Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 4 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: No, because I know that’s not what it is. There’s a tiny part of me that hoped maybe he would just leave it there with no intention of ever using but even then now I’ve said it outloud, that’s ridiculous Poor Lauren. These feelings are always so difficult to venture through. We look for reasons and hope and somewhere hope to find an answer of sorts. Maybe after you confront him with this one ( whenever you do ) he will cease doing this. Totally not fair to you or your kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 41 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi pepperbird, I haven’t told him I know yet. Right now I’m just trying to get my head a little clearer..I’m just trying to think of any possible reason In a way I hate to say this, but there's really only one reason he would have kept her number but put it under a man's name in his phone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 1 minute ago, mark clemson said: In a way I hate to say this, but there's really only one reason he would have kept her number but put it under a man's name in his phone. I know. That’s the thing I know this deep down, I guess I just need to hear it from others so I don’t feel so crazy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I know. That’s the thing I know this deep down, I guess I just need to hear it from others so I don’t feel so crazy Well, you are not crazy. Like Mark said and others, thdonly reason he would do this is for the obvious. He wants her; still has feelings for her, and stronger than he does for you. He has enough feelings to hide this from you, to not hurt you. Actually, a large part of me thinks it is because you already have one child together, and maybe he doesn't want to rock that boat too much....if you know what I mean Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 41 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Well, you are not crazy. Like Mark said and others, thdonly reason he would do this is for the obvious. He wants her; still has feelings for her, and stronger than he does for you. He has enough feelings to hide this from you, to not hurt you. Actually, a large part of me thinks it is because you already have one child together, and maybe he doesn't want to rock that boat too much....if you know what I mean I don’t think he’s hidden her not to hurt me, if he didn’t want to hurt me he wouldn’t have the number.. i really appreciate you guys helping me out, I couldn’t be more thankful for your honesty I think I know what you mean Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Just now, LaurenEliz said: I don’t think he’s hidden her not to hurt me, if he didn’t want to hurt me he wouldn’t have the number.. i really appreciate you guys helping me out, I couldn’t be more thankful for your honesty I think I know what you mean Indeed. So then you could say he doesn't care if he hurts you, huh? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 10 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Indeed. So then you could say he doesn't care if he hurts you, huh? I think he tried to call her the other week. But it lasted a couple of seconds so maybe he panicked and hung up Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Just now, LaurenEliz said: I think he tried to call her the other week. But it lasted a couple of seconds so maybe he panicked and hung up Oh? Do elaborate if you can? Like how did you catch him or know this? Thanks! ☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 What else are you leaving out of this story? This all started with a relatively false set of circumstances and then, for what ever reason, but quickly corrected, but then for 3 days there was no mention that the number was hidden under a man's name. Now you say you think he called the number. Why? And what other info do you have? Is this the same name that the number was originally saved as? Contact lists, have a way of circulating around, and even repopulating. So if you have Facebook, for instance, syncing, your contact list, its possible you could delete a number in contact list, yet still have it exist in Facebook. If you sync in the other direction, it could possibly end up back in your contact list. I am not at all suggesting this happened as you seem to have other information implying that he used the number. Communication can be though many different means. When my wife had her EA, a lot of the communication was in chat form in innocent games that you would never suspect could be the cover for an affair. Do you have access to the phone bill? find it! Is she local? If they are within an hours drive the chance of an EA not resulting in a PA, may be slim. This is difficult to understand, but none of this is about you. He is not trying to hurt you. He may even still love you dearly. He's just a selfish ass who cares about himself, first and foremost. Also don't think for a second that you know that he's currently not in contact. If he's lying to you, he's lying and he's probably been lying for a long time. People here will tell you he's cheating, based on previous cases. Its probably true, but its up to you to confirm this, We're only guessing at this point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 On 6/17/2020 at 4:31 AM, LaurenEliz said: Hi thank you so much for responding - I caught him..maybe 6 months or so I’m not totally sure. A long time anyway - would you say if he didn’t care about her at all then it would be easy to delete? He wouldn’t just leave it there for no reason would he? i know I keep mentioning the number..but to me it’s not a number, it’s a link to her, sorry if I’m not making much sense right now my head is a mess Yes, he kept it - which shows he’s still willing to risk losing you in order to contact her. what action do you plan to take? what consequences has he had for doing this 6 months ago? