Crazelnut Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Another question trying to deny the reality of the situation. He called her when he was drunk because the alcohol lowered his inhibitions. You are doing some impressive mental gymnastics to try to avoid the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 I’m not avoiding the truth. The messages I saw back on Dec 2017 I admit they were deeply emotional with words he’s never used with me. Mom not avoiding the fact he’s kept her number because he wants to get back in contact with her. One of the messages that I saw from her to him was her saying how she couldn’t stay if we had another baby. (They met whilst I was pregnant the first time) so I’m definitely NOT sticking up for her here but I understand why she said that to him. I pushed for another baby and he eventually agreed. He knows the risk is high of losing her and that is why he hasn’t been in contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 8 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m not avoiding the truth. The messages I saw back on Dec 2017 I admit they were deeply emotional with words he’s never used with me. Mom not avoiding the fact he’s kept her number because he wants to get back in contact with her. One of the messages that I saw from her to him was her saying how she couldn’t stay if we had another baby. (They met whilst I was pregnant the first time) so I’m definitely NOT sticking up for her here but I understand why she said that to him. I pushed for another baby and he eventually agreed. He knows the risk is high of losing her and that is why he hasn’t been in contact. Maybe. I don't believe for a min6she would permanently go away, even if she told him you were pregnant again. I believe she may be more tenacious than you may believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Then why do you keep asking? This is a serious question. You keep saying you know he loves her and you know he kept her number so he could contact her and you know he called her twice as soon as he could. So why do you keep asking if, in effect, it could be benign and if he's committed to his marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 If it was benign and he was committed to our marriage he wouldn’t have her number Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Do you take a shower? I would think that’s a perfect time to do what he wants while you shower... Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 (edited) Ah - perhaps YOU could consider notifying her that you're having another baby. Not sure it will actually accomplish what you'd hope (driving her away) but it's something you could consider... Of course the question remains whether your husband would actually stay loyal once she's gone. Possibly he would. One step at a time... Edited June 23, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 39 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m not avoiding the truth. The messages I saw back on Dec 2017 I admit they were deeply emotional with words he’s never used with me. Mom not avoiding the fact he’s kept her number because he wants to get back in contact with her. One of the messages that I saw from her to him was her saying how she couldn’t stay if we had another baby. (They met whilst I was pregnant the first time) so I’m definitely NOT sticking up for her here but I understand why she said that to him. I pushed for another baby and he eventually agreed. He knows the risk is high of losing her and that is why he hasn’t been in contact. This proves he’s telling her that he’s not having sex with you. It also means he IS having sex with her! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 24 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: If it was benign and he was committed to our marriage he wouldn’t have her number Exactly!! So why do you ask things like the below? These are the mental gymnastics I'm talking about. You're desperate to find some possible way to make this seem less devastating than it is. ... Would you say he's just biding his time to get back intouch with her? I know he had a drink the night he called, maybe he didn't mean it? Or when you are drunk is that when the truth comes out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 45 minutes ago, S2B said: This proves he’s telling her that he’s not having sex with you. It also means he IS having sex with her! I hate the woman but she isn’t dumb enough to think that even unhappy people don’t have sex. You all say im not listening to your opinions..I am! Please listen to me - he has been silent with her because he’s scared of telling her. Otherwise why bother keeping her information? When he could just block her and be done with it? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 That is all the more reason that you need to wake up smell the coffee. He loves her & doesn't want to hurt her or risk losing her even if that hurts you. He probably told her that you two don't have sex. She probably also told him not to have sex with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 I’m just trying to figure out some sort of timeline and you are all saying he’s doing this and that. I know I’m just some stranger on the internet and I do value your opinions but please believe me when I say I know what my husband is like when it comes to dealing with things. He can go for days without speaking to me so the fact he’s gone for a few months with her doesn’t shock me in the slightest. All I’m saying to you all is that he is scared of telling her incase he loses her. I’m not trying to do any sort of mental gymnastics I’m admitting that he’s scared of losing her! Because it would be very easy to block her wouldn’t it? And he hasn’t done it Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 He doesn't want to block her. It would be easy. He hasn't blocked her because he wants to remain in contact with her. He wants to be with her not you & your kids. The time line is this has been going on through your entire marriage. You only just recently got more concrete proof. