that’s not what it is. There’s a tiny part of me that hoped maybe he would just leave it there with no intention of ever using but even then now I’ve said it outloud, that’s ridiculous Link to post Share on other sites
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