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 (edited) I think @Doorstopper brings up a good point about the contact list being potentially copied/updated from elsewhere. However, there'd still be the question of why she is under a male name. (Which isn't really a question - he's trying to hide the contact.) The implication of keeping her in his contacts, hidden, is that he wants to get back in touch with her at some point. Exactly why would be a fair question. It might not be infidelity, it might be because she left stuff at your house (or he at theirs) or some other unfinished business. So perhaps there is indeed more than one possible reason. However, it certainly doesn't look good. Edited June 22, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 22 minutes ago, mark clemson said: I think @Doorstopper brings up a good point about the contact list being potentially copied/updated from elsewhere. However, there'd still be the question of why she is under a male name. (Which isn't really a question - he's trying to hide the contact.) The implication of keeping her in his contacts, hidden, is that he wants to get back in touch with her at some point. Exactly why would be a fair question. It might not be infidelity, it might be because she left stuff at your house (or he at theirs) or some other unfinished business. So perhaps there is indeed more than one possible reason. However, it certainly doesn't look good. Hi, sorry I’ve been quiet. So I’ve just found out that on Saturday he tried to call her but both calls only lasted a couple of secs so he must have hung up. He doesn’t know I know, he must have forgot to take out of call logs. It makes sense that they only lasted a couple of secs because I think he’s scared to tell her that I’m pregnant incase he loses her. Do you think he just wanted to hear her voice? This isn’t over for him is it Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 If she has a husband or BF herself, perhaps he is worried it won't be her that answers. Or he expects her to see that he called and call him at some point? I really don't know the answers to the questions you asked and could only guess. I think the important question though is, what do YOU want now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 She hasn’t she’s single. I don’t know right now my heads a total mess 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 21 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi, sorry I’ve been quiet. So I’ve just found out that on Saturday he tried to call her but both calls only lasted a couple of secs so he must have hung up. He doesn’t know I know, he must have forgot to take out of call logs. It makes sense that they only lasted a couple of secs because I think he’s scared to tell her that I’m pregnant incase he loses her. Do you think he just wanted to hear her voice? This isn’t over for him is it Then it is over. You must take the logical steps, as he is not changing his ways. I know it hurts and is confusing as to why he does this ( we all wonder why...? But the why is not important, only what happened is). He is unwilling to give her up for you. He will carry this on for as long as possible. He may one day leave you for her. But if he is the type of guy you say...He will string you along until you say no more. He is not a good person.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 Hi nice to see you. I just don’t understand why it would be for a few seconds Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 15 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi nice to see you. I just don’t understand why it would be for a few seconds Inopportune time with you around, maybe? Maybe something happened, and it was brief? Tough question to answer. And hello Lauren! Eitherway, he will try again, maybe under better circumstances. Too bad. If he doesn't change and it sounds like he hasn't, I would just divorce him; this I am sure he doesn't want for several reasons. Might be another reason to hide it. You deserve much more respect than this as both his wife and mother to his children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 Thank you, I just have so much going through my head at the moment I’m just trying to take a little bit at a time. I know he’s scared of telling her I’m pregnant incase he loses her. Maybe he called just to hear her voice if it only lasted long enough for her to say hello. Each call lasted 3/4 seconds. Youre right, while the number is still in his phone he’s not forgetting about her is he Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: Thank you, I just have so much going through my head at the moment I’m just trying to take a little bit at a time. I know he’s scared of telling her I’m pregnant incase he loses her. Maybe he called just to hear her voice if it only lasted long enough for her to say hello. Each call lasted 3/4 seconds. Youre right, while the number is still in his phone he’s not forgetting about her is he Not at all. She may put it to terms to him that if you get pregnant she is done, but imo, she sill stick it around. Has thus far. Now he may be scared to tell her. But I believe she'd stick it around and still attempt to pull him from you. If she does, will he not get more courage to readily message her? Nothing to lose! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Not at all. She may put it to terms to him that if you get pregnant she is done, but imo, she sill stick it around. Has thus far. Now he may be scared to tell her. But I believe she'd stick it around and still attempt to pull him from you. If she does, will he not get more courage to readily message her? Nothing to lose! This is what I don’t get though, remember how I said he hates confrontation and sticks his head in the sand..surely it would make his life and mine, easier, to delete her number then he’d never have to tell her. So the fact that he’s kept it says a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: This is what I don’t get though, remember how I said he hates confrontation and sticks his head in the sand..surely it would make his life and mine, easier, to delete her number then he’d never have to tell her. So the fact that he’s kept it says a lot Yep. Says his love or lust for her is greater than the fear of what will happen as a result. I hate saying divorce. It isn't easy. But this might be your only option ☹ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 Thank you, i do appreciate your honesty. I know I have to talk to him I just can’t face it right now. All I can think of was he tried to call her, even just to hear her voice Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 4 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Thank you, i do appreciate your honesty. I know I have to talk to him I just can’t face it right now. All I can think of was he tried to call her, even just to hear her voice You will get there. It is hard to work up to that. I get it. I really do. The fear and sorrow. You will get there Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 I will say this, Lauren. You are one kindhearted lady. You seem to have a very forgiving spirit. Seems like you were willing to forgive him, and move on if he would only stop. Very hard thing to do. He is so foolish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 You really think if it was over between them he would have at the very least deleted her number? Link to post Share on other sites
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