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 This is what I’m saying. I’m crying right now because I feel like I’m frustrating everyone and I’m not meaning to. I can’t talk to him about this, not yet. I know I go on about the number, but the number is the link to her. am I stupid in saying it would make his life easier to block her? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: This is what I’m saying. I’m crying right now because I feel like I’m frustrating everyone and I’m not meaning to. I can’t talk to him about this, not yet. I know I go on about the number, but the number is the link to her. am I stupid in saying it would make his life easier to block her? I am not frustrated. But I do believe you need to think of your own happiness and abandon this foolish man. It would make your life easier, yes, but not his. He is in love with her, not you. I'm sorry, truly sorry to tell you this, as I am sure everyone here feels sorrow for you. Likewise everyone here has had some kinda of hurt to speak from. We do not want you to have prolonged pain beyond what is expected in this thing. You deserve to be really loved. You deserve to be respected This a**h*** doesn't any of that to you. Edited June 23, 2020 by Stevnx3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 I know and I’m grateful that people are being so honest with me. I’m just really second guessing everything right now. And I’m sorry that anyone has been through this, I’ve forgotten that and I do apologise. Yes it would definitely make my life easier but I thought it would make his life easier too because then he’d never have to tell her Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: I know and I’m grateful that people are being so honest with me. I’m just really second guessing everything right now. And I’m sorry that anyone has been through this, I’ve forgotten that and I do apologise. Yes it would definitely make my life easier but I thought it would make his life easier too because then he’d never have to tell her Nope. Imagine being him. Madly in love with her. It would be more agony for him to never talk to her again vs the peace returned in your relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 And if he wasn’t inlove with her he would have done it? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 6 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: And if he wasn’t inlove with her he would have done it? Possibly. Lust can be a hard spell to break. So...possibly. As others have said to you. It is time you think of yourself and your kids. He is not thinking of any of you. He sees only her. The kids and you are obstacles. Maybe part of the reason he won't leave... Is he will have to pay for those kids and possibly you. He is thinking of two people: That girl and himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 I mean would he have kept the number if he wasn’t inlove with her is what I meant, sorry. There is somethingelse and this isn’t me drip feeding, I didn’t think it was relevant until now and also I’m mortified about it. So we started trying for our second in the summer of last year. I saw a message from him to her in nov/beginning of Dec saying ‘there are things happening that mean trouble for me’. I pushed it to the back of my mind because I didn’t want to think about it. I never really understood what he meant but now I think I do. The ‘things that are happening’ was about us trying for another baby. That is why he has gone silent with her. He doesn’t want to cause her pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 5 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I mean would he have kept the number if he wasn’t inlove with her is what I meant, sorry. There is somethingelse and this isn’t me drip feeding, I didn’t think it was relevant until now and also I’m mortified about it. So we started trying for our second in the summer of last year. I saw a message from him to her in nov/beginning of Dec saying ‘there are things happening that mean trouble for me’. I pushed it to the back of my mind because I didn’t want to think about it. I never really understood what he meant but now I think I do. The ‘things that are happening’ was about us trying for another baby. That is why he has gone silent with her. He doesn’t want to cause her pain. Beyond that. Think of those words and what is really meant by them.. He is calling you, your children (of course another child ) trouble for him. Doesn't sound at all like he loves you or the kids, does it not? Leaves you with one option my dear.. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 It just gets worse and worse. Trouble for him? Your family is TROUBLE for him?? Literally everyone here is telling you that he loves her. We're sorry, but that is so obvious. Knowing what you know, do you want to be married to him? Knowing that he loves her and stays married to you out of obligation? Serious question. Among the realistic possibilities, what do you want? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 I don’t know. I can’t honestly answer that question right now. I know I’m bugging everyone about the number but do you think he would have deleted it if he had no intention of going back to her? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Why don’t you call her? Tell her you’re pregnant and she can have him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Can you support yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
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